Integrating Our Shadow Self to Become Whole

Let's explore our shadow self: the parts of us that we judge, condemn, and wish wasn't true. But all of this must also be woven into who we are if we are to be whole. One of my favourite teachers always said that it is through our shadow that our light shines. Let's explore that!

Transcript

So today we're talking about integrating the shadow self and allowing the light to shine through our shadow.

And this is something really interesting.

Like a while ago I probably talked about,

I know I did,

I talked about my friend Norma who channels these amazing paintings of the ascension of humankind.

And one of the things she taught me was that our shadow self is meant to be integrated into ourself because it's through the shadow that our light shines.

Which is so curious,

You know,

Because anything I'd ever heard or anything I've ever heard anyone say or what I've seen is we tend to kind of bury our shadow self and we want our light to shine from our light side.

And I define shadow self because everyone defines it differently.

So for the for the sake of our conversation today,

Shadow self is the part of us that we judge.

The part that we don't like.

The part that we consciously or unconsciously bury.

The part that when you meet someone you don't want them to know this about you.

This is the shadow self.

Our light side is obviously the side we fully approve of,

We're proud of,

We like it,

We want,

That's the part of us we want you to see.

So it's really interesting to imagine that if we integrate the shadow self,

That it's actually through the shadow self that our light shines.

And this is very interesting because especially in the spiritual world where we have lots of teachers and lots of people sharing their ideas,

There is something very profound and grounded when someone shares their light through their shadow.

And this isn't like here's my sob story or here's my story of woe and you feel sorry for me.

It's not that,

It's that here are the parts of me that I've struggled with,

Here's the journey I took and here is where I've landed.

And that journey,

It's like the hero's journey.

Then we share the hero's journey and then that people identify with it and then we can go on and have new ideas and things.

So why do we want to work on this?

Why do we want to talk about the shadow self and the light self and why do we want to integrate this?

Well the biggest problem is that because we've been taught or in and perhaps experienced that we have a shadow self,

A sinful self,

A bad self,

An undesirable self.

Then we have the self over here that is loving and joyful and kind and awesome and acceptable by society.

These two selves,

If we believe that about ourself,

They battle against each other all the time because the shadow self doesn't want to be ignored.

So what happens is we go to want to do something and all of a sudden we have this fight in us and saying you don't want to do that and blah blah blah.

We have this whole argument going on in our head.

We don't need to have anyone else in the room because we have a battlefield right inside of us and that is exhausting and that's not our journey.

You know the reason that we're here on the planet,

I mean who am I to say what our reason is to be on the planet,

But surely it's not to have infighting inside of us.

You know think of the energy we spend arguing with ourselves,

Questioning our own thoughts,

Questioning our own intentions and fears and everything.

This is all just inside.

There's a great big world out there full of infinite potential.

Can you imagine if we took all the energy that we spend infighting out there?

Imagine what we would create.

So this is why we really want to talk about this and I don't believe that shadow work or whatever we're going to talk about today,

I don't believe it's a lifelong journey either.

I think there are pieces of our philosophy that we need to look at and change because they're incorrect.

They were taught to us but they were not correct,

Not for us or maybe not for anyone.

And even the parts of us that we do want to heal and look at,

They're all connected and if you get to the bottom of one,

It'll probably loosen the grip of a bunch of others as well and then eventually they won't be there.

Years ago I got a tattoo on my arm and it's a feather and I got it because one of the interesting things that Norma also was teaching was that we are living in a time of mastery.

We're on a cusp into it anyway.

So our goal isn't to continue this perpetual chewing on ourselves and analyzing ourselves and healing and all that kind of thing.

This is what we've needed for the last 40-50 years.

But we're coming into a time when we're done with that.

We actually need to get to the bottom of things,

Get to the root,

Look at it,

Heal it,

Integrate and then move on.

Then we will actually live our true self all the time,

Manifesting,

Creating,

Connecting and actually living our Dharma as opposed to say our karma where we're just repeating old patterns and learning,

Constantly learning.

But to actually live our Dharma,

Live our meaning.

Why am I really here?

No more navel gazing.

But in the meantime,

We do have to do this work.

So there's two parts of our talk today.

The first part is what I'm calling integration and this is this whole discussion of the good and the bad side of ourselves that we have to look at.

There's nothing to heal there.

This is where there are philosophies that we have to shift about being alive.

The second part of our talk is what I call discovery.

And these are parts of our shadow that actually do need work.

They are things we need to dive into and that that's part of our journey.

And it's also where the light will shine through.

So for the integration part,

The foundation of this idea of a good and a bad side,

Because the bad side is our shadow side.

Every one of us here may have a different opinion or a different perception of what the bad side is or what that means.

But it's whatever we don't like about ourselves.

If we kind of would have put it on a sheet of paper,

Here's what I like,

Here's what I don't like.

The foundation of this idea is judgment.

The idea that we even know what's good or bad.

What if some of the things that you judge yourself as being on the bad side,

What if it's one of your greatest gifts?

Let's say you live in a family where it's really important to be stoic and quiet and thoughtful.

These are virtues that are really held in high esteem in your family.

But you were born filled with piss and vinegar.

You were just full of life and rebellion right from the get-go.

You're going to grow up believing that this rebellious passion inside of you is part of your bad side.

And that will be reflected by everyone in your family and everyone around you.

But what if that's why you're here?

What if you're a system buster?

What if you were literally placed on this planet full of passion,

Full of all kinds of truth-telling and I'm not going to put up with this nonsense.

The idea that being stoic is good and being rebellious is bad is just a made-up idea.

It's not real.

And if we have this philosophy inside of us,

We have to look at it.

We're not looking at ourselves,

We're looking at this philosophy that's telling us that there's even such a thing as right and wrong.

Part of the right and wrong comes from clan mentality.

That this is what my family thinks,

This is what my ancestors thought.

Therefore,

If I'm different,

It's wrong.

Now of course,

By the time you're a teenager,

You might be rebelling against them and saying,

No,

I'm right,

No,

I'm right.

But up until that part time,

You've had some really formative years believing that there's something wrong with you.

And there's parts of you that you need to hide from society,

From your partner,

From your children,

From yourself,

Because there's something wrong with you.

And you might long have forgotten even what it is that you were so different about.

But all you know is you're 45 years old,

And you don't really want people to know what you really think or your true self.

But you don't know why.

You don't know why you're so afraid for people to find out the real you.

And a lot of it comes from actually having a different reality inside of us than the clan that we were raised in.

And again,

This is just a construct.

Whatever family we were born into,

They probably are just going along with whoever the strongest personality was,

Either historically or currently.

It has nothing to do with the individual people.

It's just a clan idea.

So the first step is to really look at ourselves and ask ourselves,

Are these really dark sides of me?

Is this really a shadow side?

Or do my parents just think it is?

Or does the church just think it is?

Or does society just think it is?

Or does my partner just think it is?

Do you think it is?

And this is the first question.

And this is really important,

Because we have to get rid of these before we can move on to the discovery of the stuff we really need to look at.

Because this focus has nothing to do with us.

This is showing us something about the world we were brought up in.

So for example,

How does our light shine through our darkness?

In this instance,

Let's say you were raised in a family where money was really important.

It was really important that you went to university because you have to have a good job,

And you have to have a certain way of living,

You have to have a certain way of living,

You have to have a certain style of house,

You have to be a part of a certain segment of society.

It's very important.

And you sort of your whole life are kind of like,

I don't really care about that.

Well,

You might be deemed lazy.

You might be deemed,

Oh,

You lack any kind of goals in life.

You're not stimulated by life.

You're just nothing really.

Then you sort of grow up thinking,

Oh,

Well,

I guess I'm just not as smart as those people.

I'm not as driven as those people.

Well,

If you actually look at the philosophy of this,

The idea that some people are really driven by the desire for riches,

And there's again,

There's nothing wrong with that.

It might be the complete opposite that you might live in a family that love working at things they love.

It doesn't matter how much money they make.

They always trust that the money will come.

But there's something inside of you that just wants to be wealthy.

The judgment goes both ways.

And this is when we look at it,

We realize neither is right or wrong.

It's kind of a nonsense argument.

And as soon as we start judging ourselves based on that,

We're in big trouble.

This is great wisdom.

This is great wisdom to go out into the world and watch the battles between right and wrong.

How many families were raised up and you might decide you don't want to get married?

What's wrong with you?

Don't you like people?

Don't you like sex?

How can you be a functional part of society if you're not married?

This is the wisdom that you need to be able to be a functional part of society if you're not married.

This is the economic unit.

These are the foundations of our entire society.

What's wrong with you?

Why are you such a rebel?

Is it us?

Was it our marriage that turned you off marriage?

What is it?

And we get like bombarded with this thing because married is right,

Not married is wrong.

And then you might have the flip side,

Where people say,

Marriage sucks,

Marriage is dumb,

Blah,

Blah,

Blah,

Blah.

Why would you bother with that?

Why do you want to be tied down to one person?

You can literally argue all sides to be able to actually get to the root of that philosophy.

Because maybe the root of that philosophy is whoever is arguing with you,

For them,

Marriage is a source of great security.

For them,

They might not be able to imagine living on their own.

And then it might scare the bejeebis out of them,

The idea of living on their own.

And so you start to gain really interesting insight into people.

When we stop playing in this black and white dichotomy,

There is no right or wrong.

I really am just choosing my truth.

Same arguments come up when people don't want to have children,

Or they want to have 10 children.

Maybe this becomes a huge issue in relationships sometimes,

Because maybe you really want romance,

But your partner doesn't really care about romance.

And you think,

Oh,

Well,

You know,

Maybe I'm just desperate,

And maybe I'm too needy.

And maybe I want,

You know,

Stuff that really shouldn't be.

And we start judging ourselves.

Then we end up staying in a relationship longer than we want,

And some part of us really dies.

Another big one is sex.

In many churches,

Sex is really seen as the original sin.

And I know so many people who have battled against this guilt of desiring sex,

And enjoying sex,

All genders,

Where when it comes right down to it,

There's actually something deep inside of them that they learned early on that sex is dirty.

And if you really like sex,

There's something wrong with you.

This isn't,

Again,

Sex is good,

Sex is bad.

It's like,

If we really step back and we look at it,

We say,

It's nothing.

Every situation is different.

Every instance,

Every lovemaking,

Every coupling is completely different.

There's no such thing as right or wrong.

This is great wisdom.

And as we understand this,

As we unpack all of these little things inside of us that we're told are right and wrong,

We start to learn a lot about the institutions that we are a part of.

We start to gain a lot of wisdom about the churches,

Maybe,

That we were raised in,

The family systems,

The family dynamics,

The society that we were raised in.

This is great wisdom.

If we find ourselves on one side of a black and white argument,

There's something to go much deeper about.

Because it just doesn't hold across the board.

It doesn't hold across the board.

And then what are we going to believe?

It's a beautiful thing.

It's like this lovely maturing of how we see the world.

But it begins inside of us.

It begins with the things inside of us that we judge.

If we just read a book or we just quote that guy and this guy,

Yeah,

Whatever,

Anyone can read that book.

When we really don't judge things within ourselves,

And we're actually whole,

That's an amazing journey to share with people if they're interested.

So then I want to talk about the discovery.

And this is the real hero's journey.

This is where our shadow self actually has aspects that we not only wish were different,

We need to look at.

It isn't just about integrating them.

It's actually a path.

So for example,

Let's say you have real issues with anger,

Rage,

Tantrums.

I don't mean healthy anger.

I mean,

You lash out at people.

If something goes wrong,

You yell and scream and you might even get violent.

You're the one throwing the sarcastic jabs.

And probably if you're here,

You're probably thinking,

Yeah,

That's me and I don't like it.

You are conscious of it.

Well,

This is an interesting journey.

We don't want to bury this.

We don't want to just,

Oh,

I hate that about myself.

I'm just going to go focus over here.

It's something to look at and say,

Why am I so angry?

What are the topics that I'm often angry about?

Angry about who specifically makes me the angriest?

Because often there'll be certain people that really push our buttons.

What is it about them?

What do they have in common that always seem to push my buttons?

And this anger rises.

What are the feelings underneath the anger?

So we're super angry because anger like that,

Like that kind of raging temper tantrum kind of thing,

That's different than just a healthy holding your boundary angry.

So the question is what's under it?

Let's say your kids are late.

They had a curfew and they came home after curfew and they walked in the door and you lost your mind on them.

You just raged all over them like,

What the hell?

And I've been up all night.

I can't believe it.

I'm so sick of,

You know,

Whatever,

Right?

What is really under that?

What's under the fury?

Fear.

And that's a real thing that you're actually frightened that your kids,

Something went wrong with your kids.

But then what's under that?

Why is it so frightening?

Is it a lack of trust in the universe?

Because that's an important thing to look at.

Is it the fact that when you were a teenager,

You found yourself in situations that were really scary.

I remember when I was an early teenager,

I had a friend and she and I got into a lot of trouble together.

I really was like a innocent kind of dork.

I really didn't want to be.

It was one of my huge issues when I was 14,

15,

16,

Maybe even now,

I don't know,

But definitely then that I really didn't want to be considered a geek and whatever.

And this friend was my ticket to rebellion.

We could drink and smoke drugs and go to parties and do all these things that I would never even know how to do on my own.

And so the number of things that we did,

And we would wake up in ditches somewhere,

Drunk out of our minds or whatever.

And then I would wake up literally in like,

That's when I knew there was a God.

Cause I was like,

Someone is watching over me because I can't believe we lived through some of these things.

Well,

What if that's actually what you're so frightened about?

That you actually did have experiences in your youth and you're terrified that some of those things are actually happening with your kids out and about on the town.

These are very interesting things to share with your children.

Instead of freaking out at them,

Alienating them,

Causing them to never want to tell you the truth about where they are or what's going on,

Having them terrified to call you because they want to come home later.

Instead you sit them down and you say,

Honestly,

I really get afraid.

I really get frightened when you're gone.

I'm not sure what it is.

I don't know whether I do have some like distrust in the universe and I'm just really worried about you and you mean so much to me and I'm just so upset.

And also,

Honestly,

I actually get it too.

I did get into trouble when I was a teenager and I'm probably projecting my stuff onto you.

But I just want you to know that I'm just really,

Really worried.

And so,

You know,

In the future,

If you could just give me a shout so that I know you're okay and I promise you won't get into trouble.

I just really don't want to be so afraid all the time.

That's an entirely different conversation.

And it's really interesting because something like anger,

That's just one example.

You might also get angry like that at someone else.

And then all of a sudden,

A pattern begins inside of you and you're like,

Well,

Then what am I angry about this for at work?

Oh,

I'm actually angry because I really feel like nobody listens to me.

But where does that come from?

Well,

Maybe it came from my childhood when no one listened to me.

Oh,

I wonder why no one listened to me.

Oh,

I wonder,

You know,

My parents,

Actually,

They were pretty stressed out and they were going through a divorce.

They probably had a whole pile of stuff going on.

Like,

It really helps us actually go way back and go,

Oh,

That's why I'm so angry.

Huh.

And then suddenly the anger is diffused.

And not only is the anger diffused,

We've actually seen some insight into our childhood,

Into our parents' life,

Into what was going on,

And something else opened up.

And that opening up has a ripple effect into all kinds of our childhood traumas,

Memories.

And all we did was with love,

Look at this side of ourself that tends toward anger,

Under stress.

We don't want to ignore it.

We want to look at it because it's a clue.

Maybe part of your shadow self is that you're really judgmental.

You wish you weren't.

You're like,

I just,

I wish I didn't have to have an opinion about everybody.

Why can't I just live and let live?

Why can't I just let people be themselves?

Why can't I be unattached to the choices my kids are making or my parents are making or what the neighbors did with their lawn?

Like,

It drives me crazy.

I spend all this time thinking about everyone else's life.

Like what?

I don't understand.

So we look at it with love and we say,

Okay,

This had to come from somewhere.

Huh.

I suppose I heard a lot of this around the kitchen table.

Hmm.

Perhaps I've felt heavily judged in my life.

And it's almost like I'm evening the scales or something.

Oh,

That's interesting.

And you keep going back and you keep going back and you keep going back and you realize,

You know what?

I hated that they judged me.

I hated that,

That I was supposed to feel bad about that I was different or that I wanted to do something different.

I wanted to make a different choice.

I hate having to justify myself to everybody.

Huh.

That's interesting.

That's interesting.

And then suddenly the next time somebody else does something,

You actually access that inner self.

That's like,

Well,

You know what?

I wouldn't want anyone to judge me for doing something different.

And I wouldn't want to have to explain myself to anyone.

So rock on with your own best self.

Awesome.

And suddenly judgment becomes this interesting avenue of insight and life becomes easier.

Maybe we have an addiction.

Maybe we literally have that addictive personality.

We give up drinking and we start smoking and then we quit smoking and we start vaping and we quit vaping and we start spending and then we start,

We just sort of keep doing that.

Well,

Then we look into that and we think,

What is that exactly?

Really?

You know,

There's all kinds of interesting theories about addiction that it stems from a lack of connection and all kinds of interesting things.

And then we look at that and we look at ourselves with love and we say,

Oh,

I did have a lack of connection growing up.

And again,

What can we do about that?

Nothing.

Maybe our parents were addicts and they were struggling,

Or maybe we were abused.

Maybe there was great trauma and we had to disconnect from people just to survive.

Huh.

That's interesting.

And we can keep going into that and then say,

Well,

Then maybe,

What if I create more connection today?

What if I go out and I find friends or what if I start volunteering or what if I create a new family?

If connection is the problem,

And don't get me wrong,

I'm not simplifying addiction in any way.

It's not that simple.

Because every one of us has a different story.

You know,

Maybe it is a lack of faith.

That's why the 12-step program begins with sort of accepting a greater power.

Like who knows what the journey is?

Maybe we are incredibly materialistic.

Maybe we need to have stuff.

Maybe we can't stop buying stuff online.

Maybe we can't stop upgrading our phone and getting a new car and getting a bigger house and making sure we have all the things.

And deep down,

You know,

One day you sit there and you look around and you think,

What am I doing?

And we look around and we think,

I am working so hard to just keep filling my house with stuff.

What if I didn't need as much stuff and I could work less,

But I can't have less stuff.

I need this stuff.

Or whatever.

So then you look at it and you go,

Okay,

What's that all about?

Maybe I was raised without enough money and we didn't know if there was enough food.

And I could never get the jeans that my friends had.

And we couldn't go on holidays like my friends did.

And I always felt like a loser because of that.

That's a deep-seated program.

That's a really important thing to know about ourselves.

That that is still alive inside of us.

That that is still a wound that is festering.

And so we dive into it.

We dive into how do we fix that?

How do we heal that?

How do we honor that?

Maybe it's inner child work.

Maybe it's somatic work.

Maybe it's yoga.

Maybe it's meditation.

Who knows?

And then bit by bit,

Things shift.

And these can be anything.

They can be,

Maybe I have a need for security.

Maybe I am codependent.

And so I always stay in relationships too long because the security is more important than my happiness.

And maybe we live like that quite unconsciously for a long time.

And then at some point we look at it and we think,

Why can't I just be independent?

Why do I need to sacrifice my own happiness for the security of this relationship,

Of this job,

Of this whatever?

What is that?

And we dive in.

Do I have a lack of self-worth?

Do I not believe in myself?

Am I afraid?

Do I not trust the universe?

Do I not believe that the world is abundant?

Do I believe in scarcity?

What is it?

And if I do,

Where does that come from?

Does it come from my parents?

Does it come from society?

Does it come from a book I read?

Where does this come from?

I am always amazed how many ideas I have in my head,

How many philosophies I have,

Came from books I read.

Even a lot of the teenage angst and stuff like that,

All the Judy Blume books,

You know,

Are You There God?

It's Me,

Margaret,

And things like that.

And I'm not blaming them.

They were great books and I loved them.

But you wonder how much of the ideas we have simply came out of some book we read.

The idea stuck and 40 years later we think it's us,

But it's actually just a book we read.

And we get to the bottom of it and we realize,

Wow,

That's not even me.

Huh.

And this entire tree of responses and reactions disappears.

Maybe we're a people pleaser.

Maybe that's our dark side.

Because it is a dark side.

Because we don't say no.

And we lie to people.

We try to keep the peace.

We try to make sure everyone's happy.

And then we sacrifice our own truth for that.

There comes a time in our life where we're like,

I am so done with this.

I want to be honest.

I want to be who I really am.

What am I afraid of?

Why am I so afraid of other people's discomfort?

What's going on here?

The last one I want to mention is regret.

Because regret is a huge part of our shadow.

Or it can be,

Anyway.

The things we wish we'd done.

The things we wish we hadn't said.

The things we wish we hadn't done.

The things we wish we had done.

The things we wish we hadn't done.

And there's nothing we can do about it.

The damage has been done.

Or the good things.

Even sometimes we can regret that we didn't start working out 20 years ago.

And now I've got knee problems.

And now I have all this extra weight or something.

Like we can live in insane regret.

And that is easily part of our shadow self.

And we easily drive that into our unconscious.

So what do we do with regret?

We look at the individual moments.

And we ask ourself,

Why did I say that thing?

Why did I snap back like that?

What is it?

And there's something about really getting to the bottom of it.

Really chewing it up and being really honest.

And maybe we need help.

Maybe we need a counselor.

Maybe we need a good friend.

Maybe we need to do kundalini yoga to get that out of our liver.

Who knows what we have to do.

But we have to look at it until we get to the place where we think,

Oh wow,

This is why.

And when we have that moment of repentance,

That moment where we actually have an aha moment,

We never do it again.

And I believe that it has huge power.

Even if it's in the past.

There's something about the realization that shifts everything.

I even believe it shifts it in the other people.

If we truly feel it,

We truly know it.

We truly know it.

So why is this an opportunity to shine light?

How are these journeys how we shine our light?

There is such a difference between telling a story and where it goes.

There was a time that I was plagued with anger.

I just lashed out at everybody.

I alienated my partner,

My kids,

This and this and this and this.

Then I realized this and I went down this for a while and then I went and did this and I had this realization and then I did this and I did that.

Then I understood this.

That is a powerful story.

Assuming you actually got to the bottom of it.

If you didn't get to the bottom of it,

You still have to keep going.

It's like that hero's journey,

Right?

You have this thing you have to sort.

You go out into the world and you sort it.

You sort it.

You slay the dragons.

You do whatever you have to do.

And once everything is done and you've had the realizations,

The last part of the hero's journey is to share it with the village.

This is entirely a different story than let's say you're struggling with anger and I say,

You know,

You know what Gaber Mate says about anger?

Oh,

You know what Jordan Peterson says about anger?

You know what Gandhi said about anger?

These are entirely different experiences.

There's no light being shone just because I read a book and I really liked what they said.

I really resonated with what they said.

If I go through a true soul's hero's journey,

I really have light to share.

So it's a really interesting thing to look at our shadow with real love.

I love taking like a piece of paper and on the one side writing all the things that maybe you want.

These are your shadow selves.

These are the things you wish were different.

These are the things you criticize about yourself.

These are the things you don't want anyone to know about you.

And then on the right side are all the things you love about yourself.

All the things that come easy.

All the things that if you met a new person,

You would really want to know that they know this about you.

Because you like it.

This is what you kind of believe is your real self,

Not that other shadow self.

You don't want them to know about that.

And then you really look at each one of them.

Is this a judgment based on my family that just I need to change my philosophy?

Or is this a journey?

Do I need to look at this?

Do you think it works in reverse with parents and children?

I was telling my mom that she needs therapy and she was like,

Oh,

I would never waste my time with that.

I'm the opposite.

I go to all the therapy because I can see how not doing it manifests in her.

So that's a really interesting question.

Because I remember one time I was hanging out with my cousin's wife.

She was saying how she had this friend and the friend was driving her crazy.

The friend was just circling and circling and circling,

Same drain.

And she goes,

So I finally just told her,

She goes,

You know,

I can't really talk to you,

Talk about this with you anymore.

You really need to find a counselor.

And at the time,

Like my heart just about died.

It's like,

You said that to a good friend?

Like,

How could you say that?

That's insane.

Can you imagine talking to your friend and they're like,

You need professional help.

I'll tell you,

Her saying that stuck in my head.

And it's really interesting because when we have family or friends that are circling the same vicious cycle over and over and over and over again.

And as a friend,

We somehow,

Or a daughter,

We somehow feel obligated to listen to it and listen to all the outcome of all these decisions they're making.

But they don't want to do any work about it.

They just want to talk about it.

And they want to complain about everyone else's reactions to what they've done.

And you listen to it once,

You might say,

Oh,

Well,

Maybe you could look at this and this and this.

Oh,

No,

No,

No,

No,

No,

No.

And then you listen to it again,

And listen to it again.

And then finally,

You say,

You know,

Going to counseling might be really helpful for you.

I'm not going to counseling.

It's like,

Well,

I don't want to talk to you about it anymore.

Like this topic is old.

We've talked about it 20 times.

And talking to me isn't helping.

And I don't want to talk about it anymore.

It's so interesting to be allowed to say that.

It's not like right off the top,

I think you're messed up,

You should go for counseling.

It's just whatever we're doing here isn't working.

And I don't want to keep talking about it.

That's it.

Imagine,

You know,

Whether she goes for counseling or not doesn't matter.

But you're not allowed to not go to counseling and then just talk my ear off about it forever.

So when your shadow self is the people pleaser,

And you don't want to use the energy,

And it's easier to keep the peace.

So that's a very interesting thing to look at.

Why am I so tired?

Why am I so exhausted?

Why do I not want to defend myself?

You know,

There's that,

When I was young,

I learned this probably in some TV show.

But it was a hospital show where there was a woman who was being abused by her husband.

And she would come in on the gurney after being abused.

And her knuckles would be all like beat up and her fingernails were all beat up and stuff.

And the doctors would say,

Well,

That's a good sign.

And of course,

The other person's like,

Why?

And they're like,

Because she's still in the hospital.

And she's still in the hospital.

And they're like,

Because she's still fighting back.

And they said the day she comes in,

Beaten and bruised,

And there's no telltale signs on her hands of fighting back,

That's when there's a problem.

Because she's given up.

So it's a really interesting thing.

If people pleasing is our thing,

And we just don't have the energy to fight,

What's going on inside of us?

Are we simply being discerning that this isn't the time and place?

Or am I actually kind of despairing about it?

You know,

Have I given up that I even matter?

That my voice matters in this family?

That my voice matters in this relationship?

That's a very important thing to wonder.

I'm doing this work,

And something that scares me is what comes after the journey.

I'm afraid of the end.

Oh,

Yeah,

See,

This is the whole thing,

Because we have this idea in the self-help world,

That at the end of it,

We won't have anything to do,

Or we won't have anything to think about.

But this is the whole thing about living in mastery,

That we actually now,

Here are my gifts.

And all I'm going to do is create in life.

No more drama,

No more issues,

No more nothing.

I'm just going to look at the world like this great canvas.

I'm just going to create and have fun.

And the journey becomes something completely different.

We did a bunch of talks all about David Hawkins' levels of consciousness,

And how when we live in a certain state,

Or we live in,

Say,

Shame or fear or guilt or anger or pride or grief or apathy,

That kind of thing.

And then there's this moment where we actually live in courage at 200,

Which is the scale he's got.

And I realized a long time ago,

Counseling people,

That first of all,

Above courage is like neutrality,

Love,

Acceptance,

Wisdom,

All these things.

And I realized that we don't know how to live above that line.

We don't know how to live above courage.

All we understand,

All we identify with is all the drama,

Which is why I have a yoga teacher training,

And it's called the Living Masters.

And that's what it's about.

It's about after everything is clean and cleared up,

How do you live?

What do you do?

Who are we really?

If we were just to live our life,

Walking in satya,

Walking in truth,

What does that look like without any drama?

No more unpeeling of the onion.

Now life is about creation.

And it's really exciting.

It's a really exciting way to live.

So thank you so much for being here.

And I hope you have a wonderful day.

Reviews

Giving this five stars because the majority of the content was fantastic - 2 things that triggered me though, and I just thought I’d talk myself through it in this review:

- Utter shock that Jordan Peterson’s name was mentioned in this, even as an example. In my opinion, he is not a helpful person at all, but rather a malignant narcissist masquerading as a helpful person. My being triggered by his name is an obvious sign I need to go deeper in my practice.

- The example you used in the tv show you mentioned about the abused wife who came in to the hospital with signs of abuse, and also signs of fighting back against abuse. “If you see signs she’s fighting back, that’s a good sign. If she comes in one day with no signs of fighting back, then you know there’s a problem.” - Yikes. This triggered me into orbit. Regardless of whether or not someone shows signs of “fighting back against their abuser”, abuse is not okay. I’m sure you did not intend to imply that abuse is okay as long as the person who is receiving the abuse can still “put up her dukes”, so-to-speak, but the language you used was just like, a gut-punch to me. It’s probably because I’m recovering from years of abuse I couldn’t speak up about.

Thank you for hearing me 🙏

This talk was incredible! I'm sharing it with my loved ones!! 🙏🏻

Listened to this after the Q&A session today. Knowing that there is a possibility that I won’t have to do shadow work for life fills me with hope. I think that has been part of my despair. I’ve been doing so much healing work but after those initial eye opening moments & releases I was still finding myself being triggered or in cycles of reacting. I need to re-evaluate those old programs & intentionally integrate. I’m excited to do the light/dark attributes exercise you mentioned. Many thanks!

Beautiful talk that resonates deeply. Thank you so very much, Katrina♥️

wow, i’ve listened to a ton of talks on shadow but you gave me new ways of perceiving it. i’ll listen to this a second time and pause and write down those shadows of mine and what’s underneath the shadow. I didn’t really get a sense of how to integrate, but maybe listening a second time will help- thank 🙏🙏🙏

Thank you so much, listening to your talks is what's keeping me on the path that I want to be on. You are helping me so much and I am so greatful for your wisdom 🙏

So good. Love all your talks and sharing! 🙏
What’s YTT waiting list??

♾️☯️⚛️⚘️☄️🌚🌟
Thank you so kindly❣️✨️
Namaste✨️🙏🏼🪔🖤 💫