Emotions + Nervous System Regulation (+Breathwork Practice)
This Podcast will go over the relationship between breath and your emotions & how we can work WITH our emotions rather than reacting to them. You will learn: ✨ How your emotions are linked to your nervous system. ✨ Why it is important to understand your emotions. ✨ What messages your emotions are trying to tell you. ✨ How to work with your emotional body to heal. This is for: ✨ People interested in doing Breathwork trainings ✨ Healers, breathworkers, teachers, coaches, therapists, wellness enthusiasts, people on their healing journey & meditators. ✨ Anyone committed to your own personal development & growth. It will also include a modified Wild Love Breathwork Practice. This Masterclass was recorded online via Zoom.
Transcript
All right,
Good morning,
Good afternoon,
Good evening,
Depending on where you are in the world.
This is embody your breath.
We're doing a regulate your nervous system and understand your emotions masterclass.
I think this is like,
This is kind of advanced practice kind of stuff.
This is and also very easy,
If that makes sense.
Like once we start to understand our emotions and our nervous system in the way that they actually are like,
You know,
One in the same and directly linked to each other,
We can actually like learn how to navigate really tough and challenging situations with relative ease and grace.
It's kind of,
It's,
I'm surprised that not more people are wanting to talk about this because I think it's,
It's a really valuable thing.
And for me in my life,
I know that being able to understand my emotions and how I'm feeling and understanding what that is giving me as a message about the situation or about the person or about this,
You know,
About myself.
Then I can actually,
You know,
Understand the emotion,
Let the emotion move and act from a place of like,
Okay,
This is what needs to happen next.
If that makes sense.
And that is actually really supportive for our nervous system because our nervous system actually wants us to move the energy behind,
You know,
The,
The energy behind an emotion.
It's actually wanting us to move.
And once we've moved that energy,
The nervous system can come down.
That's the crux of it.
Workshop over.
I'm joking.
So what we're going to do,
We're going to start with a meditation as we always do.
So I'm going to invite you to join along and then I'm going to do,
You know,
Some exercises.
I might ask you guys some questions.
I'm going to show you a graph that might help you understand yourself a little bit better.
And then also I'm going to give you a little practice a little bit later on to,
To help you move the energy that's stuck or energy that's there.
Does that sound good?
So we've got about another hour and 20 minutes together or an hour and a little bit less than that.
So we'll probably get that all done in that time.
All right.
So what I'm going to invite you to do is close your eyes.
And I invite you to drink in a long,
Deep breath through your nose.
And open mouth,
Let it go side out.
And again,
Deep breath in.
Let it go side out.
And again,
Deep breath.
Just taking a moment to pause,
To feel into this moment.
Can you allow yourself to rest down and into the earth?
Feel the support of the earth beneath you.
Can you feel the temperature of the air around you?
Can you feel the shape of your body as it rests in this moment?
Can you feel the subtle rise and fall of your breath as you breathe?
Can you let your jaw relax?
Can you feel the temperature of the air around you?
And your tongue rest into the base of your jaw.
Can you let your eyes soften?
Your forehead soften.
Any tension that you're holding along your spine and your shoulders or lower back,
Can you allow that to also soften?
And then take a moment to scan your body.
Just notice what is alive.
Is there any tension,
Any strong emotions,
Any sensations that might be present?
And just saying to yourself,
Hello,
Hello,
Hello,
Hello,
Hello,
I am here.
I am listening.
Hello.
I am here.
I am listening.
See if there's anything that wants to let go a little.
Inhaling through your nose,
Breathing together as one.
Open mouth,
Let it go,
Sigh it out.
I invite you to connect to this moment here with us,
With myself,
With any other beings on this call or listening to the replay.
Knowing that we have all come here in some way to learn,
To receive.
And to become a better version of ourself.
Maybe that resonates,
Maybe it doesn't.
And again,
Full deep breath.
I invite you to stretch,
Reaching your arms up and up your head.
And then reach up,
Breathe in.
And then reach up,
Breathe in.
And then reach up,
Breathe in.
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And just write down your own answers.
Yeah,
I love that.
I feel I have my L plates on.
I was emotionally illiterate but learning each day.
Understand well but definitely suppress anger subconsciously.
Yeah,
It's a big emotion.
It's big.
When it comes,
It's like a tsunami.
We can't stop it sometimes.
And I know definitely for men,
That can be really true.
And for women,
It's not one or the other.
But definitely anger can be a really scary emotion.
I know for me,
Before I started doing all of this work,
Maybe this resonates,
I had so many emotions.
So many emotions.
And Pisces Sun,
Not that that makes a difference at all.
But I think it does.
Definitely an emotional being.
And I didn't know what to do with them.
I had no idea where to put them or how to go about expressing them or why they were even here.
But I felt so much all the time,
Especially as a child.
I was also told that I was a very sensitive child,
A sensitive being,
My brother more so.
So does that resonate for anyone?
Yeah,
Okay,
Cool.
So there's another one here.
It says mixed,
Mostly connected,
But also scary at some situations.
Depending on what's going on.
Okay,
Cool.
Thank you so much for sharing.
I think that like,
So to begin,
Like when we're talking about our emotions,
We have been taught to suppress our emotions.
I don't think it matters which culture you're in.
Some cultures do allow for you to express your emotions.
But definitely in the Western world,
If you're Australian,
American,
British,
There is those kinds of places,
The ones that I know well,
At least,
There's a lot of suppression.
Don't feel,
Don't feel.
It's not safe to feel.
I don't know if this resonates for anybody,
But like you'd be crying and you'd get a crip across the ears instead of what do you need?
Yeah,
There's nods.
And it's,
I sort of look back at that now as an adult and go like,
What is going on here?
And it's the simple fact that the people of the generation before us didn't know how to manage their own emotions and weren't willing to acknowledge or accept another person's emotions.
So they taught their children not to express their emotions.
Their parents were in wars probably.
If it goes back many generations and that for a long time,
It's just been safer not to express,
Not to share.
And obviously because of that,
It's either something that we completely suppress and push down and it gets stored in the body.
We go numb,
Get stored as nervous energy.
It creates depression and anxiety.
And in extreme cases with a lot of suppression,
These kinds of experiences,
There's another answer here.
Nervous as there is a lot of changes,
But as at the same time,
I need to support my,
Sorry,
Support system in family.
Yeah,
That's tough.
That's really tough,
Especially when you have your emotions and everybody else has their emotions.
If something big has happened,
That's hard.
Yeah,
It's like,
Where do I fit into this?
And those are the things that I've learned and those of us who played the role of support person or organizer of a family as a child would often have these,
I'll make sure everybody else is okay before I look at the needs of my own.
Does that resonate for anybody?
Yeah,
Okay.
Oh,
Everyone's nodding,
Interesting.
So I also believe there's a period of time right now where it's like,
Okay,
This isn't working for us.
And this is why people wanna talk about this,
But I think it's a hard topic to talk about.
I think we're at a point where because we're not able to express our emotions or understand our emotions or express our emotions in a healthy way more so,
It gets stored as tension in the body and we end up as really stressed beings or with anxiety or depression.
And the more people like I've heard this in the last week,
It's like,
You're people that are being diagnosed with ADHD,
It's like through the roof at the moment,
Which I'm floored by,
Like,
Okay,
There's something,
Something's off.
We're not humaning in a way that's,
Inducive to being human,
If that makes sense.
Where we're doing it wrong,
If that makes sense.
And I don't think there's a wrong or a right,
But perhaps we can use that word in this context.
So let's all take a deep breath in.
I'm gonna talk first about the nervous system.
So the nervous system is your brain.
So the nervous system is your brain.
You've got your brain in your,
Inside your skull.
And then there's a big thick cord that runs down the center line of the spine,
In the very center of the spine,
The way that all the bones of the spine are made is so that it actually holds the cord in the center,
Which all of you probably would know.
And then from there,
It like splinters off into many different nerve endings that go all the way out to the tips of the fingers,
All the way into the organs and all the way down to the tips of the toes,
All the way out to the skin,
As deep as the bones,
Even though there's no nerve endings inside the bones.
Actually,
I'm not sure about that.
I have to come back to you.
So what we have is a system inside of us that is constantly in perceiving the world around us.
So through touch is a nervous system thing,
Through taste,
Nervous system thing,
Hearing,
Smell,
Sight,
It's all being perceived by the brain.
So our external reality is perceived by our nervous system in some way.
So our nervous system's role,
It has two jobs and polyvagal theory by Stephen Porges is really,
Really,
Really interesting.
So you write that down and you can come back to it later.
I cover some of it in both of the trainings that I run.
Polyvagal theory is the theory that there are two different kinds of nervous,
Sorry,
Three different kinds of nervous systems.
The first of this is the sympathetic nervous system,
Which is the fight or flight and that nervous system is more close to the skin and its job is defense,
Sympathetic,
Fight or flight.
In a healthy expression in a person,
We need sympathetic nervous system to get out of bed.
So we actually need that activation of the sympathetic nervous system to function and it is okay to have stress.
Healthy amounts of stress are actually good.
However,
It's when stress isn't managed that that becomes a problem and it's when our emotions are not managed that that becomes a problem.
So sympathetic nervous system's job is to protect us,
It's to have us do things,
It's action and all of those things are absolutely necessary for us to survive and thrive in this world.
Healthy amounts of defense are important.
Obviously,
If you're walking along the streets of a city and there's some scary looking person walking towards you,
What are you gonna do?
You're gonna defend yourself by running or fighting.
Now,
That part of your sympathetic nervous system is actually its job is to make sure that you are safe.
In some people that's overactive.
In a lot of people it's overactive and so we're constantly looking out for situations where we're not safe but most of the time it's not a physical lack of safety,
It's more of an energetic or emotional lack of safety.
You know,
Looking for behavior in another that is going to abandon,
That's gonna leave us abandoned,
For example,
Or looking for behavior in another that's going to be fearful in some way,
You're gonna elicit fear.
So,
You know,
Give you an example,
Perhaps the rain's really strong here.
Can you hear it?
I've not seen this much,
Awkward,
Okay.
Not seen this much rain in Bali in a long time.
It's a bit distracting,
Sorry.
All right,
So an example like,
If someone is in a new relationship,
For example,
And they're falling in love,
Their sympathetic nervous system will be on the lookout,
Perhaps,
Especially if they've been dumped before or cheated on before,
Their nervous system will be constantly looking for signs that this person may do the same thing and that would be sympathetic nervous response.
So,
Is this making sense?
Is this resonating?
So,
Then we have sympathetic nervous responses,
One parasympathetic is the other,
And that nervous system is responsible for rest,
Restore,
Repair.
And in polyvagal theory,
This is where it differs.
So,
From,
You know,
Nervous system having two different kinds of nervous systems to actually having three.
So,
Polyvagal theory says that you've got sympathetic nervous system,
Ventral vagal,
Which is all of the nerve endings around the heart and the lungs.
And this is responsible for connection,
For healing,
For love,
For joy,
For peace,
These feelings,
Right?
And then you've got dorsal vagal,
Which are the nerve endings in the gut.
And I believe,
This is my belief,
Responsible for instinct,
Like instinctual,
You know,
The part of the parasympathetic nervous response,
Instinct in the gut,
Deep in the gut.
So,
All the organs in the gut are,
You know,
Parasympathetic.
And actually,
I think instinct is like a combination of sympathetic and dorsal vagal,
Parasympathetic.
So,
Parasympathetic,
Sorry,
Dorsal vagal,
Parasympathetic nervous system is responsible for fawn and freeze.
Fawn is when you go,
Oh yeah,
Yeah,
Yeah,
People please make everyone else happy.
But as a trauma response,
More so than anything else.
And it can also be freeze where you can't move or you can't say anything,
You can't do anything.
And can feel like lethargy,
Disconnection,
Numbness,
Depressive states often come from sort of dorsal vagal parasympathetic.
So,
If a person has been suppressing their emotions their entire life,
Good job,
Firstly,
Well done,
Because that is what has kept you safe to this point.
So,
Kind of don't wanna diss it and say,
You know,
That was a bad thing to do,
It wasn't.
It was just what we knew how to do at the time.
I know that was very true for me.
And I think a big part of burning out twice has been learning how to navigate my nervous system and learning how to navigate my big emotions and learning that when I stop,
I actually have the chance to be able to feel all of those big emotions that I'm feeling.
Be able to feel all of those big emotions that actually helped to neutralize my nervous system,
Which is huge because we don't stop.
Big person hurts,
It's like,
Oh,
I'm just gonna keep busy.
Just gotta keep busy because if I stop,
Then I'm gonna actually have to address everything that is bubbling underneath the surface.
So,
If this is resonating for you,
This is the time or place or moment where support is needed.
Go and get support.
It's like,
Okay,
We don't have to do this alone.
Okay,
I've got some stuff bubbling underneath the surface.
That's okay,
I don't have to do this alone.
I can learn some skills to be able to learn how to navigate this stuff,
Which is probably why you're here listening to this.
And I love this,
We don't have to do it alone.
Like I have been living in a community full of,
You know,
Really powerful and amazing healers and therapists and teachers.
And like,
I think I have overcome burnout.
You know,
For those of you listening,
I burnt out in February and I feel like I've overcome it,
Relatively speaking,
95%,
I would say.
And that was in,
You know,
It's July 1st.
So,
That's pretty good.
Considering the last time I burnt out,
It took me like three years.
And it was because I reached out,
Because I got help,
It's because I got support.
I did EFT,
I breathed,
I received cranial sacral therapy,
I had an acupuncture and all these different things,
Spent a lot of money on my health.
Worth it.
And learning the lesson to how,
Or how not to do that again,
You know?
Anyway,
I digress.
It's a whole nother workshop.
So,
Let's all take a big,
Deep breath in and let it go,
Sigh it down.
And again,
Deep breath in.
Let it go.
And again,
Let it go.
Let it go.
And again,
Deep breath.
It is,
The advanced practice is learning how to do things differently.
When we were,
You know,
Zero to 10 years old,
Zero to eight years old,
Conception to eight years old,
Or whichever sort of parameter you want to give it,
We were receiving life,
We were sponges.
And what we received in that time usually became our reality as an adult.
So,
Often we're replaying the same patterns from childhood into teenagehood,
Where everything gets solidified into adulthood,
Where it becomes even more solidified.
So,
Choosing to do something differently and learn a new way,
It takes time and practice.
My beautiful friend,
Jen,
When I was learning how to set boundaries,
You know,
The first boundary I said,
I was like shouting it,
Like,
You know,
You are not allowed to do this thing.
And she was like,
You know,
I came away and I was like,
Damn it,
Why did I shout it?
And she was like,
It's okay,
You're just learning.
Like,
This is practicing how to do it.
This is the learning.
More recently,
I set a boundary and I was like,
I wasn't even angry.
I was like,
Yeah,
No,
That's not okay.
Don't just,
That's not,
I'm not available for that.
And,
You know,
It wasn't even an emotional thing.
It was just like a no,
Stop.
Otherwise you need to leave my life.
You know,
It was very neutral.
And that's been,
You know,
Three years of practicing setting boundaries,
For example.
So,
Let's have a look at a,
I just need to find it.
Hold on one second.
Something I forgot to do before I set up this morning.
A graph on all of the different emotions that you might feel.
And I'm just going to pull it up for those watching.
And it was here.
And for those of you watching,
It's called the emotions wheel and you can pull it up or listening,
I should say.
And you can pull it up on,
You know,
Just a Google.
You can have a look for it.
It's called the emotions wheel.
Usually it'll have five different,
Five or six or seven different kinds of emotions.
The ones that I've got,
Or the one that I've got here has happy,
Surprised in the very center of the wheel,
Bad,
Fearful,
Angry,
Disgusted,
And sad.
So,
What you're looking at here is a wheel that depicts all the different words for all different kinds of emotions.
Can you all see that?
Yeah,
Cool.
So,
As I said before,
In the middle wheel,
In the center wheel,
These are like,
You know,
The key emotions.
And I've got a friend of mine who calls it the five key emotions.
He says,
Sad,
Mad,
Glad,
Fear,
And shame.
And actually shame is the one that's missing on this particular wheel.
There's a few things that are missing.
Compassion's also not on there,
Which I think is interesting.
So,
I'm wanting to make my own.
However,
I digress.
There is,
We've got happy,
Surprised,
Bad,
Fearful,
Angry,
Disgusted,
And sad.
And I think what's interesting,
If we just look at the center wheel,
As humans,
We're kind of geared towards the challenging.
There's more,
Like I would consider surprised and happy,
Relatively speaking,
To be,
You know,
The inner verticom is pleasurable or good emotions.
I don't like to use the words good or bad because I think,
Actually,
I'll get to that in a minute.
So,
You know,
We have feeling bad,
Feeling fearful,
Feeling angry,
Feeling disgusted,
Feeling sad.
We're kind of geared towards the more challenging emotions,
Which I think is really,
Really interesting.
I think that by coming to earth and choosing our souls,
Choosing this path to come to earth,
I believe,
And maybe you can take this or leave this,
That we're here to actually master all of these emotions and be okay with what their message is,
What they're trying to tell us.
Not only that,
I love to use this sort of,
This graph to,
With the clients that I work with,
To better understand the different emotions that they're feeling.
That actually anger can just be frustration.
I'm feeling frustrated,
Which is,
You know,
A combination of a few things,
But like frustrated is different for me to anger.
Feeling bitter is definitely different to anger.
Feeling bitter is definitely different to me than anger is just pure.
The feelings of anger feels different to me than being bitter,
Although it's anchored in anger.
Another example would be,
I feel insecure,
For example.
Feeling insecure,
It includes fear,
But isn't entirely fearful for me.
Insecure may make me want to isolate myself and stay at home.
Another example could be feeling lonely,
Feeling isolated and sad.
You know,
They're,
You know,
Different emotions.
And not only that,
We can often feel more than one emotion at a time.
You could feel frustrated that you are where you are because you're insecure,
Because you're feeling,
You know,
Really lonely.
And there's like a plethora of emotions that are there.
It's like,
Oh,
Okay,
I've got some,
A lot of information here.
For some of us,
The first thing that we'll notice is not so much the thought that we're thinking.
Sometimes we feel the emotion before we feel the thought or before we hear the thought.
Some people it's the other way around.
Some people will hear the thought before they feel the emotion.
So often our thoughts fuel our emotions,
Which fuel our thoughts,
Which fuel our emotions,
Which fuel our thoughts.
So there's,
They're,
They work together.
If we change the way that we think,
Which is absolutely possible through,
You know,
All psychotherapies,
Breathwork,
Especially.
If we change the way we think,
Then obviously we're also going to change the way we feel.
The same too,
If we change the way we feel,
We can also change the way we think.
Yeah.
All right.
So in the training,
In,
In wild love,
Particularly,
I actually go through how to move these emotions.
I'm not going to go through that today.
What I prefer to go through today is,
Is like what each of these,
You know,
Key emotions are teaching us.
What are they teaching us?
What are they teaching us?
Before we do that,
I'd love for you to get typing into the chat and like,
Which of these emotions do you feel like you,
Um,
What's the right word?
Like suppress or push down or say,
Isn't okay.
And if you're listening or watching the replay,
You might like to pause the video and just like maybe write down your own notes.
For some people it's all of them and that's okay.
It's not a bad thing.
Some people it's,
You know,
Most of angry and disgusted and sometimes happy.
So some people it's,
I feel uncomfortable,
Feeling sad and fearful and bad.
And any of those,
Um,
So if you want to share what you feel about yours,
Just looking at this,
Um,
I welcome it into the chat.
Um,
I thought something was interesting when I first started doing this work for myself.
Um,
I felt uncomfortable feeling happy.
Like if I was happy,
Then,
You know,
My friends who were stressed or angry or upset would,
Would feel threatened by my happiness.
And I think that comes back to like a bit of tall poppy syndrome in Australia,
To be honest,
But I had reservations about feeling happy.
And to add to that,
You know,
The tarot card,
The sun,
You can sort of Google that and have a look at it.
The way that the picture is,
Is a little boy naked on a horse.
And the sun's beaming down,
But he's actually behind a wall that we need to feel a certain amount of safety to be able to feel happy.
And true joy can only be expressed when we feel safe.
So I think that's also really interesting,
You know,
As a society,
Um,
Uh,
You know,
If happiness is,
Is not something that is welcome,
Then sometimes we can even suppress happiness.
Hmm.
Same.
I,
So Jasmine says,
Same.
I have happy come up a lot and I would feel guilty feeling happy and not stressed.
Yeah.
Cause it's normal to feel stressed and we connect with each other on sometimes negative emotions.
Like how are you doing?
Oh,
You know,
I'm so stressed.
I'm so busy.
And I think sometimes we have in the past glorified this like notion of stress and busy.
What if we glorify,
Glorify joy and happiness and relaxation?
Like what would happen to society as a whole?
We wouldn't be working 12 hour days anymore.
Here's to that.
I try and avoid feeling frustrated and angry.
Yes.
Cause it makes me look horrible or be horrible.
Yes.
Me too.
Me too.
Most of the time I feel frustrated.
I resonate a lot with the,
The,
The emotion of frustration,
Not being where I want to be in life.
You know,
That,
That kind of,
Um,
Or frustrated with other people or frustrated with myself or,
You know,
There's,
There's,
I feel,
I wish I didn't feel it as much.
All right.
So,
You know,
Some of this is,
Is conditioning,
Uh,
Generally speaking men,
Uh,
Who have been taught to suppress all of their emotions,
Like don't feel bash.
Um,
And I generalize,
As I say that most men will avoid the feeling of sadness.
Um,
Yeah,
I cannot let myself feel furious.
I may,
I definitely resonate with that.
It's a scary emotion.
And actually just to add to that women,
Children,
Like girl children were often taught not to be angry,
That anger wasn't okay.
But sadness was like little girls can be sad,
But they can't be angry.
Little boys can be angry,
But can't be sad.
How fucked up,
Like,
How about we all make it okay for everybody to feel angry and sad,
Because we're all the same.
It doesn't matter,
Man and woman,
It's all the same.
So it's really common for women to not allow themselves to feel angry,
Which is actually our power.
Just going to say that.
And I would say probably if that,
If that is true for women in general or people who identify as women,
Um,
Then probably the same is true for,
You know,
Men and feeling sad.
I don't know.
Maybe that's just a thought off cuff thought.
I will also say that like,
I'm,
I'm a,
I'm a bit different to other women.
It was anger was really welcome in our household.
If I was angry,
I was listened to.
So I learned that I can be angry,
But I wasn't allowed to be sad or get clipping across the ears.
If I was crying,
Stop crying,
Smack.
So,
You know,
It really does depend on your upbringing,
But for me,
Actually giving myself permission to be sad was such a liberating experience.
And thankfully sadness is like,
You know,
Not as violent or dangerous as,
As anger,
But learning to allow yourself to feel anger.
If you've not allowed yourself to feel anger for a lot of your life is a journey.
It's a really powerful,
Amazing reinvigorating,
Um,
Repleasure of fine made that word up experience because when we repress anger,
We become numb.
When we repress sadness,
We become numb.
When we repress,
Um,
Feelings of being rejected or,
Um,
You know,
Overwhelmed or stress,
We become numb.
So,
Yeah,
Beautiful reflection,
Alina,
Thank you so much for sharing for me.
It is also about being like mom.
Yeah,
Me too.
This is like,
I busted this,
Um,
Part of myself in a breathwork session where I was like,
You know,
People pleasing,
But specifically in romantic relationships.
And,
You know,
Essentially losing myself in romantic relationships because I was,
You know,
Yeah,
I'll do whatever you think.
And,
You know,
Yes,
Yes,
Yes.
And whatever you want,
That kind of thing.
And I was like,
Where the fuck does this come from?
Because this isn't me.
I'm not like this with my friends.
Why am I like this in romantic relationships?
And all of a sudden my mother appeared in this breathwork session and I was like,
Oh,
Yeah,
This is yours.
I'm just going to give this back.
Thank you,
Mom.
Thank you for teaching me a really great safety mechanism.
It taught me how to be safe,
But it's not serving me anymore.
And as a result,
I've had to learn how to communicate better in my relationships without the fear of being abandoned or rejected,
Um,
Because I'm stating my needs and my desires.
So maybe that resonates.
So each of these emotions are teaching us something.
Anger is teaching us.
Are you ready?
Boundaries.
How our boundaries are being crossed.
Now,
If we think about what I just said about what little girls are taught,
Not to feel angry or children are taught not to feel angry.
Then we're probably letting people overstep our boundaries.
Is that okay?
No.
Do I feel angry right now?
Yes.
So we let people overstep our boundaries and probably people please as a response to not being able to feel anger.
And so a lot of people have repressed anger because they haven't been able to state a boundary.
That's not okay.
The scary thing about learning this is like,
Oh,
Realizing shit.
I haven't set a boundary there.
I haven't set a boundary there.
And often it's with people that you've had these patternings with parents,
Partners for years and years and years and years and years.
And so there's probably,
You know,
Fear that comes up around,
Um,
Being able to state that boundary,
Especially with a mother or a father,
Like that can be really scary,
Which brings me to fear.
Fear is often present when we know we need to do something or we feel the urge to do something,
But our nervous system is saying,
No,
No,
No,
Don't do that.
It's not safe.
Thank you.
Nervous system.
Hello,
Fear.
I love you.
Come here.
Um,
Like sit with me.
Let's let's talk.
Fear is trying to keep us safe.
Fear is just trying to keep us safe.
And thank you.
Brené Brown,
Who talks about fear and courage.
And she says that you can only,
Um,
Have courage if you do something that scares you.
Like we can't go and be fearless beings.
It's not possible.
I mean,
If it's fearless,
Then you know what the courageous thing has no weight,
Has no like gravity,
Like,
Wow,
I just did something courageous,
You know?
Oftentimes feeling and acknowledging and being like,
Hey,
Fear,
I see you.
I feel you.
I get you.
I totally understand why you're here and let's do it together.
Like let's,
Let's,
You know,
Say,
Hey mom,
You're not allowed to do this anymore.
Or Hey partner,
When you say,
It's really not okay.
When you comment on my fires,
It's not okay.
For example,
Please stop.
It makes me feel like bad about myself.
It makes me feel insecure.
And so we don't actually realize we have courage until we do something that scares us.
And so we don't actually realize we have courage until we do something that scares us.
And so we don't actually realize we have courage until we do the thing that scares us.
What I found when I started stating boundaries is.
What did I find started stating boundaries?
I would get so afraid of actually saying what I needed and being like,
I'm sorry.
I know I said I could come over this afternoon.
I just can't,
I'm exhausted.
I'm not available to come over instead of going over and then being grumpy.
And then,
You know,
It being a shit show because I was grumpy and they're reacting to my grumpiness,
You know,
Like,
Um,
The first time I remember doing that,
My whole body was shaking.
And it was just the simple fact of like,
I need to stay home and rest.
I need to,
I need to stay home and putting my needs first,
Put my whole body and my whole nervous system into panic.
But his response was like,
Totally fine.
Do you need me to bring you something?
And I was like,
Oh,
That's a really lovely thing to say.
Thank you for asking.
Like it wasn't the reaction that I was expecting.
I was expecting like,
Oh,
You're so shit.
You always let me like,
You know,
Some sort of criticism I was expecting.
And it actually felt really good.
So I'm going to try this again.
See what happens.
So sometimes we can start with the little things,
Work our way up to,
You know,
Mom,
Dad.
Okay.
So we have angry and fearful,
All done bad.
When we're feeling bad,
We can,
You know,
Just another way of describing that,
You know,
We might feel stressed or tired or busy or bored or overwhelmed or out of control or sleepy,
You know,
Another way of,
Or the thing that bad feeling bad is communicating to us is that probably we're overstepping our boundaries one.
And also it's invite,
Like,
I believe it's the body's invitation to listen.
Like if I'm feeling a little bit sick or if I'm feeling a little bit stressed,
Like,
Okay,
Slow down,
What's not working.
Because it's different to anger.
It's like anger is a boundary.
Anger is like someone has overstepped a boundary.
Anger can also be a protector for sadness,
But I'll get to that in a minute.
When we're feeling bad,
It's like something's not working the way that it should.
Something could change so that I'm not feeling bad anymore.
What can change?
Which kind of leads me to disgusted,
Disgusted,
You know,
Another core emotion,
Some,
Some of the,
Another way of saying that is like disproving,
Awful,
Repelled,
Nauseated,
Revolted,
Appalled,
Embarrassed,
Judgmental.
Often that's a sign that we're feeling like,
Like we need to move away from like,
Like we need to move away from something.
So my question is,
How can I remove myself from this situation,
Person experience and get a better view from it?
Sometimes it's as simple as I just need to move away from this person and that's okay.
And that's enough.
But if it's a situation where you have to keep returning to like a job,
Then okay,
Like how can I approach the situation,
Communicate what I need,
Communicate any boundaries to be able to not feel embarrassed or appalled or revolted,
Or,
You know,
What is needed in this moment in order for me to go back into that situation without feeling disgusted.
Sadness usually means that we have lost something.
Sometimes it's like things haven't gone the way that we have wanted.
And so there's grief around the situation.
Sometimes it can literally be loss of a person,
You know,
Breakup or a death.
Sometimes we lose hope.
Sometimes because of circumstances in our life,
We're just kind of go,
Okay,
I give up.
And in those moments,
Sadness is here to be felt.
And then I know with grief,
You know,
Grief is something that we just need to move through and it shows itself up at the most strange times.
Like all of a sudden,
Anybody who's lost someone big in their life,
Will know that grief just shows up sometimes.
And literally there's no message behind sadness other than,
All right,
I've lost something.
And to a degree,
I feel like it's the existential like part of being human is our capacity to love so fiercely and so deeply,
But also feel grief.
And I think in the depths of love,
Really,
Really deep love,
We genuinely fear losing someone.
No,
Like when we really feel love,
The love and grief are like,
You know,
Two sides of the same coin.
Actually,
I believe that all of these emotions are,
You know,
Compressed or contained expressions of love in different ways.
But specifically,
Grief is like,
You know,
Very intertwined in love.
But sometimes we can't have one without the other.
I think that that's like,
What's the word like,
The irony of life.
All right.
Happy,
Things are going well,
Things are working out.
There's nothing to do with happiness other than just be it.
I do believe that happiness is fleeting and I do believe that joy can be our baseline.
Joy isn't as fleeting as happiness.
Joy can be something that we can just be in awe of life and be like,
Oh,
Fuck,
I'm alive.
This is awesome.
Cool.
I'm going to be joyful because I'm alive.
Perhaps that links into love and grief as well.
Like,
You know,
We only get one life or we get one life that we remember.
So,
Wow,
This experience of life.
And when we live an intuitive life that often,
I feel like when we live intuitively,
Follow our heart,
Like life really guides us into spaces that make us feel awe and see the magic of life.
That's like,
So,
Happiness,
Stay there,
Feel it,
Love it,
Enjoy it,
Revel in it.
Because we have like a,
We lean towards these more challenging emotions because there's so many more of them.
My invitation to you,
If you're listening to this is like,
Sit in happiness,
Revel in it,
Drink it in,
Feel it,
Let it seep into every single cell,
Let every single cell know what it feels like to feel happy,
Playful,
Content,
Compassion,
Love,
Joy,
Peace,
Bliss.
I've added these trusting,
Optimistic,
Loving,
Creative,
Courageous,
Valued,
Respected,
Confident,
Get to know these feelings.
And then,
You know,
You can just let it sink in.
So,
I invite you to sit in these more positive emotions for 30 to 45 seconds.
That's all it takes.
There's an imprint of that in the body.
The body remembers what success feels like.
The body remembers what feeling respected feels like.
The body remembers what feeling loved feels like.
The body remembers what feeling respected feels like.
And then,
You know,
You can just let it sink in.
And then,
You know,
You can just let it sink in.
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You know,
You can just let it sink in.
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So,
Because of the health issues,
I was breathing to move the energy behind whatever those health issues were.
Often,
It was imbued in shame and guilt and fear and lower three chakra sort of stuff.
And I was like,
What if I just sit up and breathe and not go as deep but move the energy in the lower three chakras?
What if I just did that?
And wild love was kind of birthed from that.
So,
The whole.
.
.
I'm going to demonstrate it in a moment.
The whole intention behind wild love is to soften.
And it's just to breathe and rock and move and breathe and rock and sound if that comes through.
And when we move in this way,
Move and breathe in this way,
What we do is like just soften into the body and listen to what it has to say.
So,
It's a listening exercise.
It's a softening exercise.
And sometimes,
We have resistance to softening.
And a lot of people go,
Oh,
Fuck softening.
You know,
I have to soften.
Great.
But actually,
When we soften,
What happens is it peels away the layers of suppression and self-rejection and self-abandonment.
And we get to start to listen to what is really going on inside of us.
And because this is a shorter practice,
We won't go that deep.
In a full practice,
Often we get that deep and we reach a state of silence,
Of quiet in the mind.
And from that silence and quiet,
We can remember what's really true,
Which is our natural state is relaxation and quiet and silence and peace and bliss,
Joy,
Love.
That's what we've come here to be.
And I think that's what we've confused life to be,
Not to be,
Sorry.
So,
We've sort of made it so complicated with all of the things and all of the thinking and all of the emotions that we're not sort of moving,
That we're actually missing out on the simplicity of life,
Which is love and joy and peace and so on.
So,
You ready to try it?
Yeah.
All right.
So,
I didn't set this up well because it was raining.
So,
I had to bring all my furniture inside.
So,
Let's find a comfortable seat.
I'm going to sit here on the floor with your butt underneath the pillow or pillow underneath your butt is what I should say.
All right.
So,
Taking a few moments to set that up,
Actually move a little bit further back.
So,
This practice is really great for men and women.
It's not just for women.
And wild love practitioner training is happening in just two weeks,
Less than two weeks,
12 days,
Which I'm very,
Very excited about.
And even though it's a practitioner training,
It's a life skills program.
It will have you stating boundaries better.
It will have you communicating more clearly with loved ones and partners.
It will have you more connected to your body and yourself,
More connected to your emotional state,
More present with your desires and needs and wants.
It's a really awesome program to living life in your most authentic way.
So,
If it's,
You're listening to this before the 12th of July,
Would love for you to come and join me.
I think I've got three or two spots left,
Something like that.
So,
Find a comfortable seat.
So,
You can sit cross-legged or you can sit in hero's pose.
It depends on like what's more comfortable for your hips.
For this practice today,
It's,
You know,
We're probably not going to be sitting for too long.
And the intention is just to get a feel for what this experience is all about.
So,
We're breathing in and out through the nose and the breath in is a lengthening of the spine and a rocking forward.
We can throw in a little backbend,
Just be mindful of your spine.
So,
We're wanting to sort of lengthen the spine and rock forward and then breathing out and pressing the stomach and rocking back.
So,
There's a little activation of the breath out,
Which is a little bit different to rebirthing breath work.
So,
Breathing in,
Rocking forward,
Breathing out,
Rocking back.
Breathing in,
Rocking forward,
Breathing out,
Rocking back.
And so,
We're connecting the breath and it's a slow breath in and then a little contraction on the breath out.
Slow breath in,
Little contraction on the breath out.
No pause at the top,
No pause at the bottom,
Which makes the breath work different to Pranayama.
And this practice is a little bit similar,
I've heard,
To a Kundalini practice,
But the purpose of it is very different.
Again,
We're here to soften,
Soften,
Soften,
Soften as much as you can to be able just to feel the sensations of your body.
So,
You might like just to start breathing,
Rocking forward and rocking back.
Breathing in,
Letting go.
Breathing in,
Letting go.
Breathing in,
Letting go.
Finding a rhythm that feels good for you.
I invite you just to notice the breath,
Notice how it feels to breathe in and breathe out.
And that's all you're invited to notice,
Just noticing the breath in and the breath out.
You might start to notice heat clicking in the hips.
I invite you to breathe a little bit deeper and down and into the lower belly,
As though you're breathing down and into the earth.
Yeah,
That's it.
You might start to feel heat in the lower diaphragms.
And that heat starts to spread throughout your body,
Perhaps.
And if you start to notice that you don't want to move just forward and backwards,
You might notice you want to move in circles.
This is where we start to soften to the intuitive knowing of the body,
That the body knows how to move to clear stuck energy,
That the breath is the guide.
And the body knows is the intelligence.
You might notice in the breath in,
There's an expansion or an opening up.
And then on the breath out,
There's a contraction of closing in.
And this is the natural flow of what happens in life.
There's an expansion followed by contraction,
Followed by expansion and contraction,
Where we're just working with those energies.
You might like to use your voice.
Your voice is a huge activator of neutralizing the nervous system.
So you might like to,
On the breath out.
Take five more breaths.
And after your fifth breath,
Whenever that may be,
I invite you to find stillness.
You might like to take a long deep breath in.
Just open mouth and make noise,
Sigh it out.
And notice what you feel.
This is how we become alchemists of energy within the body.
Notice if there is tingles or sensation of some sort,
Discomfort,
Openness.
Notice if a feeling has come to life,
Maybe a sadness or an anger or frustration.
Just saying to yourself,
Hello,
Welcome,
You are allowed to be here.
I see you,
I hear you,
I feel you.
And allowing any emotion that wishes to move,
If it does,
If there's tears that want to come,
Let it move.
Some words that my favorite meditation teacher says,
Her name is Sarah Blondin.
She says,
I love you,
I am listening.
I love you,
I am listening.
I love you,
I am listening.
If love is too much of a strong word,
You can change it to appreciate you.
And I am listening.
I accept you,
I'm listening.
You might notice that there's already a softening.
Let's do a little bit more of that.
So starting to rock forward,
Breathing in.
Rock back,
Breathing out.
Rock forward,
Breathing in.
Rock back,
Breathing out.
Rock forward,
Breathing in.
Rock back,
Breathing out.
Rock forward,
Breathing in.
Rock back,
Breathing out.
Rock forward.
Rock back.
Breathe in.
Breathe out until you find your own rhythm.
And it can be a bit faster or slower than what I'm doing.
And if your body wants to move in circles or move in any way or any other way,
Know that it's welcome.
If you want to liberate your arms,
Bring your arms into the practice or even your head,
Circles with your neck,
Being really mindful,
The way that you're moving,
But also encouraging the energy and the breath and the body and the sound to move as one.
Sometimes using my voice helps me to drop deeper into myself,
Like,
Oh,
I'm coming home.
Thank God I am here.
Yawning,
Coughing,
Deep breaths is all really normal.
And if you feel to switch to the mouth breathing,
You can,
But only if the impulse is there.
Yeah.
This is your practice.
I've given you the foundation for this practice.
And now you make it yours.
Move with the energy as it wants to move.
And if you're not sure,
You might like to say to the energy within you,
Hey,
I'm here.
How do you want to move?
For some people it's stillness,
Just being still and breathing.
For some people,
There's a lot of movement,
Shaking,
Shimmying,
Louder noises,
Shouting,
Screaming.
It's all welcome.
As humans,
Men and women,
We have been suppressed for generations.
And we can be the generation that changes that story.
Five more breaths.
And once you've finished your five,
Finding stillness once again,
And I invite you just to be,
Feel,
Notice the pulsing of the energy that's inside of you and all the different sensations that come to life.
Notice any emotions that might be there.
And again,
Saying to yourself,
I'm here,
I'm listening.
And again,
Let's try one more round.
When you feel ready,
Starting to breathe and move.
And if you're in an emotion or something is present for you,
Just being with that.
Sometimes it's been a long time since we've allowed ourself to be with a part of ourself.
And sometimes there's joy and sometimes there's grief that comes with reconnecting to the body,
To the soul.
Keep connecting the breaths,
Keep breathing.
If there is a strong sensation or strong emotion that is present for you,
If there is a strong sensation or strong emotion that is present in you,
I invite you to ask it,
What are you here to teach me?
What can I learn from you?
Keep breathing.
When we learn to feel,
Whether it's sensations or emotions,
When we learn to become connected to the body,
We actually learn how to reconnect to the senses,
Particularly the sense of touch,
The sense of feeling,
The sense of taste.
We start to receive more pleasure out of life,
Goodness,
More connections to the experience of joy and love.
But also,
And that is because we are allowing ourself to also feel fear and anger and shame and sadness,
Not staying there,
But learning to move that emotion.
Five more breaths.
Your fifth breath,
Pause.
I invite you just to breathe,
Be,
That's what I mean to say,
Just to be.
And instead of checking out of the experience,
I invite you to drop like a stone into a pond,
Drop your awareness into your body.
As though you are witnessing yourself from the inside,
As though you are witnessing yourself from the inside,
Peering up and around the different textures and flavors of your body.
I choose to know that I can be here for myself.
I choose to accept that I am learning to love myself.
And I choose to be okay with myself,
Exactly where I am at,
My healing.
I choose to love myself.
I choose to love all parts of myself.
If love is too much of a strong word,
Say,
Accept.
I choose to accept myself.
Take a long,
Deep breath in through your nose.
Let it go,
Sigh it out.
Let's take a stretch,
Reaching both arms towards the sky.
Ooh,
Twists or turns or anything else that you feel you need.
And if you have your journal present or handy,
You might like to write down what you experienced or what you noticed.
This practice is usually done for about 40 minutes and we just did,
I think,
About 15 minutes.
So it's a longer journey and there's less pausing.
If you feel like you'd like to share in the chat any questions or anything that came up for you,
I'm so happy to answer any questions or any aha moments that you wish to share in the chat.
If you want to come off mute and share.
It's really normal to be feeling strong emotions if that's come up for you.
I invite you just to be with them,
Allow them to move,
Allow them to be here.
Allow yourself to feel them.
I think the key word for this practice is like allow,
Allow,
Allow,
Allow,
Allow.
May I ask the question,
Please?
Of course you can.
I have,
My bad,
So it's not very convenient to type.
So I'd like to do the fifth voice.
Tell me.
Well,
I've done that full practice with you in Bali when I was living in Bali.
Yeah,
I know about the deep journey as well.
But both times in Bali,
Like it wasn't once in Bali,
But in Bali and here,
I noticed that I started feeling something in,
I don't know,
Fifth round maybe.
Mm hmm.
It comes like in time,
Not like straight after you start to breath.
Yeah.
Is it okay?
Like,
Is it normal or is it typical just to when you have,
Like when you need time in this journey to start feeling some deep emotions?
Yeah,
Totally normal.
I think that's actually the purpose of this practice.
I think,
You know,
When we are starting to tune into the emotions that are present,
We,
Often it's,
There's a lot stored in the body and sometimes we can have a connection to what,
You know,
The sadness or the anger or the frustration,
Whatever is coming up.
Sometimes we can locate like,
Oh,
That's why I'm feeling that.
But sometimes there's no location.
And what's great about that is it means that there is a purge of the emotion that's coming out.
But we actually don't need to remember what the emotion is connected to.
We don't need to understand the emotion.
It's just like,
Oh,
An emotion is present.
We just need to feel it.
And so like breathwork practices are great for that because firstly,
Your space is being held more often than not.
And two,
You can express the emotions in this style of breathwork.
And in rebirthing,
It's a little bit different.
Not traditional rebirthing is a little bit different,
But in wild love,
For me,
I'm like,
Feel the feelings and we don't need to understand where they're coming from or what they're here for.
And once these,
So a raw emotion,
I forgot to say this before,
A raw emotion takes 60 to 90 seconds to be felt.
That's it.
When we have a thought behind the emotion that fuels the emotion,
Often that's,
It'll come in cycles of 60 to 90 seconds.
So let's say a person gets broken up with,
They're sitting on the floor in their bathroom and they're going,
I'm not lovable.
I'm not lovable.
I'm not lovable.
You know,
Blah,
Blah,
Blah,
Whatever story they're telling themselves.
And that crying will continue and it will come in waves of 60 to 90 seconds.
And so usually if there's no thought behind the emotion,
It will only take 60 to 90 seconds.
But as we're approaching the emotion,
It feels so like,
It feels like we're about to fall into an abyss of,
Of only feeling grief or anger or sadness,
And it feels huge,
But it doesn't have to be it,
It,
You know,
There is always an end.
There is always an end.
We don't fall into the abyss when we're truly feeling our emotions.
We don't fall into the abyss and stay there.
Often we fall into the abyss and then realize we have wings and come out the other side.
Beautifully poetic.
But we do.
And I think with grief is another really beautiful example.
It will come in waves of 60 to 90 seconds.
I miss that person.
Wave.
I miss that person.
Wave.
And I know that like the burnout that I just experienced was a processing of like a lifetime,
38 years of not ever having felt grief,
Not ever allowing myself to feel grief.
And I don't think I've cried more in my life than I did in February and March.
And most of the time I had no reason why I was just like,
I feel grief.
And I would try and attach it to my grandfather or someone that I loved or,
You know,
An ex-partner or whatever,
But it was just an outpouring of grief,
Literally.
And,
You know,
I was like,
Maybe I'm depressed.
And then it was like,
No,
You're not.
You're not.
You're just allowing yourself to feel the grief that I've been holding onto for the last,
Like,
Since I first lost someone when I was 18.
So yes,
It can feel like a chasm.
And I think if that's the experience for some people,
Then get support,
Find help,
Go to a therapist,
Go to a breath worker,
Go to an EFT practitioner,
Like go and find somebody to help you reconnect to those emotions because it can feel really daunting at first.
And also I invite you to trust yourself,
Trust the chasm.
And also I invite you to trust yourself,
Trust the chasm,
Trust that the abyss,
You will learn to get wings or you will learn to fly.
And actually the contrast of being able to feel your emotions actually brings into you into deeper states of being able to be connected to pleasure and joy and peace and bliss.
The two,
Like,
You know,
Being able to feel the extremes of your emotions is like,
You know,
Stepping into the real power of what it is to be human,
What it is to be a woman,
What it is to be a man,
Whatever that is.
So does that answer your question?
Yeah,
Thank you very much.
Yeah,
Cool.
Thank you for asking.
It's a really good question to ask.
Yeah.
Any other questions or statements or anything anybody wants to share?
Thank you for this practice.
Oh,
You're welcome.
You're absolutely welcome.
Such a pleasure.
I will say also,
Like,
We've just moved some energy and I think it's really important for you to look after yourself and we're coming to a close now.
So make sure you've drunk plenty of water or you drink plenty of water moving forward.
You feel a little bit emotional or a bit sticky,
You know,
Find a space and a place where you feel safe to just like feel the emotions.
If you need to tell people go away,
I need some time alone,
You know,
Put on a sad song,
Feel the emotion,
Put on an angry song,
Feel the emotion and allow yourself to be with whatever comes up.
If you need support,
Reach out.
You've all got my email.
And if you're listening to the replay,
You can reach out to,
I don't know my email address,
Kareenakalila.
Gmail.
Com.
Let's just go with that.
I've got another one that's more professional.
I can't remember what it is now.
And yeah,
Drink plenty of water,
Eat grounding food.
And please share with me how you are.
If you feel you need support,
I'm here.
Lastly,
Wild Love starts on the 12th.
I'm really excited about it.
There are a few people here that are joining.
So I'm really,
Really excited to have you.
I think I have,
Officially I have three spots left,
But I have one person on that third spot.
So if you are interested,
I would love to,
You know,
For us to have a chat before the 12th and we can see whether or not this program is right for you.
Shall we close?
Yeah.
Bring your hands to prayer.
Hang on a second.
What do you mean?
I leave shakes ahead.
No.
All right.
Bring your hands to prayer.
Close your eyes.
We'll take three breaths.
The first breath is a prayer for yourself.
Take a deep breath in.
Second breath is a prayer for each other.
Deep breath in.
Third breath is a prayer for our planet.
Deep breath in.
Love and the light in me sees the love and light in each of you.
Namaste.
Thank you for joining me today.
Yay.
I will see you next time.
Bye everyone.
4.7 (7)
Recent Reviews
Saimone
July 6, 2023
Amazing. Thank you for sharing this work. And making it easy and doable 💓🙏🏼