So,
Today we're talking about no compromise relationships.
And this is a huge passion for me,
This topic.
Because in many ways,
We've talked a lot about the chakras in the light or looking at our world through the light because we've lived for literally millennia's.
Millennia,
Millennia is plural.
We've lived for millennia.
Sort of accepting difficulty and accepting darkness and accepting compromise as the norm in life,
In our own path that we have to give up what our soul's journey is because of what our parents want or what society expects or what our partner wants.
This compromise idea has been part of the survival mechanisms we've had to develop over the last couple millennia.
And now in 2022,
We have this interesting opportunity to really look at things in the light.
And relationships are a great place to look at that.
And again,
Of course,
Everything we're going to talk about in relationship here obviously applies to us within as well.
But the relationships are where it's most,
Most potent.
The first time I ever heard about the idea of no compromise relationships was actually a book I read called Divorseless Relationships by Gary Douglas and Dane Heer and they founded Access Consciousness,
Bars and all those really interesting,
Interesting modality.
Way ahead of their time.
And that's the one thing about Access Consciousness,
They were decades ahead and now everything they're teaching is like so potent,
It's so powerful.
And in that book,
They told a story of and they just use the male female,
It doesn't matter which way we do it.
But there's a guy in a car and a woman standing there and she says,
Wow,
I'd really love to ride in your car for a while.
We can just make that whatever we wanted.
And he's like sure,
Get in.
But then she realizes she doesn't quite fit in the car.
But she thinks well,
If I just cut my right arm off,
I'm sure I'll fit.
So,
She cuts off her right arm and starts to squeeze into the car.
She still doesn't quite fit.
So,
She cut off her other arm and she kind of still didn't quite fit.
And then she cut off one of her legs and then she fit into the car.
And she drove around in the car for a long time,
Maybe decades,
Adapting to the size of the car so that she could be with this person.
And what's interesting about that and my friends and sisters and I,
We've talked about this for so long.
Like if we end up in a relationship,
We always ask ourselves,
Are we cutting an arm off here to fit into someone else's world?
Is that what we're doing?
And of course,
This has been trained into us that it's normal,
That it's expected.
This means you're easy to get along with and that you care about other people.
This is normal to cut off parts of yourself,
To make a relationship work.
And what's really interesting of course,
So we use that analogy for a long time.
And then many of us were married for 20 years,
30 years and eventually we got divorced.
And then the next part of the analogy came up where you realize that over the last few decades,
You've actually been living without your arms and a leg.
And you have to try to find them again.
You have to try to find the parts of you that you cut off in order to be in this relationship.
And so,
This entire story took on a whole new vision.
Who was I before I got married?
Who was I before I got into that relationship?
Who was I before I compromised who I am in order to make this relationship work?
And this is really,
Really interesting.
So,
I want to preface this whole talk by saying that no compromise relationships don't work in all relationships.
Because it 100% depends on why you're in the relationship.
If you're in a relationship that you could never leave,
You could never be alone,
You don't want to be alone.
You always want to be in this relationship.
Well,
You're going to compromise.
It's not a judgment,
It's just normal.
In order to make this work,
In order to not kill each other and be able to relax at the end of the day,
You're going to end up compromising.
Because being alone isn't an option.
You have to be in relationship.
So,
That's one of the prefaces here is that we have to actually be whole,
We actually have to be happy unto ourselves.
That when we're in a relationship,
It's a choice.
We choose to be in this relationship as easily as we could choose not to be in this relationship.
And it doesn't matter whether it's a new relationship or a 30 year old marriage.
We still have to be in a place of choice or else this whole talk doesn't make any sense.
So,
I just want to preface that because as soon as we wonder yeah,
But what about this,
What about this?
It's like,
It's all good.
But if we're in a place of choice,
That's a requirement for this kind of relationship.
The other reason,
There's a lot of reasons why I want to talk about this.
But one of them is,
Is our relationships.
How we relate to people and this could be intimate partners,
It could be friends,
And it's definitely within ourselves.
When we compromise who we are and we compromise our path,
This is one of the most deepest sadnesses that we live with.
It's like this despair about our lives.
We can kind of do it for a while and maybe we get angry first and then we either get depressed and then we fall right into despair.
Because despair is this place where there's no hope and it's a soul's despair.
Because for some reason,
We chose to go off of our soul's path.
Our soul's path.
That's a real despair.
And especially again,
If we feel bound that we have to stay,
We have to continue to compromise,
They would leave us if we didn't cut our arm off.
That's real despair if we're not comfortable being okay on our own.
So I want to define compromise,
First of all.
Compromise means going against your own truth.
Going against what your soul is calling you to do.
Going against what actually resonates with who you are as a person.
I'm not talking about compromise that well,
I don't like taking out the garbage,
You have to take out the garbage.
Well,
Sometimes you have to compromise.
That's not what I'm talking about.
That comes out of some weird combination of entitlement where one person feels that they don't have to do that because that's man's work or that's woman's work or something like that.
Or it comes out of a childishness that you don't want to actually contribute to the household chores.
If all of us lived here together whether we were in an intimate relationship or not,
If there were chores to be done in a home,
We would split them up and that's it.
This isn't a compromise because if you were on your own,
You would have to take the garbage out and you'd have to clean the toilets and you'd have to do all the things.
So,
Living together doesn't mean that like living together means that you have to actually pitch in and so that's not compromising.
Or if you have children together and one person isn't carrying their weight,
It's not compromise to carry your weight in raising children.
So,
Another foundation of a non-compromise relationship is that we're all mature adults.
We're not taking our issues out on each other.
We're not saying oh,
You never take this and you never.
.
.
We're not doing all that.
This is looking at our relationships in the light.
It's looking at what's possible assuming we're doing our inner work.
We're owning our issues.
We're working through them.
We don't have to be perfect.
But we're coming to the table with our A game.
And so,
If we choose to have children together,
We have to be able to have adult conversations about what we can do with them.
What makes sense?
What's best for the children?
What works best for each of us?
Right?
This isn't compromising.
This is sitting around and having adult conversation about a responsibility that we chose to have or we didn't choose to have but we're going to rise to it.
So,
This is not our soul's path.
Here's my soul.
My soul is on a path whether I have children or not.
My soul is on a path whether I'm in a relationship or not.
These things are secondary to my soul's journey.
If I choose to have children,
That's something that's a part of my life.
And so,
I really want to make sure that I'm clear that compromise doesn't mean not pitching in for something that's truly our responsibility.
We're talking about a soul compromise here.
So,
Let's for a moment talk about this freedom to live on our own.
This is really important because if we don't have the freedom inside of us to be happy on our own outside of a relationship,
We will always compromise ourselves.
We're already compromising ourself if we're in the relationship and we're not happy.
Why wouldn't we be happy?
Why wouldn't we choose a path that actually expanded us?
And again,
We've got generations of patterns that say well,
You have to be in a relationship or else you're not lovable.
Well,
Why isn't she in a relationship?
What's wrong with her?
There must be something wrong with them that they're not in a relationship.
The number of people who said to me whenever I'm single,
Oh,
Don't worry darling you'll find someone.
It's like,
Why is that the goal?
Why is that somehow making me complete?
That doesn't make any sense.
And it's a fascinating thing.
And again,
This is historically how it was.
I recently wrote an article called Does Becoming Androgynous Lead to Tantric Bliss?
You know,
I've told lots of you guys that my first teacher Jim,
20 some odd years ago,
He used to say that he couldn't understand why people didn't walk around in a fully orgasmic state all the time.
And of course,
At the time I had no idea what he was talking about.
But when you imagine what that is,
It's actually a full union within.
It's a full union of your own inner masculine and feminine.
So,
It's not just like,
Ahhh,
Like I'm in this state of ecstasy or this state of orgasmic bliss.
It's not like that.
We're still living.
We're not transcending our life.
We're still here.
So that orgasmic bliss could be the painter feeling inspired and receiving this inspiration and then manifesting the paint and you get lost in the creation of it.
It could be having the most glorious conversation with a friend on a couch drinking tea.
And there's this beautiful union of the talker and the listener.
And you just sort of float away the hours living in this beautiful bliss.
It could be walking outside and feeling the sun on your face and receiving that sun and your whole body just gets warm.
This is how we're designed.
It's actually be in this lovely bliss state.
And I don't know why and this is something I'm currently really thinking a lot about but so,
We may talk about it more at another time but it's an interesting thing how we got separated inside whether it's the separation from our own feminine inside all of us regardless of gender our emotions,
Our truth,
Our reality that maybe caused this desperation to cleave to another.
Don't get me wrong.
We're taught it as well,
Right?
That we're supposed to do this.
There's no other proper way to do things.
But there's also this inner thing that without another person I'm nothing.
Without this other person,
I'm not complete.
So there's a lot of inner work to play with there.
To kind of say,
So what is it that I'm missing that I so require in another person?
And how can I strengthen that inside of me so that I can actually be whole?
You know as our friend David Bohm would say to actually be an individual,
Undivided,
Whole,
Masculine,
Feminine.
And I was reading this book on the weekend Crazy Wisdom of the Yogini by Daniel O'Dier and they were talking about the importance of embracing our inner androgyny.
And this is what really got me thinking wow,
You know we talk about having a strong inner masculine and feminine balance.
But if you take it right to the edge of it they actually would then become whole and we would become complete.
And there's something really interesting about being complete about being a fully actualized person about being happy in who you are.
Because then what happens is if you choose to be in a relationship whether it's a relationship you're already in or a new relationship you're already whole.
So if you choose to be in this relationship you know your soul's on a path.
Why would you deviate from your soul's path just to be with another person?
Like it doesn't make any sense.
You're on a path,
You're on a journey you're learning,
You're expanding,
You're creating.
So then the question becomes why would I get into a relationship?
Well what if the relationship complemented your journey?
What if this person was an incredible companion on your journey?
What if you complemented each other's journeys and you actually helped each other by the very essence of who you are?
You actually mirrored interesting things you mirrored difficult things that we need to work on and we actually helped each other and we got to go further because we were in a relationship.
Imagine being in a relationship for that reason.
You would never compromise your path because the point is your path.
You just happen to have found someone to play with along the way.
And in the same way because you personally are whole and happy and content you would never ask someone else to cut their arm off so that they can fit in your car.
We would never ask someone else to deviate from their path to come onto our path.
Why would we do that?
Everybody here we know how hard it is to hear our own truth after millennia of being told that we don't matter that there's no such thing as self that you should be selfless that you should give up your whatever for everyone else.
We do courses and classes about how to listen to ourself how to hear our truth how to connect with our own reality.
That's really serious and that's the world we've come out of that we didn't matter.
So,
Here we are on our journey going I just want to know what the next step is.
I want to know what my mission is.
I want to know what the purpose of my life is.
Why am I even here?
Well,
If we've really deeply sat with that question and we've meditated and we've done the yoga and we've taken the courses and we've done the things to try to figure out what our path is and then we meet another soul and we like them.
We're attracted to them.
You know we would love to spend more time with them.
Why in the world would we ask them to go against the very truth that we're so desperately trying to find ourselves?
So,
It's a very interesting thing to ask ourselves first off why am I in this relationship?
Am I here to continue on my soul's journey?
Am I here out of fear?
Am I here because I just don't have faith in myself?
Why?
Because otherwise the compromise is going to happen and again it's not evil.
We stay in relationships for a lot of reasons and sometimes the call is to stay.
But then maybe the journey is inside and we ask ourselves okay,
I know I'm compromising myself in the relationship then I must also be doing it inside.
So,
Then I can do that work.
Sometimes when we're in marriages or long relationships we feel that something's wrong and we pray for help or we meditate on it and we think I think it's time to leave I don't want to be here anymore.
You know talking's not working,
Nothing's working.
I don't feel like we're reaching each other and you close your eyes and you ask the question am I meant to stay or go?
And the answer is stay.
You're like what?
Then we go inside and we say all right then what part of this am I doing inside?
Where am I compromising in my own heart on my own path?
Maybe I don't have to leave this relationship.
Maybe I just have to be whole myself inside the relationship.
You know maybe that's the muscle I have to,
I have to strengthen because unfortunately if inside we don't have it we will likely just repeat it with another person and we'll just bounce from person to person to person because we're just replicating the same relationship that we have inside.
So,
Then again assuming we're in a relationship where we're on a soul's journey.
We are two individuals who have chosen to be together,
To be companions,
To help each other,
To challenge each other and all these good things.
Then we need to kind of digest the idea of honoring the true length of a relationship because we're deeply trained in the till death do you part.
Whether it's movies,
Whether it's church,
Whether it's our family expectations that deep down when we find someone we love we want it to be forever.
We don't ever want to have to find another person.
We don't want to be alone again.
We want this person forever and we're in love.
Why wouldn't we want them forever?
And to realize that forever feels like right now.
Right,
There's no such thing that this moment's all that exists.
So,
All you really know is that we want them right now.
And then our brain sort of does this make-believe concept of forever and says and so I want them forever.
But really the only reality is,
Is right now and that's normal that I want this person in my life right now.
But what if your soul's paths diverge?
What if you're together for a year and then it seems that you're not complementing each other?
I don't mean complementing like hey,
Aren't you gorgeous?
I mean complementing in a positive symbiotic relationship.
And you actually look at each other and you say this is weird.
You know that suddenly you're seeing the need to compromise yourself and you're like,
Hmm,
Wow.
For us to actually be happy I'm going to have to not do the things I really want to do.
That's interesting.
And then bit by bit we keep doing this and we keep realizing that wow,
I'm going to have to really compromise my path in order to stay on your path.
And you can visualize this right if you're kind of on two paths that are sort of wandering parallel and one path starts to veer somewhere different and you're like wow,
You're feeling so far away.
Oh,
Well maybe I'll just come closer to your path.
Maybe I'll change what I'm doing to come closer to your path but now I'm no longer on my path.
And sometimes we become incredibly hyper focused on the other person's path and we completely jump off of our path and literally walk beside another person down their path that their life's journey suddenly becomes ours.
So imagine again,
This is a philosophical question within each of us.
This may not be your perception of relationships but if your goal is to continue on your soul's journey then perhaps your paths will diverge at some point.
Maybe it's not a till death do you part thing.
Maybe it's as long as our paths are joyful and loving and symbiotic for each.
We stay together and then we joyfully separate and continue on to the next adventure because it's a very interesting thing this idea of scarcity.
So if you imagine I picture like two people going along and then let's say their paths fork and they go off in separate directions.
Well,
Why do we assume that we would not meet another interesting person along the path?
If coupling is our desire,
Why would we assume there isn't anyone else out there?
And this is again a huge thing we've lived with and for the last millennium or so is this concept of scarcity that there's a lack.
There's not enough money.
There's not enough food.
There's not enough men.
There's not enough women.
There's not enough whatever.
What if there is?
What if there's an abundance of all things?
Would it be easier to walk your path then?
And again this lack,
This scarcity of partners that is a real,
That was once a real thing.
Like my sister's mother-in-law.
She was raised in Poland.
Oh sorry,
It was my sister's mother-in-law's mother.
So,
She was raised in kind of war-torn Poland and the little town she lived in was really short on men because they'd all been killed at war.
And this little village she had,
They lived in,
There were like five men left.
And so,
It creates a very curious scarcity and then all of a sudden you know because I think we were talking about it because I was always wondering why women become so catty and competitive for men.
And we got talking about this that in the past there really has been real scarcity.
But it's an interesting thing today to ask ourselves is there a scarcity?
Or do we just need to get out more?
Do we just need to join more things?
Do we just need to really walk our path?
It's almost like I saw,
I don't know,
It was some kind of meme or something.
And it was this idea that we want to find our soulmate but they're not going to walk into our living room.
You know and we may not find them on a dating app.
But imagine this journey again that we are on a soul's path.
Well,
The best thing to do if you want to find someone is to actually get out and manifest our soul's path.
And we will end up meeting people along the way.
It's kind of like I'm on a journey to Damascus and I met all of these interesting people along the way.
But if I never leave for Damascus,
How will I find the people who would beautifully complement my journey?
So imagine if you're in a relationship.
And this is just kind of one of the questions that can be asked.
Like so you're in a relationship and you want to go on a holiday.
And one person wants to go on a golfing holiday and the other person wants to go on an adventure tour or something.
We have this idea that well,
Yeah,
Then you'd have to compromise,
Right?
I mean one person is going to have to not get their way assuming you're only going to go on one holiday.
But of course,
The person who wants to go golfing doesn't want to go on an adventure tour.
And the person who wants to go on an adventure tour is going to be so bored on a golfing holiday.
So,
Then the question becomes why do you have to take holidays together?
I mean that's part of being in a relationship.
But you can hear like the program that just came in there.
It's just a program,
Why?
That's really the only reason that's the big reason so you have someone to holiday with even though neither of you enjoy the same kind of holiday.
So,
You want someone to come on your holiday with you regardless of what they want.
You know what I mean?
Like all of these things are so old and strange programs.
So,
Then the question becomes why do you really not want to take separate holidays?
Well,
One of the big reasons that we don't want to take separate holidays is that we actually have no intimacy throughout the year.
And we have a hope that maybe if we get away together we might find that intimacy we don't normally have.
So,
Is the problem really taking separate vacations?
Or is the problem that we don't have intimacy all day long or during the week?
If you're afraid of taking separate vacations because you think the other person might find someone else or cheat on you or something like that.
Well,
The separate vacation is not the problem.
There's a deeper issue afoot.
There's a deeper disconnect that's happening in the relationship.
It's also really important to really consider where these trainings come from that are in our brains about relationships.
We've done a lot of talking about in the chakra series about this curious shadow world we live in and how inside we are this pure light.
We have this interface between the pure light within us and this curious world we've been living in and then we have all these programs in this interface.
Well,
Think about what's in that interface about relationships.
I mean,
How crazy is it that we weren't allowed to divorce and still aren't allowed in many countries?
Can you imagine the overreach of that of the authority figures that if I'm with someone I'm not allowed to follow my own path.
I'm not allowed to follow my soul's path.
I have to stay no matter what.
Like that's weird.
And so many of our trainings come from that very strange idea.
Can you imagine that some authority,
A body in power was telling us as individual humans,
Incarnate refractions of God,
That we weren't allowed to change relationships.
That just blows my mind.
Or that we have to be subservient to each other.
Can you imagine being taught to be subservient to another human when we actually have these beautiful soul's paths to walk?
It's a funny thing.
You know,
There's this old saying that's not that old,
But there is no I in team.
There's no I in team.
That includes relationships.
And of course the person that's saying this is the one that wants you to compromise.
They want you to get off of your path and stop walking your soul's path because it's making them uncomfortable or they don't want to be on your path or whatever.
We have this idea that we're supposed to have the same path.
First,
The most important question we have to ask ourselves is why am I in the relationship to begin with?
And what's really fascinating is that when we actually come to head,
Because it happens,
You're in a relationship and something gets rubbed wrong,
Something is said wrong,
But you're not going to compromise your truth.
So suddenly you sit down and you say,
Wow,
That's really not sitting well with me.
And the other person is like,
Well,
That's just the way it is and that's just how I am and it's like,
Oh.
So do you think we're not compatible then?
Well,
It's not that.
And it's a fascinating thing to actually allow ourselves to have this conversation.
Are we compatible?
If this is truly your truth and this is really my truth,
Maybe we're actually not good for each other,
Like we're not good for each other's soul's journeys.
And what's fascinating is that from that place,
We either realize that,
You know what,
You're right.
We're actually just together because we're lonely and afraid of being alone or just really horny and I'd like to have regular sex or something or my family really likes you and that this gets them off my back or something.
But our soul paths really don't complement each other.
And maybe we come to that realization,
Then we do whatever we want with it.
Or we stand in this interesting place in our apparent truths and we ask ourselves,
I really do want to be with this person and I feel called to be with this person.
So is this my truth?
So I'm not cutting off my arm,
But over a lifetime,
Maybe I have some extra arms that were put on me by my family or my church or society.
And in order to be in this relationship,
I can no longer carry the beliefs of my father.
I can no longer bring the beliefs of the church I was raised in.
And in this standoff,
In this healthy relationship,
You start to realize,
Wait a minute,
This isn't my truth at all.
Whose truth is this?
Who am I even talking about?
And we start to really get to question ourselves.
And in that way,
We get to actually find who we really are in the relationship.
So a no compromise relationship isn't just coming in as we are and holding our ground no matter what.
It's a perpetual journey of finding our truth.
But it's never about compromising that truth.
I'm going to put my glasses on.
And if you have any questions,
I would love to answer them.
But isn't a relationship give and take?
This is such a good question.
Because that's the definition of compromise.
And what's really interesting is,
So my great passion is the union of the masculine feminine.
This is not gender.
This is the energies of the masculine feminine,
Which is the book I'm working on right now.
It'll come out in the spring.
Imagine instead,
A relationship is about giving and receiving,
That the energy flows between us,
That we don't take from each other.
We actually give what's needed.
We flow together.
We nourish each other.
It's a very different thing than this concept of give and take,
For sure.
What if you start discovering your soul's purpose and you feel your partner will just compromise to be with you?
Well,
The truth is that's their journey.
We all have to have the experience.
I compromised all kinds of things about my path and my marriage.
But it's like my soul had to walk that out.
Maybe I had karmic patterns I had to replicate in order to learn for the 40th time.
But I have to walk that out.
And if we have a partner who will likely just adapt to you,
They'll adapt for a while and maybe years.
And then one day,
They may say,
Wait a second,
What happened here?
How come we're just living your path?
And you're like,
I'm just living my path.
You get to do you.
Another possible outcome of that partner is that because you're actually walking your path,
They may feel licensed to walk their own.
And we can be very verbal about it.
We can say,
You know,
I'm really feeling called to this.
I'm really interested in what,
How our individual paths can complement each other.
You know,
As different as this may be,
How cool would it be for us to both explore our individual paths together as companions on the journey?
So you never know what the end result is.
There's sort of that release of the outcome to say,
All I do know is this is my truth and this is my path.
And I trust that my partner will have whatever experience they're meant to have.
Isn't it a necessity to compromise for the biological survival of humanity?
The interesting thing about the biological survival of humanity is as human beings we go into heat.
We will procreate.
What we do after that can be done in many,
Many different ways.
If you imagine,
I've always believed that a relationship has three components.
There's the actual love component where you are each other's lover.
And this is why you're drawn to each other because you just,
You have such a beautiful chemistry and a beautiful love and a beautiful,
You know,
With each other.
A secondary potential in the relationship is that you might live together or not.
And of course,
Historically it was understood you would live together for many reasons,
Mostly that women couldn't work and couldn't live alone and that kind of thing.
And it was just expected.
But imagine that was an option.
And you actually looked at this loving relationship and said,
What would benefit our journeys the most?
Would living together benefit us the most?
Or would living apart benefit us the most?
So it's a question.
It's a choice.
There's no expectation there.
And then the third question is,
Would you like to have children?
Maybe you would,
Maybe you wouldn't.
If you choose to have children,
You think,
Well,
So can we commit to each other for the raising of the children regardless of whether or not we remain lovers?
It's a separate thing.
You know,
Can we make this decision that we will and this commitment to do the best that we can for the children,
No matter what happens with us?
And I've known couples who one partner wanted children,
The other one didn't.
They actually lived separately and one had a sperm donor and had a baby and they were still lovers.
And there's a lot of assumptions that if you have children,
You must live together,
You must love each other,
You must stay together.
And that even that's the best for the children.
But the truth is,
I have weird visions of,
I believe it's the future.
I don't think it's the past.
I believe it's the future where we actually do live communally in great joy like as we all really evolve and shift and grow.
If a soul wants to come in,
They kind of choose the parents and these parents,
These two people copulate,
Have a baby,
But the child is raised by the home,
It's raised by everyone.
Whether that couple remains a couple or not is irrelevant because there's all these people that love that child.
So there's so many options in terms of raising children.
We just have very limited ideas based on one paradigm.
How can this apply to relationships of negotiating countries in our world?
Could this be the basis of world peace?
Totally.
One of the great challenges between countries and the world is that there's a power dynamic,
That one person wants to own the other.
One person wants to conquer the other.
One person wants to be powerful.
Well,
That's a 100% compromise on everyone else's part.
No one else actually exists except for the one who wants to conquer.
And it's interesting,
There's been a lot of books written about this.
You know,
There's one called The Dominator,
The Dominator Virus or something.
And the question is to where in humanity's history did this desire for conquering come?
That we couldn't just live side by side enjoying each other's company and enjoying each other's personal soul's journey.
When did this energy enter the planet that suddenly this group wanted to dominate this other group and take over?
Because as long as that exists,
Like that exists in our relationships too,
Right?
I want to be in charge.
I need you to compromise to me.
And maybe it's because our parents were very dominating and we're afraid of being dominated.
And so,
If I can control you,
Get you on my path and of course,
You're not really on your path because you're living out your parents junk,
Right?
Then I'm safe because I won't be challenged and I won't be taken off my soul's path.
So,
The biggest thing that has to shift in the world is the ending of this idea of one country controlling another country or people controlling each other.
And if you imagine it coming all the way in to ourselves,
If we look at that microcosm and the macrocosm,
Where do we control ourselves?
Where do we force ourselves off our path?
Where do we belittle ourselves?
Where do we try to make ourselves do things that aren't on our journey?
And then we look into our first relationships,
Our immediate relationships.
Am I controlling with them?
Do I believe I know better than them?
Do I feel better than them?
Do I feel powerful if they take my advice?
Da da da da da.
Then we go into the community and so on and so on.
But if countries would actually allow themselves to just exist and be happy with whatever culture they are,
I'm sure we could definitely have a very peaceful world.
I believe that's where we're going.
But again,
It begins inside of us.
It's one of the great challenges that we've been trained in the last millennia that we all have to do what authority says.
We have kings and queens.
Like when you really think of it,
It's such an unfathomable concept that people are lifted.
They're just humans.
And suddenly their royalty that we have to bow to.
It's a crazy concept.
But this is deeply in our belief systems that those people out there will make all the change because they're in power.
They're in control.
So it's the same thing here.
We believe that as soon as governments start making great change,
We'll all have happy lives.
But that's not how it is.
It's as a collective as we start to move out.
You look at everybody here.
There's 180 people here.
If every one of us went out into the world and we simply had this peace about ourselves and we treated each other with respect and then those people treat other people with respect and those people treat other people with respect,
That's how things really change.
That doesn't change from on high.
There is no on high.
It doesn't exist.
Nobody's in charge of us.
Nobody has sovereignty over us.
It's all up to us.
But the challenge is because we were trained that they are in charge,
We also hand the responsibility to them.
And then nothing changes.
Do you think people could be in a relationship and in love but still cheat?
That's a huge,
Huge question.
Again,
The problem is that very often we live in a societal structure that doesn't allow us to have honest conversation.
And it expects compromise.
And then weird things happen in the background of the relationship.
And especially if we aren't allowed to leave the relationship for a million reasons,
People often will still go and find love elsewhere.
And it's never simple.
It's just never a simple topic.
It's easy to just sort of be black and white about it but our soul's paths aren't simple.
So it's always a case of in this moment when we can really become sober of mind and emotion and heart and really ask ourselves what we truly want,
No games,
No manipulation,
And really have honest conversation,
Then everything changes.
Then suddenly a relationship might actually be much more.
.
.
Again,
If we look at what it would be best for us in this relationship,
Maybe the truth is what's best in this relationship is something like polyamory.
Or maybe having this aspect of the relationship that's very comfortable because maybe someone's sick or there's something going on there that we want to stay together to keep this unit together.
But then maybe there's also a lover or something.
Like as long as it's open and honest and.
.
.
And we can look at it with sober mind as a mature adult.
That sounds very judgmental,
But I just mean without kind of being hyper and emotional about it.
I think we could really find the answer.
But the challenge is we come out of a structure that says the only thing that's acceptable is heterosexual,
Lifelong monogamy,
And you just suck it up until you die.
This is the foundation of our relationships.
And anything else is an aberration.
It's just so.
.
.
It's just so bizarre.
First of all,
That anybody cares who anyone loves.
Gender,
All that.
Who cares?
Let people love each other.
And if a relationship has completed,
To let it complete.
And if it needs to morph and change and grow and expand into other aspects,
To allow it to do that.
And all along the way,
Not compromising our soul's journey.
And I think everything.
.
.
I'm so glad you brought that up because this is where this no compromise matters.
But to make sure,
It's not that we're just not compromising,
This is my belief system because this is what my parents believed and this is what the church believes,
That it's really you.
Is this what I desire in a relationship?
Maybe your partner wants to be polyamorous in your own soul.
You're saying,
No,
I desire monogamy.
So it's not about not.
.
.
You don't have to demonize the other person.
You can just honestly look at them and say,
You are an amazing human.
But we are being shown by the universe that we have separate paths here.
Oh no,
But I really want to be with you.
Well,
Of course.
And this is the other weird thing about scarcity.
I think love is normal.
I think if we all got together,
I'm sure there will be all kinds of love between us.
Do I want to hang out with you?
Absolutely.
Do I want to have sex with you?
Sure.
Do I want to like.
.
.
Yeah.
I think it's normal to really be loving with lots of people who are open and happy and on a joyful journey.
But because so many people aren't,
This loving connection is so uncommon.
We just hold tight to it.
Like we're going to drown without it or we're going to starve without it.
But what if we live in an idea of abundance?
And we say,
You know what?
My soul's path isn't seeking what your soul's path is.
And we can part as friends.
We can part as lovers.
And that's it.
And to me,
Following our path that way and not compromising,
It's satya,
It's truth.
It's allowing truth into the relationship.
That it's not personal.
It's just.
.
.
Hmm.
.
.
Perhaps our time has differed.
And then maybe if you say,
No,
I'm just going on this poly monogamous thing.
And it could be going the other direction too,
Right?
And the other person says,
Well,
No,
I really want to be with you.
And it's like,
That's cool.
And then maybe the person who wants to be poly says,
Okay,
Well,
Let me look at this.
Maybe I don't.
Maybe I just read a great book that talked about it.
And maybe that's not really what I want.
Again,
This could happen vice versa.
I feel that all these conversations are leading to an understanding of how we interrelate in the new earth.
Totally.
What gets in the way of male-female friendships?
Can the friendship exist without the wife being hurt?
So this is the whole thing.
Like when we really value,
Let's call it our primary relationship,
Our primary intimate relationship.
And that this is really important.
And we are together because we are lovers.
I remember reading a book called Kosher Adultery by Rabbi Shmuley Boteach.
It's such a good book.
The tagline was how to sin and seduce with your spouse because he had this whole thing that so many couples would come to him for advice.
And some couples would come and they would be kind of like brother and sister.
This is all very heteronormative.
But there was no spark and no great sex or anything like that.
And then there were people who just fought and fought and fought and fought and fought.
And there's all kinds of spark and all kinds of great sex,
But they just fought all the time.
And he said sometimes the best relationships that he ever saw were people who were actually having affairs because they actually brought their A-game to the table and there were all these interesting things.
But his number one advice to young women becoming married,
He said never,
Even if you get married,
Never become their wife.
Be their lover for as long as you're with them.
And as soon as you stop being their lover,
Something is wrong.
And that is where this kind of problem happens.
Because at some point the relationship is no longer a relationship of lovers.
It falls into some pattern of,
Oh,
I don't have time for that and I'm just tired and it's the end of the day and just getting the kids here and getting to work and paying the bills and all that.
And all of a sudden somebody has a friend at work.
And it could be cross gender or it could be the same gender,
It doesn't matter.
But that other person is getting the attention,
Sexual,
Emotional,
Playing hockey,
Who cares?
They're getting the attention that the other partner desires and is missing.
Because one of the great challenges in intimate relationships is in theory we have promised to only be with this person in this intimate way.
And then if that is taken away inside the relationship and for some reason we feel like we can't leave,
Because again the question for me is why are they still there?
Why are they compromising their journey to stay with this person?
But this is what's really important.
Is that the relationship is loving and they're making,
You know,
They're having all kinds of glorious,
Tantric intimacy and they're spending time together and going on dates and they're doing all these great things.
And when each partner is completely full in the relationship,
It doesn't matter who else they hang out with.
It just doesn't matter.
But if it's cold at home,
If it's empty,
If we've fallen into expectations,
If we've fallen into roles,
We've become each other's wives or husbands or whatever,
Then yeah,
We're going to find friends,
Lovers,
Love.
Maybe a common misconception is expecting the partner to meet all our needs all the time.
But this is just it.
A partner is not there to meet our needs.
We meet our needs.
I am a whole being.
I am a whole person.
I have no needs that someone else has to fulfill.
No one has to do anything for me to be happy.
I am a complete autonomous androgynous person.
I am whole.
If I choose to be in a relationship,
It's because this relationship fulfills both of us on our journeys.
Period.
This is where it gets all messed up when we stay in relationships,
When we don't have the freedom to leave for some reason inside our hearts.
It's our choice.
Unless you live in a country that you actually are not allowed to leave.
If you live in a country where you can and you choose not to,
That is a personal choice.
And that's the foundation of this whole this whole talk.
Is that if I'm in this relationship,
It's because it's a symbiotic,
Joyful,
Complementary union.
That's where if I choose to be in a relationship because I want us to be lovers,
Then we're lovers.
And if we're no longer lovers,
Then perhaps the relationship is complete and our paths have diverged.
It's a fascinating thing to just really stay our own course,
Like to really be clear and to say,
Wow.
So you seem to desire to have many lovers.
And I am desiring a singular partner.
And perhaps our paths have diverged.
Like,
Imagine having that sobriety.
Imagine being able to say that.
And I get it,
The world is not here yet.
There's a lot of crazy out there.
And don't get me wrong,
I mean,
We have lots of bad days and sometimes you feel like you want someone.
And,
You know,
I get it.
We're all,
We have lots of leftovers from our past karmic issues and stuff like that.
We're not coming in perfect.
We're on a journey.
And to me,
That's the whole,
That's why even a concept like this,
No compromise relationship,
It's a concept.
As opposed to the concept we were raised in,
That relationships are all about compromise.
Imagine how different the journey is when you hold one philosophy or the other.
It's just a guideline.
There's a million permutations and combinations of what can happen from there.
Will I please,
In a nutshell,
Describe the new compromise concept?
Imagine we ask ourselves the question,
Why are we here on Earth?
And if we believe that we're here because our soul is here to have a unique experience,
Then that's how we want to walk through our life.
And that includes relationships.
And if we choose to partner with someone,
Then that partnership would have to complement that.
And that we wouldn't compromise our path.
And the reason I'm talking about this is because historically,
We've believed that this is normal.
So thank you so much for being here.
I hope you have a wonderful day.
