Memory Infuses A Moment: Radiance Sutras Verse 96

During this session, we discuss Verse 96 of the Yukti Verses from the 'Radiance Sutras', a translation of the Vijanana Bhairava Tantra by Lorin Loche. A meditation follows our discussion.

These sessions are recorded on a weekly basis and all are welcome.

Transcript

So today we are reading from the Radiant Sutras.

The Radiant Sutras is a beautiful interpretation of the Vijnana Bhairava Tantra.

The point of this book,

The point of the teachings,

Is to help us remember and feel our divine essence.

That's the point of the whole book,

Of every sutra,

Is to remember all of us.

It's kind of like imagining that someone told you that you don't actually have a right arm.

So you have this right arm that is tied behind your back all the time.

Maybe from a child,

You always had your right arm tied behind your back.

So you just learned to live with just your left arm,

But of course having your right arm tied behind your back made your posture funny and you walked funny and nothing quite worked right.

And because you could only use your left hand,

You actually couldn't do as much as a human was designed to do.

Because with two hands,

You can just do so many different things.

So you've got this right hand tied behind your back and you've lived your whole life like that.

And maybe you're 50 and for all intents and purposes,

You don't even have consciousness of a right arm because it's irrelevant.

You've never used it.

You know,

Maybe it's even atrophied.

You wouldn't even know how to wiggle your fingers.

That's a lot like us.

We have this physical aspect of ourself and we have a divine aspect of ourself.

But we were cut off from that divine aspect.

We were cut off from that greater wisdom space.

We were cut off from the feeling within that we are actually eternal beings having this very interesting incarnation.

And so the point of Tantra is to slowly get feeling back into our right arm.

Because deep down,

You're like,

Well,

I know we have a right arm.

I've seen pictures,

But I wouldn't know how to use it.

And I don't know how it integrates into the rest of my body.

And I know that some people can use their right arm,

But I don't think I can.

And no one in my family has ever used their right arm.

And so the funny thing is,

You cannot intellectualize yourself into believing that you have a right arm.

The only thing you can do is do something with the right arm and you feel it.

It's imagine someone unties you and maybe they tie your left arm behind you and you trip and your right arm jumps out to support you.

And you're like,

That was weird,

But I felt it.

I can't actually explain what my right arm just did,

But I felt it.

And that's interesting.

That's what it's like reconnecting with our divinity.

It's almost like you can't intellectualize about it.

You have to feel it.

You'd have to first even know you had a right arm.

Exactly.

And so this is the point of this book,

Is that each sutra gives us a little exercise to do to help remember this part of us that has been cut off from us.

So today we are reading number 96.

So whether or not you have the book or not,

Let's close our eyes.

Let's breathe deeply,

Releasing all thoughts,

Even releasing your body,

Just totally resting in that quiet place inside,

That still place inside.

When the unforgettable calls you,

The memory of something noble,

Generous,

Inspiring,

Accept the gift,

Savor every detail.

The beauty we admire is a visitation from another moment,

Infusing body and heart.

Memory transports us beyond time and space into the living presence of wonder.

What comes up for you when you hear that?

What thoughts or feelings?

Memories can be so magical.

To live in the now with the memory.

Yes.

Experiences are timeless.

Accept the gift beyond time and space.

Just say yes.

Again,

There was a lot in that.

What comes up,

How remarkable our ability to imagine the past and future.

Honor this time travel the way we're learning to honor the present.

Totally.

I'm just going to grab another one of my books because I want to read you the direct translation.

So here is the direct translation of the Sanskrit.

Leave the mind aside when memorable objects of the past,

Such as one's country or land arise,

Making one's body supportless,

Then the omnipresent and mighty Lord manifests.

Leave the mind aside when memorable objects of the past,

Such as one's country or land arise,

Making one's body supportless,

Then the omnipresent and mighty Lord manifests.

This is why we use Lauren's translation.

It's a little heavy.

Unforgettable,

Eternal,

Noble reference for the mysteries of what was,

Is,

And may be arising.

Bracketed words were mine.

Mm-hmm.

I will reread it in a minute,

But I'd like to talk about it for a minute.

Because what's interesting about this is it's the practice of using a really expansive memory.

And I think the first,

Nancy said that memories can be so magical.

And let's just ponder this word magical for a minute.

If you think of a memory that really filled you with joy.

And it's interesting because in this teaching,

It's all,

They talk,

The actual literal translation is remembering your homeland.

Which sort of makes me think that there was a lot of migration and stuff at that time,

Right?

And having to leave your homeland,

You know,

Because when you would think of that,

You would be filled with joy,

You'd be filled with,

As the Dutch would say,

Gezellig feelings,

You know.

It also is about love.

When you felt intense love.

And this could be romantic love.

This could be the love seeing a child born.

It could be the love,

That feeling when you first play with a puppy.

It can be an experience you've had that is just,

It just expands you.

It's a larger than life experience.

But the key is to not actually get caught in the details.

And I know in Lauren's translation,

He says,

Savor the details.

But in all the other discussions about this sutra,

The point is actually to let go of any details about the experience and instead to dive in to the feeling of the experience at the time.

That's the whole point.

What about memories that fill you with dread?

So those aren't the memories that we're working with in this.

So this meditation,

The point is to actually elevate our state in the present.

So what we do is we use a strong memory from the past that is very positive and noble.

That's their language,

That it's positive.

We use this in the same way that we would use a mantra.

So we would use this positive memory as a mantra,

Or not the memory.

You take the memory,

You go into the feeling of the experience,

And that becomes your mantra.

And so what we do is,

So for example,

One of my favorite memories,

So I used to be a dairy farmer.

I was actually raised in Toronto,

And I was a computer programmer.

But then I married a farmer.

So I lived a very,

Very different life for about 17 years.

And one of my favorite memories,

And I had a really hard time on the farm.

Like I really struggled with the isolation and long hours,

And kind of nothing else besides farming and,

You know,

Babies and stuff.

But it was a hard life.

I remember we would be baling hay,

Or baling straw.

The way we would bale hay,

If you've ever,

I mean,

Some of you guys may have seen this,

Right?

But let's say it's straw.

So you cut down the grain,

And a big combine goes through,

And it pulls out all the grain,

And it leaves the stalk.

So there are these long lines of grain stalks,

Which will eventually we call straw,

That becomes bedding.

So imagine this huge 40-acre field.

Doesn't matter what 40 acres is,

But a huge green field.

And in it are these long lines of cut straw that have to be baled.

And we use the small bales that you pick up with two hands,

You know.

And when my kids were little,

They would be like,

I don't know,

Five and seven,

Or six and eight,

That kind of time.

I'd be driving the tractor,

And it was just this open,

Old tractor.

It wasn't some big tractor with a cab.

It was just this open tractor.

Behind me,

I'd be pulling a baler,

Which the baler is grabbing all the straw,

Putting it into a nice box,

And then it's putting a big string on it,

And then it's shooting it onto a big flatbed wagon.

And on the flatbed wagon,

You grab the bale,

Take it to the back,

Stack it,

And you stack it like Lego.

You stack it up in nice little things.

Well,

These were always hot,

Sunny days,

Because the straw had to be dry enough to go into the mouth.

So they were always these beautiful blue sky days.

So you just imagine we have this crazy,

Busy life.

You just never get to rest.

And I'm driving the tractor,

And it's just like putting down the field,

And you can hear the baler as the straw is going in and creating the bales.

And back on the wagon is my husband,

And he's throwing the bales.

And what he's been doing is his whole life.

And my kids are crawling up and down all over the Lego blocks of bales.

And every so often,

The two of them get their little hands,

And they try to drag the bale up to their dad,

And their dad throws it up.

And the three of them are working together in this blissful harmony.

And I'm just sitting on the tractor,

Driving in the sunshine.

And then I would always look up,

And there would always be turkey vultures flying around because,

Of course,

Under the straw are delicious little meals for them.

But it was blissful.

So if I was to use this memory for this meditation,

I would go in to the feeling of the experience.

So first you kind of savor the details,

So that you can get all the way into the experience.

But then forget the details and stay in that experience.

And with every breath,

Remember that experience,

The feeling of it.

And then the feeling of it acts like a mantra.

Because the idea of a mantra is that you are replacing old ideas with a new idea.

Because a mantra not only means something,

Like not only does the mantra word mean something,

The language of Sanskrit,

Gurmukhi,

However,

These languages resonate in the body.

If you chant Ananda,

Which means peace,

You don't have to even know that Ananda means peace.

If you say Ananda,

Ananda,

Literally the vibration of peace will filter through your whole body.

So this is what this is used for.

We use it to shift our consciousness today with an incredible experience from the past.

But it's really important not to actually focus on the details.

Because then what happens?

If we get all focused on the details,

We actually get transported to the past.

Like we actually leave the present moment and we get lost in another timeline.

One can get lost in the details.

And then suddenly we think,

Oh,

What happened?

Why couldn't that have continued?

Or,

Well,

It wasn't always like that,

Though,

Was it?

No,

There were some bad times too.

And then it was raining.

And we get all caught up in the details.

And all of a sudden our brain is involved.

And now it's just making up stories.

Just making stuff up.

And you know what?

This is interesting.

I've been thinking a lot about this.

The Four Agreements book has been out for a long time.

But I'm reading it,

And of course they're talking about how all of our thoughts are just a dream.

Everything we think about is just a dream.

We can choose to think about anything we want all the time.

Right now.

We can choose to think about negative things.

Or we can choose to think about positive things.

And I don't mean being Pollyanna and ignoring issues or anything like that.

I'm just saying we get to choose what we're thinking about.

And this is something that I personally am really working with.

Because as much as intellectually I know that I get to choose my own thoughts and all that,

Man,

Those thoughts come in unbidden.

And I somehow think I'm supposed to engage with them.

Because they appeared.

Well,

I'm mad at that person.

So?

I don't have to think that thought one more time.

Not one more.

You know,

In the book The Four Agreements,

They were talking about how in a just world,

If you believed in punishment,

If you ever did something wrong,

You would maybe be punished once.

But instead,

We will punish ourselves and other people infinite number of times for every transgression.

Isn't that crazy?

Imagine you did something and you wish you'd done it differently.

How many times do you beat yourself up about it?

And it is a choice.

We don't have to.

We can just say,

Well,

Lesson learned.

And move on.

And if we have a program that says,

No,

You've got to stay and beat yourself up a bit longer or beat up that person over there for something they did yesterday or 40 years ago.

It's up to us.

Casting spells exactly.

How long do we want to think about this?

Even crazy stuff.

I went to bed last night.

And I went to bed before William because I was just so tired.

I was just exhausted.

And he stayed up doing this fun jigsaw puzzle that he was doing.

And I was lying in bed and I was just about asleep when he came in.

And I didn't want to wake up.

I wanted to actually continue to sleep because I was really,

Really tired.

So he came to bed.

And I just kind of touched his hand and told him I was almost asleep or whatever.

And he went to sleep.

And that was it.

I woke up in the morning.

Had my coffee.

Did my thing.

Walked the dog.

And then I went and had a bath.

And I'm lying in the bath.

And while I was in there,

He got up.

And he was in the kitchen,

Which is just outside the bathroom.

And my mind started swirling.

He's probably mad because I didn't talk to him when he came to bed last night.

Well,

You know what?

Screw him.

You know,

He doesn't have to be so entitled.

And I was asleep and I was tired.

And who is he to say all that?

And like,

How dare he expect me to wake up just because he came to bed after and he decided to stay up late to do the puzzle.

Who am I?

I'm not his.

And my mind is flying in this entirely created fantasy.

It was crazy.

And I was lying there,

Thinking about this,

Going,

Katrina,

Why are you thinking this?

Like,

What are you doing?

And then it's like,

He may not even be thinking that.

Who cares what he's thinking?

What do you want to think about?

Let's think about our day.

Let's think about the warm water.

Let's think about how epic this bath feels.

Let's think about the Radiant Sutras talk we're going to do later.

Let's think about anything.

It is a fascinating day when we realize that we get to choose our thoughts.

Because sometimes,

Even in the context of this meditation,

If I say,

Go back to a happy memory and hold the experience of that in your mind while you meditate,

There may be a part of you that says,

No,

I'm angry right now.

If I do that,

I'm not going to still be angry at that person.

And I might lose the grudge I'm holding.

And they deserve to pay for what they did to me.

I'm not going to be happy and make them sad.

The thoughts we have in our head are crazy.

And it's normalized as being,

Oh,

We just have an active mind,

Or,

Well,

People have to be healthy.

It's really bizarre.

I remember when I first started studying Kundalini Yoga.

Kundalini Yoga loves mantras.

Loves chanting.

And I hated it.

I just hated it.

Every time it would be a mantra,

I'd be like,

Ugh,

Mantra.

And I would fight the mantra like nobody's business.

And you'd be like,

I just hated chanting mantras.

Until one day,

I saw a video of Yogi Bhajan,

Who was the founder of Kundalini Yoga in the West.

And he was doing the hands in prayer pose.

And he said,

When you chant a mantra,

It will act like a lightning bolt up into your brain,

And it will dissipate all thoughts.

And in that moment,

I realized why I didn't like mantra.

I was so attached to what I was thinking.

I probably had about seven records playing in my head,

All on different topics in my life.

And I had to think about what I thought about this person and this situation and this person and this situation and myself and this and how much I ate,

Whatever.

All these things.

And I believed,

Some part of me believed that those thoughts had to keep rolling in order,

I don't know,

For justice to be served,

For my life to turn out like I wanted it to turn out.

I don't know.

And if I chanted a mantra,

That was going to disturb my thought processes.

And so it really took some time to really sit with that and go,

Are you okay with disrupting all of these thought processes?

Because of course,

What if we're mad at someone and we want to be mad at them?

What if these practices interrupt that?

It's an interesting thing to imagine that we could actually shift in this moment right now.

We could do a meditation like this,

Shift our state,

And live entirely different than we did an hour ago.

My daughter had a volleyball tournament yesterday.

Watching the ball is a great metaphor for the pinging of the fluctuations of the mind.

Totally.

The thoughts we have in the present help shape our future so much.

Totally.

Thoughts are like cars cruising on by,

But which cars do we choose to jump in and go on a ride with?

I had a bizarre thought the other day for no reason.

Like,

No,

No,

No,

I'll never think that because manifestation is real.

Certain societies glorify mind over heart or body.

Yet to be a whole being,

The mind can only occupy its rightful place in relationship with the heart,

Body,

And spirit.

Totally.

A helpful hint when we're looping in negative thoughts is to start doing mental math times tables.

That's a brilliant idea.

It helps clear the neural pathways I've been doing and it's helped.

For me,

It's ideas I struggle to release without writing them down.

Sometimes,

Though,

The thoughts seem to come on their own like I didn't choose them.

Totally.

We are living in the feeling of our thinking at all times.

And they do come in unbidden to Chris's point.

Like,

And that's interesting.

And so,

To me,

The idea that what we need to learn or what our growth is or our evolution or our journey is to figure out how to shift our system so when unbidden thoughts come in,

We know how to process them.

Maybe there's a slipstream built into our system now that says,

Ah,

That's a funny thought and it just gets slipstreamed out of our mind and we get on to a different thought.

But to actually develop our psyche,

Imagine that every day we are developing and evolving our psyche.

Imagine every talk on Insight Timer,

Every meditation practice,

Every yoga practice,

Every tantric practice that we do reprograms our mind so that these old ways don't own us.

So I'm curious,

How do you feel and relate to mantra now?

I don't have the big fight I used to have.

I'm not particularly drawn to mantra,

To be honest.

It isn't something I use a lot in my practice.

But I don't have the fight anymore.

But there are certain mantras that I'm very called to at certain times that I just,

I love chanting them.

They just feel really good in my mind,

In my heart.

And I feel like I'm often in a very different state these days where I don't use yoga so much to heal as much as I use it because it feels right.

It just feels like the right extra bit to add to the soup or something.

And then all of a sudden I'll feel like,

Wow,

Do I ever feel like chanting this particular mantra?

And it can be anything.

It can be listening to a beautiful someone singing here on Insight Time or on Spotify or something and just singing along.

It's very beautiful.

The last thing I want to mention and then we'll do a little meditation.

So in the I just want to read you the direct translation for a moment.

The direct translation was Leave the mind aside when memorable objects of the past such as one's country or land arise making one's body supportless.

And what they mean by that is our ego construct which there's nothing wrong with our ego construct.

The ego is simply I am Katrina Boss.

These are my gifts.

These are my challenges.

This is my path.

It's my definition here in Maya.

It's just who I am as an individual that makes every person here unique.

We each have our own unique ego construct that allows us to experience each other.

The point of these teachings is to also remember that we are eternal and we are our ego construct.

But very often when we have memories like this we will get caught up in the details of the memories and all those details create thought forms and then our ego rests on all of these thoughts we have about ourselves.

It's like our ego is supported by I gave the example of us out bailing straw.

I may have this detail that oh because I'm a hard worker and I was a farmer and I was this and whatever or family life or how important that is.

I have all these ideas that suddenly become these mental constructs that support my ego and support my attachment to my ego.

And the idea here is no have the memory but release the details so that the body is supportless so that you can release the ego construct even if only for a moment and remember remember your eternal self.

And that's why the next line is and then the omnipresent and mighty Lord manifests.

And so what they're saying is if we can release our ego construct long enough the true essence of what we are of what God is everything will flood us with a higher consciousness.

So it's a very interesting thing to allow ourselves the bliss of remembering the feeling of something.

So let's do a quick just a quiet little meditation for a moment and I'll also reread the original sutra.

So wherever you are let's close our eyes breathe deeply take a beautiful three part yogic breath as you inhale expanding your belly your ribs your upper chest exhaling releasing it all let's just do that a few times to clear the mind then I would like you to remember a beautiful memory it could be a place it could be an experience it could be a feeling of love it could be beauty it could be comfort dive into the details of that experience feel it with every cell of your body and then release all the details and dive into how you feel and as you inhale feel that feeling and as you exhale feel that feeling allow your mind to be completely focused on this feeling if other thoughts come in just let them slide away go back to the feeling when the unforgettable calls you the memory of something noble generous inspiring accept the gift savor every detail the beauty we admire is a visitation from another moment infusing body and heart memory transports us beyond time and space into the living presence of wonder just continue breathing this in and out a few more times and then gently release the memory and feel how you feel inside your body right now in your mind in your heart thank you so much for being here hope you have a wonderful day

Reviews

Ouuuuu! Relish in the feeling of joy itself, forget abt the mind memory. I’m using this! Thank you so much!