There are two wings of mindfulness,
Clear seeing and compassion.
Since compassion is half of mindfulness,
How we pay attention in the present moment,
Our attitude is just as important as paying attention.
Are we relating to others and ourselves in a gentle,
Curious,
Compassionate way?
What is compassion?
The word compassion means to suffer together.
Compassion is an awareness of suffering with a desire to relieve that suffering.
Dr.
Kristin Neff,
Researcher and pioneer in the field of mindful self-compassion says,
Compassion is,
By definition,
Relational.
Compassion literally means to suffer with,
Which implies a basic mutuality in the experience of suffering.
The emotion of compassion springs from the recognition that the human experience is imperfect.
Compassion supports mindfulness by helping us respond to difficult situations in people with openness.
An attitude of compassion is a way to help balance the brain's natural negativity bias,
Meaning our brains are wired to look for threats,
So we tend to give more attention to the negative.
Relating to ourselves and others with compassion can help dial down the judgment and storytelling mind of the inner critic.
With that foundation of compassion,
Let's turn to self-compassion.
Self-compassion involves treating ourselves with the same kindness and openness we'd show someone we care about when we're struggling.
Kristin Neff identified three components of mindful self-compassion.
Mindfulness,
Common humanity,
And self-kindness.
Awareness is intentionally paying attention to the present moment without judgment.
We can pay attention by bringing awareness to senses,
Thoughts,
And emotions,
In which all emotions are welcome,
No matter how pleasant or unpleasant they may feel.
Labeling an emotion or experience can help us navigate difficulty.
Common humanity is feeling connected with all humans,
As all humans experience a wide range of emotions,
Rather than feeling isolated by our suffering.
Remembering that imperfection and challenges are part of the shared human experience.
Self-kindness entails treating ourselves in a gentle,
Understanding,
And comforting way,
Instead of judging ourselves for having human experiences.
Self-compassion is linked to several benefits,
Including increases in happiness,
Authenticity,
Flexible responding,
Emotional resilience,
Immune function,
More of the anti-aging hormone DHEA,
And overall life satisfaction.
Self-compassion is also linked to decreases in stress,
Anxiety,
Depression,
Chronic pain,
Perfectionism,
And shame.
Further,
Self-compassionate people have less fear of failure and greater motivation.
Renee Brown says,
When we're kind to ourselves,
We create a reservoir of compassion that we can extend to others.
Our children learn how to be self-compassionate by watching us,
And the people around us feel free to be authentic and connected.
Our formal mindfulness practice informs our informal mindfulness practice,
Or our everyday experiences when we're not formally meditating.
Conversely,
Those everyday spontaneous,
Informal mindfulness experiences inform a formal mindfulness practice.
So practicing navigating difficulty through a formal mindfulness meditation practice is proactive in helping us navigate challenges as they organically arise.
Kristen Neff created a self-compassion break to include the three components of mindful self-compassion into a guided mindfulness meditation in which to address an experience that's causing difficulty.
Since compassion means to be with suffering,
We're practicing acknowledging suffering and meeting it with the same comforting attitude we'd use with someone we care about.
To start this self-compassion practice,
I invite you to get into a mindful body posture that feels most comfortable for you.
Perhaps relaxed and alert,
Upright,
Not uptight,
Allowing any tension in the body to be released if possible,
Or allowing what remains to just be as it is.
No need to be any particular way.
All of you is welcome.
If it feels comfortable,
You can close your eyes,
Or you can direct a soft gaze downward to a fixed point.
Knowing that in mindfulness,
We check in with what we feel fully resourced to do in the moment.
You get to choose if it feels right to just dip a toe into the practice,
Dive in completely,
Or anything else.
Also,
All emotions are welcome in mindfulness,
So whether the practice feels pleasant,
Unpleasant,
Or anything else,
There's value in setting an intention and gently,
Non-judgmentally,
Observing the present moment experience.
Begin by thinking of something that's unpleasant for you in the present day.
For the sake of this shorter practice,
Perhaps don't choose something that's incredibly painful,
But maybe something that's more of a 3 or a 4 on a scale of 1 to 10,
In which 10 is the most intense.
As you bring this unpleasant situation to mind,
Can you find this stress or difficulty in your body?
Where do you feel it?
This intentional,
Present moment attention,
Without judging it,
Is mindfulness.
If it feels comfortable,
Putting one or both hands on the heart,
Or in another nurturing gesture can release oxytocin,
The bonding hormone,
Which can add to a feeling of comfort.
The first step of the self-compassion break is mindfulness,
Noticing whatever difficulty is here for you right now,
Acknowledging that this is a moment of suffering,
And mindfully allowing it to be here.
You may choose a statement to acknowledge the experience,
Such as,
This is difficult,
Or it's painful for me to feel this now,
Or this is a moment of stress.
Often,
If you can name it,
You can tame it.
What body sensations,
Emotions,
And thoughts are you experiencing?
Common humanity is the second component of mindful self-compassion.
Shifting now to connect with the deep sense of knowing that suffering and imperfection are part of life for everyone.
We are all connected by our imperfection and suffering.
Difficulties are part of life that everyone experiences.
You may choose a statement to acknowledge our common humanity,
Such as,
I am human,
And therefore imperfect.
Or,
Everyone feels this way sometimes.
Or,
This is part of being human.
Or,
We're all connected through our challenges.
What body sensations,
Emotions,
And thoughts are you experiencing?
Now to address the component of self-kindness,
Sense into what you most need to hear right now.
You may choose a statement,
Such as,
May I be kind to myself in this moment?
Or,
May I be gentle and understanding with myself?
Or,
May I be a comforting friend to myself?
Find whatever words feel most comforting for you.
What might you say to a dear friend who is suffering in the same way?
No matter how natural or unnatural it may feel,
Inviting the feeling of kindness to be here.
Can you allow yourself to receive kind words?
What body sensations,
Emotions,
And thoughts are you experiencing?
To transition out of this practice,
Bring your attention to the sensation of breathing.
Take a moment to acknowledge yourself for honoring yourself with self-care.
As Kristin Neff says,
By changing the way we relate to our own imperfection and pain,
We can actually change our experience of living.
