Overcoming Pathological Positivity

When are positive affirmations healthy or dangerous? Is it always a good idea to "see the silver lining"? What if there are truths in these ideas but often, they actually stop our healing and block our true spiritual path? Let's explore the healthy and expansive options together.

Transcript

So today's talk is about toxic positivity This came from a question in a previous live talk where someone asked me if I thought positive affirmations were a good idea and My knee-jerk response was no This talk is going to expand on that because it's not a clear no But my answer it would be mostly no,

But sometimes It's a good idea.

I remember when I was young and I first ever heard positive affirmations And I remember thinking how dumb they were I I remember someone saying you just have to look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that you love Yourself and you love your body because of course at the time I was a teenager.

I Was anorexic like I would I was bulimic so I had really brutal body dysmorphia and I I was really slim,

But I Didn't think so because I'm kind of a bigger person and so I was never a size zero like my friends and So I was sure I was just fat and I was this and I was that and I hated my body and I hated That I didn't look like that person.

I didn't look like that person and so these positive affirmations were coming out It was like the early 80s I guess and they probably came up before then Was when I came across them and I remember trying it I remember trying to say to myself I love myself.

I am good enough I'm a great person.

I'm amazing.

I'm a gift to humanity I am one with God I am and I would try it and Remember even as a teenager thinking but I don't believe this I'm lying to myself This isn't true Whether I really am amazing whether I really do have a perfectly excellent healthy body Whether I do think I'm a gift from God and I'm a gift to humanity.

Maybe that is true In a cosmic sense,

But that was not my reality and I was really conscious That there was this that I felt to be true and there was this I was saying and these two things were not the same They did not line up and it was almost like I had a fight inside of me but even worse than that I knew I was lying I knew that what I was saying wasn't true and it really bothered me and so that Neidrick response when someone asked me a few weeks ago whether or not I believed in positive affirmations Was from that was from my teenage years when I was like,

No,

They're stupid and the truth is I still mostly believe that I Actually think that most of the time they're very very very unhealthy But They're not always Because I think a lot of the ways they're in a good way is that if we repeat something that is actually optimistic that Allows for a brighter future that's a very good thing and I think it was Simon Sinek that said really recently he said there's a big difference between positivity and optimism Because positivity says you just simply repeat the air quote positive version of reality right now versus optimism which is simply saying I Have a positive outlook on the world.

I have a positive outlook on my life But it doesn't mean I'm not honest about the fact that I'm super depressed right now or I'm really angry or I'm really hurt or I'm really frightened and that's the problem is when we deny the truth in the moment and just Cover it with some what I would call toxic positivity That is really damaging It's damaging to self.

It's damaging to others And so that's what we're gonna talk about today is how toxic positivity is damaging to self damaging to the people around us But then in in the last part of our talk,

I'm gonna talk about when it's really a good thing How we can use mantras how we can use different phrases that really help us Shift out of an old mindset that's really damaging.

So this isn't an all-or-nothing positive affirmations suck But we just have to be really careful about when we use them and when we're lying to ourselves So for example We're gonna start with when they're really bad for us when they really harm us as people So one of the things that we've been trained up in in the last few centuries is to ignore our emotions and there's a lot of reasons for that one of the number one reasons is because historically up until not so long ago emotions didn't matter If you were sad if you were frightened,

It didn't matter because you were stuck You were actually enslaved in some way.

Maybe you were a child when we're children depending on our parents Some people were blessed with parents that just simply allowed emotions and allowed all that thing and that's different,

But that's not the norm It's not even the most often but for many many people we were raised in families where Emotions weren't okay air quote negative emotions were not okay That you if you were sad or you were angry you just go to your room until you come back and you can be civil So we were trained very young that emotions weren't important Maybe you were an oppressed minority of some flavor or maybe you were simply a woman Because that's kind of the primary oppressed might it's not a minority at all.

But that in our whole patriarchal system and everything that Historically women had no rights.

We couldn't work up until like even a hundred years ago So you simply did what you had to do to make it work So this idea of toxic positivity finding the silver lining.

It's okay.

No worries It's like yeah,

I can see the good side of this even though you're dying inside Also is a Self-preservation mechanism it's a way of surviving It's a way of surviving a marriage that you cannot get out of because if you get out of this You're on the street because you can't work if it's a hundred years ago or before or you've got five kids What am I supposed to do work for like twelve dollars an hour?

So sometimes finding the silver lining is survival This is a really really Important thing that if you find yourself in a place where you're sort of caught in that silver lining thing This is old programming and it's survival programming Or maybe you've just simply and again,

It's not just a woman thing It's a all people born to certain families or most families We are taught to just swallow your emotions or else you're gonna get hit you're gonna get put in the bedroom You're gonna not get your way.

You're gonna be ignored whatever and again,

I don't want to talk about how we got there But the idea of making the best of things it's kind of like sitting in class in school and you're bored out of your mind well,

You can Be a pain in the butt and you can cause trouble and you can try to get out but you have no options School's mandatory.

You have to be there So you doodle or you find another way and you find a different way through you just figure it out You learn how to pretend you're happy with a smile on your face,

Even though you're not paying attention at all We've been taught how to do this It's really important to have some compassion for this ability to find the silver lining and things because we've all been in a position Where we've had to just to survive But then once we get to a certain point in our life we go Okay,

You know what?

I don't want to do that anymore.

I don't want to just find the silver lining I want to actually live my authentically happy life That's what I want to do.

And one of the number one ways to do that is to listen to our emotions our emotions are a built in biofeedback mechanism to tell us whether or not we're on path or not if We're doing something and it lifts our heart and it makes us happy Then we know we're on the right path If something's going on and we are frightened all the time or we're contracted all the time or we're angry all the time then we know that something's amok and Again,

We've been taught that we're just supposed to stick it out That there's almost a power and a strength in sticking it out no matter what even if I'm angry all the time Even if I'm upset all the time Why?

Like why do we have to stick it out?

Why are we not allowed to listen to our emotions and say but I'm angry This isn't right.

I'm not happy Why are we not allowed to listen to that?

It's kind of that when you talk to people on their deathbed and You ask them and then they say I don't know why I didn't change that I didn't know why I didn't change direction and actually live a life.

That was happy for me Why was I living a life for everyone else?

And again,

This is training that's been happening over the centuries through the generations through our ancestry.

It's no small thing so if we are repeating affirmations that Deny the emotions we're feeling right now That's a huge problem then the affirmations are simply bringing forward this negative lineage of Ignoring our emotions ignoring where you are right now For the sake of staying even if you're unhappy and so this is an example where Positive affirmations are really damaging and they simply are bringing forward these family curses These ancestral traumas that say just don't say anything just find the positive Don't don't cause trouble just you can do it if you can turn that frown upside down Everything will be different.

This is old bad programming that keeps us stuck so that's an example where Positive affirmations are a really bad idea The other thing is we have to really ask ourselves what our souls path is Where we put here on the planet?

To just tell ourselves happy things Even if we're faced with real darkness What if your soul's path was to upturn the tables in the temple?

What if you were put here with strong Kali energy?

What if you're a truth teller?

What if you're as some people call them bloodline cleaners that there's these bloodlines and families that are filled with trauma and horrible things and people are abused and neglected and all this and then someone comes into the bat line and Their job is to turn around and say no This ends here This will not come past me what if that's your path and You're sitting there telling yourself all these positive affirmations.

No,

No,

No,

They're okay They're just people who know what if that I'm not saying this should be your soul's path But what if it is?

What if you're the one that says enough And it's a strong powerful statement I Remember one time years ago my friend Nelda She said to me the word no Is such a powerful Singular word in the energetic field in the spiritual realm no explanation No,

Nothing.

Just no Sometimes that's what we have to say Sometimes that's really important and the last thing you should be doing is talking yourself out of it It's important And again,

I'm not saying that we should all be rebels or we should all be bloodline cleaners or we should all be that's not it But it's always important to just ask ourselves What if I'm not supposed to be Little Miss sunshine What if that's not why I was put here What if I'm a truth teller It's just an important question to ask ourselves Another big reason to be really careful of positive affirmations is this idea of being accustomed to lying to yourself Truth I love talking about truth.

I love talking about Satya Satya,

It's not just here's how I see it Satya is you in perfect alignment with self if you were to picture yourself Sitting upright and you are this vertical line from your first chakra manifest on the planet all the way up through all your beautiful chakras Up through the seventh chakra up connected to God to the galaxy to the infinite this perfect alignment This is your truth.

This is your Satya.

This is your soul's path It is clear Jesus once said that the truth is razor sharp,

And he wasn't only him lots of teachers have said that razor sharp imagine this is your truth and Everything else is the distraction Everything else pulls you off path If you have a truth that may be shown to you by Emotional response it could be showed to you by simply a resonance inside resonance inside and You start repeating something that is not in alignment with your truth You start to waver Suddenly there's like a movement in what you believe to be true Okay.

So now let's pretend you've never felt this truth truth Maybe you were raised in a family where you had to tell yourself things Just to get by here's my truth,

But my parents want me to think this so it's almost like you create a I want to say a breadth of truth,

But Continuum of truth or a that's not quite it but it's an area.

It's a line It's a thick thing that all of a sudden there's all these things that could be true because I need this to be true because it would make my parents happy and I need this to be true because it would make My teachers happy and it would make I need this to be true because it would be make my partner happy I need this to be true because it seems to be what society wants.

So all of a sudden it's very confusing what my truth actually is Because there's all these truths that would sure make my life easier if they were all my truth So if we start repeating all these other truths Like if someone say how are you doing?

Yeah,

I'm I'm good.

I'm good But you're not good,

But you were trained to say it.

I'm good.

So I'm now repeating to myself I'm good,

But I'm not good I'm fine.

No,

You know things are really good.

Yeah,

I am things are great in the marriage.

Yeah,

Everything's awesome I'm full out lying So I have a truth over here this Satya that is actually my true alignment and I have these things that I keep saying to people and They are not in resonance with each other.

In fact,

They are opposite to each other Or maybe they're even just off a little or maybe they're off a lot But it's kind of like listening to music that is in perfect pitch if you're good at music if you have a good ear for music and someone sings a little off-key It is like nails on a chalkboard in your system.

You're just kind of like oh God,

That's so awful and it like it kind of twists your spine.

It kind of curls you a little and you're like,

Oh What is that's what an untruth feels like in your soul It feels like someone's singing off-key So What is this gonna do to us when we are constantly singing off-key?

What does that feel like in our bodies?

Does it feel like anxiety?

Does it feel like depression?

Does it feel like we just want to hide in our house and not talk to anyone because I don't want to actually have to Say what they want me to hear because it's so off-key.

It's so far from my truth There is something so damaging to talking away from our truth It hurts us But we've been trained that this is normal.

We've been trained that oh don't cause trouble for God's sake.

It's Christmas Why do you have to cause trouble?

Oh So I'm supposed to sing off-key and destroy my entire nervous system Yes for the sake of the family just swallow it This is what we've been taught for centuries and we wonder why we're struggling so much with Illness and depression and mental issues and emotional.

Oh,

Like it's so it's of course we are When don't get me wrong.

I'm not like gonna simplify everything down to this one thing by any means But it's a factor It's an important factor So then you imagine you come to a place where you start to listen to our emotions and we honor our truth And we kind of look at someone and say this thing you want me to believe this is your truth Not mine It's okay that you have a different truth in mind,

But that is actually your truth and it's over there Here's my truth over here And it doesn't matter who they are.

It could be your partner It could be your parents.

It could be your kids.

It could be people you love it could be people you respect It could even be your teachers But you could say well,

I hear your truth over there This is my truth It's funny one of my there's a lot of things I love about the matrix the movie the matrix But one of them that really hit me was the scene where Neo goes to the Oracle and and one of the primary things about his visit to the Oracle was That what she said Wasn't necessarily true but it was what he needed to hear in that moment and This is really important like you might listen to a teacher.

You might read a book.

You might listen to me You might listen to your partner.

You might listen to your parents like whoever and they may say something and You might want to think it's true But the truth is it may go inside of you and you may argue with it and you might go that That really bugs me that really pisses me off.

Wow,

That really that's I don't think that's true at all This is brilliant because what it's doing is it's creating a little mechanism inside of you saying well Then what do I believe is true if that's not true?

Then what is and the point was the universal point?

Was to help you find your truth Separate from everyone else's truth This is really powerful We don't need to agree with everybody to be friends To get along to make love we don't have to they have a different reality They genuinely see the world through very different eyes and they are having a very different experience than you are We do not have to be the same.

This is not this homogeny rules thing In fact the more different we are The more juicy it is the more interesting it is the more exciting it is when we can actually And I'm gonna say make love but you could call it playing tennis Eating food drinking coffee having a conversation the more different we are With respect and kindness and all that obviously that's an egg.

That's a given the more interesting the conversation It's like how many colors are on your palate?

That's awesome.

We don't want green to be red We want green to be green This idea of really being true to self and allowing everybody else to be themselves is so blissful and This is where it's so important that we aren't lying to ourselves and this is again one of the dangers of positive affirmations That we have to always ask ourselves But is this true?

It might sound like a great idea,

But is it true for me?

Because again if the we're using the color palette analogy if Let's say someone who's red creates their favorite positive affirmation And the person who's green is repeating it because it sounds like such a great idea But all you're doing is making the green more red No,

Don't do that Do whatever it is that makes you more you that's the most important thing It's the greatest thing we can do for ourselves for sure and definitely everyone else So then how does this apply to others?

Because positive affirmations and repeating those affirmations and repeating them to ourselves Really harms our relationships with others Because of course if we're doing this to us if we're repeating positive affirmations to deny us our truth To deny us our emotion and our emotional guidance to deny us It's almost like if we're lying to our self using positive affirmations We are gonna do this in all of our relationships,

Too so all of a sudden someone comes to you,

And they say oh,

Man,

I Am so angry I don't think I can stay married any longer oh If you're consistently lying to yourself about whether you're happy in your relationship What are you gonna say to this other person?

Nine times out of ten you're gonna say you know what you just have to find the positive You know I mean they're a great person.

There's a lot of good about that person.

You know I mean they they're they're Conscientious they work hard.

They're a great parent.

They're this they're that you know you just you really just gotta do this You gotta really?

You really gotta figure this out You know I'm sure you guys can sort it out and you're gonna basically take all of whatever you're telling yourself That isn't true,

And you're gonna tell this to yourself that isn't true,

And you're gonna tell this to your friend and Your friends gonna listen and they're good,

And maybe they go away,

And they try it for a while,

And they continue or they're gonna say Wow that person just can't hear me they just they don't get it and Maybe they just sort of go into a shell and or what or they go and find someone else to talk to But all they know is you didn't hear me or maybe someone comes and they're like really depressed and they're really struggling with something and You repeat some positive affirmation Well,

You know what you need to do you need to just do this That'll be better,

And then you'll feel better and don't get me wrong.

We don't like our friends to be sad We don't like to feel their pain because we're uncomfortable with our own pain.

That's why But the truth is in the end that person again did not feel heard in the same way that we're ignoring our emotional truth we're ignoring the emotional truth of our friends,

Too and So now suddenly someone who's depressed or angry or frustrated or feeling neglected or all those things?

We're simply they're now feeling like wow Even you don't care and you're my friend or you're my partner or you're my child or you're my parent So even you don't care about my emotions and What happens?

They feel more alone than they ever did before Or maybe they feel that oh,

Maybe you're right.

Maybe my emotions are bad.

Maybe I am wrong You're right I'm just ungrateful and Then that you just add more negative emotions because now we've added judgment to the fact that their emotions are wrong and I think what's really hard is These emotions are so important and when we look at someone and we don't honor their emotions We don't have to fix them Just because someone's sad doesn't mean we have to fix them or if they're angry that we have to come up with a solution for them but to just Be there and say oh I so feel you.

Oh Just let people feel what they feel but again We'll be able to let people feel what they feel when we're allowed to feel what we feel It's in direct relation to how well we listen to our own emotions So again repeating positive affirmations to other people when they're struggling It's no good It just makes them feel like they really don't matter that they really actually have no one in their life that understands them and It just makes them withdraw even more You know,

And maybe it was a big deal that they actually reached out to you Okay,

So when is this a good idea When is shifting our mindset a positive thing?

So there is such a thing as pessimism When you see the world for all of its negativity When you see your life through the eyes of a pessimist That's a real thing and that's really different than Being honest with an emotional state if I'm sad,

I'm sad The pessimism comes in when that feeling gets a thought attached to it And honestly oftentimes when we get stuck in emotion This is what this is where this gets really confusing Because when we get stuck in a sadness we get stuck in anger we get stuck in these places there normally is an entire thought form attached to it as well and So the thought form might be something like life sucks My life sucks.

This whole world is unfair.

I hate people whatever there's an entire Pessimism attached to it not always but it can it can be there or a fear or something Passed on to us by our parents a perception of people that you can't trust people and you can never get ahead and all these these pessimistic thoughts These are very different These are very different than emotions.

These are very different than what I've been talking about about these deep truths The problem with a pessimistic outlook is it really can create our reality and so if I'm talking to someone and What they're expressing isn't really a negative emotion.

It's just pessimism.

I Probably will come back with some optimism.

I'm not gonna come back with positive affirmations But I'll probably come back with well There might be a different way of looking at that If someone says I hate people I might say well you hate some people.

No,

I hate all people Well,

There's a lot of people out there worth liking I will come back with that Because I'm not gonna bother with pessimism Like that's a very different thing than I'm feeling really sad and there might be something if I say like are you okay?

I'm fine.

I'm just you know,

Whatever if you can't get to the emotion.

Yeah,

I might throw some optimism against some pessimism So I want to share something with you that it's a little off topic But it's really current in my thoughts right now about this about this specific thing about pessimism versus optimism and It's a little bit about this positive thoughts and affirmation thing So in the world of quantum physics There's two different schools of thought Quantum physics comes from the idea that so normally we look at the world through the physical aspect We look at physics through the physical thing You know you take a ball you throw the ball at a certain speed Gravity air pressure all this it we can say the ball will land in a certain place Well,

The weird thing is when you go deeper into that Ball,

There are atoms and inside the atoms.

There are electrons food You know all these things electrons neutrons blah blah blah and if you go inside that atom These subatomic particles what makes up the atom?

They don't act like the ball does Sometimes an atom will just blink in and out of existence Sometimes it'll go through a wall.

Sometimes it won't go through the wall.

It does all these weird things You can't create a formula for it the best thing they can do in quantum physics,

Which is a huge issue It's not agreed upon is you can calculate a probability That an electron will be there or not be there,

But they have no idea how to track the movement of an electron so some people say that The quantum world actually sits on the side of the physical world and it just they just affect each other That there's two different worlds.

There's two different aspects of the world other people say no We need a unified theory which was sort of the Einstein idea that everything has to be one That the quantum world makes up the physical world So I was thinking about this on the weekend and I was thinking about the things in our life that Seem to affect our physical world,

But you can't see them I was thinking about this duality this was Niels Bohr the Copenhagen interpretation.

This was this idea that they're side by side there's this part that we cannot see but it affects the physical and then there's the physical and The number one thing I was thinking about was our thoughts There's Not a single neuroscientist in the world that's ever seen a thought or a memory or anything And again,

This is just something I'm pondering.

This isn't fact.

This isn't science.

This isn't anything This is just something I I offer as a pondering What if our thoughts are?

The quantum field What if our life is created by our thoughts not and I mean the teachers and the gurus have been saying this for millennia You must control your thoughts your thoughts create your reality They've been saying this and I've always thought yes This makes total sense because your thoughts determine your choices and your choices can do your actions and the actions create your reality If I choose this job or this job,

I'm gonna live two different realities if I marry this person or that person I'm gonna have two different realities that makes total sense But this weekend I got really thinking about this thinking But what if it's more than that?

One of our thoughts are Actually the building blocks of our reality in the same way that those subatomic particles Make up the atoms which make up that tennis ball which make up us So then all of a sudden if we're thinking thoughts that are going in the direction of the life we want to create It's so important Like if we're only thinking thoughts about everything we hate about the world What if those are our subatomic particles?

Like what other life can we create what other reality can we create except a world that we hate If those are the only thoughts we have So in the land of us each experiencing different realities and in the world of us creating our realities,

What if it's that powerful?

That our thoughts actually do create our reality whether we believe in the the duality program System of quantum physics where the quantum world is over here and the physical world is over here and they're affecting each other Or it's a unified theory that the subatomic particles actually create the physical reality.

It doesn't matter one way or the other This unseen quantum field is affecting or creating our physical life so suddenly if we do have if we find ourselves with a pessimistic view or A realistic view or whatever you want to call it but bottom line it's defining a world that you hate That you don't trust that you don't feel like you can expand in and these are the only thoughts we have What if those are The quantum field that we are building our life out of What if that's the only reality that we are tapping into that we are resonating with?

Then what else is possible?

Of course,

Our relationships continue to be the same Of course,

Our job situation continues to be the same because our thoughts are the building blocks of the reality we're living And again,

These are just my thoughts from the weekend.

I don't know if this is true At all,

All I know is I am so aware of my thoughts Because you know we talk about this a lot we talk about how you're you know You're walking along and all of a sudden this thought comes into your head and now all of a sudden you're turning on it And I can feel this it's almost like a thought comes into my head or a person comes into my head And all of a sudden my brain is like a And all of a sudden my brain is like a And all of a sudden my brain is like a And all of a sudden my brain is like a I'm so aware of my thoughts Because you know we talk about this a lot we talk about how you're you know You're walking along and all of a sudden this thought comes into your head and now all of a sudden you're turning on it And I can feel this it's almost like a thought comes into my head or a person comes into my head And my brain is swirling around this central nucleus of a thought And it's creating an entire reality around this thought And i'm really thinking about this a lot right now You know,

I remember I don't know whether it was a buddhist teacher There was some teacher I once read or I heard about and they said How can we help you?

You don't even know how to control your thoughts yet And that has rung in that my head it just it's rung in my ears for probably over a decade thinking Control your thoughts.

No No And then you're like really do we really believe that we are victims of our thoughts?

Who the hell is controlling our thoughts if it's not us?

So it's a very interesting idea this idea of pessimism versus optimism Because if we're optimistic Our thoughts are open and expanded But this does not mean that we don't listen to our truth if i'm sad i'm sad and I listen to that if i'm angry I'm angry and I listen to that the question is what do I do with that?

Do I take it to a pessimistic place or an optimistic place?

In the land of positive affirmations that I actually do repeat to myself because I do have some that I do And a lot of them come out of The modality access consciousness,

Which i'm sure lots of you guys have heard of Access consciousness has some of the most expansive Montras to repeat for example One of the mantras that I love of theirs is how does it get better than this?

How does it get better than this and what's interesting about that?

Is it opens us up to whatever truth we're if we're in a really difficult spot,

Maybe you're in a relationship that's really challenging And you don't have to deny your emotions because the emotions are important.

They're part of your truth and they're part of your way Not necessarily out but maybe it's in and maybe it's an improvement but it's an improvement for everybody but if you repeat How does it get better than this?

How does it get any better than this?

The answer it opens up a question that says the answer might be I need to share this truth with my partner Or we need to go and do something together to have fun together.

It creates an action step That takes us somewhere.

It doesn't tell us to lie to ourselves.

It says what can I do to expand this situation?

Another of my favorite mantras is there of theirs that I use this all the time is What's right about this that i'm not seeing?

That might sound like a positive affirmation like find the silver lining But it's not because every so often I you know,

We can be in a place that's really difficult And i'll sit there and i'll go.

Okay,

Hold on a minute,

Especially if you're in a situation that you cannot change You do not have the power to change it have the power to change it.

Maybe it has nothing to do with you.

Maybe it's something going on in the family.

Maybe it's something going on in society.

Maybe it's something going on with the weather.

Who knows,

But it's something you don't have control over.

And I'll ask myself,

Okay,

What's right about this that I'm not seeing?

It's like it asks a question to the universe and I can have a new answer.

I can have a new insight.

Those two I particularly love.

Another one I repeat to myself a lot is I sit down and I say,

How do I really feel?

And it's just a question,

Really.

And sometimes I'll actually say,

How do I really feel if there were no negative consequences to how I feel?

Because being someone who's a little overly concerned with the feelings of others and the consequences in other people's lives,

It's really important for me to hear my truth regardless of what the consequences might be.

Whether I act on it is irrelevant,

But I have to at least feel it.

Like I have to at least admit it to myself and then make a decision whether or not I'm going to act on it.

And then when I was in university,

I had this calculus professor who was hilarious.

I've mentioned him before in my other talks.

And of course,

He would ask us some really hard questions and we're just like and we were math majors.

So,

Like we dug the math,

We dug the hard questions,

But we also were young and we were really not confident and we wanted to give the right answer.

So,

He'd ask us a question and he might say,

Katrina,

What do you think the answer is?

And I'd be like,

Oh,

Oh,

Oh,

Like this.

And he'd say,

Gun to your head,

What's the answer?

And I'd say,

Five or something whatever it was.

Because I had something in me that I wanted to say,

But I was afraid it wasn't true.

And the funniest thing is I use this,

I used it all the time when my kids were little too.

I say,

Gun to your head,

What's the answer?

And they'd say,

I don't want to go.

They would tell me the truth.

So,

That's actually one that I like to use a lot,

Which kind of sounds hilarious.

And the last thing I want to mention is in terms of positive affirmations.

In the yogic world,

In the spiritual world,

We often use Sanskrit mantras.

There's a lot of interesting thought about whether or not to repeat a mantra in a foreign language or to repeat a language,

Repeat a mantra in our own language.

There are a lot of beautiful mantras in Sanskrit that basically repeat things like,

I am one with God,

I am one with God.

And sometimes it's really valuable to repeat it in Sanskrit.

One,

Because the Sanskrit language resonates with the body at a cellular level.

So,

Even if we have programs that say that we are unworthy or we are not good enough or all these kind of things,

The Sanskrit will actually resonate in our bodies,

Bypassing the programming in our brains,

Bypassing the ancestral programming,

Bypassing the trauma that we experienced in our lives.

And it will repeat within us and it can change our vibration.

And it doesn't mean we don't do the work.

It doesn't mean we don't say the difficult things or have the hard conversations or do the healing we need to do.

But repeating mantras in Sanskrit or Gurmukhi or Gurbani or these languages that speak to the cell,

That can be very valuable.

If you find a mantra that really speaks to you or that when you say it,

You feel wonderful,

Do it.

Repeat that mantra.

Bathe your body in a sound wave that is healing.

You know,

This is really a beautiful thing to do.

And in the end,

You know,

I always think of that the four agreements,

That one of the four agreements is that we always ask,

Is it true to always be true?

And that's what to me like all about the toxic positivity,

Positive affirmations.

If you're repeating something that isn't true to you right now,

Then it's not true.

And that's all there is to it.

Find something else that expands you into your truth.

I think that's really the answer.

If you have any questions,

I'd be more than happy to answer them.

So,

I don't believe in fake it till you make it.

Sometimes fake it till you make it,

There are practical applications of that.

Sometimes if you're in a new job and you actually have all kinds of fears of not being able to do it or maybe you have programs or experiences that you've always failed or blah,

Blah,

Blah,

Blah.

Then sometimes standing in that and just faking it,

You can develop new experiences that can bring you to a new level of confidence.

There are times that I think and maybe if it's action-oriented,

It's a good thing.

I know I've done a lot of that in my life,

Especially like even say teaching.

Maybe like the first few times I ever taught publicly,

It's terrifying,

Absolutely terrifying.

The first yoga class I ever taught had 31 people in it because there was no yoga in my town and they did an article in the paper as the whole world showed up.

I was terrified,

I absolutely had to fake it.

So,

I think there's a time and a place for that but not as a general rule inside.

Great question,

Thanks.

So,

Thank you so much for being here.

I hope you have a wonderful day.

Reviews

I might need a day or even a weekend to process this!