Stopping your controlling behavior.
You see,
We have an intellectual mind.
We have a conditioned mind that's been conditioned by our past memories,
Our past experiences.
What happens is we develop personal preferences.
It's like,
I don't like the color brown.
I like blue.
I like Italian cars.
I don't like German cars.
I don't like my watch to be older than five years.
So what happens is this mind that is full of personal preferences tries to control life,
Tries to control the day so that the day suits your preferences.
So if something happens that is not aligned with the taste of your mind,
With the preference of your mind,
You say,
This is not a good day.
If something happens that day that aligns with your personal preferences,
You say,
This is a good day.
But the problem with this mind is that it cannot stay in the present moment.
Imagine this moment right now and two days from now,
There's a gap between this moment and two days from now.
What the mind does,
Because it doesn't know what's going to happen between now and two days from now,
It fills that gap with fear,
Worry,
Trying to predict the future,
Worst of all,
Trying to control the future.
That is not possible,
My friend.
You are one human being amongst nine billion human beings.
You are on one tiny planet amongst a million galaxies.
So life,
The flow of life,
Is not going to pay attention to your personal preferences.
But here's the problem.
When I step into this moment saying,
I like this,
I don't like that,
I like sunny days,
I don't like cloudy days,
You know,
When I do that,
I become resistant to the moment.
I am no longer living in this moment.
So people who have a lot of controlling behavior,
People who have too many judgments,
Too many personal preferences,
Are never happy.
You know why?
Imagine that your mind loves watches.
So you buy an Omega watch,
It's happy for a month or two,
And then it goes by a Rolex store,
Decides it likes the Rolex.
So this is just an example.
If you run around your entire life trying to satisfy the wishes of your mind,
If you run around all your life trying to improve your moods,
You're running around in circles because this mind is constantly changing its moods,
It's changing its thoughts,
And it's changing its preferences.
So what's the alternative life?
Be present.
Whenever you touch your fingertips,
Take two breaths in,
Two breaths out.
When you do that,
You break the pattern of this moment.
You break the pattern of your mind.
When you break that pattern and take two breaths in,
Two breaths out,
You become much more present.
Becoming present is not laziness,
It's not apathy,
It's not depression.
It means that when you touch your fingertips and follow two breaths in,
Two breaths out,
What happens is you bring mindfulness to this moment.
When mindfulness comes in after breathing,
Then you can ask yourself,
Why am I tense?
Why do I prefer sunny days to cloudy days?
Why do I need a new watch right now?
Is my happiness tied to a new watch or how the weather is?
You see,
When you touch the fingertips and take two breaths in,
Two breaths out,
You break that automatic autopilot type of reaction.
You stop trying to control the moments of the day.
When you stop your controlling behavior,
You become more spontaneous.
You are more present right here,
Right now.
You accept the moment for what it is and you embrace it instead of becoming defensive,
Becoming upset because the restaurant today did not have the pasta that I like.
You take two breaths in,
Two breaths out.
You release your resistance to this moment and you face the moment.
Whatever the restaurant is serving is what you will try today while you breathe.
See,
This gives you more spontaneity.
It gives you more freedom.
You are not imprisoned by an entire list of your personal preferences,
Your personal likes,
Your personal dislikes,
On and on.
The true freedom is to become present in the moment,
Breathe through the moment,
And just be here.
Life will be okay when you become okay with life.
Never forget that.
Human beings experience pain because of two things.
Number one,
We see something,
We see somebody,
And we become super attached.
We must have that person.
We must have that automobile.
So intense attachment brings you pain because you lose some of your spontaneity,
Some of your freedom.
You're not breathing anymore.
You become obsessed with your to-do list,
With a new automobile,
With a new relationship.
So attachment brings pain.
The other reverse reaction is to run away from anything that makes you uncomfortable.
And you might say,
That's very natural for me not to want anything that makes me uncomfortable.
But here's what I'm saying.
Life on earth with nine billion other people is not going to dance to your tune moment by moment.
You are living on a tiny planet in a million galaxies.
Nature is not going to dance to your every desire.
You'll never be able to be happy that way.
You need to break those obsessions.
You need to break that controlling behavior.
Take two breaths in and then two breaths out.
Mindfully ask yourself,
Am I here?
Am I present?
Why am I resistant?
Lower your shoulders,
Relax your stomach muscles,
And look at the day.
Be with the day.
Get rid of your to-do list and see what the day brings you.
Even if you have things to do,
Do them while you follow your breath.
You'll see that you're becoming more relaxed,
You are more open,
You are more spontaneous,
And you have more choices in terms of how you want to live.
