Cultivate Your Pleasure Mindset

Enjoy a conversation with Self about how you relate to pleasure in your life. Krista offers musings to consider about your pleasure practices and how you can invite more pleasure as sustenance into your life. Through your own application of the Pleasure Mindset, find greater peace, ease, end energy in your life.

Transcript

Hi there awesome ones,

It's Krista.

I am excited to welcome you to another chat,

Another time together for some musings.

If you've listened to one or a handful of my offerings,

You will notice that what I offer is in a very conversational style.

I offer these musings in an unscripted way based on what's coming up for me in my lived experience,

What's coming up as I'm writing,

What's coming up in the virtual office with clients.

And today I'd love to explore with you more about the idea of being the experiment and the idea that we learn from our choices when we tune in and listen to the feedback loop.

I'd like to offer that concept of being the experiment,

Of opting for fun and playful experimentation,

Creativity,

Risk taking around pleasure.

You will likely be hearing me talk a lot about pleasure.

It is a big part of what I love to do in my day to day for again my lived experience,

But also helping clients find their way to maximizing their pleasure.

And one of the ways that I introduce that is the idea that pleasure is fuel.

Pleasure is sustenance.

Pleasure is not a practice that you earn.

It's not something you do after all of the work is done.

Pleasure goes hand in hand with whether it's our work circumstances or challenging life circumstances.

Integrated pleasure is what keeps us moving forward.

And we happen to live in a fairly pleasure averse culture.

And when I say that,

Ultimately,

You see that indicated in you get to earn your vacation time,

You earn the special Sunday that you might want to eat,

You earn that special coffee or that delicious beverage you enjoy on the way to work because you've put in some sort of payment to get that pleasure.

And I offer that we are all entitled to our pleasure.

Pleasure is our lifeblood.

Pleasure is fuel for life.

It's fuel for moving forward into the creativity of what we do in our day to day.

And it brings a playful buoyant energy.

And what I also offer is it's not just about those superficial,

Fun little bits of pleasure that we gift ourselves.

In fact,

It's deeper.

Pleasure is really ultimately about feeling fulfillment,

Feeling aligned with those choices.

So the idea of what in the moment may feel good,

That instant gratification,

If you will,

Is not always our greatest pleasure.

And that is why it's most important to really tune in to those choices,

To slow down,

To ask yourself,

Is this really what I want?

Is this really aligned with my greater intentions,

My greater vision for myself?

This can often come up when we're thinking about food choices or health choices around,

Again,

That sundae or that cookie that it can be aligned.

And sometimes it's not aligned.

Sometimes it's delicious to sink into that dessert and have an absolutely delightful experience.

And sometimes your body's just going to feel better after you have something else that's more aligned with the nutrition that your body needs.

So it's not demonizing one choice over the other.

In fact,

It's allowing for all the choices.

It's allowing for all of the possibilities when they're aligned.

And that's why tuning in and really noticing what's deeper,

What's under,

What's within that desire or that want is an important practice.

So I invite you into that practice when you're out in the world and you're making choices on,

Again,

Whether it's food or how you're spending your time,

Really what it comes down to is how you are choosing to expend your energy.

And if that is aligned,

You'll feel that.

You'll feel that that choice is simple and easy and doesn't come with any energetic leaks.

And by energetic leaks,

I mean any judgment of self or guilt or shame or other shoulds.

When those energetic leak pop,

Those leaks pop up,

It's important to notice and tune in and wonder about that choice and get really clear.

Is this truly my pleasure or is this just a bandaid over something that I'm trying to avoid?

So that's an important distinction when we're seeking our pleasure is,

Is it truly that deep down aligned choice that supports your fulfillment or is it something you're doing to just appease yourself,

Appease your ego,

Appease that part of you that is seeking to avoid a more challenging choice of staying aligned with your intentions and your vision?

And when we consider pleasure,

It's really,

For me,

At the nexus of philosophy,

Really applied hedonism,

Frankly,

Consciousness design,

How we tune into self,

How we choose to expend energy with our highest and greatest excitement and then also invite in energy from our highest and greatest excitement and also the power of choice.

So it's those,

For me,

Those three areas of exploration that I consider when I take pleasure to a deeper exploration when I'm choosing to be the experiment.

So I invite you into that.

I invite you into noticing in your life,

What are your pleasures?

What pleasure practices do you have now?

What pleasure practices do you want to cultivate and a lot more time for and intentionally focus on?

Those pleasure practices feed you and it's a bit counterculture to have to push against a pleasure-averse culture to say,

No,

I'm taking the lunch to slow down and read my book and do some breath work and have a delicious lunch and connect with my family because when I come back to my professional work,

I'll be that much more fueled or taking that break from your little ones to do whatever it is that fills your cup.

That pleasure need not come with a side of guilt.

Let's banish the guilty pleasure.

Let's allow for the celebrated pleasure,

The glorious pleasure because when our pleasure comes with a side of guilt,

When our pleasure comes with that energetic leak,

We're not able to fully absorb that fuel,

That sustenance that we get from enjoying that pleasure practice.

So ultimately what we're doing is we're cheating ourselves.

We're making a half choice.

We're not all in.

We're not utilizing our power in that moment to say,

Yes,

Yes,

I want this pleasure and it is mine and it is aligned and I'm going to savor it and soak it up and I'm going to make a practice of this and I'm going to do it with abandon and I am counterculture pushing against.

I'm a full on heretic here.

I am making this happen for myself because when we engage that feedback loop and make those choices standing in our power on a regular basis,

What you'll start to notice is you are creating some expansiveness.

You are creating more space in your life.

You are coming to the kitchen at the end of the day with a smile on your face,

Ready to cook an awesome dinner for your family or getting home from your work day feeling accomplished despite what went on during the day.

You're keeping yourself buoyant.

You're keeping yourself fueled by focusing on your very clear and choiceful pleasure and when it comes to pleasure practices,

I'd like to offer to you this concept I call the pleasure mindset.

It's yours.

The pleasure mindset is yours.

I invite you to take it,

Make it yours.

I invite you to take the invitation to create pleasure practices and hand in hand your pleasure practices with a pleasure mindset are yours to take out for a spin,

To be the experiment and to see how you feel after about a week,

Two weeks,

Three weeks,

A month,

Six months when you focus your energy,

Your intention and your power of choice on your pleasure practices with a pleasure mindset.

The pleasure mindset is quite simple.

It's quite simple.

All I'm asking of you is to tune in to that deeper pleasure and when you tune in,

Make a list of what it is that you know fills you up,

That fuels you.

It can be practices that are literally 30 seconds long to,

You know,

That two week vacation to that trip across the country.

It can span time.

It can span space.

Whatever it is that is your pleasure,

Put it on the list.

No self-limiting thought here.

Put it on the list.

And when you're ready to intentionally engage with focus,

What the pleasure mindset takes are just two things,

Consistency and presence.

Consistency just means a regular occurrence of the practice.

Ultimately,

I would love it to be many,

Many times a day because consistency doesn't mean I'm going to sit in meditation for an hour or I'm going to do two hours of yoga or I am going to make sure that I make the perfect meal no matter how long it takes every single day because those are things that bring me a lot of joy.

What I invite you into is it can be simple.

It can be quick.

When you're doing it,

It doesn't have to take a long time,

Whatever that practice is.

It can.

It can take as long as you want,

But don't let that be a limiter to when you're choosing what that pleasure practice is.

And whatever it is,

Do it consistently.

The second component is acting with presence,

Tuning in when you are doing the doing.

How does it feel soaking it in?

Oh,

This pleasure is amazing.

That breath work that I just did for one minute outside in the car before I walked into work was gorgeous and beautiful and amazing.

That passage that I just read,

That meal I did cook that took me three hours.

When I was doing it,

I was in it and I was feeling it and I was bringing in all of the joy that it was giving me.

I was present in that practice.

And I'll offer that being present is more and more of a challenge in our culture because there sits our phone,

There are our children perhaps,

There's all kinds of distraction that can be happening that can pull us away from really truly tuning in to what it is we're doing in the moment.

So I offer to you this pleasure mindset of consistency and presence.

And for you to identify some pleasure practices that you can integrate into your day to day.

Basically from waking till sleeping,

There are so many opportunities to act with consistency and presence to bring more pleasure into your life and maximize pleasure for yourself.

And does that mean everything's going to feel amazing?

Everything's always going to be perfect once you start to look at pleasure through the lens of I'm getting all the pleasure,

I'm maximizing my pleasure so everything else is going to fall away?

No.

Nope.

Nope.

And even if I had my magic wand,

I wouldn't wave it to wave away those challenging experiences because it's in that balance,

It's in that universal physics,

Those emotional universal physics of balance in the greater moment in the long now that gives us the appreciation for when we can truly slow down and tune in with consistency and presence to our pleasure practices.

And even in those deeply challenging moments,

We can maximize our pleasure then.

It minimizes the amount of energy we're expending in that moment by just doing the best we can to make ourselves as pleasure filled as possible,

Even through the most challenging moments.

And so I invite you to challenge yourself to notice that when you are in those darker times,

Do you catastrophize?

Do you push yourself away from noticing where you can slow down and give yourself a little peace and ease and pleasure?

Because even in those times,

Pleasure is still fuel,

It's still sustenance,

It's still your lifeblood and you deserve it even in those moments.

And I get it,

It can be challenging.

I don't diminish the life experiences that can just sweep us right off our feet.

I've been there,

I get it.

And yet at the same time,

Even in those moments,

We can do our best to sustain ourselves through even the smallest,

Most mundane pleasure practices,

Making sure we're staying hydrated,

Drinking enough water,

Making sure we're making those phone calls to those friends who buoy us in those times.

I would offer that in those moments,

It's even more important to be consistent and present with your pleasure practices.

Ultimately as well,

When you're being the experiment,

You're changing it up,

You're moving and shaking.

And there are times when the people around you might start to notice that,

Oh,

Wow,

Look at her giving herself the gift of pleasure.

There may be resistance to change.

In fact,

There's always resistance to change,

We're human.

And that resistance can be within you,

That can be resistance from those around you.

And I encourage you to stand strong in your intentionality and your vision for your practice.

And it may be that you have to go to bat for yourself a little bit,

A little self-advocacy.

And when you continue to engage the feedback loop of your pleasure practices and you employ the pleasure mindset of consistency and presence,

You will start to notice a change.

And that change,

That expansiveness,

That extra fuel in the tank will become an incentive in and of itself for you to continue cultivating more pleasure practices and really digging in to the pleasure mindset.

So I'd love to leave you with a poem here at the end.

But before I do that,

I'd love to give you some questions for your own musings around pleasure.

You heard some here at the beginning,

Here's some at the end.

I'd love for you to notice what it is that truly brings you pleasure,

That deeper pleasure.

I'd love for you to notice any resistance that comes up within,

That you don't deserve it,

You don't have time,

You don't have the money,

You don't have whatever that self-limiting thought is.

All of those things can feel true without question.

And yet I believe in you,

I believe in your creativity.

Pleasure doesn't have to cost money.

Pleasure doesn't have to take a lot of time.

And when you employ that feedback loop,

You'll notice that.

I'd also encourage you to take a step back,

Zoom out,

Go to the bigger picture of your life,

And really notice how much enhancement can come from gifting this to yourself.

You'll be more at ease,

You'll be more at peace,

You'll feel like you have more fuel in the tank,

You'll feel less harried,

You'll get used to tuning in to yourself,

To your desires.

And when we do that,

We have more fuel in the tank then to extend that beautiful generosity to those around us.

There's a lot of opportunity there.

There's a lot of opportunity to really vibe up your whole life and your presence in other people's lives.

But it does take valuing yourself,

Valuing that process,

Knowing that it's yours.

Just like it's theirs,

It's yours.

And you can act as a model for those around you,

Especially your friends.

If they're the ones saying,

No,

No,

There's no time,

We don't have the – encourage them,

Say no,

No,

This is it,

We're going to slow it down,

We're going to find the time,

We're going to integrate these pleasure practices together,

Let's do it together.

But it does take some fortitude to stand up against a pleasure-averse culture.

And so I will leave you with this poem about being polite and engaging in indulgence.

And polite really over-compromises self.

I mean,

Not the pleasantries,

Of course we want to be kind and pleasant,

But that over-compromising politeness that some of us tend toward.

I encourage you to notice where that comes from and offer up to yourself some grace to step outside of over-compromising who you are.

So I offer this poem,

Secret.

Polite was years ago.

You missed her.

I buried her under the temple of indulgence.

Now remember,

That is our little secret.

Polite was such a shrinking violet anyway.

I'm amused she's pushing up posies.

Indulgence,

Now she's a handful,

Made me build that temple.

Always demanding.

Then my capitulation.

When she reaches out and strokes your cheek,

The electricity intoxicates.

I do her bidding in the trance of knowing I am ever standing over my grave.

And since I buried polite alive,

I obey when indulgence requires me to dance.

It is her temple after all.

Enjoy your pleasure,

Awesome ones.

Big love to you and rock on.