Quit From Desire's Play: Radiance Sutras Verse 73

During this session, we discuss Verse 73 of the Yukti Verses from the 'Radiance Sutras', a translation of the Vijanana Bhairava Tantra by Lorin Loche. No meditation in this class.

These sessions are recorded on a weekly basis and all are welcome.

Please note: This track may include some explicit/strong language.

Transcript

So today we're reading from this book called The Radiant Sutras,

And this is written by Lauren Roche.

It's an interpretation of an ancient tantric text called Veda Vijnana Bhairava Tantra.

So one of the reasons that I was first drawn to tantra many,

Many years ago was that I deeply believed that there was something more possible.

Specifically at that time I was thinking about my marriage.

I was 10-12 years into my marriage and I just knew that so much more was possible.

I just knew that even though the world thought we had a great relationship,

I knew there was something else possible.

And that led me into the study of tantra.

And what's interesting is tantra,

For me the gateway was that I knew there was something more in intimacy.

But of course that led me into the realization that intimacy was just one aspect of our life.

And because I wasn't having that full experience in every aspect of my life,

Obviously I wasn't having it in intimacy either.

It's almost like if the bar for my experience is here,

I don't expect anything higher.

And most of the placement of that bar for all of us has come from society or come from our parents or come from our families.

And we've lived in a very curious world for the last couple millennia where suffering was normal.

Just getting through the day is normal.

It's normal to be struggling and always working hard and never getting ahead.

That's sort of our normal.

The idea of living in a magical place,

In a place of wonder,

In a place of actually pure joy,

It's kind of unfathomable.

You kind of just look at someone and say,

Okay hippie,

Go get a job.

For me,

That's my inner voice.

It can be pretty cynical if someone comes out with,

Oh well it's just all about love and peace and joy.

And you're like,

Do you have any responsibilities?

Have you never actually been hurt?

It's hard to actually hear that.

And so what I love about tantra is that it helps us experience the world very differently.

And so even though the world continues exactly as it is,

Nobody else has to change for us to have a tantric experience.

No one else has to change for us to actually experience ecstasy in life or joy or pure bliss.

It really is our experience.

And just because I say that doesn't mean it's easy.

It's not an easy thing and it's a very gradual progression.

Sometimes we all are seeking this kundalini awareness,

This sudden explosion of realization and all my problems go away and I live in kind of this forever enlightened state.

And I know that deep down,

None of us think that.

Not really.

But it's almost like sometimes in today's day,

We're sold that.

If you study this thing,

If you read this book,

You will feel happy forever.

If you practice this yoga,

You will feel overnight,

Everything will be so different.

But deep down,

We all know that's not true.

We know that it's little tiny changes of the dial,

Tiny little adjustments and then we go back into our life.

We have this little aha moment and then we have a conversation with someone that might have been really hard before and for some reason it isn't today.

Or we suddenly.

.

.

I was talking to a friend of mine who had a friend who was going through a real crisis with her husband and she was just like,

He's just such a jerk and he's this and he's that and blah blah blah.

And my friend was talking to her and they were sort of talking through different issues that she was having.

And by the end of it,

She realized,

Wow,

I'm not sure my partner is such a jerk.

I might just be seeing him that way because of past experiences.

It's that inner shift that changes our perspective of the outside world.

And that's what the Radiant Sutras is for.

That's what this book is for.

It's 108 or 112 verses and each one stands alone.

That if you simply listen or read one of these verses and contemplate them and understand them and then maybe even like in our class today,

We'll do a meditation as well.

We'll read the Sutra,

We'll have a conversation about it,

Dive deeper and then we'll do a meditation at the end.

And what this does is it turns a little dial deep inside of us,

Just maybe a couple clicks and we're a little bit changed.

And then maybe you do something else and that turns the dial a little bit.

And then one day,

You can't remember ever being triggered by certain things.

You can't remember getting angry about the things you once were so furious about.

They're just gone.

You're sitting talking to someone and they're really upset about something and you're looking at them going,

And you actually can't relate.

You just can't relate to what they're struggling with anymore.

And it's almost like you don't say this,

But you almost think,

I remember being upset by things like this,

But you can't actually identify with it anymore.

So that's what the Radiant Sutras is all about.

It's having one concept and we allow it to be our meditation for the day.

It allows,

We allow it to be our contemplation for the day.

So today we're reading verse 73.

And even if you have the book,

I invite you to close your eyes and lets us all join together in a centered still place.

It's almost like we all have this quiet space in our heart center that is eternal.

All of us share this eternal spark.

So if we all close our eyes and we just breathe into that quiet space,

Just for a moment.

And then I'm going to read the Sutra,

But to listen from that quiet,

Eternal space.

Just as desire leaps up and you perceive the flash,

The sparkle,

Quit from its play and maintain awareness in that clear and shining place from which all desire springs.

So what's your reaction to that?

Positive or negative?

It doesn't have to be an inspired reaction.

What's your sense of this Sutra?

Confusion,

Curious.

Confounded.

Is it to figure out if the desire belongs to us?

Feels like it's not meant to take thought,

To allow it to be open,

To allow it to be open.

To flow inspiration and insight,

Discipline to stay focused.

Yeah,

It feels grounding.

So it's an interesting Sutra because what it's essentially saying is that as soon as you feel a desire,

Get rid of it.

And instead,

Travel to the root of the desire and feel that instead.

You know,

This is very interesting because at first we think,

Well,

What I think,

Well,

What's wrong with desire?

Isn't desire a good thing?

Isn't desire what makes us travel through life and do new things and desire new things?

Like what's so wrong with desire?

That creates space for our root desires to be filled in new ways that we might not imagine.

Exactly,

Exactly.

Many of our desires are actually reactions from past experiences.

So in Hindu thought,

When we have had many,

Many experiences repeating over and over and over again,

Like let's say,

For example,

Maybe you had many lifetimes where you were starving.

You may have what they call a samskara,

A pattern,

A deep imprint of the cycle of not having enough.

And the problem is this samskara lives in our unconscious and our subconscious minds.

They don't live in our conscious minds.

They live in our unconscious,

Below the surface.

So all of a sudden you have some desire to do something or to want something.

But we don't really know where that desire is coming from.

It's kind of like,

You know,

Like you decide,

You know what,

I'm going to change my diet.

I'm going to cut out wheat and I'm going to cut out sugar or whatever.

Or maybe I'm going to quit smoking or I'm going to quit drinking or I'm going to,

I don't know,

Quit gambling or I'm going to stop my sex addiction or I'm going to stop purchasing everything on Amazon.

Like whatever it is that the desires that we seem not to be able to have control over,

They kind of take us over.

Where do they come from?

Like really,

Where do they come from?

Because it's almost like you have the best laid plan.

Like you're just,

You know what,

I'm on the path.

I've had the realization.

I know how to actually direct my life.

Now what I'm saying right now,

We've all felt it.

We've all felt that moment where you've realized that,

Oh my God,

I'm living my dad's life.

I'm living my mother's life.

I'm living a life that's designed by the church or designed by my society.

I'm not even living my life.

I,

And I say I in the highest sense that this individual soul has a path and I want to walk that path.

This energy that I'm saying or that I'm representing is called Ika Shakti.

I'm going to spell it in the chat.

I-C-C-H-A Shakti.

So Shakti in this case is our manifest reality.

Again,

We've talked about this before,

But Shiva Shakti is the oneness.

It's what we would call God,

Brahman,

All that is,

All that.

Shiva Shakti in the creation of Maya,

In the creation of this world we live in,

They separate and they,

We now distinguish between Shiva energy of consciousness and Shakti energy of manifest reality,

Which is us.

Within that Shakti experience,

They have three aspects of it.

Jnana Shakti,

Which is knowledge and wisdom,

Kriya Shakti,

Which is action,

And Ika Shakti,

Which is free will.

And we're not going to talk about the other ones,

But this free will,

This Ika Shakti.

This is when you really are on your path.

You are on your path,

Your very specific truth.

You are living according to your Satya.

You are living according to your inner connection with the divine.

This is Ika Shakti.

This is manifest divinity.

That's what Shakti is.

That's what we are.

We are manifest divinity.

And this is the willpower inherent in that experience.

Here in Maya,

In this world we live in,

Again,

This is all within the tantric creation story,

Kind of.

There are five limitations.

And I did a whole talk on this here on Insight Timer,

Like an hour-long talk on these five limitations,

If you want to dive deeper into them.

One is Kala,

Which is limited power.

I won't bother with the Sanskrit,

But limited power,

Limited knowledge,

That we are each imperfect and incomplete.

And then the last two are time and space.

Now this imperfect and incomplete,

They call Raga.

And Raga means,

So this Raga is the source of desire.

The fact that we are incomplete,

The fact that we are imperfect,

This energy drives these desires.

This energy is all looped in with all of these Samskaras and Karma and all these things.

And it all lives in our subconscious.

So the Sutra is saying,

If you ever want to actually live your true life,

If you really ever want to be free of the Samskaras,

If you ever want to be free of that,

We have to be able to discern true things we want to do from our own free will and these weird desires that are actually left over from karmic patterns and Samskaras.

Otherwise,

We'll never actually get to have the experience we're meant to have here.

We will just perpetually be turning in this knee-jerk reaction to a million things we've already done a million times.

Power,

Knowledge,

Time and space.

So the fifth one is this one.

It's called Raga.

And it's the feeling of being incomplete and imperfect.

So what's interesting about that is we think to ourselves,

Oh,

All right.

Okay,

So,

But how do I do it?

You're sitting there and you have a desire.

And it's like,

Where does this desire come from?

That's the question.

First,

We may think,

Well,

I don't know.

And the truth is,

We're not going to know.

We're not going to know where the desire comes from.

It's literally in our unconscious mind,

Or it's in our subconscious.

What this sutra is saying is,

In that moment that the desire rises,

Stop focusing on what you're desiring and travel back within ourselves to the root of the desire.

And at that root,

We experience the expansiveness of who we truly are.

We experience the energy of the desire.

You know,

I love how this one guy said it.

This is from the book,

112 Meditations from the Book of Divine Wisdom by Lee Lyon.

And he wrote,

When we move our attention from the content of a desire to the energy behind the surface appearance of this desire,

It's seeming hypnotic grip dissolves.

And we begin to feel the much freer life energy that is just beneath the desire.

That is its source.

He also says something interesting here.

He says,

The Sanskrit term shaman,

Which appears in this meditation,

Literally means tranquility and an absence of passion.

The word is more usually translated as mental discipline or self-control.

Choosing to be tranquil in response to a desire is a subtle way of inhibiting the desire from taking form.

And again,

It's very interesting because it's not saying that we're meant to just sit in meditation for the rest of our life and never eat chocolate or want to go to Spain.

Like it's not that we never follow through on a desire.

But if we really look at a typical day,

How many what we would call air quote desires do we act on that aren't really in our best interest?

It could be something as simple as the desire to scroll on Facebook.

The desire to eat when we're not hungry or have a fourth cup of coffee because we're tired and we don't have a nap instead.

It could be engaging with that person that triggers us all the time.

Why do I have this desire to do that?

Why do I have the desire to stay in a job or a relationship that I'm not happy in that doesn't seem like it's going to change?

Why do I do that?

Why do I have the desire to react in anger when it only causes harm?

It's very,

Very interesting.

Here is a more literal translation of it.

Observing the desires which spring up in a flash,

Put an end to them.

Then the mind will be absorbed in the very source from which they have arisen.

Can you imagine?

Like honestly,

Can you imagine that?

Can you imagine?

Like honestly,

Can you imagine actually just observing the desire,

Sitting with it,

And just allowing yourself to return to the source?

So for me,

My number one addiction here in Maya is food.

That's my drug.

That's what I do.

I.

.

.

Food is my thing.

But I hang out with my friend,

Nelda,

Who's like a medical intuitive.

She.

.

.

I swear she lives in 5D.

She was on Coffee Talk two weeks ago on Friday.

Well,

Nelda's hilarious.

She would say to me,

Well,

Every so often I get the desire for pizza.

So I sit with that desire and I wait a couple of hours and see what happens.

And I.

.

.

I swear,

I mean,

I would listen to her and I'd be like,

You what?

Do I sit with the desire?

And then she waits another couple hours and then she kind of checks in.

Do I still want,

You know?

And then she goes to sleep and the next day,

Does she still want pizza?

And she gives it,

She literally gives it 24 hours.

And then after 24 hours,

If she still wants it,

She has this organic wood-fired pizza in her freezer that she keeps that actually is made by friends of ours half an hour from here.

And she takes out,

Takes it out,

Cuts a quarter of it,

Puts it in her air fryer,

And she has a piece of pizza.

If she still wants it after 24 hours.

Normally she doesn't because she realizes that the desire is just an emotional response to something.

Can you imagine?

There was a time that I used to teach this meditation protocol for addictions.

It was a series of five different kundalini yoga meditations,

But it was for all compulsive behavior.

It didn't matter whether you were addicted to eating,

Smoking,

Drinking,

Or even for children who have compulsive behavior,

Like they'll just punch their sibling or they'll punch some kid kind of thing.

So I had this group.

They all came and nobody had to say what their addictions were.

We just got together every week.

I gave them,

I made CDs of the meditations that they could go home and do.

And there was one boy there that was like,

I don't know whether he was eight or 10 years old,

Like he was really young.

But they were there from everything.

They were there for every kind of addiction there was.

Because it's weird.

If you're trying to get over a habit,

It's almost like you're going along and you're just fine.

You know,

You're doing well.

You know,

You don't want the cigarette,

You don't want the drink,

You don't want the chocolate,

You don't want the whatever.

And then something happens.

Some kind of trigger happens.

Suddenly,

It's like all that Ikha Shakti just gets turned off.

The willpower is gone.

Like the willpower of your true Shakti is gone.

And there's another program running now.

And it's some strange compulsive program.

And what's interesting about a compulsion is compulsions also seem to come from the unconscious.

Like we think that we can't control them.

And then all of a sudden,

Bam,

We've eaten the chocolate,

Had the cigarette,

Taken the drink,

Lost a thousand bucks gambling,

Ordered the sweater online,

Whatever it is,

We've done it.

And then all of a sudden,

We finally,

We come back to our self,

To our Shakti present.

And we can't believe we did it.

And we're like,

You know,

And then we think we're off the wagon,

And that's it.

And then it's almost like we never get to progress.

Because we're driven by these samskaras in the unconscious.

That's what this,

This,

This so interesting,

I keep calling it a Kriya.

What's interesting is a Kriya,

Kriya has many names.

It Kriya has many,

Many,

Many meanings in Sanskrit.

Or the Sanskrit word Kriya has many,

Many meanings in English.

So for example,

I teach Kundalini Yoga.

And in Kundalini Yoga,

All of the classes are set in Kriyas.

So you do a Kriya for depression or a Kriya for the lymphatic system or a Kriya to sharpen your intuition or whatever.

But the Kriya is a challenge.

And you have to stay focused.

And you have to stay with it.

It's not like asana based yoga.

You have to stay in your mind.

And you have to stay focused because the Kriya stimulates all kinds of your emotional issues,

Right?

It stimulates difficulties within you.

But you,

The Kriya,

The energy of the Kriya is to stay centered,

To stay in Iksha Shakti.

That's the point of the Kriya is you stay there.

So within that,

Even though these emotions are rising,

You do not let them drive you.

And so for example,

In yoga,

Kundalini Yoga is famous for having arms up.

And so I know you can't see my arms,

But let's say my arms,

My palms are together and I'm straight up over my head.

And you might have to do this for three minutes.

Well,

All the voices come into your head.

You can't do this.

This hurts.

It's too long.

This yoga is stupid.

So you can't do anything.

You never can do stuff like this.

You're not strong like other people.

And you have all these voices come into your head.

The yoga isn't the arms over your head.

The yoga is inside your mind.

As you say,

Breathe,

Stay here.

Inhale,

Exhale.

Inhale,

Sat.

Exhale,

Nam.

Stay here.

Stay here.

This is the Kriya.

The movements are irrelevant.

The breath is irrelevant.

The point is to stay present no matter what happens.

So maybe this Sutra is a Kriya.

That as we go through life and the desires rise,

We then enter into our Yoga Kriya.

And we stop and we close our eyes and we breathe.

And we follow the desire.

We release the object of our desire,

Whatever sparkly thing it is.

It doesn't matter whether it's new shoes,

A cigarette,

A drink,

Chocolate.

It doesn't matter what it is.

You release the object of the desire and you allow your mind to go back within to the source of the desire that is free and open and clear.

This is a really interesting Kriya for life.

It's almost like once you do it and you really do it,

Something changes inside of you.

And then every time you go to do it again,

You instantly breathe and you stop and you say,

Let me go to the source of this.

Because the crazy thing is,

The source of that desire is more joyful than the physical object or the experience that we're trying to go for.

We're not losing out by not fulfilling the desire.

We're actually going within to something much greater.

My meditations are becoming increasingly orgasmic.

It's something I want to understand,

Explore,

Develop more.

Do I have any tips or books for this?

No,

But my recommendation is to take it out into the world.

To be able to take that exact same experience as you walk down the street or sitting at the beach or sitting on the subway.

Like it's to bring that orgasmic self,

Which is very natural.

But this beautiful home inside,

This beautiful,

It's like we all have glimpses of it.

You know,

When something happens and that shiver runs through your body,

The hair stands up on end when you hear a piece of music or something,

That is our natural state.

And so the key is to be able to bring that into every aspect of our life.

That's really the foundation of the Radiant Sutras,

Of Tantra,

Of anything like that.

And it shifts us like,

Because in order to bring that orgasmic state out into the world,

We actually have to shift our philosophies of life.

It's very hard to be angry at someone when you know that an orgasmic state is actually possible.

And if we're going to come to earth for 80 or 90 or a hundred years,

Why not choose an orgasmic state?

The cool thing is,

If you're having the experience,

The next step is really within.

There are no books.

It is the personal experience.

It's almost like trusting yourself,

Being very prayerful,

Just really listening within,

Almost letting that,

Letting yourself receive within.

Almost letting that,

Letting yourself receive wisdom in that state.

Good luck.

That's fun.

I think this is so perfect for me.

I believe I'm really seeing and accepting fully my path as I go through divorce and a new life.

It's awesome.

Does anyone have any thoughts you'd like to share?

That are kind of rolling around in your head that you'd like to share with the group before we dive into a meditation.

It's just making me realize how we take our pattern with us.

Isn't it true?

How to slow down and be calm.

Different jobs,

Same frustration.

Exactly.

And that's what's really cool is they actually talk about this as a method to uproot the samskaras,

To uproot the karmic patterns that we can actually heal ourselves through releasing the desires.

It's a tool.

It's almost like every time we go for that thing that always takes us off path,

We can use that pattern to get to the root of something that really causes suffering in many,

Many aspects of our life.

I was thinking that you could use this for not only desire,

But other emotions such as anger.

Yes,

Exactly.

Totally.

I've been reflecting on my own desires and experiences while you were teaching and energy opened up that felt uplifting,

Releasing,

Beautiful.

I think oftentimes I'm just desiring to escape my internal state emotions.

And that's such a beautiful thing,

The desire for escape.

Because again,

To sit there and desire escape,

We can still go to the root of that desire because you can actually.

.

.

It's such a beautiful example because the desire to escape,

You can imagine how that desire to escape is deeply rooted in a samskara.

It's deeply rooted in a karmic pattern.

You can almost visualize that.

And of course,

With that escape that you're talking about is why you go for the drink,

Why we go for the cigarette,

Why we go for the food that numbs our brain and slows our liver down.

We go for the hit because hopefully it will help us escape how we're feeling.

Because that feeling is old.

That feeling of disconnection,

That feeling of abandonment,

That feeling of suffering is old.

It's in an old pattern and it lives inside of us all the time.

So how interesting is that to sit with that and whenever we feel like escaping,

Allow ourselves to go to the root of where the desire comes from.

And imagine that's our meditation.

Imagine you sit on your mat,

You light a candle and I am not normally a ritualistic person unless you create the ritual yourself with very important intention.

So for example,

Let's say you're like,

You know what,

I know I have this desire to escape and I feel it right now.

Now,

I'm going to go and get a cushion and I'm going to sit down and I'm going to light a candle and I'm going to light this candle and I'm going to close my eyes and I'm going to breathe and I'm going to go into the root of where this desire is.

Some people,

Historically,

They used incense as a measuring tool for meditation.

So they would sit down in the meditation,

They would light incense and essentially they would meditate until the smell of the incense went away because the stick was complete.

Before we had phones that told us 15 minutes were up.

It's a very interesting application of meditation and it's not like we necessarily get a great answer.

It's almost like our soul knows something and it's like our soul is like,

I'm listening.

I'm open to an answer and maybe it comes in meditation or maybe it comes in a movie you feel called to watch or maybe it comes in the words or maybe it just comes in something you experience later.

And why does going to the root feel better than the pizza?

Well,

If you genuinely desire pizza,

So for example,

In the example of Nelda,

If your true will desires,

Your free will desires pizza in this way and it's only a joyful response to this present moment,

Then the pizza is perfect and it's delicious.

But if the pizza is simply there to cover up the desire to cover up sadness and abandonment and fear,

It's actually not satisfying.

But to really answer your question,

The idea is that within us,

It's like when we go to the root of it,

We go to our infinite self.

We actually tap in with Atman.

We tap in with our infinite well spring of divine energy.

It doesn't feel like that initially.

It doesn't feel like that when we first don't have the pizza or the cigarette or the food or the shopping spree or whatever,

Right?

It doesn't feel like that.

But when we sit with it and we get to the bottom of it and we actually kind of return to that desire,

It is,

It's really beautiful.

These sutras focus mainly on self work.

How do we apply this to intimate relationships like marriage?

Do we focus only on self work?

Or when do we know that we need to move away from a relationship?

Self work versus moving away,

How do we know?

God,

That's such a good question,

Rose.

So,

And I feel like I should do a whole hour long talk on that topic because I've actually been thinking a lot about that.

Do you think you'll ever leave a relationship?

Yeah,

I think I will because this will be my short answer for now.

There are times that the right path is to leave a relationship because it's stifling and I don't mean abusive.

If something's abusive,

It's abusive and you should leave.

It doesn't matter how much self work,

Abuse is abuse,

Emotional,

Physical,

Sexual,

Mental,

You get out,

That's it.

So beyond abuse,

Okay,

Inside a relationship that's maybe just not satisfying or it's disconnected or there's passive aggression or there's fighting.

Like fighting isn't always abuse,

It isn't always a question of gaslighting a narcissist.

It's not always that,

Right?

Sometimes we just subconsciously want to fight.

Now,

If you find yourself in a position like that,

You have a pattern that you are playing out in this relationship.

You are neglecting or being neglected.

You are fighting or fighting back.

You are accepting the distance or not.

We are all playing a role in that.

And as long as we're playing the role in that,

Self work is really important because we need to get to the bottom of why we're doing it or else we absolutely will simply do it with the next person too.

Like leaving this person isn't going to help.

Because you have half of that pattern and it doesn't matter how many times we say they're a jerk,

They're doing this.

For as long as we're still there,

We are the complementary partner to that behavior.

And that also is dysfunctional.

If we leave that relationship,

We will find it in the next one and the next one and the next one.

So when we do work like this and we start to recognize our knee-jerk responses to things,

Something shifts.

Like something shifts.

It's weird how it shifts.

And all of a sudden,

We actually see the other person differently.

Maybe we see the behavior and it's very obvious and it actually becomes all of a sudden intolerable.

And that's it.

And you leave.

But the behavior is intolerable.

Not because they hurt you.

Not because they made you angry.

Because it's intolerable.

Everyone has a line.

Like for me,

If a man raised his hand to me,

That would be it.

If a man yelled at me,

I won't even tolerate yelling.

Not anything.

Not once.

No one has ever yelled at me and I stuck around.

That's me.

That's my line.

But I was raised in a family where no one yelled.

Ever.

So it's not part of my experience.

But if you were raised in a home where there was lots of yelling and abuse and maybe much worse things,

Maybe yelling's fine.

So everyone has a bar or a place that's like,

Oh no,

That's over the line.

That's over the line.

That's over the line.

So sometimes when we do our inner work,

We start to realize that maybe this relationship is actually fine.

But I really am in my own way.

And then all of a sudden you start having different conversations with your partner and things change.

Like if all of our conversations with the other person are pointed and accusatory,

We never get anywhere.

But if our own inner self can't communicate without being pointed and accusatory,

The relationship doesn't have a chance anyway.

It's possible you've never even met the other person before because all you've ever had is this pointed accusatory perspective.

I remember there was a time in my marriage,

My first marriage,

That it was probably somewhere around year 12 of 20.

And I was mad at my,

Oh,

I was mad at my husband.

Mad as anything.

And I was very stuck.

I felt very stuck.

I didn't believe,

I never wanted to divorce.

I never wanted to leave.

So I felt very stuck and he was not gonna,

He didn't want to talk about anything.

He was very defensive if I brought up anything.

And my mother-in-law was there.

No,

My stepmother,

My dad's wife was there.

And I was just cranking about it.

Just like,

And then he did this and I can't believe it.

I don't know.

I was just beside myself.

And she looked at me and she said,

Darling,

There will come a day that nothing he does can upset you or make you happy.

That is the day your marriage is over.

And that's essentially what we're talking about here.

As long as they can still trigger it,

For us,

We're still a part of it.

And the crazy thing is,

After 20 years,

That day came.

One day,

Something happened.

It wasn't even a big deal.

But it happened and all of a sudden,

Everything within me realized the final thread was cut and our relationship was over.

And that was it.

It was so interesting.

It was just like,

There was nothing he could have done at that point.

It was very interesting and it was very sober inside of me.

There was nothing emotional about it.

Very interesting.

Which is maybe partly why we're able to be friends.

I don't know.

Sometimes self-work shows that your current relationship is more aligned with who you thought you should be instead of who you really are.

Totally.

Maybe the shift is when we change and are no longer a match.

If relationships are mirrors,

Then we shift.

The relationship is no longer tolerable,

Not a match.

100%.

Well,

This became an interesting conversation,

Huh?

I feel like we've shifted away from our meditation.

Yeah,

I think we're good.

You just never know where we're meant to go.

Well,

Thanks everybody.

We'll see you guys later.

Reviews

🌸🙏🏽 …it’s just so interesting and confirming…flow and progression of that message and how it answered three burning questions I have been pondering these last few days. All without me consciously choosing, just simply trusting the process. I love how this happens, universal answers dropping in when I get myself out of the way. Thank you Katrina🩷

Karmic desires. They come again and again. For me it’s a strong desire to be loved, to be in a loving relationship. Nothing wrong with the desire, it’s how I act upon it almost unconsciously that is troublesome. Whether I am in a relationship or not, that desire is always there. I believe both my mom and dad had that same desire. Your talk is really helping me with this. Instead of acting it out, (texting someone, scrolling social media, calling someone, manifesting a partner, adjusting a dating profile, etc.), the key is Being still and go to the root of it. So I don’t fall into the recurring behavior that in the end does not fulfill that desire anyhow. So simple and yet it is working (when I do that 😂). Meditation or going into a meditative state whatever I may be doing as soon as I realize I am looking for “love”. What a wonderful teaching this verse has to offer! Thank you so much Katrina for sharing this book with us in such a profound manner. 🙏 Yes about a talk on self care vs relationship care!