Toxic People

Welcome to Day 4 of the Stop Holding Yourself Back Challenge. In today's session, we will identify the Toxic People in our lives who have been discouraging us from pursuing our dreams and ambitions. This type of toxic people is often overlooked, though they have a direct impact on the big picture called life. After you have connected with Self and your Vision through breathwork and visualization, Justin will offer some navigating questions to help you find a new approch to that person.

Transcript

Welcome to day four of our practice.

And in our previous practices,

We've released our toxic habits.

We've engaged power habits that are in alignment with the vision that we have for our lives.

And now we turn our sights to toxic people.

Now I want you to listen to this very carefully because I'm going to talk about this a little bit differently than you might expect.

Now,

The idea of cutting a toxic person out of your life is not a new concept.

We all know that it's important for us to keep a distance from people who are obviously bad for our well-being.

However,

I want to share a type of person with you that I talk about in all of my work who often slips under the radar but can oftentimes be one of the most toxic people in your life.

Call this person the skeptical friend.

Now,

A skeptical friend is that person who when you share exciting news with them,

You're not sure if they're happy for you or if they're jealous.

Or you might sometimes even feel like you have to hang out with them or call them out of obligation because you're afraid that if you don't invite them to the thing that they'll get mad at you or they'll get upset about it.

Other signs of a skeptical friend is that person who always tries to play devil's advocate with you.

It's like they're shooting down your dreams and ideas with little comments that are kind of passive aggressive any time you try to try something out of the box or do something new.

Or maybe you find yourself walking on eggshells around a certain person and sometimes have to question whether or not this person is mad at you even though you can't figure out why they would be.

This is a skeptical friend.

And I'm sure,

Although you're probably already thinking of someone already,

I want you to just hold your horses because we're going to go into this practice a little differently than you might expect.

Now,

One disclaimer I have to make.

If the skeptical person who shows up in our practice is somebody who you're very close to or a family member or somebody who you love deeply like your partner or something like this,

Don't worry.

I'm not going to ask you to cut this person out of your life completely.

So don't worry.

What I am going to ask you to do,

However,

Is a little more subtle.

But let's dive in to our practice first.

All right?

So go ahead like we've been doing every day and just drop into a comfortable way to sit.

And then once you feel cozy,

Just soften your body 5% more.

Maybe that means relaxing your nose or your fingers or your shoulders or chest.

Just relax a little bit more.

And then place your hands over the center of your chest,

One over the other.

And you can always move them from here if you'd like.

And take a deep breath in and a deep breath out.

And when you're ready,

I invite you to close your eyes.

Now for this practice,

We'll do one of my favorite simple breathing techniques.

It's called the four count breath.

And it's different than the last one that we did.

It's simply inhale for four,

Hold for four,

And exhale for four.

We'll do it three times.

Start by taking just one full deep breath in and a breath out to align us.

And now with me to the count of four,

Inhale for one,

Two,

Three,

Four,

Hold for one,

Two,

Three,

Four,

Exhale one,

Two,

Three,

Four.

A little deeper this time.

Inhale one,

Two,

Three,

Four,

Hold for one,

Two,

Three,

Four,

Exhale one,

Two,

Three,

And four.

Last time,

Even deeper.

Inhale one,

Two,

Three,

Four,

Hold this one a little bit longer.

Hold it,

Hold it.

See if you can sip in a little bit more air.

And now as quietly as you can,

Let it all.

Now breathe normally.

And as we've been doing each day,

I want you to invite that future version of yourself to your mind.

And it can change every day.

But focus your energy on the area of your area of your life that you decided that you want to take to the next level or deepen.

And imagine that taken all the way there,

All the way forward,

Like it would be a miracle if it came true.

If you can't think beyond your current circumstances,

How can you expect to live beyond your current circumstances?

So let yourself go there with me,

Like you could rub a magic lamp everything is possible.

What do you notice?

What do you sense?

Scan around yourself in this vision and pick up any colors or textures that you can.

Pick up any sounds and sensations that you can.

Pick up everything that you can.

And as you see yourself,

Feel yourself living the life of your dreams.

Ask yourself this question,

Who I need to set better boundaries with?

Who do I need to set better boundaries with to become the person I see in my vision?

Who do I need to set better boundaries with that I'm seeing in my vision?

Just trust what arises.

Even if it's someone you love,

Just let it arise.

Once you have your answer,

Know that you deserve to set the appropriate boundaries for you to step in to the life that you want,

For you to deepen your life in the way that you,

That you are being called towards,

You deserve that.

And so place your hands over the center of your chest if you've moved them and repeat closing affirmation with me as you imagine your vision.

I am ready.

I am worthy.

I am powerful.

I deserve this life.

I am ready.

Say it with me.

I am worthy.

I am powerful.

I deserve this life.

I am ready.

I am worthy.

I am powerful.

I deserve this life.

You deserve this life.

You deserve this life.

Boundaries are the distance at which you can love yourself and love another simultaneously.

Take a deep breath in and a deep breath out.

Let me tell you a few things and you can open your eyes when you're ready.

So here's the deal,

Okay?

When I did this practice for the first time,

My mother came up as my skeptical friend and it was really challenging for me to face and to own because my mom is somebody who I love so much.

And on the one hand,

She's one of my biggest supporters and has always been one of my biggest supporters.

And on the other hand,

When I'm trying new or risky things,

My mom is always super skeptical.

And so I had to realize that there were certain things that I could share with my mother and certain things that were better served if I kept them safe from her ideas and kept them safe in the energy of possibility.

And so for many of us,

The skeptical people in our lives can often be people that we love very much.

And so what I want you to know is that if that showed up for you,

That you don't have to label this person as someone bad in your life.

It doesn't mean that you don't love them or that you don't care about them or even that you have to cut them out of your life in any way.

I mean,

Maybe you do depending on what your situation is.

But in most cases,

This is less about labeling people as good or bad and more about you taking responsibility for your life and for the energy that you allow and how you train people to treat you in your space.

And setting healthy boundaries is the way that we do this so that you can really take responsibility for your visions.

Here's the deal.

When we have an idea,

Many traditions and beliefs say that this idea is just energy and all it takes is the right person saying the wrong skeptical comment to completely throw you off track.

Here's the deal.

When we're doing anything new in our lives,

We're pressing into the unknown.

We're pressing out of our comfort zone.

And that requires us to do things differently.

It requires us to take risks.

And oftentimes,

The people in our lives are just here to try to keep us safe.

So it doesn't mean that they're bad,

But it means that you limit what you share with them.

Because all it takes is one pessimistic comment from a friend that you trust or them saying it's not realistic or are you sure that's a good idea or do you have enough money to do this.

Look,

You don't need the close people around you playing devil's advocate.

The world is devil's advocate.

You want the people around you to be supporting you and believing in you more than you believe in yourself.

And so this is about you.

And what you can do is just limit what you share with them.

So let's say your mom,

Like mine,

Is really supportive when you talk about certain types of things,

Maybe things related to work,

But is really toxic and skeptical when you talk about your relationships.

So you just need to set a boundary around relationships and choose to move in silence.

Here's my golden rule.

Only share your vision,

Especially when it's something that is budding and new for you,

With people who you know would only support,

Love,

And wish you the absolute best with no questions asked.

So this is our teaching on toxic people.

I would love for you to share in the comments.

Look,

I'm not going to ask you to share who your toxic person is unless you want to,

Because I know it's public information,

But I do want you to share with us in the comments what kind of boundaries you need to set to protect your vision.

And you don't even have to name the person's name unless you want to.

I would love to hear from you in the comments.

This is how we keep each other rising together.

This is Justin Michael Williams,

Signing out,

And tomorrow in day five of our practice,

We are going to explore,

You guessed it,

Power people.

I'll see you there.

Reviews

Super powerful and insightful. I saw a plethora of people around me that displayed this behavior. The one person that kept coming up was me. I share my thoughts with all of them looking for the answers Im them. Valuing what they thought more than my own. Walking in silence and coveting my journey for the selective few made since. Thank you

Keep my mouth shut!!? Whew. Good to look at my own passive aggressive statements in the guise of being loving.

I so needed to hear exactly what was said during this meditation. Tysvm for the healing assist!

Good reminder on how to take your power back for difficult relationships.

Dear Justin,
Thank you soooooo much for this beautiful helpful meditation, it was wonderful!
Interestingly, I was thinking of doing exactly the same with my boyfriend who is very loving and caring, but full of fear, especially about my crazy ideas and what that may happen to me! 🤪
I was thinking, it would be the solution and you have explained the whole story so well with clearing details that I am now sure, it is the right way! I also can let him listen to you instead of trying to explain him by my own! 😁🙏🏻
You are such a wonderful instructor and I learn a lot from you. Thank you for sharing your knowledge and experiences with us. 🤗🙏🏻🌹

Never thought of a skeptical friend/family as being toxic. Interesting.

One boundary I implement is my need to be heard w/o interruption or being spoken for/in place of.

This was so powerful for me. Thank you for sharing about your mother. I set boundaries with my skeptical, toxic mother & she chose to not be in my life anymore. Now my life is peaceful because I am surrounded by supportive people.

Thanks Justin. My mom does the same to me. I've learned that although she means well she doesn't walk in my shoes. I'd say boundaries are possibly one of the most important facets of self love.

Thank you! This was awesome! A goal this year is to limit time with people who drain me. This made me think maybe I need to limit what I share with a few of them!

My mom is not supportive at all, THANKS for the advice, actually I was starting to avoid sharing some information with her, your words resonate with me about that, you are right. I'll also try to set boundaries with my friends saying no when I mean it and keep my information too, I don't like certain comments from certain people 💪🏼

I really appreciate your approach here, Justin. This is not the first time I have applied this teaching to my life, but my vision has changed and so the skeptic is not the same person. Thanks again. 💛

I love the complexity you can bring with the simplicity. Nice to learn how to set a boundary centered in self rather than centered around another, all or nothing, black or white, bad or good.

So empowering and wonderful thoughts to think about!

Amazing teaching on keeping boundaries based on different emotional connections. 🙏

I love him. He’s teaching me a lot, thank you ❤️

I have always been a people pleaser it's taken many many years to learn that I should have set boundaries and it need not be drastic

Yes. Learning to share only what I know will be supported by my loved ones will be a new strength and healthy one to practice.

This is certainly opening my vision to new possibilities and how to maintain them.

A fabulous course. So insightful, guided with care. I look forward to each new insight. Very thought provoking. Thank you 🙏🤗❤️