What You Can Control (Simple Tools 1/5)

Simple Tools for Challenging Times

These 5 lessons were developed by Dr Jan Russell & Keziah Gibbons as the world went into lockdown in the Spring of 2020. The intention was to apply the tools of psychologically informed environments to help to empower people as we went through this state of uncertainty.

Although designed specifically for lockdown, & recorded in a cupboard due to limited resources, the tools are good & can be applied to any situation to ease pressure and increase a sense of agency.

Transcript

Hello and welcome to this course on Psychologically Informed Practice for Quarantine.

I am Kaziah Gibbons and I'm Jan Russell and it is our pleasure to be able to present this toolkit to you as a support in these uncertain times.

The intention behind this course is to allow you to focus your energies in ways which are restorative and enabling,

At times when many things which may have seemed steady may suddenly seem beyond your control.

This course is particularly aimed at people who are isolated or quarantined in close quarters,

As we acknowledge that even with those whom we love dearly,

Times of confinement,

Fear and uncertainty can be a challenge.

However,

Even for those who are isolating alone,

Or those who do not have the privilege of being able to stay at home in these times,

Perhaps because you are serving your community,

There are tools in this course that can be useful and incredibly empowering for you.

This is a practical course which you can begin to apply immediately and we know you may be keen to jump straight in.

Before we start,

Here's a quick overview of what you can expect to hear within this course and also where the term Psychologically Informed Practice comes from.

Psychologically Informed Environments Training is an evidence-based approach which is popular in organisations,

Particularly those dealing with vulnerable people,

As a means of consciously incorporating awareness of and responsiveness to mental health needs of the organisation's staff and service users.

Jan was one of the pioneering trainers of Psychologically Informed Environments in the UK with many years' experience,

And I have been co-training with her for the last four years.

We've adapted Psychologically Informed Environments theory into a practice,

Psychologically Informed Practice,

Which can be used by individuals and families to enable more choice in how you respond to these unusual times.

It is our hope and our belief that you will continue to use these tools for more ease in your life and more effective communication long after this emergency is over.

In this course,

We've taken five of the most powerful elements of Psychologically Informed Practice and presented them for you in five short lessons.

In this first session,

You'll be finding clarity on what you can and can't control,

And using what you learn to direct your focus more effectively towards those things which you can influence.

Tomorrow,

We'll be working with the how of acceptance and realignment.

We often hear that we should be accepting the things we can't change,

But that's not always immediately easy.

Tomorrow,

You'll receive support into how to do that.

In session three,

Jan will guide you into finding your own best state from which to deal with whatever life throws at you.

In session four,

I'll take you through some listening skills to help you to be an empathic and effective communicator,

Both with the people close to you and at a distance.

In the final session,

Jan will be helping you to find your strengths and reinforce the strengths of others as we all come through these extraordinary times together.

That's all from me for today,

And here's Jan with session one,

What you can control.

Hello,

And welcome to this first session of the course with me,

Joan Russell.

These are unusual times,

Aren't they?

I don't know about you,

It can feel quite overwhelming at times and surreal at others.

There's so much information around in the media,

There's a lot of uncertainty,

And now the challenge of living in restricted conditions,

Socially distancing,

Or living in full isolation.

We don't know how long for,

So we require a certain type of resilience to cope with the unknown factors over a period of time.

Sometimes we find it easy to be resilient and find the opportunities that are present in these times.

Sometimes it's less easy.

Sometimes it's the global picture that can tip us one way or another,

And other times it's perhaps an interaction or irritation with someone that we're sharing isolation with,

Maybe even someone we feel responsible for.

I've been privileged to work with people across the world in a number of different situations.

One very powerful experience was during 1996 when,

Over a period of a year,

I worked with a group of refugees during the conflict in the former Yugoslavia.

Their losses were unspeakable,

Their fears and uncertainties were really immense.

One day I was speaking with two of the women in the group.

They have no idea where their husbands were,

Or if and when they would ever see them again.

One of the husbands was in the army and one was a dedicated surgeon.

I asked them,

How do you do it?

How do you cope when there are particularly tough days?

One of them,

We'll call her Vejna,

Looked at me and said,

Do you know Jan,

When I'm having a really bad day and I think I can't possibly go on,

I remember the words of my grandma.

She always told me,

Vejna,

In life,

Bad days come and bad days go.

When I'm having a bad day,

I look at my track record for getting through other bad days.

So far,

It's been 100%.

I'm still here.

So you remember to concentrate on what's in front of you right now.

Vejna looked at me.

So that's how I go on Jan.

I remember my track record.

I remember I'm still here and pay attention to what's in front of me right now.

I focus on that and I do what I can.

Being in isolation is a reminder that we're still here with a good track record.

It's just that sometimes we need to refocus amongst the overwhelm that can occur because of the many different thoughts and feelings that can seem to carry us away.

All of these thoughts and feelings are an expression of our humanity.

Yet some can become a drain as they do affect us body and soul.

At that point,

It's time to shift our attention to what we can influence,

To what's in front of us.

So the tool I've chosen to share in this particular session is a circle of personal influence.

It's adapted from the word of the psychologist Stephen Covey and it can be a great aid,

A means of helping you to focus so that you can identify and reduce your points of pressure and access and build up your points of power.

To prepare for today's exercise,

You'll need something to write with and something to write on.

You will be creating a list and a simple picture.

Writing down accesses and impacts your neural pathways and the visual picture will make a lovely sensory impact and act as an anchor to remind you to focus on what's right in front of you.

I'll outline the process and I'll give examples of how I've used it.

I recommend that you pause this recording when you need to write down and I'll prompt you at these times.

Alternatively,

You might like to listen to it all the way through ignoring the prompts and then replay the instructions,

Then pausing so that you can write and draw.

So creating the circle goes like this.

First,

Make a list of all those things which concern you most right now.

You might like to think back over the last 24 hours or so and note the things that you were thinking about with the greatest concern and to which you have given the most time.

Have a good look over it and put everything in.

Pause the recording now,

Restart when you're ready.

Now,

Draw a large circle inside which you create a second circle.

From your list,

Write all the things which you've been thinking about yet can't control into the space between the two circles and all of those things which you can control into the inner circle.

So the outer part now is your circle of concern,

The inner part is your circle of control.

So for me,

For example,

One of my frustrations was the behaviour of some other people,

Such as people who weren't observing social isolation rules and I'd feel angry when I thought about them.

This needed to go into my outer circle.

Their behaviour is not under my control.

I might as well save my energy.

In my inner circle,

I've got my immediate environment,

How it looks,

How I set it up,

How it feels,

How comfy it is and it includes my behaviours.

How often,

For example,

I look at or use my phone,

How I'm spending my time,

How often I wash my hands,

How I choose to communicate with others,

What exercise I can do and so on.

So now give this some thought and pay attention to how you want to divide up your list.

What feels as if it's in the circle of concern and what feels like it can go into the circle of control?

Pause the recording now and restart when you're ready.

Now have a really good look at the two circles.

Is there anything that might need moving between the two?

For example,

At first I was feeling a little helpless as I'm not in a position to physically support in my community because my household includes a very high risk person.

This had bothered me and I'd put it in my outer circle.

However,

With a little bit of creativity,

I found small ways to support individuals which I can do safely.

Some of that's reaching out online,

Some of it includes being able to give people a little gift without putting us at risk,

Some of it's making small donations to other people who are providing services.

It's not a lot,

Yet it's better than sitting and moaning because I can't do anything.

So supporting others has become something that I've moved to my inner circle,

My circle of control.

And strangely enough,

My reach to the people that I can support has got a little bit longer and the support I felt from others has also grown.

So what might you be able to shift around a little with some creative thinking?

Pause the recording now and restart when you're ready.

Finally,

Is there anything that needs letting go of altogether?

For me,

It was my anger at other people's reluctance to observe social distancing.

However much I tensed and however much I believed I'm right,

Other people will do their own thing.

So my anger was futile,

A waste of my energy.

The only part I can influence is my behaviour and how I behave when I go out on the weekly shop.

My general frustration could get crossed off altogether and my own distancing behaviours could come to the circle of control.

Likewise,

Not being able to see my son who is 1800 miles away.

Once I'd acknowledged a degree of concern and a little disappointment,

Then it was time to let that go.

Being in contact with him could be in the circle of influence.

So is there anything in your circles that you feel stressed by yet you absolutely can't influence?

If so,

Notice what happens when you decide to move it right outside of the outer circle,

Not even in the diagram.

Pause the recording now to finish your sorting and restart when you're ready.

So now you've had a go at this,

You might choose to edit it as the day goes by.

Your aim is to make sure that the attention that you give to that which you can control is greater than that which you give to what you can't control.

Make that inner circle grow and the outer circle shrink.

It's a great foundation for moving from feeling helpless to feeling that you're in the driving seat.

And you'll build on this in the next session with Kaziah as you develop your personal power.

You can repeat this exercise as many times as you like.

We are in a changing landscape and there are lots of challenges and shifts.

So this is one to come back to at any time that you feel the need to recenter.

I've stuck my picture onto a kitchen cupboard door.

The visual reminder has as much value to me as doing it in the first place.

You can add things into it,

You can cross things out.

That's certainly been the case for me.

I'm recording this as I come to the end of my third week of isolation and I'm anticipating that there'll be several more.

So the more I refine the diagram,

The more I've been able to spend time doing things that I enjoy,

Some creative things,

Some ordinary normal things,

Accepting what I can and can't do today.

So despite any of the concerns that I've begun with in this journey,

I've found Vesna's words really helpful and I like this particular way of taking notice of them.

I hope that you do too.

Reviews

Wonderful approach for the trying times we are facing in the U.S. and other authoritarian regimes.

This is extremely relevant as I head into 2023. I kept my list short and the five things I want to focus on are all in my control. I need to take charge of them and not let my mind get overwhelmed and trick me into doing nothing. I’m still experiencing isolation due to current circumstances. The great thing is there are so many online activities to participate in. I look forward to tomorrow’s lesson. Thanks, Jan and Keziah 🤍🤍🤍

Wonderful advice. Thank you. Looking forward to the left of series