Remember Who You Are: Radiance Sutras Verse 111

During this session, we discuss Verse 111 of the Yukti Verses from the 'Radiance Sutras', a translation of the Vijanana Bhairava Tantra by Lorin Loche. A meditation follows our discussion.

These sessions are recorded every week, and all are welcome.

Transcript

So today we are reading from the Radiant Sutras,

Which is a beautiful book written by Lauren Roche,

Where he has written poetic interpretations of the Vijnana Bhairava Tantra,

Which is a beautiful ancient text that comes out of Kashmir Shaivism.

And the intention of it is to help us experience both our divinity and our physical life.

Because this is a real foundation of Tantra,

That we aren't meant to not live this life.

We're not meant to try to transcend our human experience to experience,

You know,

Bliss or whatever.

But that bliss is meant to be experienced here,

In the body,

In the world.

So we dive into the physical experience,

But we actually can dive into the physical experience more when we're also connected to our divine self.

That's actually what today's sutra is all about.

It's all about focusing on that divine self.

And the more we feel connected to that divinity,

It's almost like we can relax more about whatever the personality is going through.

They would discern between the self,

With a capital S,

And the individual self,

Which is our personality.

This is Katrina,

You know,

This is how I was incarnated,

This is what I'm named,

This is what I do.

That's my life here in maya,

That's my life here on earth.

But I am also atman,

I am also divinity.

You know,

It's almost like if we had special glasses,

We could see who we truly are.

But we are both.

We are the physical and we are the divine.

So that's what our sutra is about today.

So let's close our eyes,

Wherever we are.

Just breathe deeply.

And let go of any thoughts or worries or anything that's been rolling through your mind.

Just come into the breath.

Alright,

Here we go.

There is no image you can hold,

No thought you can think,

That encompasses the great self.

Your essence is immortal and unchanging,

Yet it is the foundation for all that moves.

Rest in the shimmering emptiness that is the source of this world and remember who you are.

How does that make you feel?

Are there words that sort of roll in your mind when you hear that?

This feels so timely for this Scorpio full moon.

Interesting.

We are all source energy.

Your essence is immortal and all-changing.

My intention this week is exactly that,

Remembering who I am beneath the stories.

Speechless.

Shimmering emptiness.

Oh,

To achieve it.

Yes,

I feel this too.

This is so in line with this moon resting in who I am,

A part of greatness.

Can you guys share a little bit about Scorpio moon?

I don't know much about that.

And how it aligns.

Anybody,

Whether it's Rachel or Carla,

Because I know lots of you guys are good at astrology.

The moon isn't the most comfortable there.

Oh,

Interesting.

It's about transformation.

Also the flower moon.

Wow.

Maybe that's why I can't sleep.

I'm going to read you another version of this translation.

Because what Lauren gives us is an interpretation,

A poetic interpretation for our minds.

And so this is a direct translation of the Sanskrit.

How can there be knowledge or activity of the changeless Atman or self?

All external objects are under the control of knowledge.

Therefore,

This world is void.

I'm going to read that again.

How can there be knowledge or activity of the changeless Atman or self?

All external objects are under the control of knowledge.

Therefore,

This world is void.

So what's interesting about that is in the Sanskrit,

They talk about knowledge and activity.

And the Sanskrit for knowledge is jnana.

J-N-A-N-A.

Sanskrit.

This is the English version of it.

And activity is kriya.

K-R-I-Y-A.

So this is basically knowledge and action.

So what they're talking about is when we look at the two different aspects of ourselves.

We look at the true self,

The Atman.

And then we look at our individual self.

Katrina,

Carla,

Keith,

The individual person.

When I,

Katrina,

Go out in the world and I learn something,

I'm learning something that's external to me.

Now,

This idea that it is separate from me only exists in maya.

It only exists in duality.

It only exists in this world out there.

And that's why they say that any knowledge that the individual gains,

It's actually just out of the void.

It isn't anything.

Now,

To understand that this particular sutra is specifically asking us to focus on the nature of Atman,

Who we are.

It isn't that we shouldn't go out and learn things.

It isn't that we shouldn't go out and do things.

But this particular kriya is all about how do we turn our eyes towards Atman,

Our true self,

Our biggest self.

So one way is to be able to distinguish between all the things that we do,

Kriya,

And learn,

Jnana,

Out in the world,

Versus knowledge and action done by our true self.

I do want to say that this is number 111 of 112 sutras.

Books like this are actually meant to be read as a journey through all the sutras.

So in many of the previous sutras,

We looked at emotions and life and all the things.

I just want us to put this sutra in proper context,

That we are now coming to the end of the story,

Which is why it's so focused on the ethereal or the big part of us.

But to understand that while we're looking within,

It doesn't mean that the world or our individual experience doesn't count,

Because it does.

So it also means that this might be a little bit harder to fathom,

Just a little harder to wrap our minds around.

So I'd like you to imagine your Atman.

Some say,

And for me this rings true,

That it sort of lives in our heart chakra.

I mean,

It is all of who we are.

But if we were to sort of look at various aspects of who we are,

And I was to say,

Who am I?

Who is my true self?

I would point right at my center of my chest.

Like it would feel really weird if I moved up and I pointed at my throat.

It's like,

Oh,

This is who I am.

This is who I am.

Capital I.

Or if I pointed at my belly button,

This is who I am.

We know this isn't true,

But if we point at our heart,

We say,

This is who I am.

And I've told you guys this before,

When I first heard about this concept of Atman,

I always saw it as this little alien sitting inside my heart chamber,

Watching me live my life.

Like the ultimate witness mind.

Kind of like,

Ooh,

We're going to the dog park?

This is a fun human experience.

Or,

Wow,

This is what sickness is?

This is cool.

Or,

Wow,

Like,

I was super emotional yesterday on Mother's Day.

Partially just because I had all this great gratitude about being a mom.

And also deep thoughts about my mom who passed like 30 years ago.

And I just imagine,

You know,

My physical human self is going through all these emotions.

And that Atman is just present.

And experiencing it all.

It's not separate from Atman.

But it's just experiencing it.

So there's something about that.

Like there's something about allowing ourselves to connect with that deep essence of who we are.

And so now,

I'd like you to imagine the difference between what your soul knows and what your personality has learned over time.

And it's possible even that what your soul knows is really hard to put into words.

So I just want you to imagine and I just invite you to just ponder it.

Almost feel into it.

What does my soul know?

What does that feel like for you?

I'd love to know whether that's hard to fathom or what your soul knows and what your personality has built over time.

Totally.

It resonates with me.

I lost my mom 33 years ago.

So what does your soul know?

Maybe we'll just start with that question.

God.

And to know that there's no right answer.

I don't have an answer that I'm waiting for you guys to say.

I'm interested to know what your soul knows.

I ask this question a lot.

My soul knows eternity.

Love is everywhere.

Being part of a whole.

Suffering is optional.

That everything is always working out.

Maybe not how I thought I wanted it to but often how I needed it to.

It sees the bigger picture.

Each moment is new.

Feeling content and ease.

Letting go of ego.

We are all connected.

What does that feel like when we think of these things?

What feeling rolls through our bodies?

It is truly who or what we are.

My soul knows my path.

We feel gratitude.

Peace.

Knowing.

All I need to know I already know deep inside of me.

Thankfulness.

Expansiveness.

My soul knows way more than I ever could have imagined.

Transcending beyond who I think feel I am.

So much beauty,

Peace,

Love.

Everything else seems like trauma that has been held in the body or a distraction.

The soul knows the whole story.

My soul is pure.

No drama or stories.

That's brilliant.

These are things we know or have learned about the world.

Whether it's topics,

Trauma,

Ideas that we carry in our minds about the world.

We don't have to go into it but just to feel the difference between them.

I was having a bath the other day.

I was laughing because my mind was just circling over and over and over again.

I would just come to a quiet place and my mind would start having a conversation with somebody.

Then it would quiet down.

Then it would have a conversation with someone else.

I was laughing my head off.

I didn't take music into the tub.

I didn't take anything.

I didn't drink warm water.

My mind just kept rolling.

I just kept saying,

Come back to the breath.

Then my mind would go off and I would remember.

Come back to the breath.

It's an amazing thing.

These thoughts create our reality here.

They create our mood.

They create our emotional state.

There's a lightness.

There's a lightness inside with thinking of the first one.

The second,

It gets heavy.

Again,

It isn't about ignoring the world.

We have to think about things.

That's why we incarnated here.

We incarnated here to have all these thoughts and experiences and everything.

What if we lived here having all these thoughts and being more conscious of it?

I sometimes imagine it like a scale.

Imagine a line.

On one end of the line,

We are fully immersed in our individual selves' experiences.

On the other end,

We are fully immersed in our eternal self.

I feel like we slide along that line all day long.

Some days,

We get fully immersed in the individual self.

Fears get a hold of us.

Worries get a hold of us.

Triggers drive our day.

Other times,

Something happens and we seem to slide way over to the blissful gratitude space.

We always are aware of the thankfulness.

I don't think that's the point.

I think the human experience,

The tantric experience,

Is always being somewhere in between them.

Even when we're worried,

We remember what we really know.

Even when we don't know which way to turn next,

We have that ability to close our eyes,

Look beyond,

And say,

It always works out somehow.

All right.

I just have to listen.

Another aspect of this teaching is also about action,

Or in Sanskrit,

Kriya.

Kriya has a million meanings,

By the way.

This is one meaning of kriya.

It's something that your personality does in the day.

Imagine all the actions you take.

Imagine all the actions you have taken.

All the things you've done,

Things you're going to do.

Again,

Action is a big part of being alive.

This is the human experience.

There's nothing wrong with that.

Right now,

My actions,

Unless I'm teaching,

Is web design,

And that's what I do.

That's what my human body's doing,

And it's super fun,

And it's a fun adventure.

But what they're saying is to just remember that it is all just a show.

It's just what we're doing.

It doesn't have some huge great big importance.

It reminds me of Annie Lamott's three prayers.

Help.

Thanks.

Wow.

And it's an interesting thing.

When we look at the things we're doing,

The things that work out,

The things that don't work out,

And all these things,

It's like it is just part of the game.

It's part of the show.

It's part of the experience.

We can look at it from a higher place or a bigger place.

So now,

With the same idea,

Let's imagine,

Let's dive into our Atman.

And I find this exercise a little more challenging.

But let's dive into our self and ask ourselves,

What does my soul take?

For example,

I believe that my soul chooses experiences.

You know,

And I just feel drawn to something.

And I just know I'm meant to do it.

It's like a internal movement.

I remember even when I was first dating William,

I had huge questions as to whether or not this was something I wanted to continue with.

And so I would close my eyes and I would ask.

And the vision I got,

What happened is I just kept seeing him sitting in my chair,

These two little chairs in my living room.

And I just kept seeing him sitting in the chairs.

And I took that as advice to say,

He's not going anywhere.

And then that awareness helped me take action in the relationship.

Because somehow I felt like this was on path.

So I would love to know when I say,

What action does your soul take,

Instigate,

Do?

I'd love to know.

Again,

I don't have an answer.

I'm just curious as to what comes up for you when you hear that.

I have that too,

Katrina,

So much.

There's no reasoning with it.

It just is and it needs to be.

It's almost like the knowledge of the soul is a beautiful book of wisdom that we come in with.

And the action of the soul kind of guides our life.

I don't know,

It just takes us into experiences that are perfect for us.

And not necessarily easy,

But perfect for whatever it is we need to learn to grow or whatever.

It's a harder question,

Eh?

Well,

Let's do a meditation.

Wherever you are,

Let's close our eyes.

And let's just breathe deeply.

Releasing any thoughts or ideas that are rolling around in our mind.

And in your mind's eye,

I'd like you to imagine yourself walking down a sidewalk.

The sun is shining.

There's trees on the side of the road.

Birds are singing.

And then someone's approaching you with the cutest dog you've ever seen.

And they look at you and they say,

Do you want to pet it?

Sure.

So you pet the dog and it's just so much fun.

And then you stand up and you thank the person and you keep walking.

And you register how enjoyable that was.

And then you connect in to your heart center and your Atman,

Your true self,

Smiles.

And then maybe you return home and there's someone there to talk to you.

And they have something difficult to say.

And they say something that you don't really like.

And so you begin having a difficult conversation.

And it's hard.

And maybe it even escalates.

Maybe it goes into places you didn't want it to go.

And your personality eventually,

You connect with it.

And you sit on the couch and you take a deep breath.

And your Atman sits and feels this feeling.

This human experience.

And as you connect with that aspect of yourself,

You take a deeper breath.

And you're able to look at the situation differently.

And then maybe you go into your kitchen.

And there's an apple sitting on the counter.

And it's the best looking apple you've seen in a long time.

And you pick up the apple and you take a bite.

And it's so delicious.

It's so wonderful.

And you are fully aware of your individual self eating the apple.

The taste,

The moisture,

The crispiness.

But you're also aware of your divine self experiencing this.

And this becomes your norm.

That no matter what's going on,

Your divine self is always there.

With gratitude.

With knowing.

With expansiveness.

With peace.

Awareness of our path.

Knowing that we are part of a whole.

Knowing that we are divine.

There's a Vedic teaching.

In Sanskrit it says,

I am Atman Brahma.

And what it means is Atman is Brahman.

That the individual self and the cosmic self are the same.

Imagine living our human self knowing this.

Even if only in the background.

There is no image you can hold.

No thought you can think that encompasses the great self.

Your essence is immortal and unchanging.

Yet it is the foundation for all that moves.

Rest is the rest in the shimmering emptiness that is the source of this world.

And remember who you are.

So let's just take a few more deep breaths.

So thank you so much for being here.

And I hope you have a wonderful day.