Episode Ninety-Four: The Byte-Joe Freeman

Joe had no idea when he went to Vietnam just what life had in store for him. In this shorter episode Joe tells about his past, his miracle, and how he has tried to heal some hearts. (Including his own!)

Transcript

Welcome to Episode 94 of Bite-Sized Blessings.

This episode I interview Joe Friedman.

He lives on the East Coast and I think you'll hear a little bit of his accent in this episode.

At any rate,

His story is all about what haunts us.

But it's also about reunion.

It's about reconciliation.

Joe was a young GI sent overseas to fight in Vietnam.

His experiences over there,

Well,

They changed his life.

And if you listen to this episode,

You'll discover that what happened over there has followed him ever since.

The miracle is what happened after decades passed and how Joe is trying to be present for those in his life.

His story is about what we leave behind,

How we think about it and attend to it,

And the attempts we make to reconcile and heal all that has happened.

So now,

Episode 94 of Bite-Sized Blessings.

Then I went back to the Philippines.

After Vietnam,

I went back to the Philippines.

And we lived together until I had two sons.

And now it was time for me to be discharged in October 1970.

And I wound up borrowing some money and I had some saved.

And I wound up getting discharged there in October of 1970.

And I had bought him a house.

And I was naive to think that was enough.

Three-bedroom house.

I completely furnished it.

And that was my going-away present.

Because there was never any conversation that they were coming back to the States with me.

And there was never any conversation that I promised that I'd ever come back again.

You know,

It was like,

Bye-bye.

And my third question is always,

I would love to hear any stories of magic or miracles or any stories you'd like to tell where your life changed or you witnessed someone else's life change.

I know it's a big question.

That's a hell of a question.

I don't know if I've seen miracles.

Maybe the only miracle was I never went to jail.

You know,

In Philadelphia.

You find that humorous?

Yes.

Well,

Let me begin in the beginnings of this reunion.

Oh,

No,

No.

I wouldn't say the beginnings of the reunion itself.

I would say 37 years before the reunion.

Besides being a street kid,

I was also very,

Very,

Very,

Very shy.

Okay,

I wasn't one of those kids.

I virtually didn't have any friends.

But that said,

I was welcome into everybody's group.

Okay,

You know how when you're a kid,

Most people can't go from group to group.

I could go into any group and be welcome.

But that said,

They weren't close friends of mine.

And I was very,

Very shy.

Never talked to girls.

Really never had a date.

Never had a dance.

Really didn't do anything completely.

Anything with a young lady or any ladies whatsoever until I was in the military.

I was going to college in a hot beach.

I was going to Northeastern University.

This was in 1966.

And this was the middle of the drafts.

And you had two choices.

You could either stay in college and be deferred or not stay in college and get drafted right away.

And the call of the streets was much,

Much,

Much,

Much too strong for me.

And I didn't last a second in school.

I lasted one semester and a half.

I quit school.

Within a couple weeks,

I was sent up for physical.

Within a couple weeks after that,

I got a draft notice.

And I knew – I didn't even know about Canada.

Not that I would have went to Canada.

But I didn't even know there were actually people going to Canada.

And I wound up getting out of the draft and enlisting in the Air Force for four years.

And before I knew it,

I went through basic training.

I went through this and that.

And all of a sudden,

I'm in the Philippines.

And I didn't even know where the Philippines were.

And I'm there.

I'm a late bloomer.

I'm still a virgin in my life.

Everybody was going downtown to the local brothels and do what kids do and this and that and this and that.

And before I knew it – let me back up a little bit.

I really didn't have a loving family.

I think they loved me,

But they didn't know how to show their emotions.

I didn't have a mother or a father that really basically ever talked to me.

I don't remember either one of them ever saying that I love you or getting hugs.

And now I'm in the Philippines,

And all of a sudden,

I got a working girl hugging me.

And it was the greatest feeling that I ever had in my life.

You follow me?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

And I lost my virginity.

And maybe a week later or two weeks later,

I'm in a bar room,

And I'm talking to another working girl.

And we hit it off,

And she winds up being the mother of my two sons.

I had no idea what the frig I was doing.

I had not an iota of what was going on.

I was as naive as naive as I could possibly be.

I didn't realize the situation that I was putting myself into.

My first son was born while I was stationed in the Philippines.

I saw him born in the house.

We were living together.

Then I kept meeting people.

I didn't want to go to Vietnam,

But I kept meeting people.

I was in the Air Force.

I didn't carry a gun or anything like that.

And I kept meeting people,

And they were saying,

Volunteer for Vietnam,

Okay?

It's the greatest duty in the whole world.

You just have a blast over there.

And me and my buddy,

We both volunteered,

And we both wound up getting stationed together at Tan Son Nui Air Force Base,

Which was right outside Saigon.

And,

Yeah,

We had a blast.

I mean,

It was great duty.

They didn't even know what was going on.

All they did was party and eat beautiful steaks and drink lots of beer and see a lot of local,

See a lot of entertainers coming over from around the world entertaining us.

And we also had what was called ARNA,

Rest and recuperation.

And I went back to the Philippines for one week,

And that's where my second son was conceived.

Then I went back to the Philippines.

After Vietnam,

I went back to the Philippines,

And we lived together until I got,

Had two sons.

She already had two other children from different people,

From different men.

And now it was time for me to be discharged in October 1970.

And my parents didn't even know they had grandchildren over there.

Not the faintest idea.

About a couple of months before I was getting discharged,

I wrote to them,

And I told them what was happening.

I can't imagine what they talked about,

You know,

When they got that letter.

And basically I was asking them for funds.

And I wound up borrowing some money,

And I had some saved,

And I wound up getting discharged there in October of 1970.

And I had bought them a house.

And I was naive to think that was enough.

I bought them a house.

This is 1970 in the Philippines.

$1,

500.

Three-bedroom house.

I completely furnished it.

And that was my,

That was like my going-away present,

Because there was never any conversation that they were coming back to the States with me.

And there was never any conversation that I promised that I'd ever come back again.

And I was like,

Bye-bye.

So now they were basically forgotten about again by myself.

Not anybody else's hand in the situation.

Now it's 2007,

And I had just moved.

I had owned a house for over 20 years,

And I had moved maybe seven or eight months ago.

And they only forward mail for a full year.

And all of a sudden I got a,

And I already moved,

And I'd only been out of there seven,

Eight months.

And all of a sudden I got a letter from the Philippines.

And I opened it up,

And it's my son Stephen.

And he wrote me a letter,

And he found my old address where I used to live.

He wasn't even looking for it.

He was just going through some boxes,

Because his mother,

The mother of my children,

Had passed from cancer a number of years before.

And they were just cleaning out some stuff,

And they found my address,

And they wrote me a letter just hoping that something might happen.

And I was in shock.

I wasn't living with anybody at the time.

I was working at the post office doing a night shift job,

Which only would last two or three months during Christmas.

And I had really nothing going on in my life.

And I read the letter,

And I felt like I was on steroids,

Prednisone.

I was bouncing off the walls.

And I'm saying to myself,

This couldn't happen at a better time in my life.

And within one month,

I was in the Philippines.

So now I'm back in the States.

I wound up going to a therapist after a while to help me out and give me some insight.

What the hell should I do here?

And I wound up going to the right guy.

I never knew the guy before.

I just picked him out of a phone book,

And he was the salt of the earth.

And we had some great,

Great conversations.

He actually became my accountant in many ways.

He says,

Joe,

You can't afford to do this and this and this and this and this.

Because I wanted to help him somewhat.

And to make it short,

I realized I couldn't do both.

I couldn't help them and help my grandchildren.

I could help them all,

But they could never get above poverty,

Because I wasn't a man of means,

Very,

Very,

Very,

Very little.

And I came to the conclusion that the only way to help them was to educate my grandchildren.

And if they got a good education,

They'd be able to help their own parents in a future day,

Which I couldn't at the particular time.

This is 15 years ago.

So over the next 15 years,

A lot of arguments,

A lot of hardship.

I would send my sons a little cash here and there.

And basically,

I sent my grandchildren through high school,

Which cost them through college.

One has a Bachelor of Science in business and the other one has a Bachelor of Science in hotel and restaurant management.

But the great thing of putting them through college,

My mother obviously had never met any of these,

Her grandchildren and her great grandchildren.

And at the time when my mother was still alive,

Me and my sister used to go up to visit her at the nursing home.

And we would open up the computer that was up there and she would see pictures of my children.

And she loved every single one of them.

I mean,

With unconditionally,

She would always ask about so many things.

So when my mother finally died,

The house that she was in,

The house that was in trust that couldn't be sold until she passed away,

Me,

My sister and my brother wound up getting a piece of the profits.

And basically that money,

It was left to me to put my grandchildren and her great grandchildren through school.

So in many ways,

It worked out.

In many,

Many ways,

It worked out beautifully.

Thanks so much for listening to episode 94 of Bite-sized Blessings and my interview with Joe,

Whose story so heartfelt and so heartbreaking proves that we can always go back and sometimes heal the past.

And although the resolution with his family hasn't been perfect,

Still,

There are the grandchildren and the great grandchildren.

And I,

For one,

Can say that those kids,

Those kids who are going to college and graduating are going to be the future of that family.

And so this episode is all about the miracle of how do we heal the past?

How do we atone for our mistakes?

How do we try to show up and be present for those that need us?

I need to thank the creators of the music used for this episode.

Music L Files,

Winnie the Moog,

Alexander Nakarada,

Raphael Crux and Kevin MacLeod.

For complete attribution,

Please see the Bite-sized Blessings website at bite-sizedblessings.

Com.

On the website,

You'll find links to all sorts of goodies to podcast T-shirts,

To art,

To dance playlists that hopefully will lighten and brighten your day.

Thank you for listening.

And here's my one request.

Be like Joe.

Be hopeful.

What in your past do you regret?

What in your past do you feel is unresolved?

Can you resolve it now?

Think on those moments.

Think on the people affected.

And then if it's possible,

Be like Joe.

Reach out,

Have the difficult conversations and hopefully heal some hearts.