Wound Becomes Portal: Radiance Sutras Verse 70

During this session, we discuss Verse 70 of the Yukti Verses from the 'Radiance Sutras', a translation of the Vijanana Bhairava Tantra by Lorin Loche. A meditation follows our discussion.

These sessions are recorded on a weekly basis and all are welcome.

Transcript

So today we're reading from the Radiant Sutras.

This beautiful book by Lauren Roche.

It's a translation of the Vijnana Bhairava Tantra,

Which is a tantric text that comes out of Kashmir Shaivism.

You know,

A lot of times we find ourselves wondering why we're here.

What's the point of it all?

Especially if we once believed something and it's proven to be incorrect.

It often throws us into like an existential crisis,

Wondering what am I really doing here?

What is the nature of life?

What is the nature of being alive?

And there's a time for that.

There's a time to just enjoy life and explore and expand and all that kind of thing.

But every so often,

We come into this philosophical question like,

But what's the point of it all?

And one of the challenges is that our brains are not designed necessarily to actually understand this question.

Our brains are designed to interpret the world in the case of our five senses.

I look and I see a tree and the sunlight or the light shines on the tree,

Goes in through my optic nerve into my brain and it says,

Ah,

That tree is burgundy.

That tree is in blossom.

It must be an apple tree or something.

That's what our brain is actually made to do,

Is sort of to do this interesting analysis of the world around us in a very,

I want to say like a clockwork way,

But it has nothing to do with clocks.

It's like science sometimes makes us believe that we live in a clockwork type universe or a mechanistic universe that this plus this equals this.

And that's sort of how life is because that's how this human brain is designed.

Well,

As soon as we start asking ourselves deep questions like the meaning of the universe,

Why does this happen?

Why this?

Why that?

It seems to send our brain into endless loops,

Endlessly confusing loops,

Because it's almost like no matter how our brain tries to figure it out,

We end up circling back saying,

Yeah,

But why that?

But why that?

Yeah,

But why that?

But why that?

And it almost,

Well,

It indicates to us that our brain actually can't answer it.

Well,

That's frustrating.

So a lot of spiritual paths like Tantra say,

But you have other pathways of understanding beyond the brain,

Beyond language.

And if we can tap into those other pathways of understanding,

We may be able to satisfy these questions.

It's kind of like you're sitting by the ocean and you're watching the ocean.

Why is it soothing?

If you try to explain it with your words,

It's hard.

Oh,

Well,

It's the vast expanse of the ocean and the sound that is soothing to my nervous system that causes a.

.

.

You can try,

But that's not really it.

And once you've finished trying to explain it,

You just sit while you seem to commune with the ocean.

You seem to just commune with it.

It could be nature.

It could be a mountain.

It could be watching dogs play or anything.

There's more going on than just what our mind can explain.

So this is the path of Tantra.

Can we begin with a physical experience and bring ourself to a place of knowing,

But it's almost like we're going either beneath or above the conscious mind.

And that's the only way we're going to get there.

And that's the journey of the Vijnana Bhairava Tantra is,

How do we experience the truth?

How do we experience what's really the nature of the world without our words?

Because our words won't get us there.

So today's class,

We're essentially going to read Sutra number 70 for anyone who has the book.

Sutra number 70 for anyone who has the book.

And this is a very strange Sutra.

This is quite different than most.

I almost skipped it because it's a funny one.

But here we are.

So today I'm going to read the Sutra.

We're going to have a conversation about it.

We're going to dive a bit deeper into it.

And then we're going to do a meditation.

So let's close our eyes.

Let's just breathe deeply for a moment.

Let's imagine the experiences we can have out in the world that our brains can understand.

We can imagine maybe walking down the street or driving a car or catching a ball.

All these things that our brains can understand.

And then let's release that which our brains can understand and go into a deeper place within us as we breathe.

That part of you that has always been there.

That was the same when you were six years old.

It will be the same when you're 90.

Maybe it was the same before you came to earth.

The soul energy within us.

This eternal self.

And let's just breathe into that space.

Maybe you feel it in your heart center.

Where the lungs expand around this sacred space.

Sting of a wasp.

Rip of a nail.

A razor's slice.

The needles plunge.

A piercing word.

A stab of betrayal.

The boundary crossed.

A trust broken.

In this lacerating moment,

Pain is all you know.

Life is tattooing scripture into your flesh.

Scribing incandescence in your nerves.

Right here in this single searing point of intolerable concentration.

Wound becomes portal.

Brokenness surrenders to crystalline brilliance of being.

What is your reaction to that sutra?

What are the feelings that come up?

Or what words float through your mind when you hear it?

It sounds like trauma and healing.

Trust the process.

Hopeful.

Life's experiences.

Wound becomes portal.

Learning lessons.

There is wisdom in pain.

Wound becomes portal.

My brain wants to know how.

Pain relieves,

Reveals paths we otherwise don't see.

My grandmother just passed.

I was there with her when she went.

The tattooing scripture is what that felt like.

Growth is light and dark.

Why did you want to skip this?

Talk about that.

It reminds me of the situation that brought me to consistent meditation.

When physical and mental pain is so overwhelming,

You have to surrender to the void.

It feels like what our mind can't comprehend the pain and seeks healing in itself,

But it isn't there,

Because we are more than our minds.

The wound is where the light enters you.

It's funny,

You know,

Jen asked why,

Why would I think about skipping this one?

And even as I'm sitting here,

Even though we are all around the world,

I feel this uprising of sadness in me.

Like I'm literally like tears are coming to my eyes.

And I think that's what I was avoiding.

Diving into the collective experience of pain.

And I don't know everyone else,

I don't know everyone who's here,

Right?

I'm in a pain flare right now.

So this feels so spot on.

There's a crack in everything.

That's how the light gets in.

Leonard Cohen.

There is always light in the darkness.

We need dark to appreciate light.

It is a very heavy sutra.

I'm so happy you didn't skip it.

What number is the sutra?

It's number 70.

And it's interesting,

Right?

Because my struggle with including this is very similar,

I think sometimes to our spiritual path,

That I want to come on here and be uplifting.

And I want to share happiness.

And there's this idea that,

But isn't that the spiritual path?

That we rise above it,

And that we feel good,

And we see light,

And isn't that the way?

But it's such a challenge,

Right?

Because then all of a sudden,

Life happens.

And then we feel sadness,

And we feel pain.

And we feel like we're failing on our spiritual path,

Because we're struggling.

And why are we still struggling?

I thought I'd already learned this.

And we think that we're no longer on our spiritual path.

Right now in my body,

It's almost shaking.

And I don't know whether it's the collective or whether it's just me,

But I can feel this like shaking in my body.

You know,

I actually assume it's not mine.

But there's such a discomfort in this.

More likely,

Because historically,

We've had to bury our pain.

And it's almost like I feel like we're tapping at it.

And it's like,

That's hard.

It reminds me of this medical procedure where they had to break up the scar tissue to speed healing.

As soon as you'd read the first bits,

I felt the memory of painful past experiences.

I was like,

Oof.

But what's interesting about this sutra,

So the actual,

I'm going to read you a literal translation of it.

This is coming out of this book called the Vijnana Bhairava,

Or Divine Consciousness,

By J.

Davis Singh.

And so this is the literal translation of it.

If one pierces,

At first,

Any limb of one's body,

With a sharp pointed needle,

Etc.

,

And then concentrates on that very spot,

Owing to the intensity of one pointed awareness,

One has access to the pure nature of Bhairava.

Now Bhairava is impossible to describe.

Emotions have such a habit of flooding your body,

And then it's hard to think straight.

So Bhairava is the nature of the universe,

Whatever that is.

And of course,

It's all things.

It isn't just light and love.

It's also pain,

And emptiness,

And void,

And mountains,

And streams,

And thunder,

And lightning.

And one of the translations of Bhairava is terror.

But again,

I don't know whether it's because we've watched too many horror movies.

I don't know what it is.

But it's interesting,

At the same time,

We all know the power in terror,

Or in nature's power.

I remember when we lived on the farm,

And we had a big wraparound porch.

And when you could feel a storm coming,

You knew there was a storm coming,

There was that wind,

You could almost smell the electricity in the air.

And we would walk out on the porch,

And there would be a quiet.

And then the wind would pick up.

And you could feel it gaining momentum.

And there was this excitement inside of you like,

It's going to be good.

It's going to be good.

That is Bhairava.

That is real life.

And I think one of the challenges is,

You know,

Because of our training,

Or because of our life,

Or whatever,

Our lack of spiritual training,

Truly spiritual training,

We don't know how to interpret the world.

And we believe that only comfort is a success.

Only pleasure is desired.

But what if there are great things to learn from all things?

So one of the questions this sutra asks us to ask is,

Where does the sensation of pain come from?

So again,

You don't have to actually pierce your skin with something sharp.

But that's actually what the sutra says.

But you know,

Not recommended.

But even like right now,

If you were to take your fingernail and press it into your skin,

And like press it in,

Like don't don't do it slowly,

Press it in,

Make a feeling of pain.

Where do we actually experience that pain?

Do we experience it at the point of entry of the nail?

Is that where we experience it?

If for some reason,

The nerves had been cut between,

Let's say I was poking my finger,

But there was no nerve endings going to that,

Would I feel pain there?

No,

Right?

And so that somehow the pain comes from this nerve going all the way through my body to my central nervous system up to my brain.

And my brain processes it as pain,

My brain tells me that this is a sensation of pain.

And again,

It's a good thing,

Right?

It keeps us from touching hot elements and walking through fires.

And you know,

There's a reason that we have a pain response.

But to fully understand that our interpretation of pleasure and pain is in our mind.

It's a huge deal.

And again,

It doesn't mean things aren't painful.

That's not it.

They are.

But where is the sensation?

And again,

This isn't a question of,

Oh,

That pain is in your brain,

In your mind,

And it's not real.

This isn't the point of this Sutra.

The point of the Sutra is to experience God,

To experience Bhairava,

To experience the true nature of life.

So if you imagine the point of pain,

And again,

If you just sort of stick your finger,

Your fingernail into your palm or your hand,

And you can sort of feel the point of entry,

And then you can feel the pathway that that impression has to make to go to the brain.

And then you can feel the energy of life that interprets it as pain.

This is Bhairava.

I'm going to read you a little quote here.

Concentrate on the spot which causes the pain,

And then with the same intensity of awareness,

Move your consciousness towards the source of that pain.

If you are able to follow it to the source,

You will find that it is none other than the pure nature of Bhairava.

Even like right now,

Imagine,

So I'm sitting here and I'm wiggling my toes.

Just wiggle your toes wherever you are.

Wiggle your toes.

So you can feel the experience of the toes wiggling,

But follow the path of that sensation.

Like how are you actually feeling it?

There's something telling you what that feels like.

Something inside of you,

An energy,

A wisdom,

Something.

The challenge with this also is that when I say follow the path to the core to find that feeling of Bhairava,

It's beyond words.

It's beyond words.

It's beyond words.

We've now passed beyond words,

And what's interesting is in the tantric path,

There are different kinds of practices.

One is called anava apaya,

And these words are important,

But there's like anava apaya,

Which is when you use tools to have an awakening.

You use pranayama.

You use asana.

You use meditation techniques.

You use something like piercing the skin to have an experience.

This is an anava apaya,

They call it.

Then they have another level called shakta apaya,

Which isn't really important today,

But then there's one called sambhava apaya,

Which is the highest level of awareness,

Which is essentially without thought.

It's like a state of unbroken thoughtlessness,

They call it.

It's when you experience life in a very subtle way,

And that's what this sutra is all about,

To let us experience something in the physical that we can tangibly feel,

But then slowly allow that awareness to become more and more and more and more subtle.

Of course,

By the time we get to the pure,

Subtle place,

We have no words anymore,

And as soon as we have no words,

We are experiencing reality.

We are experiencing Bhairava.

It's very,

Very interesting.

The other interesting aspect of this,

And we'll play with it in the meditation,

But but in the eight limbs of yoga,

One of the eight limbs is called dharana,

And dharana means one-pointed concentration.

Let's imagine you're here in life,

And you've got a million things you're thinking about.

You're thinking about,

Oh,

I've got to do this later,

And there's this,

And now I've got to call that person,

And then there's that thing that person said to me.

I'm thinking about all these things,

And just imagine this right now,

And then all of a sudden,

And let's do this.

You're thinking about all these things,

And then all of a sudden,

You take your nail and you jam it into your palm.

Now what are you thinking about?

You jam it in there.

Now you're thinking about that,

So it's sort of this gift of one-pointed awareness that you're like,

Boom.

All the chaos disappears,

And now I'm present.

It's funny,

When I first heard this sutra,

I had this sense of like,

Like,

In some ways,

We're covered in layers of nonsense.

We're covered in layers of rules and obligations,

And we're even covered in layers of emotions,

Drama,

Emotions,

Drama,

Self-pity,

Pride,

All these weird layers of junk piled on top of us,

And every so often,

We need to cut through the nonsense.

Every so often,

We have to feel something real,

But we can get so bogged down in the stories in our mind.

Like if we release the mind,

We release that all together,

And we just experience what's in front of us right now.

Right now,

If every single one of us,

There's 116 people here,

If every person looked around their room right now,

This is all that's happening.

This is the only moment that exists.

In this moment,

It is raw.

There is no nonsense.

There is no extra emotions.

There's no grudges.

There's no anger.

There's no frustrations.

There's no worry about the future.

There's no worry about the past.

There's no nothing.

There's nothing.

Everything that's been added to our raw soul experience is in the mind.

Everything is in the mind.

And so pain is weird.

And again,

It's a dangerous topic,

Because a lot of people struggle with pain.

So I am conscious of that.

So I'm trying to be careful.

And the point of this sutra is that even our sensation of pain is created in the mind.

It's interpreted by the mind.

So imagine all the pain we have experienced in our life,

All the times in our life where we have been stung by a wasp,

Boundaries crossed,

We have been stung by a wasp,

Boundaries crossed,

All these things that he mentions here,

Sting of a wasp,

Rip of a nail,

A razor slice,

The needles plunge,

A piercing word,

A stab of betrayal,

The boundary crossed,

A trust broken.

How much of the pain that we're experiencing right now are memories in the past of these?

And if it can be created,

If it can be interpreted in this moment as pain,

Right?

If I press my nail into my hand,

And I experience this pain right now in my brain,

And it happens deep enough that it creates a story in my brain,

What if I'm still telling that story a year from now?

I may not even be being stung by a wasp right now,

But I'm experiencing the pain of it.

This is the path of yoga.

This is the path of Tantra,

To be so incredibly aware of the power of the brain,

And the power of how the brain shapes our current reality.

What is today going to look like?

You know,

And if it's late night when you're listening to this,

What's tomorrow going to look like?

Is it going to be formed by the pain experiences of our past?

Is it going to be formed by our fears?

Is it going to be formed by our emotions?

Is it going to be formed by things in our brain that aren't even present?

Can you imagine only living in this moment?

What happens to the pain?

What happens to all these things I'm worrying about?

What happens to them?

And what's really interesting is when we release all these things that are in our mind,

That are holding all of these memories of pain,

What do we feel?

What do we feel inside?

Bhairava?

Life force?

Alive?

Ecstasy?

I keep having the words of the Dalai Lama ring through my mind as I'm speaking.

And he once said,

He said,

The only problem is they think they have time.

We think we have time to waste years thinking about the past.

Like we think we have time to waste energy being angry at people instead of just walking forward.

What do I want to do today?

What is today?

What's going on today?

I woke up today.

What's going on today?

You know,

And it's a very interesting thing.

The older you get,

The more the now matters.

Totally.

Freedom.

Inspired.

Try it.

You may like it.

It's a place of peace every moment.

And it's easy to say.

And it's a challenge because we have so many decades of experience of just almost living in a constantly recycled past.

Imagine right now,

We just shake our bodies to shake it off,

Shake it like whatever it is,

Whatever's still holding on,

Just to shake it out,

Shake,

Get rid of it.

It's like,

You know what?

No,

I'm going to live now.

It's enough.

And I'm not spiritually bypassing because I am living now.

Now I'm going to go do stuff.

Now I'm going to do something I love to do.

Now I'm going to live.

I'm going to actually take this beautiful energy,

This Bhairava,

This powerful chi,

However you understand it,

That's flowing through me right now.

I'm going to go do something.

And even if you're doing work,

What do you want to do next?

What's the project you want,

That you're passionate about?

What is it?

It's a touchy subject,

But I think the fact that it's a touchy subject is why it's so important.

Because we've been taught that it's normal to live within these cushions of emotional drama,

Of pride,

Of needing to look a certain way,

Of fears of the past and fears of the future,

Or regrets of the past.

This is normal to live like this.

But then how does anything pierce through that to actually feel alive?

How do we ever feel alive again?

It's taken me 60 years to realize that.

Does anyone have any final things you'd like to share before we do our meditation?

Music is what brings me to life.

All right,

You guys ready?

Let's close our eyes.

You can be sitting,

You can be lying down,

Whatever you like.

So with our eyes closed,

Let's breathe deeply.

Expanding the belly as we inhale,

Contracting as we exhale.

Contracting as we exhale.

And in your mind's eye,

I'd like you to imagine yourself walking down a country road.

And you're barefoot.

The sun is shining and the birds are singing.

Your body is breathing effortlessly.

And all of a sudden you're walking along and you step on a sharp stone.

And you're like,

Ow!

And feel that pain ricochet right through your body,

Like just shoot up through your body,

To your central nervous system,

To your brain.

You're like,

Wow,

That ever hurt.

And just stand there and meditate on this pathway of energy that started in your foot,

Shot up through your body,

Into your mind.

And just meditate on that energy.

And right there on the side of the road,

Just lie down.

There's a beautiful,

Perfect spot for you.

And just lie there,

Feeling your heart pounding,

Remembering the strange shooting pain.

The feeling is no longer in your foot,

But you can trace the path of this energy that shot through your body.

What is this energy?

What is this sharpness that I feel in the length of my body?

Is this life?

Is this my essence?

Can you feel this bright,

Shining light shooting through your body?

And maybe it flows outward.

Maybe it pulses into your aura.

And then for a moment while you're lying there,

Imagine stepping on this,

This stone again.

And feel that light.

And then imagine the point in the brain where this realization of pain seems to come from.

And then imagine the point in the brain where this realization of pain seems to come from.

Can you feel it at all?

Or do you only feel it in the body?

Or does the sensation,

The wisdom that this is pain come from somewhere else?

Does it come from the heart?

Come from somewhere else?

Does it come from the universe?

Does it come from God?

Does it come from Bhairava?

Why is it mostly felt in the body?

So to feel these three aspects,

The physical sharpness in life,

To feel the electrical light response in the body,

And then to connect with this curious source of this wisdom,

Connect with this curious source of this wisdom,

Which seems to be unfeelable,

Like an emptiness and yet an everythingness.

And allow your attention to go to the everythingness.

The source of the wisdom.

You can even feel the bodily experience maybe activating your connection to that source.

You don't have to repeat the pain again because you have the pathway.

You have the electrical channel.

Imagine feeling this electrical channel flowing from your fingertips all the way up your arms to the brain.

Feel these electrical channels from the toes all the way up your body,

Through your torso up into the brain.

Up into the brain.

And allow your mind to rest in the place that all of these electrified channels flow from.

It's like a pulsing with eternity.

Kinshit Angam Vibhidya Adau Tikshna Suchi Adi Natata Tatra Eva Chittanam Yukpa Bharava Nirmala Gati Sting of a wasp,

Rip of a nail,

A razor's slice,

The needles plunge,

A piercing word,

A stab of betrayal,

The boundary crossed,

A trust broken.

In this lacerating moment,

Pain is all you know.

Life is tattooing scripture into your flesh,

Scribing incandescence in your nerves.

Right here in this single searing point of intolerable concentration,

Wound becomes a portal,

Brokenness surrenders to crystalline brilliance,

Let's take a deep breath together.

Exhale and just take a few breaths.

Feeling this energy pulsing through your body.

And feeling yourself in the center of it.

Allow yourself to be thoughtless,

Quiet in the mind.

And just experiencing this energy of life.

Let's take a deep breath in.

Exhale.

Let's open our eyes and come back together.

Thank you so much for being here and I hope you have a wonderful day.

Reviews

Life is tattooing scripture into your flesh… This sutra isn’t strange at all lovely Katrina, it’s a much needed one and I couldn’t have found it at a better time🙏 It helped me find solid ground just when I needed it the most. Thank you for creating this one and helping me tap into pathways beyond the conscious mind. I can’t express enough gratitude for this one and I’ll be saving it as a resource to come back to again and again if needed🙏 From the bottom of my heart ♥️ THANK YOU ♥️

Poignant and timely once again. Thank you I’m glad you didn’t skip this one. 💙🙏🏽