Ep. 111-The Interview: Jill Langhus-Griffin

Jill created Liluye, an organization dedicated to helping those who have survived human trafficking. In this longer episode, you get to hear stories of many miracles, including how having a pen pal can dramatically change one's life.

Please note: This track may include some explicit language.

Transcript

Hi there,

And welcome to another episode of Bite-Sized Blessings.

This week,

My guest is formidable.

Jill Langis Griffin has an interesting story.

She first became an ambassador on World Pulse,

And I think you'll remember that episode where I interviewed the founder,

Yancina Larson,

Oh so long ago.

Well Jill became an ambassador on that site,

Helping women and children who were writing in,

Counseling them,

Giving them advice,

But more importantly,

Listening to their stories.

Through this work,

She's created her own great work,

Luluye,

An organization dedicated to raising awareness about human trafficking,

But also helping those who survived.

In the episode,

Jill explains just how she was drawn to create this incredible organization,

But also she gives a little more detail as to what Luluye is all about.

But on their website,

You can find out a little bit more,

And there will be a link under the episode's show notes to that website.

On that website,

You can find out just a little bit more about Luluye.

They provide training for trafficked survivors.

There's a really insightful and powerful blog.

There's a list of resources.

Luluye says knowledge is power,

And that is so true.

Awareness and knowledge can save lives.

And then Luluye also lists their partners.

They partner with many global organizations that share their values,

But of course,

They're also partnering with all those survivors who have lived through the horrors of being trafficked.

And that brings me to another item of note.

There are some trigger warnings for this episode.

Sexual assault and human slavery are discussed.

When you listen to this episode,

Please take care.

So now,

Episode 111 of Bite-sized Blessings.

Well,

Actually,

I was in French club when I was in high school along with my sister.

And I really don't remember why,

But supposedly they ran out of French pen pals.

So we ended up with English pen pals.

Well,

My sister did,

And she actually started dating somebody in the Royal Air Force.

And I'm like bugged her,

Bugged her,

Bugged her,

Bugged her.

I'm like,

I don't want one too.

So she gave all of her friends first,

You know,

Like you do.

And then I'm like,

No,

No.

So I finally,

I guess she must have got fed up with me asking.

So then I started writing to Tim.

Well,

I would say that I'm a highly sensitive empath.

I'm an ambassador and encourager for world pulse.

Org.

And I'm also a graphic designer and fashion designer as well.

I have over 31 years of experience in corporate world and the business world.

I'm so interested.

What was your favorite item of clothing that you designed?

Actually,

I haven't gotten into that yet.

My thing,

My fetish is shoes.

So that's really why,

Where I want to go when I want with my organization.

I really want to make bespoke shoes.

So that's one of my,

And I'm being called to be more creative too.

I'm really getting that push lately so I can see that coming to fruition,

Hopefully sooner rather than later.

But my last job that I had before I moved to Spain,

I was actually working for a headwear company.

And so I designed,

Was it got the opportunity to design a lot of headwear and it was really,

Really fun.

That is so cool.

First of all,

You need to know I love shoes.

Love them,

Love looking at them,

Even if I can't afford them.

I just love shoes because first of all,

They're such a unique item of clothing.

I had never understood that there could be shoe designers until I got a little older and I saw,

It's so fun to use the internet to go and see what kind of shoes,

What shoes look like in Italy,

What shoes look like in Spain because everybody is designing different footwear all over the world.

But I have to say that European designers,

Oh my,

The shoes they design are exquisite.

They are works of art.

Definitely,

The shoes in Spain are amazing.

I was thinking about before I started Lelouia,

I was kind of toying with the idea of starting a shoe design,

A shoe company or whatever.

And I had actually reached out to some companies here that do it,

But that didn't come to fruition.

My passion between fashion and my passion for the compassion,

It wasn't marrying until I came up with Lelouia.

But definitely my favorite designers are Custo and which is out of Barcelona,

It's known as Desigual,

Probably pronouncing it wrong.

But those are my two ultimate favorites.

The flamenco shoes here because I have a thing for the French heel and I like things that are retro.

So all of that,

I'm very influenced by the European retro.

Like if you follow me on Facebook,

You probably have seen like,

And I have a whole like,

I've literally got about on Pinterest,

I got about 50 designers,

Like shoe designers and they're like,

Follow those pins.

So yeah,

It's kind of a little bit of a fetish.

And I have designed some ideas on my Behance profile,

But I haven't come into actual physical fruition yet.

So you brought up Lelouia,

What is Lelouia?

How did that come to you?

Lelouia came to me,

Well,

I've always wanted to make a difference.

But then when I started encouraging for world policy,

I had signed up to be part of the platform in 2016.

I've been following it for a while.

But I don't know if I told you that story.

It's kind of an interesting story,

Because I'd always wanted to make a difference.

And then I was following world polls,

Actually follow,

Found it through half the sky,

The book.

And that's how I was like,

Oh,

Yeah,

I want to make a difference.

And I had read about it.

And I was like,

Oh,

Yeah,

I'll follow them.

So I signed up for the newsletter,

And probably a few years have passed or whatever.

And I'm like,

Oh,

Yeah,

Those are people there that are doing the good.

And I totally disparate from how I saw myself,

Basically.

And then they did a rebrand or something.

And I got their newsletter.

I'm like,

Okay,

This is more like accessible to me.

And they were looking for a volunteer graphic designer.

I'm like,

Oh,

I can do that.

And so I contacted them.

And the lady at the time was,

I forget what her name was.

She came back.

She has a consultant now,

But Lisa,

Lisa is her name.

And she's like,

Oh,

Yeah,

We don't need a graphic designer.

We're here.

You're an encourager.

I'm like,

Whoa,

I'm like,

Literally,

Like,

What just happened?

Because like I said,

I felt so disparate.

I'm like,

I'm way out of my league right now.

Right.

But of course,

I know,

As a spiritual being that true change happens when you're out of your comfort zone.

So I'm like,

Okay,

I think it was literally about a week,

Right.

And I'm looking at the people writing in like spilling their inner,

You know,

Stories of like,

A lot of people have a lot of trauma on there,

And are overcoming a lot and have been through a lot of abuse.

And I was just like,

Oh,

My God,

Like,

There's not a lot of people responding to these stories.

Like I couldn't stand it because I come from a long standing I come from a family of five where I basically felt invisible.

And it's like a real trigger for me if I feel like people aren't heard.

It's part of the Lillooby vision,

Where I see women and girls being having that platform to be safe and part of her.

And this is the genesis of it,

Right.

And so I just started like,

They give you a give you a guideline at the time,

Like,

Go be an encourager.

Here's what you want to like,

Right.

And I was just like,

Oh,

My God,

Am I like pissing this person off?

Am I saying something?

But I couldn't stand it.

I literally had to be like,

Oh,

My God,

This is horrible.

You know,

I hear you kind of thing.

But I did that for like,

Three years.

I literally read like,

Every story,

I got such burnout from doing it.

And I loved it.

Because like,

I can't just like,

Just read a story that I'm like,

Oh,

Yeah,

You need to you need mentoring?

Do you need like a logo?

Do you need like,

And then so it was like a lot of work and a lot of time and energy for me.

So I started that but you take it back to your,

Your question.

So I started reading stories about women that had been trafficked.

And there was one in particular in Cameroon.

I read her story.

And it really resonated for me,

Not that I've been trafficked,

But I could relate to the trauma from my own abusive childhood.

Apparently,

Trauma and fear are relational.

So I could definitely relate to that her several layers of trauma.

So that's really the Genesis of it,

We were going to go into business together,

But it didn't work out.

But that was really the start of how L'ilouvié started.

So I'm so curious,

Did you grow up in a religious household?

What did that look like as a kid?

I would say no,

But a hesitant no,

Because my mom came from a Catholic upbringing.

So of course,

Some of those beliefs are carried over into her parenting style.

But she kind of not a lost soul,

Is it really the way to,

But she was always looking for something,

I guess she went through several types of religions,

And looking for that kind of basic,

I guess,

I'm not sure about my dad was Lutheran.

And apparently,

I only found out recently,

Because he died a couple years ago.

And he was like,

Oh,

Yeah,

The problem started in our marriage when she expected me to convert.

And I was like,

No,

Like,

What?

I mean,

I literally just found this out like two years ago.

I'm like,

Yeah,

That would cause a lot of problems in all of our lives.

It's pretty huge.

I found it,

I would go sometimes with my friends to church service,

Usually Lutheran,

Like on Sunday,

And I just wanted to say that was always the best part to me.

And so to me,

It was kind of like a little bit of a gift or a surprise to go,

You know,

It wasn't anything that was like,

Part of our upbringing.

I have to say that I,

You know,

Based on just what we were talking about before your creativity and in the shoes and stuff like that,

That I love that you were drawn to the singing,

Because that's kind of this beautiful,

Creative part of any service of any religion.

And I talked in episode 100 about how I grew up in Pakistan.

And usually daily,

I'd be woken up by the call to prayer,

Which is basically this song that is echoed every morning early to wake people up to the day.

And what a beautiful and powerful way to wake up instead of,

You know,

The alarm on your clock or,

Or your alarm clock,

Or,

You know,

Even a rooster screeching.

What a beautiful way to wake up with a song.

So I really resonate with what you just said there.

Thank you.

I kind of feel like music is sort of been like a savior to me.

That's sort of one of my religions,

I think,

And being a non-religious person,

Because I feel like it has saved me when I look back so many times.

And it's always been a pleasure to me and a solace to it's always been healing to me,

Not actively thinking,

Oh,

This is healing,

But a place where I just,

Yeah,

I just felt happier.

I think I always look forward to going to choir,

Even if it was just like a regular choir and in grade school or high school,

When I was in swing choir,

Even though I'm like super self-conscious,

I just,

It's always been,

Yeah,

Sort of respite for me.

Well,

I think actually it was serendipitous to come across worldpulse.

Org.

It used to be .

Com,

So that's why I hesitate.

I have to switch around in my head.

But I think that that was definitely a game changer,

Hands down.

I credit worldpulse with regaining my voice and claiming my vision,

Really finding my vision.

But I think I had mentioned to you before about too,

About meeting my husband,

Because I know that we've had past lives together and we have shared a very special bond.

We were originally pen pals.

We actually started writing when I was in my undergraduate studies,

And now we've been married 30 years.

So that's pretty miraculous.

When you think he's British and I'm American,

That's quite a lot of space,

Time and space to have traveled and think,

Even if you don't believe in past lives.

But just that first time we actually met physically and you're just like,

We kind of felt like,

It felt like brother,

Sister kind of like bond.

We knew there was a resonance there.

And you just can't explain that.

You can't rationalize something like that,

I don't think.

How did you come to do this whole pen pal thing?

Well,

Actually,

I was in French club when I was in high school,

Along with my sister.

And I really don't remember why,

But supposedly they ran out of French pen pals.

So we ended up with English pen pals.

Well,

My sister did,

And she actually started dating somebody in the Royal Air Force.

And I'm like,

Bugged her,

Bugged her,

Bugged her,

Bugged her.

I'm like,

I don't know,

Me too.

So she gave all of her friends first,

You know,

Like you do.

And then I'm like,

No,

No.

So I finally,

I guess she must have got fed up with me asking.

So then I started writing to Tim,

My husband,

When I was probably a sophomore in my undergraduate studies.

So then the rest is kind of history,

Because then I went to London for the first time,

Maybe a couple years after that.

And I actually met him for the first time,

Because he was paid his way out of the Royal Air Force.

So he was getting out.

So that's why he was stationed in London for like six months or something.

But I went there for a month long studying with UWGB,

Where I was staying,

With where I was getting my undergraduate degree.

And so we got that opportunity.

I'm like,

Oh,

I'll get to meet him.

So the rest is kind of history,

Because then he came for the first time to the US for like four months after that.

And yeah.

I'm pretty sure that most people don't expect that they're going to find a husband when they start a pen pal relationship.

Yeah,

It had to have been a surprise for everyone.

Was your family like,

What are you doing?

Well,

Actually,

My husband and I were just talking about this the other night.

My mom was actually like,

Can you find somebody in England?

I was horrified.

I'm like,

Thanks,

Mom,

For that vote of confidence.

It's like,

Seriously?

And my oldest sister was even like,

To him,

She's like,

Or maybe she said to me,

She's like,

Oh,

He just wants a green card.

I'm like,

What is wrong with these people?

Seriously.

So not a lot of support.

But still,

You persevered.

And you two have been married for how long?

30 years now.

Yeah,

There is definitely something to that idea,

Because I've experienced it like three or four times in my life where I've walked into a room or I've met someone and instantly,

Instantly,

The first time it happened was with my friend Linda.

And I had graduated from University of Illinois,

Chicago,

Had spent six months trying to find a job up in Chicago,

Finally,

You know,

Signed up with a temp agency and got randomly,

Those are air quotes there,

Randomly sent to this office as a temp.

And I was there for probably about two or three months.

And someone approached me one day and said,

Hey,

Someone wants to meet with you about a possible,

You know,

Actual position here,

Permanent position.

And I said,

OK.

I mean,

I was so nervous.

I was so nervous because this was not it was a non-profit grocery co-op.

This was not something that I wanted to do or even thought about doing.

I just got sent there by the temp agency.

So I walk into the I open the door of the room.

I walk in and there's Linda.

And she was a VP at the time.

She's sitting at the table.

And I just looked at her and I thought,

Oh,

My God.

I mean,

Instantly,

This feeling of finding home and recognition just washed over me.

And keep in mind,

This is someone I've never seen before.

It was like I found my home and it was so powerful and visceral.

But I've never experienced anything like that before.

So at the time,

I thought,

Wow,

That was strange.

I don't.

So,

You know,

Then over the years,

I think it was there for about two and a half years.

She and I got to be better friends and we'd go to plays together or get lunch together or just hang out.

You know,

She was older than me,

20,

25 years older than me.

We just became the best of friends.

We were both loved movies so much.

So we'd go to these art houses and see these really strange movies together.

Then we'd have a conversation.

It was really this incredible gift to me,

This beautiful friendship.

And I think we were absolutely fated to meet and and find each other again in this life because she's done a lot for me.

She did a lot for me before she died.

And after she died,

She also has given me so many things.

I mean,

The inheritance that she gave me after she passed away,

Allowed me to walk the Camino,

Which was such a seminal moment in my life.

I would have never done that because it was it's very expensive and I don't have a lot of money.

But because of Linda,

I was able to to do this trip on the Camino.

You know,

I've had two or three other people in my life.

When I met them,

I was like,

Oh,

There you are.

It was this instant feeling of knowing.

And and when I feel it now,

I just automatically think,

Oh,

We're going to have work to do together.

I mean,

You and I are going to know each other.

We're going to go through something.

We're going to do things for each other and give each other gifts in this life or,

You know,

Propel each other into a new life.

You know,

In episode 100,

I talked about meeting my friend through that book in the math conversation at that restaurant.

And that individual,

That whole strange experience changed the trajectory of my life completely in irreversible ways.

But it also shuttled me off into this place where I needed to be in this headspace.

I needed to be into this emotional and mental space.

It changed everything about my life.

So I think,

You know,

You never know when you're going to meet those people who are going to have these really profound impacts on your life.

And it sounds,

You know,

Who would think just becoming a pen pal would change the course of your entire life?

Yeah,

I mean,

I was young.

I was 22.

I wasn't expecting to get married at 22 for sure,

Because I forever after that,

I was like,

Oh,

I should have spent time on more time on my own and became more independent,

More confident and learned how to love myself.

Because I think when you get married that young,

You kind of don't have that had that opportunity.

Luckily,

We didn't have children.

That's a whole other story about how I didn't want to repeat the dysfunctionalism of my childhood upbringing.

So I vowed I'm like,

I'm not doing that to another being.

So I decided not to have children.

But it sounds like now you've done a lot of deep work.

And so now you want to adopt.

And I think that's such a beautiful thing.

Lululee is a global collaborative network of native workshops that empower people,

But mostly traffic survivors.

And we give them agency training,

Holistic resources.

And we are also focused on environmental sustainability,

Providing them with economic empowerment and training.

And we also focus on prevention,

Because as I alluded to a little bit,

I think prevention is basically rooted in toxic masculinity.

As we heal the planet globally,

I think,

And we create a safer,

More empowered,

More tolerant,

Peaceful,

Joyful environment for boys,

Girls,

Men and both men and women.

I think it will change the paradigm of the world,

Basically.

And I see it happening as we are starting to embrace more of the feminine and women are embracing their own power and their own resilience.

And it's becoming more acceptable,

I guess,

Is a way to say that.

It's just really encouraging to see that things are finally happening,

Especially like a moral pulse.

I get kind of insular about it because I forget,

Oh,

This isn't how women are everywhere.

I go into like another Zoom meeting like,

Oh,

But it is happening.

I'm seeing more and more community.

And I think as long as we provide those opportunities,

Though,

For boys and girls,

It's important from like my own standpoint,

My own childhood,

Where I wasn't,

I was pretty much a wallflower and I really was invisible.

And then it becomes a life,

It can become a lifetime of struggle if you're given that you weren't given the encouragement,

You weren't given the love,

You were abandoned,

You have several of these layers that you have to heal from.

But if we're taught to be aware of that,

And like I said,

Don't go on autopilot and just assume because you're married that you have to have children,

Just enjoy each other.

And if you decide to have children,

Okay,

It's a big deal.

Take responsibility.

Whether it's a boy or girl,

Give them,

Give them a voice,

Let them be heard,

Let them encourage them for what they want to do and not your own agenda,

What you think they should be doing.

All of these make such a big difference in their lives and in their futures and who they become.

And ultimately,

Then the ripple effect of what the world becomes.

Think of how toxic it has been for boys that have been shut down too that,

Oh,

You know,

Boys don't cry and the real men do this.

I'm like,

What is that?

Women,

Girls and women have so many double standards of like,

Oh,

You have to be perfect,

You can't do this,

You have to be pleasing.

And well,

That's a minefield then for traffickers are loving that vulnerability.

They're just picking the weakest link there.

And same for boys that have been trafficked too.

They're 100% like they can't speak up or taught that they're just like,

You know,

They can't be emotional.

They can only be angry and they can only be action oriented.

And they only have certain emotions that are socially acceptable.

What is this?

What are we creating?

What kind of a future and a world are we creating with these really toxic norms?

Absolutely.

I feel like just unpacking that and trying to shift that is going to take a global impulse.

It's going to take a global conversation.

I think about trafficking of human beings.

But so many things are trafficked.

I mean,

Animals,

It's almost like this entire earth,

The animals and humans,

Basically,

Whatever you can think of is a commodity and doesn't have any sacred value or meaning.

And I think once you see a special tree or a shark or a human being as not having any value and just being this financial kind of thing that you can use as a transaction to make money.

I mean,

That's just such a slippery slope and so damaging and so hurtful in general.

So it's really kind of this mindset that we have to change.

But really part of that,

Too,

I'm seeing pockets of people starting to focus on prevention,

But also part of this prevention is looking at what is being perpetuated,

Because now I'm just starting to see like follow people on LinkedIn that are actually.

So why did this person become a trafficker?

Well,

They were shot with drugs when they were five and they were then basically indoctrinated into that cycle.

They didn't know anything different.

You're like,

Oh,

Then you can start to be empathetic and understand what how is this happening and why is this occurring?

How can we address this?

But if we don't,

We just say they're evil,

You know,

And they get locked away in a prison.

That's fine.

But you're not stopping the cycle and you're not addressing the root cause.

As we start to look at these cycles of toxic masculinity,

Whatever you want to call it that are unhealthy,

Then things that I think will start to change.

But as soon as we're not having those conversations and all we start seeing is keep seeing still is a lot of anti-trafficking organizations saying we freed them.

That's fine and that's understandable.

But are they being re-trafficked?

How long are they free?

How long is it going to take for them to be mentally free and to be anywhere close to being reintegrated back into society where they can live?

I don't want to say normal,

Peaceful,

Joyful,

Productive lives.

I just want to say that I'm so grateful for the work that you're doing and that you're brave enough to do it because I think courage and bravery to walk into those very,

Very traumatic spaces and be with people who have suffered in ways that I can't even imagine.

And I think suffered in ways that the majority of us don't want to imagine because it's easier.

It's more comfortable.

As you said,

I think that's where the resonance comes from because of my own traumatic upbringing.

It's started this real passion and call for me to help those that have been most marginalized.

I can't imagine a deeper hurt than being sexually violated repeatedly.

In my mind,

There aren't a lot of other things that are as horrible as that.

Absolutely.

As you stated earlier when we were talking,

Growth happens when we're uncomfortable.

Growth happens in those spaces where things are really uncomfortable,

Really on the edges of where we feel safe,

Where we feel comforted,

Where we feel that the world is the way that we know it and no other way.

You're just wading right in to these places that are extremely uncomfortable to be present for people and be there for people and give a voice to people that have gone through unimaginable things.

I'm so grateful.

I'm so thankful that you have the tenacity and the willpower to do it.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

You're amazing.

Thank you.

Thank you so much for listening to this episode of Bite-Sized Blessings.

I need to thank my very inspired and very creative guest,

Jill Langes-Griffin,

For sharing her stories with me,

But also for sharing her great work and for all the work she's doing for all those who've been trafficked in the world.

For more information on the work that Jill is doing,

There is a link under the episode show notes and then on the treasures page,

There will be additional information.

I need to thank the creators of the music used for this episode.

And yes,

It is season 12.

It's season 12 and episode 111.

Tyga Sound Productions,

Stephen O'Brien,

Music L Files,

Alexander Naccarata,

And Winnie the Moog.

For complete attribution,

Please see the Bite-Sized Blessings website at bitesizedblessings.

Com.

On the website,

You'll find links to other episodes,

To books,

To Leloui,

To other things and other organizations I think will lighten and brighten your day.

Thank you for listening.

And here's my one request.

Be like Jill.

Do something good for the world.

If not the world,

Start with yourself.

What does that look like?

Does it look like a massage?

Does it look like a walk?

Does it look like a good meal or buying someone a cup of coffee?

Do something beautiful for yourself.

First,

And then think about the beautiful things that you can do for the world.