When Affirmations Feel Fake:A Kinder Way To Talk To Yourself

This mindset has been helping me a lot during medical school.
Growing up, my inner critic was very strong, and mirror work in the morning became an important part of my journey.
But especially now, when I study hard and still don’t always meet my own expectations, using affirmations instead of self-compassion can actually make me feel more anxious, like I’m lying to myself.
That’s when I started noticing the power of speaking to myself like a best friend: using words that are neutral, realistic, and gently encouraging.
It’s made a real difference.
I’d love to hear how this perspective resonates with you, feel free to share in the comments.
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Transcript

When you are stressed out or anxious,

It is very difficult to replace the negative thoughts that you are thinking with positive ones.

No matter how many people say you to think positively,

That is physically,

That is physiologically impossible.

Because when you are stressed out,

The chemistry of your body is completely different than when you are in a calmer and more peaceful state of being.

So,

Those negative thoughts that you have in your mind,

It is very difficult to replace them with positive affirmations.

Mirror work in the morning is great,

But when you are going through a stressful time,

Or when you have a pattern that is repeating itself in the way how you see yourself,

Or if you are being very negative to yourself and that is your go-to,

It is very difficult to replace it with positive thoughts or with positive affirmations.

So,

What do we do?

We replace it with a phrase that is better,

That is more realistic,

But is moving in the direction of a more positive attitude toward either the problem or toward the way that we see ourselves.

For example,

If something happened in your day,

Or if you are trying to accomplish something and it is not going the way you expected,

If your go-to is,

I will never do anything,

I will never be able to accomplish anything in my life,

This will never work,

Instead of,

I am the best,

I know I can do anything I set my mind to,

Which in this case seemed very unrealistic,

Try replacing this negative thought with,

I tried my best,

Maybe this is not possible to accomplish,

But I will keep doing my best,

So at least I will not have regrets for not trying.

Or,

For example,

You had this goal that during this week you will work out 5 times,

And you for whatever reason cannot do that,

Instead of,

I am so irresponsible,

I will never get fit,

I will never,

I am so irresponsible,

I never get things done,

Instead of,

I am very responsible,

This week I will do it better,

I will make it this week,

Try replacing that negative thought with,

What can I learn from this week,

Where did I fall out of my expectations,

Or what happened that I didn't manage the best,

Or what could I have done differently to have the results that I desired,

And try taking that lesson and giving yourself another chance while applying that lesson.

For example,

Maybe you were not very flexible with your time,

Or maybe you put an unrealistic expectation,

Or maybe you thought you would wake up in 5 o'clock in the morning and get it done,

And you are someone for whom waking up in the morning is difficult,

So what can you change that in this week that just passed led to you not fulfilling your goal,

So in this new week,

You give yourself another chance,

And you apply this lesson,

Because life itself is a journey of evolution,

We evolve,

And the more we pay attention to what we can do better,

What can be done differently,

The easier it is for us to evolve and move in the direction of our dreams,

Of our goals,

Of our desires,

It is a whole journey,

And being your best cheerleader,

Being your greatest supporter,

Also is a journey,

And it starts with improving step by step,

Even the way you speak to yourself,

Improving it step by step,

With resilience,

Because we are always trying for better,

We are always striving for better,

So we give ourselves chances to learn from our mistakes and do better,

Instead of just striving for toxic positivity,

Which in this situation can make things worse,

Because it gives us this feeling of guilt,

That maybe i'm not just capable of doing this,

And no matter how many people talk about positive thinking,

Toxic positive thinking does just as much harm as toxic negative thinking,

Because your body is in a whole different physiological state,

And you notice your body,

And you notice your thoughts,

And those two are not in alignment with each other,

So you start to doubt yourself,

And this is not what we want,

We want progress,

We want daily progress,

And this comes with going step by step in the direction of our goals,

While learning from our mistakes.

Thank you so much for being here,

And for working in yourself.

Sending you so much love,

And we'll hear again in the next recording.

Bye for now.