Your Life Matters Soul Connection Podcast Episode 3

In this episode, host Junie Swadron talks to fellow author, transformational life coach, psychotherapist, dynamic public speaker, published author, and filmmaker, Stephanie James.

Stephanie delivers her message in a powerful way to help others find their own internal sparks and create their best lives at the next level. She has an unrelenting commitment to help others ignite their best lives and to become the best versions of themselves.

Transcript

So welcome,

Welcome to your Life Matters Soul Connections podcast with Moi,

Your host,

Junie Swadron.

And today I am absolutely delighted to welcome Stephanie James.

Stephanie,

Welcome.

How are you?

Thank you,

Junie.

I am wonderful.

Besides that I shared with you,

I am in the middle of doing a garage sale.

What's for sale?

I love garage sales.

Really,

We've sold a lot of things.

My boyfriend just moved here from Seattle.

So we had two households coming together.

And so he was supposed to be taking over right now while I did the interview.

And he is still at the motorcycle shop.

So,

You know,

This is real life and we are just going to wing it.

You know,

We were talking about this before the interview that real life just happens and we have challenges and we have to be flexible and spontaneous.

So here we are.

Thank you so much for having me.

Oh,

My pleasure.

And you're absolutely right.

I think I heard birds in the background.

Yeah.

But that is so great.

What can be better than that?

You know,

Garage sale birds as it happens.

Here we are live,

Not live,

But live life.

Yes,

It happens.

So is it OK if I introduce you?

And I'm going to read this because I don't want to miss anything because this is probably like a fraction of who you are.

But I'm going to read what I've received and I'm getting to know.

OK,

Stephanie James is a transformational life coach and a psychotherapist,

A dynamic public speaker,

Published author and filmmaker.

Wow.

She delivers her message in a powerful way to help others find their own internal sparks and create their best lives at the next level.

She has an unrelenting commitment to help others ignite their best lives and to become the best version of themselves.

Wow.

Her worldwide,

Worldwide weekly radio show and podcast,

The Spark with Stephanie James has an unrelenting commitment.

Oh,

I just said that part.

But you still have an unrelenting commitment on your podcast show.

You see,

This is about spontaneity.

Yes.

Created to bring the very best in the fields of psychology,

Science and spirituality.

Beautiful.

And take your life to the next level.

And in Stephanie's book,

The Spark,

Igniting Your Best Life,

Stephanie shows us how to transform beliefs that don't serve us.

Yay.

How many of us carry beliefs that we still think?

I mean,

We know they don't serve us,

But we don't know what to do about it.

Right.

Yeah.

Or we don't even know they are because they're unconscious.

So once again,

If they don't serve us,

Stephanie teaches how to befriend ourselves in ways to develop more authentic and rewarding relationships,

Cultivate grit,

Love that word,

Resilience.

Oh yeah.

And joy and how to approach each day with this.

Welcome,

Stephanie.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Let me ask you something.

What does it mean to befriend ourselves?

How do we do that?

Yeah.

You know,

I think it's such an important question,

Junie,

Because I think what happens is we've all heard that old expression,

Like,

Oh,

Just love yourself,

Be your own best friend.

And I know after 32 years in the mental health and personal development field,

It's not that easy.

You know,

We don't just flip the switch and love ourselves.

We've got to cultivate a relationship with ourselves.

So when I talk about really befriending ourselves,

One of the things,

And this is hard for people,

It's to become a priority in your own life.

Oh,

Love that.

Become a priority.

Oh my gosh.

How many of us make ourselves a priority in our life?

Right.

Yeah.

Because it gets confused with being selfish.

And instead it's like,

No,

You know,

We've all heard that expression so many times,

Put on your own oxygen mask first on the plane,

And then you can better assist others.

Well,

The same is true in life.

And so we have to learn.

And I guess when I say how to befriend ourselves,

It really means how do we show up for ourselves?

We can learn to show up for ourselves.

And one of the ways I recommend people start cultivating this friendship,

You know,

It's not that you're just going to all of a sudden love yourself or have a deep friendship.

And before I go on,

I just want to rewind it to a real life situation.

Let's say that we met someone on the street.

After talking to them a couple of times,

We're not going to trust them with our deepest,

Darkest secrets or say,

Well,

Would you mind starting to pick up my kids at school now?

Right.

I mean,

We have to build trust with that person.

And the same is true for us.

We have to cultivate an inner trust with ourselves.

And so that starts with showing up for ourselves.

And I love,

Junie,

What I love is having a daily commitment at both ends of the day.

And this isn't a big time commitment.

We literally are talking about 30 minutes in the morning and five to 10 minutes at night.

The bookends to your day.

Love it.

Yeah.

And what do you do with those 30 minute commitment to yourself during that?

Yeah.

So,

You know,

I think I like for people to when they begin,

I mean,

And they can absolutely make it an hour,

Two hours,

Whatever fits you.

But if you just carved out 30 minutes,

10 minutes of exercise,

I don't care if you do 100 jumping jacks and some yoga,

Something just,

It doesn't have to be a lot.

You just get your blood pumping,

Which helps oxygenate our blood and our brain,

And then do 10 minutes of meditation.

It can be literally as simple as sitting your butt down on the floor,

Your back against the couch and breathing into your lower chakra and feeling yourself just ground down for 10 minutes.

That's going to help you to just feel like I'm safe,

I'm anchored.

And then the last 10 minutes really coming into a deep place of gratitude.

And I believe writing it down,

I don't care if it's the same thing every day.

It's just that you feel it,

You write it down,

You feel it.

And I love the expression of just marinating on it.

Oh,

I saw that in your book.

And I thought,

Oh,

I love that.

Oh,

My gosh.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Because when we do that,

We're telling our brain,

This is important,

Pay attention.

And the other thing I love is that what we pay,

You know,

It's a principle in physics,

What we pay attention to expands.

So if we're paying attention to what we're grateful for,

We start noticing it more.

And it shows up more and more in our lives.

Absolutely.

Instead of waiting for the ax to fall,

Right?

Now we're seeing all the beauty in our life and we expect that.

Yes.

Right.

And then it happens,

Of course,

Because we're focusing on it.

Exactly.

Right.

And I remember years ago,

When I first heard the concept through a dear friend,

Tom Evans,

He's he in one of his meditation talks,

He was talking about time and how we can collapse time through meditation and that,

And that you'll have more time.

And I thought,

Yeah,

Right.

Right.

And it's so true because I've been meditating now for years.

And I find that if I don't,

I really feel the difference and things get stuck and start and stop and,

And I meditate in the morning and Oh my God,

My,

And I,

And in my meditation,

I have intention and I feel good.

And I'm connecting with the universe and my day flows.

Yes.

I,

I acquire more time,

Right.

Yeah.

In the same amount of timeframe.

And it's,

It's so true that time.

And you know what?

I loved what you just said.

When we do take care of ourselves first,

We make ourselves a priority,

That trust level because we become accountable to ourselves.

Right.

Yes.

Yes.

And that's just it.

I mean,

And that is how we build that friendship.

Right.

We keep showing up,

We keep showing up and it's like,

Yeah,

I've got my back.

I'm going to take care of me.

I'm going to show up for me.

Right.

You know?

And so then the,

The,

The end of our day that I love is doing something,

You know,

It was Wayne Dyer.

I will always love Wayne Dyer.

And,

And he talks about the last five minutes of our day and how essential they are,

Because what we're thinking about at that time,

We are going to be marinating on subconsciously for the next six,

Seven,

Eight,

Nine hours,

Depending on how long you sleep.

So we want it to be something,

You know,

A positive content.

And so what I have found works so beautifully,

And I teach all my coaching clients this and all my clients,

Is at the end of the day,

What can really be helpful is having some kind of stationary object that you leave at your nightstand.

So it becomes the visual cue to do this.

And so I have this beautiful orange rock that a girlfriend gave me because she knew orange is my favorite color.

And it was in her creek in front of her house.

And she's got this beautiful land in Arkansas.

So she gave me this gorgeous rock it's by my nightstand until every night,

Hold on to it.

So you've got like the muscle memory.

And then you think,

What is the best thing that happened today?

And you bring it back up,

And you bring in all of your senses to it.

So that you're really re-experiencing it because we know what we hold up in our brain,

It experiences is happening now.

And that's why we can think of,

Oh my gosh,

What if this happens in the future?

It's not happening now,

But we're experiencing it as now we're having anxiety or we're having stress.

And just like if we're ruminating from something in the past,

We're like,

Oh,

Why did that happen?

It's not happening now,

But we're having the physiological experience of it all over again.

So the blessing of doing this activity is you do it and you get to re-experience it again.

You're bringing up all those positive endorphins.

And the message you're telling your brain is,

This is important,

File this.

Because our brain is the great perjurer.

Our brain truly has a natural negativity bias,

Always scanning the environment for a threat.

And so if we want something positive to stick,

Positive experiences are really like fried eggs on a Teflon pan.

They slide right off and the negative things are what get filed because our brain is trying to help us survive.

So we have to have a little more intention to help these positive things stick.

I call it stickability.

I want these things to have some stickability.

So I'm going to bring it back up,

Hold onto it,

Marinate on it for a little bit,

And then I go to sleep.

Oh,

That is so beautiful,

Stephanie.

I love it.

I'm going to adopt it and offer it to all my clients.

And also in my book,

Right Where You Are.

And so there's a there's a play on words,

Right where you are,

W-R-I-T-E.

Oh,

I love it.

Right.

However,

Even when we're talking about or thinking about or writing about something that happened 20 years ago,

It's our energy that we bring to it right now that brings it back into the moment.

It's just what you're saying.

So if you have a touchstone,

Something that's really beautiful,

That feels really good while you're writing a story,

I help people to write their books,

And they're often writing their memoirs and things that have happened to them in their life that's painful.

I'm going to have them hold on to something that's a beautiful touchstone.

And for that visceral experience.

So bless you for that.

That is a beautiful tool.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Wow.

And your friend who brought you that orange rock.

Orange is one of my favorite colors too.

Yeah.

So we all want to feel more joy in our life and times like this and the world is a little wacky and a little a lot or whatever.

And how do we cultivate more joy?

I'll ask you that one first.

Okay.

Yeah.

You know,

And there's so many tools to this.

I really do think one of the ways that we cultivate more joy is as we start showing up for ourselves and befriending ourselves.

That's a natural result of doing that work.

And it really is showing up day after day after day.

It's like,

You know,

When we do something in repetition,

We know that's what gets it to stick.

And I think cultivating joy,

You know,

First of all,

Joy is,

You know,

We always hear this,

It's our natural birthright and it is our natural state of being.

So what happens,

You know,

When I think about this,

Just even the name,

The spark,

Really where that comes from is this beautiful essence that is us.

So we are the spark.

You know,

We are that whether you call it,

You know,

Some people call it,

You know,

The God seed or they call it,

You know,

Our inner self or the spirit.

It's that beautiful light that is each one of us.

And unfortunately what happens in life to all of us is,

You know,

It starts getting covered up with circumstances and challenges and difficulties.

And so part of our job really is how do we excavate these layers so we can really get back to that light because that's our true joy.

And when we're in that,

There's just this natural flow.

Now,

Does it mean everything's perfect?

Heck no.

No.

And I think that's kind of this misnomer that's like,

Okay,

If I do my work and I have a relationship,

A loving relationship with myself,

I'm going to be good.

And the reality is,

Yes,

You are going to be so much better and life really does flow much more easily and life is going to happen.

We tend to learn how to navigate more easily.

We are responsive instead of reactive.

So coming back to truly ways to cultivate that joy then that is naturally us.

One of the ways I think is you have to look at your mindset.

Mindset is so essential.

And when we're talking about,

You know,

We all have these limiting beliefs and you said it in the introduction,

You know,

We have these limiting beliefs that just don't serve us.

And they don't lead to us healing.

They don't lead to us growing.

They really keep us small.

So how do we find out what they are?

And so see,

And that's,

Yeah,

I think that's what feels counterintuitive.

It's like,

Oh,

To experience more joy,

I dive into my limiting beliefs.

Yes,

Because there are so many of them are subconscious.

Once we bring them to awareness,

We can change them.

And so what I tell people to do,

The easiest thing I feel like is to go down the categories of your life.

So you start with maybe finances and money.

Then you might go into relationships,

Even,

You know,

Your spiritual life,

Self-concept,

Health and fitness,

You know,

All these different areas of your life.

And then look at,

Wow,

What is the belief that I might have that's keeping me from where I really want to be?

You know,

And I can think of,

You know,

I can think of what always comes to mind for me as a gentleman I knew,

Who's,

And sometimes it's not messages,

Of course,

That we came up with.

This is from his past when he was a kid.

His dad always said to him,

Rich people are crooks and rich people are never happy.

So he had this mindset like,

Yeah,

I don't really want to be rich,

Not consciously,

But subconsciously he kept sabotaging himself from ever making money because he wanted to be a happy person.

Great.

And once he became aware of that,

He was really able to start shifting that because our beliefs are exactly that.

They're not the truth,

They're beliefs.

We've thought them over and over so many times we think they're the truth,

But they're not.

And I think what's also key is about becoming conscious because I think that so often,

As you were saying,

We don't necessarily know what we believe until we are able to make a concerted effort to dive into that,

To excavate using your word,

Right?

To be able to go back.

And I love the way you break it up into categories because then it's not like this mystery,

Well,

Where do I start?

Ah,

Money,

Relationships.

What do I think about these things?

And where do I want to be?

How far do I,

And then it comes clear because we don't necessarily know until we take a look.

And then it's that awareness where we can start to make a difference.

So what do you do then?

Well,

So once you have those negative beliefs identified,

You started on to actually what the next step is.

And I tell people,

I want you to envision where you want to be a year from now.

So now that you've identified it,

It's like,

Okay,

Where do you want to be in a year?

And what would that look like?

And then using positive languaging coming up for every single one of those categories,

The positive affirmation that,

You know,

Of course,

We're not going to believe it right now.

We know,

Though,

That through repetition and action,

We can start changing it.

So it's not enough to just say the affirmation over and over and over again.

We have to set it up.

And what I love is having like an action plan.

So it's like affirmation action plan.

If my affirmation for health and fitness is I eat nutritional foods,

And I exercise,

Like I eat nutritional foods daily,

And I exercise five times a week,

30 minutes.

That's my action plan.

So it's not just I'm healthy and fit.

It's I'm healthy and fit.

And I do these behaviors.

Beautiful,

Right?

It's Yeah,

It doesn't go very far.

If you,

You know,

If you're sitting there eating potato chips,

And doing an affirmation,

Unhealthy and fit,

And you haven't gotten off the couch for a while.

So,

Right,

The action plan.

Hi.

We have friends here.

I love it.

I love real life.

So fun.

So yeah,

So it's really important changing it into an action plan.

Because here's the thing.

When we say these things to ourselves,

And I encourage people to write this down and say it out loud to themselves every morning,

And feeling into it.

What's interesting is,

As we say these things,

We know 21 to 30 days,

Things become a habit.

And so once we've said this out loud to ourselves every day,

We felt into it.

What happens is something called cognitive dissonance.

If we do something opposite.

So if I'm saying every day to myself,

I'm healthy and fit,

I make nutritional food choices every meal,

I exercise 30 minutes,

Five days a week,

And I reach for a Twinkie,

I'm gonna get a hit.

I'm gonna get this like,

Wait a minute,

That doesn't fit with that image.

And oftentimes,

As you know,

Judy,

It's just the pause that snaps us out of our trance,

That gives us the pause we need so that we wake up,

And then we have a choice.

It makes such a difference.

And I would have to add to I think what adds strength to this entire,

You know,

Cultivating joy and cultivating a positive mindset is you begin with those gratitudes.

And you and you say the gratitude as if everything's already happened.

So you're in that mindset.

It's a year from now.

And I'm saying,

Thank you God for my healthy fit body.

Thank you so much for these amazing relationships in my life.

You know,

Thank you for the joy I experienced the miracles that happen on a daily basis.

And so you're generating already that amazing feeling and from there go into your affirmations and action plan.

I love it.

I love it.

Yes,

I agree.

It's this one,

You know,

You're living as though it's already happened.

And so you're bringing that full visceral,

Seeing it,

Feeling,

Tasting,

Loving it,

And bringing all that joy into our cells,

Into our imagination,

And setting that intention and feeling so amazing that we don't really bring it to us.

That's what energy does,

Right?

You know,

One of the things that is,

As we know,

From the beginning of the interview,

We're talking about,

I'm sitting here in the middle of a garage sale.

And so,

You know,

You may hear,

People may hear in the background,

Some joyful voices,

People,

You know,

Shopping and finding bargains on this beautiful day.

So I'm just giving the listening audience permission to just try to drown that out,

If you will,

Or just join in the joy.

Some excitement and joy.

And there's a happy shopper right here.

Right.

Right here getting this lovely.

Yes,

I will.

Okay.

I love it.

I love it.

Yes.

That I think,

You know,

You used a word a little while ago,

A word a little while ago,

Choice.

And we always have a choice.

My beautiful partner,

David,

Told me coming home the other night,

There was like this enormous,

Like,

Lineup of traffic.

It doesn't usually happen,

But there was some construction or something going on.

And he was detained for the longest time.

And he said,

You know what I did?

And I said,

No,

But I can imagine knowing you.

He said,

What?

I said,

You sat and meditated,

Didn't you?

He said,

Yeah.

And,

You know,

I love it,

Too.

I love it.

He said,

Yeah,

What a perfect opportunity.

And instead of the road rage or whatever,

Come on,

I got to get home,

I got a meeting or whatever it is.

Oh,

Look at that.

I'm not going anywhere.

Anyway,

I think I'll just breathe.

So great.

Love that.

Love that strategy.

And so and that's kind of where I'm at today.

This the circumstances unfolded like they were.

And my help didn't show up that I needed in order to be able to to leave and just do this podcast alone.

And so,

You know,

It's like,

Okay,

I'm going to be flexible.

And I think that's an essential part of this cultivating joy that we've been talking about is that life is going to happen.

And we can't have this external program for happiness,

Dictating how we allow ourselves to feel.

Totally.

So that leads into my next question.

Yeah.

About the flexibility.

How would you relate that today where the world has been shut down for over a year now with COVID?

How do we create this ability within ourselves to find the joy,

To find the resilience,

To find a way of moving through the pain of it all,

The fear of it all,

The concern,

You know,

All of that,

That we know is a reality to bring another reality into our life at the same time that will feed us in a way that we're talking about today?

How would you do that?

Yeah,

Beautiful question.

You know,

I think it's so imperative,

Just like we can't allow external programs for happiness.

I think we really have to watch also our external programs of fear.

And so it's,

You know,

I usually invite all of my clients to not watch the news in the morning or the night.

If you have to catch up in the middle of the day,

That's great,

But it can become so obsessive,

You know,

And it just is like,

It's focusing the fear,

Focusing the fear.

So we need to step away from that.

And one of the ways that I find this really helpful for people to start cultivating that inner wellness and well-being is to reel themselves in,

You know,

When we're playing the what if game and oh my gosh,

What if this happens and what if the earth,

You know,

Explodes or we could go into all these horrible things that are,

You know,

Could potentially happen.

So one of the things that we have to do is move into this place where what we're doing is we're focusing on just this 24 hours.

And when we do that,

And this is one of the things I love to do in the morning and I really invite people and your listeners to try this because it makes a difference.

And it's again,

Writing it down because we write things down.

I mean,

It gives it that stickability we were talking about.

And so when you bring yourself to this day,

This 24 hours,

And you say in the morning,

How can I take care of myself today?

And so you're looking at,

You know,

You tune in,

What do I need today?

Well,

I want to eat nutritious foods today.

I want to make sure I get out in the sunshine and take a walk.

You know,

For me,

On those days,

I'm like,

One of the ways I take care of myself is spending time with my partner,

Spending time with my dog,

Making sure I'm,

You know,

Really giving some puppy time.

And,

You know,

And if it's a cold night,

The end of the night,

I want to take a warm bubble bath.

I love to read a magazine in the tub.

It's such great,

You know,

Great care time.

I love it.

And so,

And the second C is how can I connect today?

So much as we know the pandemic has been this feelings of isolation and disconnection.

So when we take it into our own responsibility to connect,

Not wait for someone to reach out,

But we say,

How can I connect today?

Thinking about those people that are really special to you,

Maybe you have an aunt you haven't visited within years or months,

Maybe you have an old friend,

You know,

You,

And it's,

It's literally reaching out and doing a phone call,

Texting isn't enough.

Texting won't give us that same feeling that's talking voice to voice or even more so doing what we're doing today and being able to look into each other's eyes and see each other.

Because truly when we do this right now,

There's no distance between us.

No,

I mean,

I love this.

I can just go like this and I feel like I am.

Me too.

I love it,

You know,

And I already felt that way with you as we were talking on the phone before this.

I know you're in your voice and just,

I mean,

The connection was instant.

So we have to think about how can I connect today?

How can I be responsible for changing how I feel?

Because we are interdependent,

Inter-relational beings.

We need one another.

Okay.

That's not being codependent.

It's a healthy way of connection and meeting,

You know,

We need human touch.

Now that things are opening up a little bit more,

We can start having a little bit more human touch.

You know,

There used to be that formula,

Like we all need seven hugs a day.

This is one of the things I want to speak to you about that helps remedy that.

And so people that cannot have personal contact,

If you still are,

You know,

At a place where you're like,

I have to stay at home,

I'm not seeing other people,

Literally rubbing your own arms,

Rubbing your own arms,

It's so soothing,

And then coming up and just rubbing your forehead,

Rub your temples,

And then if you just go from your jaw down to your chin,

I invite everybody who's watching to do this,

Right?

Yes.

And then down your neck,

And then just into your heart.

And then you go back and you end on your arms a little bit more rubbing on your arms.

And then just hold yourself for a moment.

Just hold yourself,

Give yourself a squeeze and really feel into that,

Taking just a nice deep breath into your heart center.

Ah,

Notice how you feel.

Oh my gosh,

Hello!

That's so great.

So rejuvenating,

And I thought I was already rejuvenated.

I mean,

It's another,

It's sparking even wider,

Faster,

Whatever.

It's really beautiful.

Thank you.

Oh yeah,

I love that.

So that's the second C.

And the third C is how can we be creative?

And in this 24 hours,

What can I do?

Because I want to tap into my flow.

I want to tap into that part of me that really,

It transcends what's going on right now.

And we can experience that in so many ways.

We don't have to be a writer,

Or an artist.

We can literally,

We can do it through music and movement.

You know,

Just creative movement.

We can literally do it by coming up with songs.

I always tell people,

Get a Spotify list of the 10 songs that make you feel the best and dance in the living room.

And you can listen to music and color.

You can crochet.

You can needle point.

You can craft.

Whatever it is.

But it's that art of being in flow.

Yes.

You can play a musical instrument.

There's a million things.

You're absolutely right.

And I think one of the things that I've,

I mean,

It's one of my passions,

Stephanie.

I have a something called ACHA,

The Academy for Creative and Healing Arts.

And it's all about that.

I mean,

We have an impulse to create.

We're born with that.

And when we're not creating,

Our spirit dies.

We need it.

It's part of our breath.

And it doesn't matter,

Like you said,

What it happens to be.

It could be anything.

Anything.

It just doesn't matter.

If you get turned on by numbers,

Then,

You know,

Then just play with numbers all day long.

Wouldn't be my thing,

But maybe it will.

Who knows?

Haven't tried,

Right?

It's so important.

Because you know why?

Because when we're in the midst of creating and whether it is,

I mean,

I like to write,

Right?

So I write,

But it's not the finished result of the book.

No.

It's the process.

It's the art of creating.

Whether we're,

What,

Our hands in the garden,

In the dirt.

It's being in the moment.

It's writing in.

It just keeps us there.

It's like,

Oh my God,

How did two hours just go by?

Right?

Exactly.

Exactly.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Time starts to bend.

And as we know,

Like Albert Einstein said,

You know,

Time,

We experience time in a linear fashion,

But that's not how time works.

So it's beautiful to tap into that flow.

And it's accessible to us at all times.

I think,

You know,

Live in the moment spontaneity that can teach us not to get bent out of shape,

Because it's supposed to look like this,

And it's looking like that instead.

Yeah.

We can embrace it and have fun with it.

Well,

You know,

It's interesting.

I've been listening to the audio book,

And this book by Michael Singer.

It is so wonderful,

Because that's what he was talking about,

Is surrender is actually not being attached to any moment.

That no matter what happens,

That I'm not attached to any result.

And it's so interesting to be in that space.

Like,

It doesn't have to be the way that I want it to be for me to be happy.

And do you think,

Or feel,

Or believe that that is possibly,

Or probably one of the hardest things for humans to do?

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

I mean,

It is literally for me,

It's like,

Oh,

Okay,

I get it.

This is my next growth edge.

You know,

But I think that's an important point of what we're talking about today too,

Junie,

Is that we never arrive.

You know,

It's that we all are the same height.

We're all in this together.

And what we do is we start just continuing,

Like,

What is my growth edge?

What is my growth edge?

And so,

This one by Michael Singer,

As I'm listening to this,

You know,

That's become mine.

So,

A lot of my life has been around surrender.

And,

You know,

I,

In my film that I have coming up,

I speak about,

You know,

Having to surrender to a huge process with my daughter who had an addiction,

Is an addict,

But is in recovery,

That we struggled with her addiction for 10 years.

And,

You know,

So,

A lot of surrender had to happen within that process.

For me,

Not being able to control it,

Not being able to fix it,

Even as a psychotherapist and a transformation coach,

You know,

She had a transformer life.

I couldn't do it for her.

And so,

While that was a huge lesson,

It's like,

Oh,

This is the next one.

You know,

My partner,

He is getting ready to leave next week on a spiritual quest down to Central America.

And it's been a really huge thing for him in the last decade.

He doesn't know how long he's going to be gone.

It could be a month,

Could be two months,

It could be three months.

Now,

If I get really uptight about that and hold on to it's got to be what I want,

My time structure says,

Yeah,

Enjoy a couple weeks and come back.

Then,

If he stays longer,

I'm miserable.

So,

Surrender,

It is,

I mean,

It's challenging.

I'm not saying it's easy.

And as I practice that and go into these moments of surrender,

Wow,

Do I find peace.

And it's not that you accept everything in the world is happening like,

Oh,

This is great,

I love it.

You just accept it as is.

Right?

This is what's happening.

Okay.

Yeah.

Yeah.

How can we fight what's happening?

Exactly.

You can't rail against what is happening.

You know,

It's here now.

Exactly.

And even though it's counterintuitive,

What I have learned again and again and again in my life,

And I think I'm way better at it now than I ever was,

Is totally accepting,

Like full surrender.

Because I know I'm not in control,

Even though I thought,

You know,

I think one of the things that why people feel frightened of this whole concept is that growing up for a lot of us being needed to find a way to have control in our life,

Because there was no control where we were.

So we found all these ways to have some sense of stability.

And right,

So we're constantly looking for that.

And though it seems like totally counterintuitive to surrender and see what happens,

It's amazing when we do how there's a flow,

Things just happen.

Like you said,

If your partner goes a wave longer than two weeks,

And you're,

You know,

And you're hell bent on what do you mean?

You said you'd come back into,

Or if you really loved me,

I mean,

All of that.

Yeah.

Right.

Ah,

How miserable.

But it's,

Oh,

Just envisioning and having the most beautiful time and your hearts are connected.

And he's going to come back with this feeling of expansiveness and everything he can share,

And you're living your life in the same.

Yeah.

Right.

Yes.

I mean,

It's in so many ways.

And in the ultimate way,

It's the most beautiful lesson.

You know,

And is it challenging?

Yes.

Are there moments of difficulty?

Yes.

And I also am really clear,

It's the greatest thing that could be happening.

It is one of the most healing things that my soul really does need.

So tell us about your upcoming film.

Oh,

I would love to.

I would love to.

Yeah.

So the film is When Sparks Ignite.

Yes.

And what,

How that whole film came together was absolutely a miracle,

I have to tell you.

I'd been talking with Jacob Lieberman,

And for people that know Jacob Lieberman,

You know,

He's a scientist and an ophthalmologist,

An international speaker,

Just an awesome individual.

And he had been on my radio show and podcast three times.

And we'd really connected,

I had a trip to Maui where he lives,

And we were able to spend a couple mornings together.

And we've just been over the last three years,

Just awesome friends.

And so we'd been talking,

He had said,

Well,

I think it'd be really neat if we did something like called Sparks,

Or excuse me,

Lights of the Round Table,

Where you interviewed a bunch of people sitting around the table,

Different thought leaders,

And we filmed it.

And I'm like,

Yeah,

That sounds awesome.

And so kind of percolating couple months go by,

I get done with a meditation,

And it was just like,

Boom,

Like this download.

And I was like,

Oh,

Here it is.

You know,

I am so blessed.

I know some of the most brilliant minds and most serving hearts on the planet.

And I said,

You know,

Because of my show,

Just like you,

We get to connect with,

You know,

Incredible people.

And,

And so oh,

It's such a gift.

And I said,

I'm going to bring them here to my hometown,

Fort Collins.

And we're going to do an event,

But it's going to be different than other events.

Because instead of having people come and do a summit,

Where what they do is they present for 45 minutes and then get off,

Nobody talks to each other,

I'm gonna have everybody fly in two days early.

And we're going to interview individual interviews with them talking about the most challenging times in their life,

Stuff they don't share on any kind of regular,

You know,

I mean,

You've been so brave and so awesome and transparent and authentic.

And not that I mean,

All of these people are as well,

But we don't all share our stories.

So,

So along with a client of mine,

An ex client who just graciously wanted to share her courageous story of overcoming through our work together,

You know,

43 years of abuse,

And leaving an abusive marriage and becoming so empowered that now she's a speaker,

And helping people,

Other women to find their voice and leave abusive relationships.

So,

You know,

So that that's woven in.

But what was beautiful is these speakers came for this event,

Not only did we do the interviews,

For two days,

We ate meals together,

We danced together,

We laughed together,

We meditated and prayed together.

And so what happened is this beautiful,

Cohesive,

Unified field,

Where there were no egos,

You know,

One of the days we did sit around the table,

The 12 of us,

And did lights of the round table.

And so we talked about,

You know,

The big issues of life,

Love and death and relationship and growth.

And,

And all of this film by an award winning film crew.

And,

You know,

And my guests were Larry and Barbara Dossi,

Stephanie Schwartz,

Of course,

Jacob Lieberman,

Misa Hopkins,

Solomon and Gabriella Masala,

Steve and Trudy Behrman,

Steve Behrman,

Co authored Spontaneous Evolution with Bruce Lipton.

And just a powerhouse group,

That then all this beautiful alchemy and all the things that we did together,

They brought that on stage.

And then everyone,

What was so beautiful,

All the presenters stayed in the room,

They sat with the audience.

So we were all supporting one another.

It's like we're all in this together.

And the result is this beautiful documentary,

Which really,

Truly is about how we,

As we do our own healing,

We become,

You know,

Whatever those difficulties were,

Whatever those challenges were,

They become the match point that ignites something within us that can then become our gift that we give to the world.

Our own healing becomes imperative.

That's our gift.

It is because then we don't have to do anything.

We just walk around being who we are and shining our light,

Our spark.

And it just goes out exponentially to everyone.

And what you did is brilliant.

And I saw a trailer of it on your website.

And so I want everybody to go if that's where it is,

Right?

It's Stephanie James.

Com.

Correct?

Stephanie James dot world.

Dot world.

Hello.

It's not a com.

It's a whole world.

Right?

Yes.

Now we won't forget it.

It's a world Stephanie James dot world.

And so and that'll be up,

You know,

On my website on juniswadrin.

Com podcasts.

We'll be up there in this coming week,

I believe.

And so and with all of your information,

So it'll be there on the screen.

So yes,

Thank you can actually watch this trailer.

I was so impressed.

I was so moved.

Just watching that trailer thinking,

Oh,

My gosh,

If that already come out,

Is it happening?

Whatever.

But I love that.

And that's the spark to write,

Working with with your friend.

First name Lieberman,

Just take a break.

Yes.

And having that idea,

And then having a percolate,

Then marinate,

And and then going,

Wow,

And then having this download.

And there it is,

You know,

And then just inviting these incredible minds together.

And I love what you did to just it's not about you know,

Somebody who's on stage,

And they give this extraordinary gift of themselves and presentation and people are writing notes,

And they're taking it all in and gone.

No,

This is an experience of real life.

Everything together.

I love it.

You know,

Two years ago,

I did this thing.

I always admired Gertrude Stein.

I always saw myself as Gertrude Stein,

Right?

That there I was having these salons.

And all these interesting people would be there Picasso and Hemingway and you know,

And I so I did a Gertrude Stein evening.

And I want to invite people to do this sort of thing,

Because not everybody can maybe have a roundtable,

But even on zoom.

So what I did is I invited some very wonderful people,

Artists and poets and intellects and whatever and just interesting people together for a potluck dinner.

And then so we had this amazing food.

And then we had a theme and the theme is what is your passion?

And I had a talking stick.

And,

And so we ate and we spoke but one every person would say what their passion was,

Or that they don't have one and they're kind of confused and they're not even sure that it was so real and it was so true and it was so authentic.

And so by the time we went around that room,

There were 13 of us that evening.

And and then I had a music party afterwards.

So we all danced and played music and we have mics and we had this and that and it was just was awesome.

But people now they got to know that they were awesome.

But people now they got to they've never met each other.

Most of them and now they knew who each other were because everybody came from this true authentic place with with a container.

Right.

And I yeah,

So it reminded me what you did and done and now it's going to be there for the world to see.

And we can do that in our own small way.

Yes,

I love that.

And have a theme and say okay,

I love each person just share from their hearts and then bring that beautiful energy.

So wow.

So what's next next?

Well,

You know,

So what's been exciting is now that things are starting to open up a little bit,

I am starting to do some public speaking and I was one of the presenters.

This has been about a month ago,

Six weeks ago at the Sedona Ascension retreat.

And it was awesome.

It was outside.

So it was really COVID safe and just,

You know,

Beautiful people,

Awesome experience.

I'm doing a lot more transformational coaching.

I'm speaking at several different events right now and doing retreats.

Right now I have a beautiful retreat with Sedona,

Excuse me,

With Sedina Cappanelli.

Wow.

And she does all the ageless living.

The retreat that we're doing,

It's May 7th and 8th.

So yeah,

And if people go right now to the ageless living,

So agelessliving.

Com site,

And they put in mother in capital letters,

They'll get 30% off.

And it's a weekend retreat,

Or it's like Friday night,

I think,

And Saturday.

So it's the 7th and 8th of May.

And the title is Ageless Beauty,

Vitality and Well-being Inside Out.

Wow.

Wow.

So it's Sedina,

Myself and a couple other just wonderful people that,

You know,

I just,

So I'm thrilled about doing that kind of stuff.

As I shared with you,

I'm writing my new book.

Yes,

Yes.

And that is,

Oh yes,

Yes.

I won't say what this call is yes,

Because we're not sure we can say that.

So,

But just know,

Yeah,

This next book is just the next level.

And for me,

It's an opportunity to share more stories,

Share more of the insight and wisdom that I've gleaned from the amazing presenters that I've,

You know,

Been so lucky to present with and to have on my show,

The Dear,

Dear Friendships.

What's that?

And may I say that you've gleaned from your own life.

Thank you.

And that you give out so generously.

Oh,

Thank you.

Because we can't be,

Have that spark of life and glow that you have,

Stephanie,

Without it being an inside job first.

Absolutely.

I love that you say that because that's one of my big sayings that really is meaningful for me is that it really is an inside job,

You know,

And none of us,

You know,

And I think the important thing to reiterate is none of us get out of childhood unscathed or life unscathed and that it's okay.

Like we can heal.

It's never too late to live happily ever after.

You know,

We can literally,

As you and I were talking before,

I mean,

For me,

I'm like,

Life begins at 50 and I'm just about to turn 54.

And I'm like,

Oh my goodness,

Every year gets better.

And the thing is,

You know,

I had hard things in my childhood definitely.

And I think about where things are at now.

You know,

I'm not different than anyone else.

We all have the ability to really allow these sparks to ignite and really to shine through in our lives.

Well,

You are doing it so beautifully.

And because you share that so openly in your book,

And I'm sure in your practice and being transparent in all that you do,

That you can come from that place to say,

If I can do it,

So can you.

That I'm no different,

And you're no different.

We're here together.

And yes,

Hard things happen.

You can't live on this earth without having grief,

Loss,

All of these things.

But it's so possible.

There are so many ways to live a meaningful,

Wholesome life and have joy and sparkle.

Yes.

Yeah.

And I feel like you're such an amazing example of that as well.

I absolutely,

I just feel honored.

And before we did the interview,

You shared some of your story with me.

And I'm just,

Yeah,

This is what it's about.

This is what it's about.

So thank you so much.

Did you have any last words that you want to give us for today?

You know,

I think I would just tell people that just to know,

You know,

Your healing matters.

And,

And each one of us truly,

Each one of you truly matter.

And that we can do this work,

You know,

We can this is this is actually we can do also joyful work,

Work doesn't have to be negative,

The joyful worker of uncovering that beautiful essence,

That spark that is us.

That's beautiful.

And I have to say to everybody,

This wasn't a plant.

I didn't ask her to say that.

Because my latest book in this podcast is your life matters.

Oh,

My gosh.

Yeah.

And that's really it.

I mean,

That is it.

And that's so funny,

Because through our talk,

I even forgot about the title of your show.

That's right.

Right.

If every one of us,

We matter.

So it's important to show up.

Oh,

Gosh,

Yes,

Yes.

You know,

Yeah.

You've shown up.

And I have to say that Sarah,

Thank you for bringing us together.

Yes.

Right.

And all right,

Bless you.

And have a wonderful,

Beautiful,

Prosperous garage sale.

We're almost done.

We're in the homestretch.

Okay,

Joy.

Thank you so much love to you.

Thank you.