Aparigraha: Releasing & Living In Flow

Let's explore the yogic yama: APARIGRAHA. "Non-grasping". We live in a state of constant change. There is a cycle of life that allows renewal and new growth at all times. What happens when we can embrace this flow and surf the waves of life? Part 5 of The Yogic Path Series

Transcript

So today we are continuing our journey,

Our yogic path in the light and we're looking at the yamas.

There are eight limbs of yoga in Patanjali sutras and the first are the yamas which are the restraints of living and then the niyamas are what we want to how we want to live and then there's asana pranayama dharana things like that which we'll talk about another day.

But the yamas are really interesting so for example we were talking about earlier there we were talking about how do you get to the place of not caring about what other people think or feel and this is really the path of yoga not and it's not about not caring about other people but it's about how do you actually live your authentic life.

The question came is it even human to live like that and the yogis would say a hundred percent.

When you imagine yourself as this fully actualized being and meaning that our seventh chakra our connection to the divine our intuition are all of this is fully integrated into our physical lives.

So a fully actualized human is fully divine fully physical eternal and limited immortal and mortal all of these things are what we are and this is what it really is to be human.

The challenge is that we aren't living a human life we're living some weird shackled life we're living some kind of life that keeps us small that keeps us limited that keeps us feeling like we're unworthy or unloved or disconnected from the world and this is the whole point of yoga.

We might use something like an asana or a posture to help us root ourselves into a different energy pattern but there is so much more to yoga and a yama is one of those things so the yamas are all about how to avoid the distractions of life.

They're not a restraint like this is what you can't do that's not what this is this is a path to enlightenment this is a path to freedom of moksha that's what yoga is so these restraints are there to say if you follow these you will stay out of the weeds of life and you will stay on your path you will stay on your clear path in the light because the world is filled with distractions it's filled with training and societal ideals that do nothing but make us small that do nothing that make us spin like lately I've had this weird obsession with like every other one Facebook and they started putting like tick-tock reels in there oh it makes me so angry because I get looking at them and I'm like huh and the goal of a sudden I'm in this watching these ridiculous little reels and I'm like Trina what are you doing they talk about I'm not even alive anymore I'm just a little monkey in the little real and I'm like what are you doing the world is filled with these they don't have to be on our phone they can be the desire for a new shirt they can be the desire to make more money they can be the desire to whatever that we become so focused on it we just start spinning and spinning and spinning on it well what happened to our souls path what happened to the reason we're here what happened to joy what happened to expansion so this is the point of the llamas is to help us notice that if we start to get off the path then we need to pull ourselves back on and say hold on a minute why am I getting pulled off the path because we often talk about doing the work on a spiritual journey and that's what the llamas give us the clues for so for example today we're looking at a Peregraha and this means non attachment so if you find yourself going through life and you find yourself particularly attached to certain things this is the beginning of the work if I have a certain job and I am really attached to keeping it why you're an immortal eternal being in a world that is in constant flux why are you so attached to that job are you attached to a certain relationship why what if that time is complete in that relationship why are you grasping for it this becomes the work this is the beginning of our own personal rabbit hole to understand what are these unconscious patterns that are running my life if I'm attached to having a certain amount of belongings or a certain amount of wealth or maybe I'm attached to having no wealth and I heavily judge anyone who has wealth why am I so attached to this interesting that's what the llamas are they give us our first question in our journal they give us the question we want to ask while we're meditating or walking through the woods why am I so attached to these things I am an eternal being living in a world of constant change what in the world am I holding on so tightly to that limited thing so this is the point of a Peregraha the other thing I want to mention about this is so the actual Sutra itself so this all comes out of Patanjali sutras and these sutras are in Sanskrit and because in Sanskrit every word has like 500 translations depending on the context it can be translated so many different ways but one translation of the specific sutra about a Peregraha means when you are established in non attachment the reason for your birth and the bridge the proper perception of your birth becomes clear it's very messy English but basically what they're saying is as soon as we can live in non attachment we start to understand why we're here and what they're saying and they're not saying why we're here for expansion and joy and everything else that's the same for everybody a lot of the foundation of yoga is the assumption of karma that we are coming back into another life because we have something karmic to play out we have unfinished business we have a pattern that we need to understand we're not putting punished but we have an experience here we didn't complete it all the way we didn't come to that realization so we need to do it again sometimes we do that in a lifetime within our own conscious memory we're in that relationship we repeat it here but it's a little bit different we repeat it again it's a little bit different and it's not until we actually get it right that we change the pattern and we no longer have to do that karmic journey so to understand that a lot of this yogic path is about how do we free ourselves from this karmic pattern well what better to be able to actually see our karmic patterns than to watch the things were attached to if you have great attachment to being in a relationship at all for me when I was getting married when I fell in love with Wayne I was so attached to being in love and not just being in love I needed someone to love me I needed that my soul I had such poor self-esteem I needed someone to say I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you I can't tell you the attachment I had to that well that's a very interesting rabbit hole to go down on this soul's journey where does that come from why does it matter so when we have these things in our lives like being in a relationship being single rich being successful showing up a certain way being thin being strong being beautiful being handsome whatever what is it we're so attached to because whatever we're attached to is the key to our karmic patterns and when we can really look at those things and say why why am I repeating that and then maybe we do yoga maybe we meditate maybe we listen to talks maybe we go on pilgrimages maybe we ecstatic dance maybe we do whatever we need to do but the intention is to get underneath that understand it so we can release the attachment and when we release the attachment the pattern is complete we don't have to continue it anymore because there's no attachment to that story any longer so this is where the llamas are so wonderful to follow they are not something that constrains us there's something that frees us from this unconscious program that we just seem to be caught in over and over and over again another big aspect of a paragraph it actually comes out of the Bhagavad Gita and a huge part of the Bhagavad Gita it's a story of Krishna and Arjuna and Arjuna is the warrior and Krishna is God basically Krishna's trying to say to Arjuna do not do things for the outcome if you choose to do this thing do it regardless of the fruits of the labor don't do it because this is what you want to have happen just do it out of joy and this is a really big thing and it's something that we can really bring into our life in a practical way because can you imagine that every everything you do you have no attachment to the outcome imagine it's okay to have a goal it's okay to have a vision that you're working towards but what if the vision is just a light post like sometimes I experience this a lot in life that I'll have this idea and like oh wow I would love to do that so for example a month ago now maybe someone asked me if I would teach a 300 hour teacher training because I'm currently teaching a 200 hour and she really wanted to continue studying and I thought huh what would I do what would I want to teach because of course if I want to teach it it's something I'm interested in I want to go deeper into it I want to expand so right now in my life what would I love to expand into and and of course what came to me was wow I'd love to go deeper into the philosophy of Tantra and then all of a sudden two weeks later someone donates hundreds and hundreds of books to me from insight timer someone from here hundreds and hundreds of books what if I don't end up putting together a 300-hour teacher training what if that's never been the point what if that was just the vision I had to have that made me go huh and then someone donates all these books and I go huh but what if I stay attached to this 300-hour training and I missed the point what if the whole point was in this moment right now I have this glorious bookshelf filled with hundreds of books and if I narrow my scope that the only things I'm reading for are things that will go into this teacher training program because as a teacher it's a huge trap that it's almost hard to read for joy anymore because everything gets translated into video an article a book a course like you just get into this mode of teaching and I've been teaching for 20 years so it's I can't even learn a new dance without thinking oh I should teach this dance like it's a huge thing but the goal is freedom the goal is moksha the goal is joy the goal is the being in this present moment and experiencing it in its completeness so what if I release the attachment any attachment I have to why these books appeared in my life and I dive into them with fresh eyes I dive into them intuitively and I allow them to take me wherever they take me imagine how different that is it allows us to be in this moment all the time so like let's say let's say even one time I had this goal to run the Disney Marathon with my cousins and I wasn't a runner or anything like that and I had promised that I would run this Disney Marathon with my cousins because one of them had cancer and she wanted us all to do this thing you know so the goal was that and so the prayer I put out to the universe was I need to learn how to run because I couldn't run for 30 seconds like I'm just I'm not built as a runner and I like to swim I'm a swimmer but I'm not a runner and then all of a sudden this man walks into my train station who was a local doctor a very interesting doctor who was really into yoga and deep a very interesting man but I didn't know him but he'd read my book what if he could skip the cancer and he came in and he's and he just started chatting with me and I was kind of like like this because I had promised to do this marathon and he says what's up and I said I promised to do a marathon and I said and I'm not a runner and he said oh he says you know I'm just diving into natural running right now he says I can teach you how to run we can do it together and I said really I mean it's a complete stranger just walked into my train station and offered to teach me how to run well next thing you know he and I are running three mornings a week before he's he goes to the ER and he's teaching me how to run he's absolutely brilliant and next thing you know we're transitioning into barefoot running well I discover that I love barefoot running with a passion that's kind of insane next thing you know he and I are teaching barefoot running clinics and blah blah blah blah and then a tornado hit the town and then barefoot running in a town that just had a tornado that's covered in glass and shards of stuff is really no good and I never ended up running that marathon but the expansion in the meantime because once you get into barefoot running you get into it is a rabbit hole of expansion of natural living and this and that and everything it's just an amazing thing imagine living like that all the time so that no matter what we do we let go of the outcome completely and what happens is we end up present we end up right here all the time and this is really really important because it changes our quality of life and we forget about quality of life because our society really teaches us about outcomes because that's how advertising works and we've been watching advertising for it I mean it's it's literally everywhere like it's just constant and if you do this and this and this you will achieve this and it's literally like this part of you like ah and if I achieve that I'll never be alone and then people will love me and I'll be successful like can you hear right this is the opposite of the yogic path they're literally teaching you about the attachments and they're they're using your karma to hook you in to buy their product sounds so evil what I'm saying so like but the funny thing about it is to look at that really clearly like look at it right in the eye and understand that that's why yoga exists that's why we learn the llamas that's why we learn a paragraph to say watch out be careful be careful so then all of a sudden like so for example one of the biggest things we're sold is to become fit or thin or have bigger boobs or do whatever whatever it is we want and if you do this thing if you join my gym if you do this weight loss program if you do this thing you will look like this who could ever turn you down you will be loved through the rest of your life oh the joyful attachment so it just plays to that they even say this it drives me crazy because I've been I've worked for myself for a long long time and every so often I'll take like a sales course and it makes me crazy because they'll actually they'll actually say you've got to hit people's pain points that's what will make them buy your stuff and it hurts my soul every time I hear it and I refuse to do it it just makes me sick inside but to understand that's what's happening so now let's say you know you're you're really uncomfortable in your body and maybe you're not connected to your body maybe you had trauma when you were a child maybe you have a family that's very obsessed with my mom she dieted my whole life my very first diet program I went on I was 14 with my mom and I was skinny but I had such body dysmorphia or whatever based in media I think and partly my mom's struggle that I was sure that I could get down to size zero if I really tried so of course you start to now limit yourself you exercise even though you hate it I've just got to go running or else I have no willpower on top of being ugly and fat great this is no quality of life every single breath we take matters every second that thing in the future that carrot that's being dangled first of all it's not going to be there when you get there because then you're just gonna need we're gonna need something else because it's that perpetuating attachment it just attachment just leads to more attachment but I'm alive right now while I'm running when my knees hurt and I'm eating rice cakes and disgusting things what about the joy of Eva right now so when we choose to say lose weight or become fit or do something like that because of this outside end point we know that it doesn't work but when we discover that we love to dance and that when I dance I feel like I'm in my body and I start to love my body and I love how my body moves and I love how I feel and maybe it even brings up stuff or maybe you find a style of yoga that you particularly like even if it's hard even if it's challenging like I teach Kundalini yoga we were like halfway through the teacher training and people were like I'm not even sure I like Kundalini yoga because it's hard and it brings up stuff but then there's something that says oh but I feel so good I do like it or whatever maybe you love hiking maybe you love playing soccer when you find that thing you love you go do that and then suddenly you're gonna be like okay I've got a big soccer game you know what I've got to eat these things before because that's gonna help fuel me for my game and I've got to get lots of good sleep because we've got a big tournament this weekend and suddenly we're making all of these brilliant lifestyle changes because of this thing we love to do and our quality of life is like yeah I love this and you're meeting other people who love soccer and you're going on cool things like it's just that's the point do you care about whether you win the game or do this or whatever no we just play the game get to run you know I used to I'm not much into sports but my son played rugby for a year in high school oh I loved watching rugby there was something about a bunch of teenagers and I think probably I would have loved to do to have done it as an adult just running for all their worth just full out primal power running it was like wow this is an epic sport that is a joyful thing to do and so if there's some part of you that says boy I would love to I would love to really feel comfortable in my body I would love to feel fit I'd love to increase mobility in my body what would be fun then find something is that's fun my son and I do these animal movement this animal movement program called GMB and I just love it because I get to hang out with him it's kind of fun it's more fun to do it together and it's just fun there's no torture in it and mobility increases and good stuff happens are we aiming for something no we're just hanging around walking around the apartment like crabs and bears and monkeys and stuff it's just fun it's just living speaking of Jim my teacher when we went organic with our farm of course I did a lot of research about the dangers of pesticides and herbicides and what we were doing to the land and all these kind of things he just dove into that like I just I became obsessed with that to the point that I grew all my own food I grew through my own grain I ground it for flour like I just about went it's no wonder that I because we we went organic in 1997 and I got sick with the breast lumps in 1999 I had burnt myself right out in my ideals I was such an idealist I had made myself crazy and of course we had a farm we had eggs we had milk we had everything and I remember went and I had foster kids at the time and and then my own kids were like two and four I remember one time going to Jim's place and sitting there and I was beyond exhausted quite sure I was stealing energy out of my bones just to get through the day and he says what's going on with you like what are you so tired for and I said oh you know I said because of course too we were out hoeing the corn by hand we weren't just spraying the corn we were literally out there with we hired local kids and stuff and we got hose and we were hoeing she acres and acres and acres like 40 acres of corn we were nuts the fact that we pay more for organic food it's a thing it's a lot of work so I started complaining about on these pesticides and these conventional farmers and I'm just just bitching and Jim just sits there looking at me he's like Katrina those are terrible reasons to be organic farmers he says God if I had to think like that I wouldn't even bother being organic and I was like what he said no he says there's beautiful reasons to be organic when you're an organic farmer you get to walk through the fields and actually notice that oh there's pigweed here ah that must mean there's compaction we should do a green crop to loosen the tilth of the soil oh there's quackgrass there that's interesting it's obviously short and short of this mineral he said the most beautiful thing about being organic farmer is that you get to commune with your land he says that's what you want to do he said with the animals because we're organic you can't use medication or any kind of anything like that so you actually have to connect with your animals they have to have beautiful bedding they have to have access to sunshine they have to do all these wonderful things because you have to keep them in perfect health naturally it says that is a beautiful reason to be organic and then suddenly our entire quality of life changed our entire focus on why we were doing it changed because we were just doing it out of joy one of the most practical things we can play with in a paragraha and they often talk about this but they talk about possessions they talk about the things we own and Thoreau used to Henry David Thoreau used to talk about that he used to say that our attachments to our possessions is one of the number one things that keep us from living a free and really royal life and that's a very interesting thing and it doesn't mean you shouldn't have anything I mean I just received 300 books I'm pretty I'm pretty thrilled with these books I'm not attached to them but I'm pretty thrilled with them but it's an interesting thing when we're attached to our possessions what if it's a car oh I love my car it's a great car and what if another opportunity came and you had a different oh no I couldn't have I have to have my car why they get so limiting why would we choose a limitation why are we attached to having a certain level of income and then we really have to look at that what is the cost in our life for having to have a certain level of income and I'm not talking about not having enough to feed the kids that's not what I'm talking about once our needs are met everything beyond that that's what we have to look at because feeding meeting our needs having a roof over our head that's not grasping that's not attachment that's basic needs beyond that that's the question there's nothing wrong with having a shirt to wear when I'm on insight timer but do I need four of them that becomes the question or do I need 40 of them the cost is really interesting a good friend of mine she was having real marital problems and they had been high school sweethearts really really loved each other and then he had right where I live there's a nuclear power plant just north of here and the pays insane you just get paid so much money like it's absolutely incredible and he was lucky enough to get in there but the quality of the life of working there just sucked his soul out of him and bit by bit the marriage started to all of his excitement in life kind of kept disappearing and she'd say to him she'd say you don't have to work there oh I know but you know we've got kids coming about and she'd be like no you don't have to work there he's like yeah I know but I mean where else am I gonna make this kind of money and of course the truth was there was nowhere probably he was gonna make that kind of money but what a cost and did he need that much money could they have happily lived on half as much but again we have a very curious training in our society that says oh no no the more money you can make the better if you can get a better paying job you should take it do I need the more money do I need the extra hours we don't ask that because we have this idea of the ladder of success we just have to keep making more making more making more and eventually they divorced because he was so unhappy and their entire all the fire was was gone out of their relationship why do we do that why are we so attached to this the other thing I want to talk about it it's interesting in this land of attachment is to really philosophically ask ourselves do I understand that the world is in constant change do I accept that because very often our grasping is we're grasping to the idea that nothing I don't want anything to change okay I like this so I want it to stay the same I want the relationship to stay the same I want the job to stay the same I want my health to stay the same I want where I live to stay the same I want everything to stay the same I don't even want to change my breakfast cereal because it has to stay the same but what if the nature of life I mean the nature of humans the nature of Maya why we're here on earth why we even incarnated what if the point is constant flux and constant flow how can the point of life be finding this one thing and gripping it until we die is that really the goal of life and it's a really important personal question to ask ourselves because this is the root of this grasping so instead we release our fingers out of that and we say what if life is about change what if it really is about flow it's back to the Greek philosopher you know Heraclitus who said that a man cannot step in the same River twice for he is not the same man and it is not the same River what if that's life what if we're not the same person we were yesterday what if the world is not the same world that was yesterday well then how could we possibly have attachment to the reality of yesterday it doesn't make sense you know they talk about the root of all suffering is in the mind we'll talk about suffering being attached to a reality that no longer exists within us and in the world even if you look at it astrologically and I don't understand that very well but you know that if suddenly Saturn's in a new place in this and the moon's at a different place and all these the energies are so different what if we don't flow with that what's gonna happen as opposed to what if we do flow with it what if we release all the shackles we release all the the ropes that are tying us to that dock and we allow ourselves to actually flow with the ever-changing world this is a really big deal philosophically because of course we've been taught to be afraid and that the only thing that will save you is safety and security so that's why we want everything to stay the same but that's that kind of fearful animal life that we were taught we are but what if we're divine beings what if these chakras appear are real what if we really are connected to infinity and wonder and abundance and the plenum and the quantum field how exciting would it be to flow with that imagine the freedom the moksha of getting to just flow with everything all the time it all comes down to this living in the moment it's the primary teaching of all spiritual teachings to live in this moment all the time not five minutes ago not yesterday not ten years ago nothing just now and there's a story that many sadhus in India who become renunciates one of the things they have to do is attend their own funeral imagine and then you are free to live then you are free to actually live in this moment right now and it's not one person might say well that's that's kind of dark but imagine being so freed from all the limited things in the world and now you get to actually completely merge with the universe we get to merge with the eternal we get to merge with the whole world because we are no longer attached to the limited things we're not attached to our karma we're not attached to what we think we need to achieve or prove to other people or anything like that we're like totally free how does one flow with mass shootings war well that's a big question I'm not sure I can do give that justice it's almost an entire talk unto itself to be honest what about attachment to non material things kindness compassion I guess I wouldn't consider these attachments I imagine them to be like a virtue like a way of living kindness is just a way that humans are connected to each other so if you are unkind to me I might be attached to you being kind to me because I want to be around you like let's say I'm married and the other person is not kind to me I might say well I'm attached to you being kind to me but what I'm really attached to is being married to you and your unkindness pushes me away and I don't like that kindness is simply what connects humans if someone is hurting and you have compassion for them to me this is a natural human trait but again if someone doesn't have compassion for something I'm going through I'm probably more attached to their attention or my connection to them than I am how they're acting what about attachment to inner peace inner love pursuing it with focused intensity I think that's beautiful I think to have it as attachment is I think when I would call it toxic positivity when I'm gonna feel inner peace no matter what even though my life is crap and I'm angry at my partner and even though life is horrible even someone asked earlier you know how do you flow with mass shootings well the truth is it's horrible it's horrible it's terrible and if I'm attached to inner peace that's a problem I need to feel what is I need to feel my own grief I need to feel sadness for in the collective I need to have compassion for everybody involved including the shooter because he's part of the collective too and if I don't feel that because I'm so attached to being some enlightened person filled with inner peace that's a problem that's toxic positivity that's not living in reality and that kind of thing is what keeps us in abusive relationships at abusive jobs because no I'm just gonna find the peace nope I'm just gonna find the pieces like no they're hitting you leave we can be very again this is like an attachment to being perceived as being enlightened it's like wow nothing seems to faze her she's just so peaceful all the time she can always find the good in everything blah blah blah blah you know what sometimes you have to get really really angry and you have to feel really really sad and you have to really really grieve and let all of that nonsense go and when we get really really angry we make different choices in life in our own lives maybe we witness these mass shootings maybe we witness war and we look into our own life and we say you know what I hate what's happening in my own kids school system that's it I've had it that's it I'm gonna make a change does it make you angry enough to make changes in your own life that's the question we live this asleep dumb down ridiculous existence maybe we need to wake up not that I have an opinion about it it's true but I mean being attached to it as a very strong goal I'm trying very hard to get to inner peace but it's a hard road I wonder if I'm too attached and allow the past one ravel yeah so I remember when I was traveling in 2018 people would often ask me like why are you doing this do you have a goal in mind you have something like a North Star that you're aiming for and I remember that my North Star was joy I really wanted to feel like that lightness of being just that pure joy and it's not that I couldn't have fun or I couldn't enjoy my life it wasn't like that but you know we did all those talks about David Hawkins levels of consciousness and stuff that might actually be a really interesting thing to look at to look at all the levels below peace to look at neutrality acceptance love those kind of things because they really are stepping stones to achieving total total peace but it was really helpful and healthy to kind of have this joy as a North Star and I realized how much responsibility I held in my body how much I felt like I wasn't allowed to be joyful because there was suffering things like that in the world so if your goal is inner peace it's really interesting to kind of look at it and say what is standing in my way of that is it a philosophy is it a wound is it a what and then I think it's very very healthy it's not as much an attachment as much as a soul's journey that's wonderful what's the fine line between living without attachments and being detached so for me thank you for that's a great question to me living without attachments is very personal that I am free of my own attachments to things and who are to a relationship so for example like even you know when I divorced Wayne I wasn't detached from him but I was no longer attached to being married to him he and I are still good friends he's a good man and even through the divorce I was never detached from him there's a talk on here on insight timer called divorcing with love I think which is the story of how he and I divorced because my number one thing is I didn't want him to be hurt so I wasn't detached but I was no longer clinging to having to be married any longer so detachment is if you're detached from other people you've shut down your empathy you've shut down compassion that's very different in the same way that if you do counseling work with people Jim taught me this in spades that you can help people you can talk to people you can do work with them you can do whatever but you can never be attached to the choices they make whether they get better whether they live or die this is not your journey and that will make you crazy if them becoming healthy is what you're attached to you need to be in the moment if for some reason they've been called to you to be with you to work with you then you be in that moment with them and you honor their souls divine journey you are not God you are not their Savior you must allow them to journey and for whatever reason they spend an hour with you whether it's one hour once or one hour once a week whatever you do you can never have attachment to what they do whether they live nothing you just be with them that's it so in that way you're not detached at all you are fully heart open humanly connected and fully releasing because I mean again why why would I become someone who does healing work or whatever you want to call that it's a question all unto itself but why would I choose to do that if I was attached to the outcome of the people well is it ego is it a lack of faith in people's journeys very very different thing what about attachments to relationships family she would let these go is there some balance again when we release the attachment if you have attachments to your parents sometimes we have attachments to that our parents act a certain way that our parents appear as I want I want some I want my mother to be a certain kind of mother why couldn't she be this kind of mother I want my dad to be this kind of father we've attachments to something that's not real that's the difference what if your family's crazy do you have an attachment to being a part of them or not and if you don't have an attachment to it then you choose to come and go and you can still love them but you don't have to you don't have anything extra on top when you further to find attachments isn't grief a form of attachment oh I could talk about grief for a long time my friend I'm just gonna say shortly my friend just sent me this interesting bit of it was a quote from the Lakota tradition and it talked about how when a person is grieving they are so close they are so wise and so deeply connected to source because all of the nonsense has disappeared and you're completely connected to the whole life-death cycle and how important at the time of grieving is I think grief is a very important thing if we don't allow ourselves to feel it completely or if we have regrets then grief can become an attachment that we never come won't get over but the pure emotion of grief is not an attachment it's an experience long-term that's an attachment loosely when you're counseling your grandson 100% Suzy the best thing the best thing we can ever do for children and grandchildren is to be that listening ear that they always know they can come to that you will always honor their path that you will always love them no matter what and then they will make the choices their soul has to make we're not living their life we have our own life to live the best thing you can ever do I wonder if when non attachment is a cover for selfishness I know a woman who shocked her husband by saying she was going to become a celibate sannyasana I guess I mean I've often thought of that if if I became celibate sannyasana or my partner did then I would just assume that I would take a lover or separate or something that's not the end of the discussion just because one person chooses to be celibate if you married them assuming intimacy was on the table then why not just have a lover or have a different have a maybe this is a beautiful place for polyamory and I think there's lots of lots of options if you're attached to monogamy or attached to this person acting a certain way that could be a problem for sure but attachment non attachment allows us to see the the rainbow of possibilities thank you so much for being here I hope you have a wonderful day

Reviews

I’ve listened to this talk twice and keep learning . This was just fabulous and such a wealth of guidance all done with beautiful lightness and joy . Thank you 🙏

This is one of my favorite talks from this series. Thank you for recording these and making them accessible so we can listen multiple times. I heard it during the live session but there’s something about being able to rewind and listen again.

I love listing to you. I feel like I’m attached to attachments, they make me feel safe, secure and successful (on the surface). I often looked at change as instability. Thank for you insight.

This was such a poignant talk I got so much out of it. Thank you thank you thank you 🙏❤️

Clear and very informative. I plan to listen to again. So many nuggets to feed my soul. Thank you for sharing all that you do.