Your Most Important Relationship

In this episode of the podcast we ask some deep questions... Who is the most important person in your life? Your children, your parents, your spouse, your pet? Get tools on how to cultivate and enhance the most important relationship. You know the answer but your likely not living the answer.

Transcript

You're listening to Prosperity Report,

Love and Money podcast,

The relationship podcast that helps you feel more confident financially and romantically.

We do this by giving you actionable ideas to help you stop comparing and start repairing your mindset,

Your money,

Your relationship and your life.

I'm your host,

Kineh Porter,

Bestselling author,

International speaker,

Hypnotherapist and financial therapist.

Let's grow with the flow together.

Enjoy the show.

This episode is brought to you by my free money mentality course.

Learn your money personality and how you can reach your full financial potential.

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Right?

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I'll see you there.

Let me ask you a question.

Who is the most important person in your life?

No,

Guess again.

It's you.

Society has told us that when we're asked that question,

We need to answer with some outside person,

With a loved one,

Our husband,

Our wife,

Our children,

Our parents,

Even our pets would be a better answer than you if you ask society.

And it's just not true.

The most important relationship you have is the relationship you have with yourself.

The most important person in your life is you.

This is why on the airplane they say put on your mask first before assisting others because they know that if you don't take care of you,

You can't take care of anybody else.

So you've got to be important.

You got to be so important that you're willing to put on your mask first.

Now this is the month of love.

If you're listening to this podcast as it airs and this month,

We're usually all about love,

But a lot of times it's about loving others,

Especially our partner or significant other.

Well,

I'm going to say start this month off by first exploring some self-love,

Loving yourself fully and completely because in order to love anybody else.

I mean really truly love them.

You've got to first love yourself.

So let me ask you another question.

When was the last time you said,

I love you to yourself?

Think about it.

For some of us that may have never happened ever before.

But if I ask you,

When was the last time you said,

I love you to your spouse or your children or your mother or even that pair of shoes,

You could probably get to that last time.

You could probably recall it.

Think about it.

How often do we tell ourselves we love us?

Probably never.

And even if it happens,

It probably doesn't happen enough.

So I'm willing to bet that this episode will serve you well as we talk about how to enhance the relationship you have with yourself.

I'm going to give you three things that are blocking your self-love.

And then I'm going to tell you what you can stop doing,

Start doing and continue doing to really get the relationship you want with yourself.

Because in order to have a great relationship with anyone else,

It really starts with a great relationship with you.

You know how in our romantic relationships,

We're constantly thinking about infidelity.

Is our significant other cheating on us?

We might even think about it in our parent-child relationship.

Like if our divorce maybe and our child calls someone else mom or dad,

Then we're like,

Oh my gosh,

They cheated on us.

They basically put somebody else in our place.

But have you considered that maybe you're cheating on yourself?

You put somebody else in your place.

The way that you know if you're doing this is what was the answer to the question I asked you first?

Who's the most important person in your life?

If you answered anybody else,

You're cheating on you.

So I want to tell you how you can be faithful to yourself.

That's what we're going to talk about today.

But the first thing we'll have to talk about is why we haven't been faithful to ourselves,

Why we haven't put energy in the relationship,

The first relationship we have.

Now some will argue that the first relationship you have is with your mother.

You still have to have a relationship with you first.

You were a concept,

A spirit,

An energy before you were ever born.

And that relationship started before you were conceived.

Now that's controversial and we are not going down that road right now.

But just understand you have a relationship with you first no matter who else comes into your life or how early they came into your life.

The truth is your first relationship is with you.

Because we don't know this,

Our confidence gets chipped away at and chipped away at and chipped away at.

So as a baby,

You would yell,

Ah,

Come and get me,

Come and feed me,

Come and change me,

Come and pay attention to me.

And if nobody came to do that,

Then you began to think that maybe I'm not that important.

So then it shifted to let me entertain you.

Hey,

Come,

I'm really funny.

Hey,

Come,

I'm really smart.

Hey,

Come,

I'm really cute.

Does this make sense?

So we shift our attention from who we are to who they are.

And then the rest of our lives we go through life paying more attention to other people than we do to ourselves.

And that brings me to my first point.

Because we pay more attention to others than we do to ourselves,

We don't know who we are.

We don't know who we are.

So we become who they want us to be.

And we're probably not even clear on what they want.

They're probably not even clear on what they want.

So how can we be?

And so we spend our lives trying to adjust and adjust and adjust,

Shift,

Shift,

Shift.

To become what our parents wanted us to be and then our friends and then our teachers,

And then our significant others,

And then our supervisors.

And it's this never ending story about us trying to live up to who other people want us to be.

It's never ending story of us trying to get people to like us.

Well my parents taught me something that's very valuable.

Instead of getting people to like you,

Which is something you don't control,

How about if you focused on getting them to know you?

You really don't control whether they like you or not.

And the only control you have is over whether they get to know you or not.

And the reason why you have control over that is because all you have to do is be yourself and they'll get to know you.

Now it may take some time,

It may not happen instantly,

But they will get to know you over time if you just continue to be yourself.

But you first have to know who that is.

Now I've been known to say,

If you don't like me,

It's because you don't know me.

And as arrogant as some people will say that is,

It really is just about confidence and it actually is just about honesty.

I know that if I get to be myself,

There's really no reason for a person not to like me.

The only reason they wouldn't like me is because they hadn't gotten to know me yet.

So why don't I give them a chance by being myself?

Again,

You've got to know who that is first.

So who are you?

Ask yourself that question.

Who am I?

And don't you dare answer with those titles.

Oh,

I'm a mom,

I'm a wife.

Oh,

I'm a husband.

I'm a vice president.

No,

No,

No.

Deeper.

Who are you?

Now if I answer that question,

A lot of times I'll answer with my idea of prosperity.

Oh,

I am a generous person.

That is who I am at my core.

I'm generous.

And at one time in my life I would say,

Oh,

I was hard working.

But I've since shifted that because I'm smart working and I'm heart working,

But not hard working anymore.

Now I'm a heart working person.

Yeah,

I love what I do.

Now these things are also my idea of prosperity.

I've got to love what I do.

And then there's this creativity that I have inside of me.

I'm a creative person.

I love it.

In fact,

I probably have too creative.

I have a new idea,

Which doesn't lend well when you're trying to finish things.

But that's a whole other part of the get to know you.

Yes,

You do need to know your strengths,

But you also need to know your challenges.

And you don't have to get down about your challenges.

You just have to know them so you can delegate.

So really get to know yourself.

Take some time out and really dig deep.

The second thing I want to mention is a lot of times we don't know ourselves or we don't love ourselves because we don't know what we want.

And that confusion leaves us irritated,

Frustrated,

Just kind of over ourselves.

We're like,

I'm so over you,

Kanae.

If you don't get it together,

If you don't figure out what you want,

I cannot do this with you anymore.

If any of you have that conversation with yourselves,

Of course you have.

Today I'm wondering if you could just allow yourself to get to know yourself just a little bit better by also getting to know what you want.

I mean what you really,

Really want.

Not those fleeting pleasures,

What you really want.

For example,

When I think about what I really want,

Sometimes chocolate comes to mind.

But then I think about,

No,

I really want excellent health.

It's part of my manifestation statement.

Excellent health.

I really want to write,

But I am building a company.

And at this moment,

It doesn't allow me to write as much as I'd like to.

But I know that when I build this company up far enough,

It will open up the time and space for me to write more often.

Now the reason why you've got to know what you really want is because that becomes your why.

So I have to remember my why,

What I really want in order to get there.

Does that make sense?

So what do you want?

What do you want out of life?

What do you want from yourself?

What are your expectations of you?

I'm not one to really push expectations because it usually is disappointing because we rarely get what we expect.

Sometimes we get better,

Serendipity.

Sometimes we get worse.

But if we don't have any expectation,

If we're just curious to see how we're going to turn out,

That can be okay too.

So part of me is asking you to focus on what you really want and getting clear on that.

But another part of me is asking you to just be curious,

To watch yourself unfold,

To see how you grow,

And be impressed by each and every growth and shift that you make,

Not because someone else asked you to do it,

But because you know it's right for you.

All right,

So this last one is going to be a doozy.

Are you ready?

Brace yourself.

Part of the reason why your relationship with you is suffering is because you don't know how to be vulnerable without feeling weak or without complaining.

So usually being vulnerable for men,

Society has told men that being vulnerable is weak,

And even women too.

Also society has told us that being vulnerable is complaining,

And that is not the truth.

There's a difference between complaining and observing or stating.

You can state your current situation.

Currently,

I have a broken leg,

Which is really uncomfortable,

And it slows me down,

And I'm not able to go everywhere I want to go right now or do everything I want to do right now.

That's stating your current situation.

This is complaining.

Oh my gosh,

This cast itches so bad.

I am so tired of this.

I can't believe I made that stupid mistake.

Why did I step off of that curb?

I have this stupid broken leg,

And I'm just tired of it.

Have you ever been on crutches?

It is so awful.

People are mean to you,

And they don't open doors for you,

And it's like,

Oh my gosh,

I can't believe this happened to me.

I can't wait till I get this cast off.

Oh,

I can't wait till my leg is better.

So,

Which one of those do you usually do?

Do you state your current situation,

Or do you complain?

The first one,

That was the vulnerable one.

Complaining,

That's the victim.

You can be vulnerable without being a victim,

And you can be vulnerable without being weak.

You don't have to give up your power to be authentic,

To state your current situation.

I am a big fan of letting your heart shine,

And often we do it when we find our cause.

We find our cause,

And we tell our story.

Maybe you remember back in October 2008,

I told my domestic abuse story,

And sometimes that's when we feel okay being vulnerable.

We find our cause,

We're giving our heart to it,

And when we're giving our heart to it,

We feel like we want to tell our story,

Like why are we there?

And a lot of times our cause is connected to our old pain.

For many people,

The cause that they believe in has something to do with something they've been through.

Mothers against drunk driving.

Many cancer survivors give back to cancer research and treatment.

And for me,

Like I mentioned,

My cause is domestic abuse,

Because that was a part of my life.

There are times when we're okay being vulnerable,

But most of the time we're going off of what society has told us,

And we believe that we are weak.

But you are far from weak.

In fact,

When you're vulnerable,

You're strong.

It takes strength to be vulnerable.

Now,

It doesn't take much at all to be a victim.

You can do that with very little effort,

Energy,

But to be vulnerable,

That takes strength.

Just put it out there.

This is where I made a mistake.

This is where I'm growing.

This is what I've missed in the past,

But it's not my future.

Now let's see if I can liven this up a little bit.

I'm giving you the causes,

The challenges.

I'd like to give you a few things that you can do to adjust so that you can love yourself more,

So that you can enhance your relationship with yourself.

I'm going to give you a start,

A stop,

And a continue.

Let's go with continue first.

Continue nurturing the people around you.

Continue to take great care of your loved ones.

Most of us are doing a pretty good job at that.

Continue doing that.

Continue being honest,

Dating your situation,

Being honest about your feelings.

If you're not good at something,

You can say that.

That's okay.

Continue doing that.

Keep listening.

You're listening to this podcast.

You're probably listening to other podcasts.

The more you listen,

The more you learn.

Say that again,

G'nay.

The more you listen,

The more you learn.

So continue listening.

Continue attracting your dreams.

Many of my listeners,

I know this,

Are achievers.

Continue achieving as you get to know yourself,

As you really get clear on what you want,

And as you learn to be vulnerable.

Now what should you stop doing?

Stop putting yourself last.

Stop doing that.

You're worth more than that.

And your people are worth more than that.

Because the longer you put yourself last,

The more likely you are to burn out,

Get further away from your idea of prosperity,

And get closer to unhappiness.

And if you're unhappy,

So are the people you love.

Does that make sense?

Stop trying to get people to like you.

Stop it.

You don't control that.

People stop trying to get people to like you.

Stop talking about what you don't want.

The more you focus on what you don't want,

The more you attract it into your life.

So remember and continue,

I say continue to attract your dreams.

In order to do that,

You have to stop complaining and stop talking about things you don't want in your life.

Because what you focus on expands.

So let's go to start.

Leave on a positive note.

Start allowing people to get to know you.

Start being vulnerable by stating your situation.

You can also be vulnerable by asking for assistance.

Start focusing on what you want,

What you really,

Really truly want.

And start getting clear on what you want so that you can focus on it.

I hope this was valuable because this is something that I've noticed happening in the world,

Happening with a lot of people around me.

And we've got to love ourselves more.

We just do.

Because the more we love ourselves,

The more we can love others.

And then the more they can love themselves,

And then the more they can love others.

And then you see how all of this love gets radiated throughout the world and it becomes a more loving place,

Less about pleasing each other and more about loving ourselves and loving each other.

Less about pleasing each other and more about loving ourselves and each other.

Do you see how that small shift can make a big impact on the world?

Let's impact the love in the world by loving ourselves.

And maybe you're wondering how you can do that.

Let me offer you a few tools to help you get on this path to loving yourself more.

So we talked about the start,

Stop,

And continue.

But here are a few resources that maybe can help you get there.

There's a free meditation app where I teach meditation.

There are a bunch of free meditations on there.

There are also pay courses,

But start with the free ones.

And if you want to upgrade later,

Go ahead.

The free meditation app is called Insight Timer.

I'll put a link to it in the show notes with one of my favorite meditations.

It's called Visualize Your Prosperous Life.

This is a great way for you to get to know what you really want out of life.

So I'll give you that.

And then you can explore the app and take it from there.

Then there's my course,

A crash course in confidence.

And a crash course in confidence is really going to help you get to know yourself,

Love yourself,

Get to know your strengths and challenges,

Figure out what you control and don't control.

By the end of the course,

You'll become more confident and more in control.

It is a very impactful course.

21 days getting you on track.

And the reason why it's 21 days is because the brain needs at least 21 days,

Sometimes as many as 45 days to really set a new habit or eliminate an old habit.

So go ahead,

Try my course,

A crash course in confidence.

I think you'll love it.

And the third way,

If you want to check out the course,

Go to keneacorder.

Com slash confidence.

I'll also put a link in the show notes.

And here's one more idea.

Here's a resource that you have inside of you.

You know,

I've purchased anything,

Download anything.

All you have to do is go within.

And remember how I asked,

When was the last time you told yourself,

I love you?

Every morning,

Every night.

Just look in the mirror or if you don't want to look in the mirror,

Just tell yourself,

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

Can you do that?

I know you can.

Well,

Thanks for joining me and I'll see you next week.

Have a prosperous day,

My pros pros.

Hey guys,

Thanks for listening.

If you want more love and money conversations,

Subscribe to this podcast.

Also tell your friends about us.

I'll see you next episode.

But in the meantime,

Head on over to keneacorder.

Com for more tips,

Tools,

And resources.

And go ahead and leave us a comment if you like.

We'd love to hear from you.

This show is not to replace professional counsel.

The best advice comes from a professional you know.

The topics discussed in this podcast are general in nature and are for entertainment and informational purposes only.

We encourage you to meet with a professional to discuss your specific situation,

Whether financial or therapeutic.

That's all for now.

I'll see you sooner.

Remember,

No matter what anybody ever tells you,

You can have wealth in all of its forms.

Believe it and you will soon see it.

Reviews

Thank you for your wisdom about this topic of relationship with yourself .
A lot of food for the thought. Thank you 🫶❤️🙏

Very very eye opening! I enjoyed this podcast so much. It gave me some insight on things that I do daily without realizing it! Thank you!

You are truly my favorite

Thank you for sharing such pertinent and valuable information in your podcast !

Very informative and helpful, I enjoyed the light-hearted nature of this too 😊 Thank you Kiné for sharing your wisdom and insights 💜x

Fantastic- 🙏🏽 Thank you

Thank you for sharing and reminding us of what our priorities should be. I love your insights and your warm delivery- feels like a friend giving me advice while we have coffee. I love your work and look forward to reading your written work one day. ❤️

As usual, Kine, STELLAR❣️ Thanks for sharing your wonderful Wisdom. 🙏🏻💕

Great talk. Love your insights. Will practice. 🌹

Lovely reminder. Thank you. Wishing you the best as your Best Life unfolds.