How To Become Thoughtfully Fit And Grow Through Pain

This week on Dear Lovely Universe is a lovely Interview with Darcy Luoma. She is a Master Certified Coach, dynamic facilitator, and inspiring motivational speaker. After listening to this episode, you will walk away feeling inspired, energized, and motivated to take powerful steps in their lives through Darcy’s message on being Thoughtfully Fit!

Transcript

Hi Darcy,

Thank you so much for being here with me today.

It's a pleasure.

Thank you,

Kailyn,

For having me.

Yes,

I'm so excited.

So let's jump right in.

So Thoughtfully Fit trains your mind to perform well under any challenging circumstance.

Tell me more about that.

Yes.

It is my passion project and Thoughtfully Fit was born out of thousands of hours of coaching clients.

And I started to notice that there were these themes that every client was bringing into coaching.

Different details,

Different flavor,

But the overarching themes were repeating themselves.

And so I spent years categorizing and identifying what are those obstacles that clients bring into coaching.

And I came up with six obstacles and that was the foundation for the Thoughtfully Fit model.

I'm doing this because it's a circle,

It's Thoughtfully Fit.

And there are three obstacles where we get in our own way and there are three obstacles externally with relationships with others.

And if you look up thoughtful in the dictionary,

It's got this internal and external definitions.

One is being thoughtful,

Being mindful,

Really being present and thinking through before you respond.

And then there's the external,

Being considerate with another person,

Being thoughtful.

And so that aligns with the model.

And when you're Thoughtfully Fit,

Your life and your relationships are easier because instead of overreacting or reacting on autopilot when something happens,

When there's crisis,

When there's adversity,

When there's conflict,

You can handle yourself thoughtfully.

And it takes training and practice,

Just like you can train and practice to be physically fit.

It takes training and practice to handle yourself thoughtfully no matter what happens because life is messy.

Yeah,

Yeah.

There definitely are patterns that we see in people over time.

So you mentioned that there's those three areas.

Would you be able to share those three areas with us?

Yes,

Absolutely.

So there's three primary hurdles where I find,

I'll say we because I include myself in this,

Where we get in our own way.

So these internal obstacles,

And they all I'm playing on the physically fit metaphor,

Right?

So first one is stillness.

There's so much to do,

I can't even think.

And so people have a lack of stillness.

They're filling their days so full that there's never time to quiet the mind.

Second internal hurdle is I don't always handle myself the way I'd like.

And that is a lack of strength.

In the thoughtfully fit model,

Strength is about being able to consciously choose how you show up in any situation,

That you do handle yourself the way you like,

No matter what.

And it takes strength because sometimes it's a heavy lift.

Third internal hurdle is I feel stuck.

So clients come into coaching and they're stuck.

They're stuck in a job they don't love.

They're stuck in a relationship that's not fulfilling.

Clients get stuck.

And that is the practice of endurance.

And when you have thoughtfully fit,

When you have endurance,

It's about being able to overcome those obstacles.

It's about being able to embrace a growth mindset to handle anything.

So I'm going to pause because those are the three that are internal.

There's also three that are external,

But let me just see if you have any comments on those ones first.

Well,

I just want to acknowledge it's so true.

We live in what people often refer to as busy.

And I like to think of it as productive though.

So yes,

We're constantly filling up our time,

But we should be very,

I don't think we should.

We would be wise to be very intentional about our time.

Yeah.

Yes,

Absolutely.

And that's one of the things that I find when I look at what clients bring into coaching,

When they have a lack of stillness,

There's so much to do,

They can't even think.

A lot of times it's exactly what you're saying.

They're not being intentional.

So there's an email that comes in saying,

Would you be willing to chair the dance committee for the school fundraiser?

And the first meeting is Thursday nights and you look at your calendar and Thursday's open and you reply yes,

And you put it in your calendar,

All just on autopilot without pausing to really think,

Does this align with where I'm at in life right now?

Can I add one more thing to my plate?

Or is that going to just push me over the edge?

And is there another way that I might contribute to this awesome dance that doesn't require 20 hours of my time that I don't have to give?

Oh,

Exactly.

That's so good.

When you were mentioning that,

It also just reminded me of this concept I just talked about in my latest webinar,

Where when we know what our values are,

We're able to make better decisions that are aligned with our values.

So if,

Let's say spending more time with family is a higher value than volunteering for the school,

Then you might know,

Okay,

Maybe I would much rather Thursday night have a family dinner rather than have a meeting.

So just having that awareness.

Yes.

And you just named why it's so hard because what we're being asked to do are good things.

Like volunteer for this fundraiser,

For this event,

For these kids.

That's a really good thing.

And there might be competing values.

Like I want to do good.

I want to serve my community and I want more family time.

So it's exactly what you're saying.

You can't look at anything in a vacuum.

Being able to pause and think,

Okay,

Yes,

This is important.

This is a great cause.

And right now I really want to connect more and have more time with my family.

So maybe in order,

If you're craving more stillness,

Maybe it's you say,

I was there's no,

Is this is a full sentence,

But if that's hard,

Maybe it's like not yet or not this or not me.

So not yet might mean,

Oh,

You know,

I'd love to right now.

I've just launched this new podcast and I'm really busy.

I'd love to consider that role for 2023 or not this.

I love that you're doing this fundraiser and I support the mission.

I can't share that,

But I would be happy to write a check to contribute to the fundraiser or not me.

I think this is a great event.

I can't do it.

I'm overwhelmed right now,

But I have somebody I just had breakfast with last week who was wanting to step in more in the community.

And I'm happy to make an introduction if you'd like.

Those are such good points.

Wow.

Wow.

Thank you so much.

So what are the three external or was it the internal this time?

Nope.

You're right.

So those were internal.

Those are things where we get in our own way.

And the external,

The three are in relationship with others and those hurdles.

First one is I would be fine if only you were different.

Right?

So people come into coaching saying,

Okay,

Darcy,

If only my boss would smile when I come in.

Exactly.

If only my boyfriend would just wash the dishes instead of stacking.

If somebody would behave differently,

I could be happy.

Exactly.

That was the thoughtfully fit practice of flexibility and flexibility is being able to stretch to accept others just as they are.

Instead of putting all this energy into being angry that they aren't the way you think they should be or putting energy into trying to change them.

It's exhausting.

And it generally doesn't work anyway.

I actually have a belief that we cannot change people.

People can only change themselves.

Yes.

Yes.

And so if you hold that belief,

Life's going to be tough,

Right?

Because you're putting all this energy into being angry that people aren't the way you think they should be.

So flexibility,

First one,

External.

The second is I have relationships that don't work.

So people come into coaching and whether it's a relationship with a colleague,

With a vendor,

With a client,

With a neighbor,

With a sibling,

People come into coaching.

Relationships are complex and they're hard.

And so that aligns with the thoughtfully fit practice of balance.

Balance is being able to achieve alignment in your relationships and to balance what do you want and need with what I want and need.

And to try to find that balance and to try to find that win-win instead of I'm going to get what I need.

And that for the short term,

That might be fine.

But for the long term,

If you're the only getting your way all the time and the other person isn't,

That relationship's out of balance.

In the exact same way,

If you're the one that's always saying,

Oh,

It's not a big deal,

I'll just let them do that.

It doesn't matter.

And you're always acquiescing and people pleasing,

That relationship is out of balance.

For the short term,

It might work.

But for the long term,

You're going to get resentful.

And it's not going to be a balanced relationship.

And then the final one is I react poorly when blindsided.

So clients come into coaching sessions saying,

Oh,

Gosh,

Darcy,

Somebody attacked me in the board meeting and I attacked back or I cried or I shut down or whatever the default is.

And this is all about having agility.

And when you have thoughtfully fit agility,

You can respond effectively in the moment instead of reacting on autopilot,

Which usually makes things worse.

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

Those are so great.

So great.

So one thing that I did want to mention when you were talking about relationships with people is that different doesn't mean bad.

A lot of the times people can only want things their way.

But just because people are different than us doesn't mean they're bad.

And when we think of it that way,

It takes away some suffering.

Yes.

And it creates space for compassion and empathy.

A lot of the work that my company does is on creating high performing people and teams.

And the strongest teams,

The highest performing organizations have diversity,

Have people who are different.

And that so it's not bad.

As a matter of fact,

It's good.

If you had a team that was made up of everybody who thought the same way,

Who looked the same way,

You're not going to be nearly as effective as if you have different views,

Different personalities,

Different styles.

And unfortunately,

That's exactly what then can create conflict if you don't embrace that notion that I love that the simplicity of what you're saying,

Caitlin,

Different is not bad.

Difference good.

When you were mentioning that it made me wonder,

How do you think that people who let's say are in a very diverse organization,

And have a lot of differences?

Of course,

Conflict will come up.

How do we have constructive conflict?

Yeah.

Well,

There's a perspective one that you can embrace that conflict is not negative.

Conflict is not to be avoided.

Conflict is necessary.

And it's an indication of something trying to happen.

And so if you can see conflict and get curious,

Like,

What's trying to happen,

You can stay in this place of having positive,

Healthy,

Respectful disagreement.

Like it's just people seeing something in a different way.

If you have a relationship,

If you have a team where people are afraid to disagree,

They're afraid to have conflict,

You're not going to develop as strong of a product or a service as you would if you debate really well internally,

And then you defend externally.

So that's going to make your relationship stronger.

If you can stay in that place of healthy,

Respectful,

Curious conflict instead of anger and shutting down and disrespectful.

Yeah,

Absolutely.

Love that.

I think one of the key points here is like coming from a place of understanding and curiosity and communication.

Yes,

Beautifully stated.

And one of the things that we look at when if a relationship is out of balance,

Or if there's a lot of conflict,

We have a strategy of the three C's.

Can I just share what that is?

Yeah,

Of course.

So it's like,

Think in your toolbox,

Right?

Having some more tools and strategies on how to have effective communication.

So three C's,

Courage,

Compassion,

Curiosity.

So you need to have the courage to state what you want and what you need and what your opinion is.

You state it with compassion,

So that the other person can hear it,

Right?

You're not stating it in this really bully,

Bulldozing way that the other person gets defensive or shuts down.

And then you have the curiosity to find out,

What do you want and need?

I stated with courage what I want and need.

Now I want to be curious and find out what do you want and need?

And that allows the relationship to stay in this place of figuring out how to move forward and define that balance and that alignment and that win-win.

Definitely.

I love that.

I love that.

So you mentioned that what you do is build really high performance people.

And oh my gosh,

I bet we could talk about this all day,

But what do you feel like are some of the biggest takeaways that you've learned that people should know?

Yeah.

I would say one of the biggest takeaways that I'll share.

So if you're physically fit and you have a strong core,

Every movement is easier.

Every exercise is easier.

It doesn't matter if you're playing a game of pickup basketball,

Or if you're just trying to put your overhead suitcase in the bin,

Whatever it is,

That core is strong and it's going to make everything easier and you're going to be less likely to get injured.

So with Thoughtfully Fit,

There's also a core and high performance people have a strong core.

And at the core,

When you're Thoughtfully Fit,

You are able to explore your choices and focus on what you control.

Instead of trying to like what you said earlier,

Change things,

Control someone else,

You don't control that.

So just focusing on what do I do?

What do I say?

That's all I control.

And then what are my choices?

A lot of times when people feel stuck and they've got some obstacle,

They're not high performing at the way they want to be,

They're stuck,

They feel like there's no choices.

It's like life happened to me,

There's nothing I can do.

There are always choices.

And when you can explore your choices and focus on what you control,

That core is strong.

You can handle anything.

You can go anywhere that you want.

Yeah,

Absolutely.

I'm hearing that it sounds like choices,

Making a choice is one of the keys here.

How important do you think it is to make a choice and really stay with your choice?

So critical to make a choice,

Not critical to stay with it.

What do I mean by that?

So at the core of Thoughtfully Fit,

In order to explore your choices,

Focus on what you control,

There's three simple steps.

And if your fans and your listeners leave with nothing else but this today,

Hopefully this will bring value.

Step one,

You have to pause.

Step two,

Think.

Step three,

Act.

Step one,

Pause.

Something happens and if we're on autopilot and we just have this knee jerk reaction,

We don't even recognize what's happened and all of a sudden now we just made things worse.

Everybody yelled and you yelled back just on default.

So you have to pause.

Step two,

Think.

And the think is where you're asking yourself some thoughtful questions.

Ooh,

What just triggered me?

How do I want to show up in this moment?

How can I lead with compassion and empathy instead of anger?

And then you act thoughtfully based on the new awareness you're having.

But you have to act.

So when you say how important are the choices?

You have to make a choice and you have to act.

But it is a cycle and there's arrows that point.

So then you go back to the pause after you've acted,

Then you pause and think,

How did that go?

Did I get the results I wanted?

If you didn't,

Then the act might be to say,

Oh,

Sorry,

I knew I had to tell you that that hurt when you said that and I meant to say it in a compassionate way,

But I noticed you're getting defensive.

That's not what I meant.

Can we just pause for a moment,

Take a time out?

I didn't mean to make you defensive.

I just wanted to share with you that I felt mad when you said that to me.

So you can always pivot.

You can always make a different choice,

But you have to act.

You have to make that choice.

Does that make sense?

Exactly.

Oh,

Absolutely.

Actions and choices,

Well,

Taking action on your choices is so important,

Right?

Because it's like without making that choice,

Like people who stay in jobs that don't fulfill them,

That's a choice.

People who decide to go forward in another life,

That's a choice.

I'm not saying these are good or bad choices.

They're perfect for that person,

But it is a choice.

People who say they don't have time,

They can make time or they don't have money.

If their mom was on a deathbed,

Would they find the money for the surgery?

Things that are important to you,

You really do.

You take that action.

Yeah.

I think you're so right,

Kaitlin.

It can be hard because the person who says,

Well,

I can't quit my job.

I don't have a choice.

Okay.

So I get that,

But you could quit your job.

No,

I can't quit my job.

I need money.

Yep.

You need money and you could quit your job.

Well,

Yes.

Okay.

I could quit my job.

Okay,

Great.

So you could quit your job.

It would have consequences.

You wouldn't have money,

But you're choosing to stay in a job that you hate.

That's fine.

No judgment,

But let's just acknowledge that that is a choice that you're making,

Even if it's not an active choice and that there are other choices available.

So if we want,

We can explore what are those choices that might also be available.

When we're coaching,

Or I was looking at what's the desired future state and then where are you stuck?

What's getting in the way?

And so if you say,

I want to have a job I love,

But I can't quit my job.

Oh,

Okay.

Let's explore what are some possible choices that might get you to a place of being in a career or a job that you love.

Exactly.

One of the things I like to do with my clients too,

Is when like,

For example,

They are too,

Or they're really worried about quitting their job or something like,

You know,

We'll think about what did the worst,

What's the worst case scenario and what's the best case scenario and worst case scenario,

Plan A,

Plan B,

And really like go into what is the worst case scenario.

And are you okay with that happening?

Yes.

Yes,

Absolutely.

And that right there,

Maybe exactly what's needed to unlock some new perspectives.

And it also may be that then you go from there and say,

So we've got worst case,

We have best case scenario.

No.

Are there any other scenarios you want to play out?

What's the playful scenario?

What's the,

You know,

My future self best version scenario?

What's the Catholic guilt scenario,

Whatever,

Right?

You try them all on.

And then you've got this,

This buffet and this menu,

And then you can choose from that place with the new awareness you have from trying on best case,

Worst case,

And maybe some other different perspectives.

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

Thank you so much.

I really love the information that you're sharing with us.

So much my podcast,

Sorry,

I don't mean to like,

It's just like,

It's a loaded question.

It's about to get kind of deep.

Awesome.

Bring it.

So my podcast is about helping people reclaim their self love after trauma and reclaim their power back.

And I see that you've been through traumatic events in your life.

Can you tell me about that?

How did you get through it?

And then what message would you like to give to people going through a hard time or challenging time?

I would say challenging,

Not hard.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I love the message of your podcast,

Like self love after trauma after tough times.

And it's truly an honor to be here.

I think everybody has adversity and conflict and challenges as I myself as well.

And five years ago,

So it was March 17 of 2016.

My well,

I was gonna say worst nightmare,

But it was not I never had a nightmare this bad.

I was at an event and I got a phone call from my neighbor.

And she said,

Darcy,

What is happening at your house?

I'm like,

I don't know.

I'm not home.

Why?

And she said,

There are 40 or 50 police cars in a SWAT team with guns and they just took out your husband in handcuffs barefoot.

He wouldn't look at us.

What?

What are you?

What are you talking about?

My life literally turned upside down with that one phone call.

I found out later that my husband was arrested for sexual assault of a minor he had met online.

He was a full time stay at home dad.

We had two daughters who were eight and nine.

He did everything for them and for us cooking,

Grocery shopping,

Girl Scout cookies,

Right dance recitals driving them to swim practice.

He was arrested that day and never came home.

He was convicted,

Sentenced to 10 years in prison.

And all of a sudden,

I had to figure out how to be a mom for two daughters who were devastated.

How to even share this with two daughters and an age appropriate level,

How to run a business.

I had just launched my business three years earlier,

Doing coaching and consulting and speaking on high performing teams.

How do I how do I be a single mom?

How do I run a business?

How do I file for divorce?

How do I navigate the legal system?

I had to hire my own attorney.

The charges were very severe,

How to deal with the aftermath of a search warrant that destroyed every square inch of my house and having media trucks.

I mean,

Kaylin,

It was it was absolutely overwhelming and over traumatic.

And I will say self love through after right trauma like here I am.

I have learned and grown so much and gotten so much closer to my daughters have more compassion in the world than I ever,

Ever thought possible.

I mean,

I thought my life was over that day.

Mm hmm,

Well,

Sounds like a lot of challenges to get through.

Like there's so many layers to that.

I can't even imagine losing going through that.

That must have been really,

Really,

Really,

Really challenging.

Yeah,

It was it was horrible on every single level.

Yeah.

What helped you get through it?

You know,

Here's the crazy thing.

I so I shared with you a thoughtfully fit as this model I created after thousands of hours of coaching.

I started studying,

Got certified in coaching in 2004 and worked for years developing and researching this model.

And on this Saturday in March,

We had all these flip charts and post-its and it all came to life.

It was like,

Yes,

Thoughtfully fit.

And on Monday,

I hired a public relations firm and a strategic planning consultant to put thoughtfully fit out into the world in this powerful way.

It was Thursday that week.

It was five days after we finalized thoughtfully fit after years of research.

It was five days later that my husband was arrested.

I ended up having to hire an attorney for myself because the charges were severe.

My husband,

Ex-husband had a criminal defense attorney.

I had to hire a criminal defense attorney.

And my attorney said,

Darcy,

Don't talk to anybody about anything.

This is extreme.

This is severe legal situation.

And I all of a sudden became ground zero to test drive thoughtfully fit.

I became a client of the model.

Like how do I handle myself thoughtfully amidst this chaos,

This extreme situation that I there was no playbook for.

I didn't never,

Never in my wildest dreams would I have anticipated that this would become my life.

So that's a long answer to your question.

How did I get through it?

I went right to the model and thoughtfully fit and especially the core,

Right?

Okay.

What do I control right now?

Everything feels out of control.

What do I control right now?

I control what I tell the girls.

I control how I protect them.

I ended up sending them to another state to live with my sister.

I gave her a legal guardianship while the media trucks were outside.

Like I control if I am eating well,

If I'm sleeping.

There's all these things.

What are my choices?

I could curl up and go in a cave.

I could pick up and move and try to start over,

But what's the end game there,

Right?

Then I'm hiding all the time from this and somebody finds out.

And then,

So pause,

Think,

Act multiple times a day in the thick of it.

Yeah.

It's so interesting how life works like that.

Isn't it?

Yeah.

Yeah.

But it's so amazing that you know firsthand how truly incredible your model is.

I definitely had the opportunity to test drive it under fire,

Extreme fire.

If there's one thing that you would want to tell someone who's going through trauma,

What would that be?

There is a quote by,

I think it's John Lennon.

And so I'm going to do my best and somebody can Google it and get the exact quote if I'm not a hundred percent right,

But it says,

Everything will be okay in the end.

And if it's not okay,

It's not the end.

So somebody who's gone through trauma,

Keep going.

It will be okay in the end.

Keep making the next best decision.

That's what I can say.

When I got that phone call and had to come home to this house that was destroyed and my husband was gone and my girls are crying,

I never thought I would find joy again.

I never thought I'd find happiness again.

And I have more joy and happiness.

My girls are healthy.

They're thriving.

We have forgiveness.

They visit their dad,

Well,

Prior to COVID in prison,

They're learning a whole different life lesson because of this.

So just do what you need to,

To get the support and the care to get through,

Whether that is therapy,

Whether that is taking time off from work,

Whether that is setting healthy boundaries,

Activating your support system,

Do what you need to do and it will be okay.

I love that.

Thank you so much.

Yeah.

We,

It's so important to take care of ourselves first.

A lot of people that go through trauma tend to put other people before themselves,

But when we,

The only way to heal is to really put ourselves first and our,

Our priorities,

Prioritize our needs.

As women,

We're often feeling like caretakers,

But we really need to take care of ourselves.

I mean,

It's not selfish.

It's how we show up best in the world.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You can't pour from an empty cup.

And I thank you so much for that quote.

It kind of makes me emotional actually right now,

Just thinking about it because of the simple truth that everything will be okay.

When,

When we're at the depths of pain,

Sometimes it can feel like we can feel hopeless,

But there's always hope.

Yeah.

Yes,

And that's where if you can't access the hope yourself,

How do you find the support system and the resources for others to help carry that hope for you?

Exactly.

Exactly.

So to direct this conversation into just a little bit of a different area,

What resources or like books would you recommend for people?

Is that a softball question?

I just published my book,

So I'm going to use this shameless self-promotion here.

That one book I recommend is Thoughtfully Fit that just came out June 1st.

And of course there is a whole bunch of resources.

Your podcast is a great resource.

There are,

And I would say always,

I mean,

So lots and lots of books and resources also,

I think getting a therapist,

Getting a coach are great resources to help you navigate adversity and or trauma.

Congratulations on your book.

Thank you.

I'm so excited.

So what is one thing that you want to take people to take away from your book?

Well,

You know,

One thing that when I wrote the book,

And it is my story about how I navigated the most extreme crisis when my husband was arrested and how this model helped me.

But the book is really designed and what I'd love people to take away is that this model doesn't need to be,

There doesn't need to be trauma and crisis to be thoughtfully fit.

So it can be just when you have an annoying neighbor and you're just like,

Oh,

I don't know how to handle this.

When you are feeling like you are not at your best at work,

When you have a dream and a vision and you're like,

Oh,

I so want to get there and I just can't figure out how to get unstuck.

It can be that sometimes the,

Those little daily frustrations are what it's like death by a thousand cuts.

So I would say that the thoughtfully fit model clearly works when you have extreme trauma and crises and it also can work in the day-to-day challenges.

Isn't the beauty of coaching really like the essence of moving forward?

We don't have to wait until we're at rock bottom to make the choice to work on our personal development.

It just forces us to.

Yeah,

Yeah,

Yeah.

Right,

Right.

When you're at rock bottom,

There's nowhere else to go but up.

Okay.

I guess I got to focus on this and you're right.

It doesn't need to be,

You don't need to wait until you are at that dire place to invest in your self-development.

Definitely,

Definitely.

Well,

Thank you so much for sharing that.

I agree with you.

You know,

I was just on the phone with a discovery call today.

He's like telling me that he wants to hire me but he's not entirely sure if he needs a coach and I told him,

I said,

Coaches are not something you necessarily need to live.

It's something that you want because we take people from functional to optimal.

Yes.

Yes.

And if you look at any Olympic athlete,

They've got a coach.

You want to go to high performance,

You've got a coach.

Do you need one?

Nope.

You are right on.

And there is something about having that external cheerleader,

That person that can help support you,

Can point out blind spots,

Can ask the tough questions,

Can help design support and accountability that can help you get to your goals faster.

You said it so perfectly.

I should put on a gold plaque.

Send this recording to that client,

To that prospect.

Sure,

Sure.

So do you have any final messages that you want to share?

Hmm,

You know,

I will just say that life is hard.

And relationships are complex.

Humans are flawed.

That's a given.

When you're thoughtfully fit,

It's not about making life easier.

Any more than if you're physically fit,

That marathon isn't easier.

It's not right.

There's still 26.

2 miles,

They're still the same hills.

But if you've trained for it,

It's going to feel easier.

In the same way,

If you train for your life to be thoughtfully fit,

And you regularly pause and think before you act,

Your relationships will feel easier.

There will still be conflict,

There'll be adversity,

There'll be trauma,

But you can train for it so that when it happens,

It doesn't shut you down.

I mean,

I'll tell you,

Caitlin,

If my husband had been arrested 10 years ago,

20 years ago,

I am certain I would not be at the place of healing and compassion and forgiveness that I am now.

I hadn't trained enough.

It happened after I had designed this whole model and helped all these other people work through their challenges and adversity.

So I guess that's my core message,

Is to just have compassion for yourself and for others,

And to have empathy and forgiveness that human beings are flawed and stay with it because you can work through any conflict.

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

I just want to emphasize the last thing you said,

We can work through any conflict.

When we think about it,

Every single thing we've ever been through in life,

We've overcome it.

So with that assumption in a positive way,

We can overcome anything else that does come our way again.

Yes.

And not only overcome it,

Be stronger.

I will say unequivocally right now that I have more compassion and more strength than I did before my husband was arrested.

If you had told me that,

I would have never ever believed you.

But it's true.

Spot on,

Darcy.

And I'm so happy for you.

You've come such a long way.

It's not an easy thing to go through.

I'm sure you hear things like that all the time.

But truly,

It's so hard to go through things and just the inner strength that it takes,

We know.

We know.

Yeah.

Thank you.

I mean,

It's an honor to share a small piece of my story and hopefully provide your fans,

Your listeners,

Your audience some strategies and some hope to get through,

Whether it's trauma or whether it's just that annoying day-to-day challenges that we deal with.

Absolutely.

Where would you like people to get in contact and find you?

Oh,

Thank you.

So I have my website is DarcyLoma.

Com and that has all of our coaching.

I do a lot of keynote speeches.

We work with teams,

Doing team retreats and assessments,

Individual coaching.

And for those of your listeners who are curious about those six hurdles,

If you go to ThoughtfullyFit.

Com,

There's a free quiz,

Short two or three minute quiz that they can take.

And it'll spit out and give you the biggest hurdle that you experienced that gets in the way of being high performing and then some strategies on how to address that.

So that's just another resource for anybody who's curious that wants to dig in and increase their own self-awareness.

What's my biggest hurdle?

ThoughtfullyFit.

Com has a free quiz.

Awesome.

Oh,

That sounds so good.

I'm going to say it.

I'll take that quiz.

Yay.

Awesome.

Well,

Thank you so much,

Darcy.

Thank you so much for coming on and showing your value.

I really hope that we stay in touch for a long time and hopefully have you on again.

Oh,

I would be honored.

That would be wonderful.

Thank you for having me,

Kaylin.

Thank you.

Inactive.