Strengthening Our Protector & The Wisdom Of Vulnerability

We continue our journey of the masculine & feminine as we explore the union of the protector and the vulnerable. We can see this in raising children, friendships, and in society. But mostly, we must look at this within - how our inner protector allows us to access the wisdom within vulnerability.
Please note: This track was recorded live and may contain background noises.

Transcript

So today we are continuing our series about the union of the divine masculine and feminine.

Today we're talking about protector and vulnerability.

And these are two aspects of duality.

If you're new to this series,

You can always watch the other ones or listen to the other ones.

But essentially,

If you imagine the universal concepts of masculine and feminine,

It's not about gender,

Especially in this dynamic,

It's not about gender.

But if you imagine that there is a oneness,

Spiritually we say this is God,

Consciousness,

Brahman,

However you understand that.

From there,

It splits into two and we get to experience other.

This is duality.

Even though everything we are experiencing is actually part of the oneness,

It's almost like the dimension we're living in is duality.

So suddenly we get to see ourself in other time and space.

So this is duality.

In that duality,

We interact with each other.

And so these energies manifested into male and female in animals for the purpose of procreation and what have you.

But that's not the universal energy.

The universal energies can happen in all beings all the time.

So sometimes it's easier to imagine these dynamics in androgynous beings and to just imagine the duality between two beings,

How they interact back and forth.

So there's a lot of dynamics that we've already talked about.

Giving and receiving,

Structure and chaos is what we talked about last week.

And this week we're talking about the protector and the vulnerable.

So you can imagine if two beings are together and one is in a vulnerable way and the other one will protect them,

It will create a bond.

This is an interaction.

It isn't that the vulnerable one is weak.

This is a great example in the wild.

You know the lions.

A lioness is just as powerful as a lion.

But if she's had cubs,

She is in a vulnerable state because she can't fight because she has to protect the cubs first.

So she is the vulnerable and the lion is the protector.

And this creates a bond.

And as long as she can trust him,

She can then focus on protecting the cubs.

And this is the same with us and it's very important for us to really think about this because one of the number one things we have to talk about in this union of the masculine and feminine is that the feminine isn't weak.

This is what we've been taught in all the dynamics.

That the feminine is weaker than the masculine.

And that's why the masculine is so much more important in this patriarchal paradigm.

In this domination paradigm.

This idea that the feminine is nothing.

And this is important in this because we need to learn that the vulnerable is very important.

It's not only important,

It's the source of wisdom.

It's the source of truth.

It's the source of our raw potential.

It isn't weak.

So in all of these dynamics,

There will be times that each one of us will be in a vulnerable state and other times it will be the protector.

And this is really important because oftentimes we want to polarize.

We want to always be the protector.

We always want to be the strong one.

We never want to be vulnerable.

And we've been taught this.

We've been taught that you want to oppress your emotions.

You don't ever want to look vulnerable.

It's a dog-eat-dog world out there.

You must always be strong.

And what happens is that dynamic,

That imbalance of the masculine and feminine,

You imagine what that looks like inside.

If you were to picture a yin-yang symbol.

But the yang is overpowering the yin.

If we believe this,

And most of us have been taught this.

And most of us had to do it in,

Say,

The schoolyard when we were children.

So we learned it very young.

Maybe we've had to do it in a work environment.

Maybe we've had to do it in relationships or even amongst our siblings growing up.

But when we have this huge protector and we don't allow the vulnerable,

That goes into all aspects of our lives.

So then all of a sudden,

What if you actually want to experience true intimacy with another person?

I'm not even talking about sexual.

It goes there,

But actual emotional bonding with another person.

If you have walled off your vulnerable self,

You can't connect with another person.

And then what happens?

We just feel alone.

We feel like no one understands us.

We feel like no one loves us.

That we're not lovable,

That there's something wrong with us.

All kinds of things happen.

And it's all because we've been taught that there's something wrong with the feminine.

There's something wrong with vulnerability.

There's something wrong with emotions.

There's something wrong with that raw state of being that doesn't have this protector over it.

It's just what it is.

Sometimes we go the other way and we don't want to have any protector and we want to just be vulnerable all the time.

We just want to have our emotions on our sleeve and crying and this and just kind of a mess all over this place all the time.

And I mean that,

A mess.

I'm not saying that the feminine is a mess.

I'm saying the feminine without masculine is a mess.

We must be in balance.

We must have this inner dance of the vulnerable and the protector all the time or else everything goes amok.

We are whole beings.

We want to thrive.

And so then these two aspects of duality have to dance and play with each other and feed each other and strengthen each other.

Because,

For example,

If someone is perceived as being very open,

Very vulnerable,

Very all over the place,

Very emotional,

Always sort of one thing to the next to the next to the next,

Are they really connecting with their deepest self?

Like,

Really?

Or are they just flowing with whatever emotion pops into their brain,

Whatever drama pops in,

Whatever trauma is being relived?

Are they really actually going deep into the core?

This is where having a strong protector is so powerful.

When you have a protector at your side,

You can go deep.

And even if you kind of really go deep into that stuff,

The protector is there to make sure you can do it in safety.

And then there's no flailing needed.

We don't have to lose our minds because there's someone at the door taking care of us.

And then what happens is the more we trust that person at the door,

The deeper we can go,

The deeper we can go.

And then we have a chance at actually getting to the core of what might be wrong.

Like,

I remember when,

Back in 1999,

I was sick.

I had breast lymphs.

And I chose not to do medicine for a million reasons.

You could read that in my book,

What If You Could Skip the Cancer.

And for quite a while,

So my children were age 2 and 4,

And for quite a while I could live a relatively normal life.

I was working with a spiritual teacher that had magically dropped into my life,

Named Jim.

I was having all kinds of aha moments,

And I was trying to figure things out,

And dark nights of the soul,

And it was all good.

It was all good.

Until I came to a point that I actually couldn't go any deeper inside the dark nights because I still was a mom.

I had to take care of the children.

I had to be there for them,

Even if all they needed was an orange juice.

I had to be there for them.

And ages 2 and 4,

They have a lot of needs.

They are still extremely dependent on me.

But I had a sense that I was stagnating.

There was a realization that I was supposed to be coming to,

And I couldn't get there because no matter how deep I went into that raw,

Vulnerable,

Broken,

Traumatized state,

I kept having to come out too soon.

So eventually I asked my dad and his wife if they would take the children for the rest of my healing journey.

I didn't know how long it would be.

I didn't know anything.

All I knew was I was really crashing and burning inside,

But I needed to follow the crashing and burning.

I needed to go deeper into places.

I'd never been allowed to go because I always had to take care of everybody.

So my dad took my kids,

And I was able to crash and burn.

I was able to go into those deep,

Deep,

Vulnerable places that maybe weren't even mine.

I mean,

All the women in my family had died of breast cancer or ovarian cancer or some kind of what they would call a woman's cancer.

I needed to have the freedom to go into that.

And so this is what I had.

My life would create the protector.

My husband was so supportive.

He was everything.

And he,

Of course,

Had just watched my mom die a few years before that and was quite frightened.

He would have done it anyway,

But it was an extra support,

Extra power around me as I dove deep.

The ability to go into that place is powerful.

Vulnerability is powerful.

I wasn't in a weak state.

I was in a raw state.

I was in a traumatized state.

I was in a place of going into all the corners of my soul.

And I didn't need to spend any time protecting myself from anyone,

Which is also why in that time when I was sick,

I didn't tell a lot of people what I was going through.

I even distanced myself from my sisters,

Not completely.

They knew I was sick,

But they didn't know all the details.

They didn't know all the details of those really painful,

Vulnerable places that I was going into because they were raised by the same woman that I was.

And my mom was awesome.

She was like an angel.

But that was kind of the problem because in our family,

You couldn't say anything against mom.

You couldn't say anything against what an incredible woman she was.

And I had to go into the dark places that maybe there were some things amok in her,

In her line,

In the women's line.

And I didn't tell my in-laws.

I didn't tell friends.

I didn't tell anybody.

There was maybe a handful of people,

Including my husband and Jim,

Who knew what was really going on.

So why would I do that?

Why would I keep that to myself?

Because if I shared it with them,

They wouldn't like it,

Or they might try to attack what I was saying.

And I mean attack.

If you've ever gone through a dark night of the soul,

And you made the mistake of sharing it with the wrong person,

And here you are sharing this really deeply vulnerable part of you,

And they say,

I mean,

What do you expect?

You can't,

You know,

And they just say something.

Or,

Well,

That's not really the way it was.

They maybe didn't even mean anything by it,

Or they simply have that habit of being very uncomfortable when people are very open and vulnerable.

So they're just trying to say something to make you feel better.

But the goal wasn't to feel better.

I had to keep digging.

I had to keep going down until I found the root.

So if I was to share this with anybody who thought that they should pull me up out of the well,

They only wreck my progress.

And it's easy to say this now,

But again,

Anybody here who's ever been in a dark night of the soul,

It's messy and confusing,

And your whole world just falls apart.

I mean that's kind of the definition of the dark night of the soul,

That everything you've ever believed up until this point doesn't make any sense.

And you have to let it all go,

And it's like you've lost all your moorings in life.

That's easy to talk about,

But when you're in the middle of it,

It is a horrible feeling.

This is vulnerability.

Is it weak,

Or is it powerful?

It's just very important to ponder this,

Because in this protector-vulnerable role,

Because again,

One of the number one reasons we're afraid of this is we don't want to be vulnerable,

Because this world is kind of cruel.

And so we've had to learn to protect our vulnerable side.

But what does that mean?

If we always have our protector up,

How do we grow?

How do we actually learn?

How do we actually access our deepest truths if we've always got to have our protector up,

Like our over-protector up?

So this protector that we're going to talk about,

This protector-invulnerable,

We're going to talk about how it works in raising children,

How it could work with our friends,

With caring for elderly parents,

How it could work at our job.

The first thing I really want to talk about is how it works within us.

Because how it works within us is how we will treat everyone else.

That's the beginning pattern.

How we treat our inner feminine,

Whether we respect our masculine protector,

Will dictate all the patterns in all of our life.

So for me,

My pattern historically was that my inner vulnerable self didn't matter.

Because I was strong.

I was superwoman.

I could do anything.

So what happened is I would be perpetually throwing myself to the wolves.

Didn't matter what it was.

Oh yeah,

I can do that.

I can do that too.

I can do that.

Oh,

You did something that really hurt me?

That's okay.

I'm not going to show you.

I'm not going to tell you.

I'm not going to do anything.

Because you know what?

I can take it.

You're not going to get the better of me.

You're not going to see my weakness.

I'm not going to give you the satisfaction of knowing that you hurt me.

I had such a strong overprotector.

But what was happening was my inner child,

My inner self,

My inner vulnerable feminine,

Was getting hurt.

My overprotective self might think he's doing a good job.

But the bottom line is if he throws us to the wolves,

She's still the one that gets eaten.

He's not actually connected to her.

He's not actually protecting her.

It's not true.

So for any of you guys who've read my book,

You already know this story.

And I might have shared it here on InsightTimer before.

But one of the stories that didn't get into my book,

What If You Could Skip the Cancer,

Was actually what happened the night before the lumps left.

And for anyone who's new,

I had breast lumps over a period of a few months in a pile of dark nights of the soul and,

I don't know,

Realizations and help from this man Jim.

The lumps actually came right out the side of my breast and healed,

Like,

Completely,

Perfectly.

And that was 24 years ago.

But the night before,

I was sitting there,

And I knew Nelda then.

Lots of you guys have met my intuitive friend,

Nelda.

We weren't friends at this point.

She was just my healthcare practitioner.

And the funny thing is is she had actually been avoiding my calls.

My tendency also is that if I'm struggling,

I want to call a friend.

I want to call a lifeline.

I want to talk about it.

I want to know what you think,

Especially if I have respect for you.

If I think you're smarter or more intuitive than me,

It's almost like I want to skip the deep dive and just let you read me and just give me your psychic perception and then I don't have to go into those corners I don't want to go into.

And sometimes I just like doing it because it's the right thing to do.

But anyway,

I don't know whether Nelda sensed that I wasn't supposed to talk to her,

But for weeks before this night,

I would call her,

And she just wouldn't answer her phone.

Because,

Of course,

This was before cell phones,

Right?

And she could see that it was my number calling,

And she just never answered.

So rude.

And then one day,

On a side note,

That's one of the most interesting things I've ever heard about teachers in my life,

Like real teachers.

They know when to be there,

And they know when to disappear.

They know when to make you find your own truth.

And anyway,

She was not playing with me for a while.

And so one night,

I kept seeing myself at Nelda's place,

And she lived in this cabin in the woods.

So I called her,

And I was in agony.

The lumps had come,

They were about an inch and a half out the side of my breast,

And it was almost like all the pain in my body was just focused in that place,

And then it was just radiating out,

And I was having these shocks kind of going through my body,

Like it was just,

It was so painful.

But I kept seeing Nelda,

So I called her,

And she answered.

And I said,

I think I'm supposed to see you.

And she said,

Yep,

Okay,

Come on over.

So I picked up a sub from Subway,

Because she was making dinner with her friends,

And I didn't really know her that well.

I just knew her as a practitioner.

So over I went,

And I'm sitting there,

And her friends were quite funky,

Right?

They were also really intuitive and interested in all these spiritual things.

And I was still pretty new.

I mean,

I was 29 at the time,

And they're kind of doing their thing and doing their thing and making dinner and just chit-chatting and stuff,

And I'm just sort of sitting in the corner like a zombie.

And I've got all these shocks going through my system,

And I'm kind of just zoned out.

It was almost like I was so deep in the hole,

I couldn't even interact with people.

So then all of a sudden,

They finish their meal,

And Nelda's friend comes over,

And she sits down in front of me,

And she gazes into my eyes,

And she says,

You sent your inner child away a long time ago because it wasn't safe.

And everybody else is just like sitting there eating,

Like this is just normal conversation,

And this was not normal conversation for me at the time.

Today,

Maybe it's not so odd,

But at the time,

I didn't even know what to say to her.

She didn't even know I was sick.

I was just some weird friend of Nelda's that popped over and sat in the corner and ate a six-inch sub.

And so she looked at me,

And she said,

Do you want to bring your inner child back?

And I was like,

Yes?

I wasn't used to these spiritually loaded questions.

And she said,

Well,

You have to promise yourself that you'll take care of her,

That you won't throw her to the wolves,

But you'll still let her out and play and have fun,

But you have to promise that you'll protect her.

And I realized in that moment that I actually had to think about this.

Was I willing to change how I wanted to be perceived by others enough that I would actually protect myself?

And it's a huge question,

Because taking care of my inner child would mean saying no to people,

Being honest with people,

Telling people that I was tired,

Telling people that I wasn't up to it.

I would have to shed my superwoman cape.

I would have to,

I don't know,

Be a lowly human with emotions and uncomfortable truths.

Like,

It's a big question.

So I sat with it for a while,

And eventually I said,

Yes,

I do want to protect her.

And so she said,

Okay,

Close your eyes and picture a place where your inner child wants to go.

And instantly this picture of a wingback chair with bookshelves behind it came to mind.

And of course I started arguing with it,

Because that's stupid,

Right?

Like,

What little child wants to sit in a wingback chair with bookshelves behind?

Me,

This inner child,

That's where I want to be.

I want to be in a wingback chair surrounded by books.

So eventually I stopped arguing with myself,

And I closed my eyes and I said,

Okay,

I've got it.

And I don't know what she did.

She did say some fancy words and,

I don't know,

Snapped her fingers or did something.

But instantly there was a little girl,

Me,

Sitting on the wingback chair,

And I had this,

Like,

Dorothy Hamill cut,

Which some of you guys won't know,

But she was a figure skater back in the 70s,

And my hair was like that.

It was sort of all,

Like,

In this little,

Cute little bowl cut.

And there I was,

Sitting in the wingback chair.

This is a really big deal,

Internally,

For every single one of us to know that we all have this important,

Vulnerable self.

And it doesn't have to be seen as an inner child.

There's a lot of inner child work,

Which isn't really what we're talking about here.

But it's an interesting example of the seed of who we truly are.

That child is,

In a scientific way,

Like my stem cell.

This is who I really am.

Am I willing to protect that?

Am I willing to hold that sacred?

No matter what comes my way,

Am I willing to stand guard so that this acorn grows into the oak tree she's supposed to grow into?

Am I willing to do that,

Even though society might say this,

And my parents might say this,

And friends might have this opinion?

Am I willing to have solid boundaries,

Sometimes walls,

Against certain people?

Do I think that that vulnerable,

Sensitive,

Sprouting seed is important enough to honour?

And it's a philosophical question.

It's just something to ask.

Is it more important to me to be perceived as strong,

Powerful,

There all the time for everyone,

Uber-responsible?

Which is more important?

The perceived powerful masculine or the growing feminine?

And of course,

This is where we understand how important their connection is.

One isn't more important than the other.

We have to have both,

Or else my little seedling will get taken down in the next storm.

So then you imagine how this translates into,

Say,

Raising children.

If I believe that I am a precious seedling,

And my protector is connected to that seedling and creates an environment for her to flourish and grow and thrive,

How would I see children?

Children are the ultimate vulnerable avatar.

So we create this protection.

And again,

So we can also see where this goes awry.

What if we're overly protective?

What if I've been hurt in my life?

Let's come back to me or us individually.

If we've been hurt in our life and we're afraid to be hurt,

Our protector rises and doesn't let anybody in.

Well,

That's like my inner child getting locked in that chair and she's not allowed to go outside and she's not allowed to smell the,

I don't know,

The flowers and play with the birds and hang out with the dog.

And she just sits there.

And what happens?

She just slowly kind of dies.

She disappears.

Obviously,

If we do that to our children,

They never grow.

They never expand.

But neither do we.

And this is a huge problem because in many,

Many societies,

And this is for all genders,

But it's specifically hard for men.

Because you have to be tough.

You can't show emotions.

You can't be sad.

You can't be disappointed.

You can't grieve.

You can't do anything.

Women pick this up too.

But it is specifically hard for most men.

And that's interesting and what happens?

We feel alone.

We feel far away from other people.

Nobody understands us.

All these things we mentioned earlier.

So we can't be overly protective.

And then sometimes it goes the other direction.

And we're like,

You know what?

I'm not dealing with this patriarchy anymore.

I'm going to feel every emotion I ever want and it goes the other way.

And the feminine wants to live and it beats down the protector and says,

I don't need you.

I can be free.

I can feel.

I can,

You know,

Blah,

Blah,

Blah.

And that's where we're a walking mess.

That's like a child saying,

Nope,

I'm not listening to you.

I'm going to do whatever I want,

Blah,

Blah,

Blah.

And you know,

It's like a child playing in traffic.

Because a healthy protector says,

Don't run out in traffic.

I'm not talking about protectors saying,

You can't go out with your friends and you can't do this and you can't do this.

Those are danger zones.

But a healthy protector,

If the child says,

Well,

I'm just going to do whatever I want,

They walk out of the street.

And what happens?

We need the balance.

It's so,

So important.

It's interesting,

You know,

In the Tantric perspective,

It's always about the merging of the divine and the physical.

The merging of the masculine and feminine.

And within that,

We find so much bliss.

And so often we think that Tantra is about,

You know,

Sexual intimacy and all that kind of thing.

And like all things,

Tantra can be applied to anything like that.

But instead,

Imagine the bliss of that inner union.

Imagine right now the bliss of your vulnerable self being allowed to breathe.

And when you think of your vulnerable self,

What is it really?

It's truth.

It's you in your most raw state.

No programs,

No judgments,

No shoulds and ought tos.

It's just you.

Now imagine you have this beautiful,

Protective energy within you.

I see it almost like a dome,

Almost.

Like there's this dome of protection.

And within that dome,

You are just you.

You don't put up any false fronts.

Nothing.

And together you explore this truth.

You explore the wisdom of who you really are.

You don't have to be clever.

You don't have to be strong.

You don't have to be wounded.

You don't have to carry anything.

You're just you.

Can you feel how beautiful that is?

That feeling of oneness?

And within that oneness,

Your genuine self exists.

Then you imagine taking that self and you go out into the world.

And it's just that strong.

You have this amazing protective shield.

And inside,

You have this amazing garden growing of who you really are.

Who you really are.

The rawest self that you are.

And then maybe you meet another person who also has this beautiful inner protector and raw inner garden.

And you start to chit-chat and you realize,

Well,

They're pretty nice.

I invite them into my garden.

I think they're pretty trustworthy.

I think they'll step carefully.

I think they'll maybe even love my inner garden.

So sitting on a couch,

Having a nice cup of tea,

You slowly merge together.

You slowly start to share some of the things that are in your garden.

And they start to share some of the things that are in their garden.

And it's like your beings start to merge together.

You start to get to experience each other's inner gardens.

And then when it's time to go home,

Everyone goes off in their wholeness back to their homes.

Can you feel how beautiful that is?

And then maybe you find someone like that that you actually want.

You feel erotic energy,

Eros,

With them as well.

Can you imagine what's possible there?

When you actually are able to sit together and slowly share every single corner of that inner garden with the other.

And maybe they not only love it,

They nourish that seed.

And you have this beautiful merging together.

From there,

Maybe you have beautiful,

Deep,

Heartfelt discussions.

Or maybe you make love.

Maybe you have wonderful pillow talk.

But that feeling of being totally merged together,

This is what we're made for.

And this is why it's so important to have that in wholeness.

Because that way,

When you meet someone,

You'll be able to tell if it's safe to let them inside.

Not everybody gets to merge with you this way.

We've been raised in a very difficult world.

And people not only don't have strong inner protectors,

They aren't connected to their own inner garden.

They don't understand what a sensitive ecosystem it is.

They don't understand how precious and sacred it is.

And if we open ourselves to them,

What's going to happen?

They're going to stomp all over it,

And they're going to not be careful.

And all of a sudden,

We've opened our hearts because somewhere deep inside of us,

We know that merging is real.

So we open up,

And they come in,

And now suddenly we are hurt.

We are damaged.

Because that inner ecosystem got stomped on.

So it's a very interesting thing,

And that's where it has to start with us.

Because once we see it,

And we see how beautiful it is,

We are just very careful who we let in.

And it's not that we can't interact with people,

We just don't merge with them.

We don't share what's inside the bubble.

That's only for people who also have a healthy bubble,

So that they'll honor it too.

And the beautiful thing is,

When we understand this ourselves,

It just flows everywhere.

It flows into someone at work is having a hard time,

And maybe we need to step in and advocate for them.

Or maybe we have an aging parent,

And they're struggling,

So we step in and we advocate for them.

Because that person's vulnerable state is important.

We're not trying to fix them.

We're just honoring their important,

Vulnerable time.

I'm going to leave it there for now.

And I'm going to put my glasses on,

And I'd love to answer any questions you may have.

How do you know that you're ready to let someone in,

That your protector is strong enough?

Maybe we don't.

Maybe it's experiential learning.

We open a little bit.

It's like I keep seeing this sphere.

And so within that sphere,

You have this beautiful protector,

And you have this beautiful garden.

And then when you're ready to connect with someone or share that inner vulnerability,

It's like the spheres become permeable,

And you start to let the other bubble permeate your bubble.

And this is where our own awareness comes in,

Our own consciousness comes in.

Because sometimes we have programs in our head that say,

Well,

You should let this happen,

And it overrides our awareness.

Like we're overriding whether or not this is actually hurting or not.

We have to actually feel what's happening in the garden.

And so if we have a program that says,

Well,

You should do this,

We're not actually paying attention to the feminine,

Right?

We're just overriding her.

But if we stay conscious,

And we honor our inner garden,

The second that merging begins,

And all of a sudden it's like,

Oh,

And they just like pulled a flower,

Or they hurt something,

We're going to go,

Whoa,

Whoa,

Whoa.

Why would you say that?

Oh,

For God's sake,

You're being too sensitive.

And then all that happens is you just pull out,

And you're no longer permeable.

As soon as we realize that this person doesn't honor sacred gardens,

We pull back out.

And that's it.

Like it's just,

Oh,

Okay.

And again,

We don't even have to judge them.

They're not connected at all within,

Or else they wouldn't have done it.

And then we can maybe try again later.

But I think it's quite a,

I don't want to say trial and error.

I think it's just experience.

I think we go out into the world,

And we meet someone like,

Oh,

Wow,

You're really cool.

Or maybe it's family,

Or maybe it's others.

And so we try,

And we must stay aware.

We must listen to our emotions.

We must listen to our vulnerability.

And if it doesn't feel right,

We gently withdraw.

And I think that's the key.

As long as we are connected,

We'll be fine.

How do I find my garden?

I think the path is overgrown with weeds.

I know you're being funny,

But I really believe it's just through our emotions.

I deeply believe in this time,

In the year 2023,

I believe that everything we need is hiding in plain sight.

Nothing's that complicated.

So the simple fact that when someone does something,

And you feel a certain way,

That's all you need to know.

And you play with that emotion,

And you dive deeply into that emotion.

And that's how we find the garden.

It's so beautiful,

And yet in so many relationships,

There can be problems,

And yet so much that's good and right,

And reason to stay.

It's complicated.

Totally.

And we're not islands.

There's a million interesting pieces.

But I do believe,

I genuinely believe,

That even in a complicated relationship,

Where there are many reasons to stay,

I think when something is amuck,

I think looking at it benefits everyone.

It's like,

Nelda,

Let's keep talking about Nelda.

Nelda,

My friend,

For anyone who's joining late,

Takes care of my son's puppy Storm on Thursdays.

So I was over at her place yesterday having coffee,

And she was saying,

You know,

It was the weirdest thing.

She goes,

I kept walking into my apartment,

And there was some weird smell.

I couldn't figure out what the smell was,

But it was grossing me out.

Like,

I didn't even want to eat.

Well,

It turns out,

Because I buy Storm,

The puppy,

These knuckle bones for her to chew on,

These bones were sitting in the corner of Nelda's office,

And the smell was finally getting to her.

That's like issues in relationships with people we really love.

And I'm not really talking about siblings and stuff.

I'm talking about partners who we've loved for decades.

But there's something in the corner that we just can't sort out.

That's like those bones in the corner just stinking.

Like,

It doesn't matter how much we want to not look at it.

I deeply believe that when we pray,

I'm a very prayerful person.

And when I say pray,

I mean I ask for guidance.

We have these upper chakras for a reason.

We ask for guidance.

Guidance comes,

And you say the thing,

Or you do the thing.

You have a vision of you doing this together,

Or you have a vision of talking about this,

Or watching this movie,

Or something.

But your intention is to get to the root of whatever it is,

Because you love them,

Because you want this relationship to thrive.

You don't want to have any bones in the corner.

I believe in that.

And the cool thing is,

Is if we can do the one thing,

I think there's a ripple effect out,

Because it's sort of connected to other things.

Thank you so much for being here,

And I hope you have a wonderful day.

Reviews

i am currently going through a dark night of the soul with the death of my husband. i loved how you talked about the balance. i have some friends that i can be vulnerable with and dive into the deep end of the spiritual pool (as i like to say). your explanation of other people i know that can’t or won’t go there helped me realize i’m not being stoic around them. i’m being aware that this is not a safe place for baby al (my name for my little girl). and that it’s okay to protect her and keep her safe.

i also have an old dear friend who is very intuitive and these last ten months she has been distant. you helped me see she’s not being cold or cruel. she’s allowing me to have this time in my journey to have the deep experience i need - and my intuition says she’ll reappear at a time when her presence is not distracting me from the deep inner work going on in my heart right now

I am in (grateful) tears! This talk brought so many things into focus for me. Thank you Katrina ✌🏼💕🌼