During this meditation,
There were moments of peace,
Just being purely focused on my breathing.
Then a feeling of fear takes over me and stops the feeling of peace.
I was able to stop the feeling of fear.
I was able to stop the feeling of fear.
I was able to stop the feeling of fear.
I was able to stop the feeling of fear.
I was able to stop the feeling of fear.
When I'm purely focused on my breathing,
Then a feeling of fear takes over me and stops the feeling as if my mind doesn't want to experience that sensation.
This question asks me often,
Why such resistance?
So,
When the temperature rises in the spring or falls during the fall,
Any changes you experience in the world today does not happen linearly on a consistent basis with a single slope.
Every change actually zigzags and goes up and down as the trend slowly shifts.
We have experienced a lot of things since we were born.
We have had direct experiences.
We have inherited certain experiences from our parents.
And there are indirect experiences we got from our society,
Our schools,
Whatnot.
So,
These have kind of nestled amongst us,
Among ourselves,
As a comprehensive set of experiences that we carry with us.
So,
This becomes a set of cognitive habits that continue to drive us,
Whether it's a form of trauma,
Whether it's a form of certain habits,
Whatnot.
And the amalgamation of these cognitive habits,
We call it karma.
So,
You have this set of cognitive karma in your subconscious that when it collides with information you get from your ears,
Nose,
Taste from your tongue,
Sight,
Touch,
And there's a sensation that happens at that collision between external stimulus and your internal set of your own karma.
Because we all each carry different set of karmas,
Although we may experience the same exact stimulus from the outside,
The result,
The outcome of that collision is all different for each one of us.
So,
We may see the same thing,
But I may feel bad,
But you may feel good about it.
And that reaction leads to an emotion.
And that emotion leads to some kind of a desire or a judgment,
Whether I like this or I don't like it.
And if I like something,
I want it.
If I don't like something,
I want to throw it away.
And that leads to a desire of some action.
And that leads to some kind of action or words,
Some kind of expression of that desire.
And that action actually reinforces the underlying karma or the cognitive habits that originally triggered the original reaction.
And usually,
When this cycle of reactions and stimulus and actions happen,
They turn to be negative.
So,
What we are trying to do is change this negative reaction cycle into a positive one.
However,
The original karma that actually owns the original negative cycle is bound to resist.
This is like Newtonian law in physics.
It's like the law of momentum of the object in motion tends to be,
Remain in motion,
Object that's static tends to remain in static.
So,
You have to apply force in order to stop something that's moving or in order to start something that's stopped.
So,
That's why if you want to change your karma,
You have to apply a force to change it.
And the speed,
The velocity by which your karma changes,
You either can apply a strong force immediately or a continuous force steadily.
But as you apply the force,
The change doesn't happen immediately or in a linear fashion.
It resists and it starts and stops,
Three steps forward,
Two steps back.
So,
It happens gradually.
Like when you meditate,
Sometimes you can focus really well,
Sometimes you can't.
That's a very natural phenomenon of change.
So,
If you were able to focus well,
But the next time you can't,
Doesn't mean you have retreated.
It means that you have gone forward to the next obstacle you have to overcome.
So,
It's almost like walking up stairs when you are facing these difficulties.
But once you have gone to a certain platform,
And if you can focus well,
It's like being on a flat surface again.
And next time you are not as focused,
It doesn't mean you are going back down stairs,
It's that you have started going up stairs again at the next step.
And this cycle repeats hundreds,
Thousands of times on your journey.
And steadily we climb up.
I like to make an analogy.
This is like peeling off the onion.
The thick layers of the onions are the obstacles we face,
And the little really thin membrane between the thick layers are the really fleeting moments where we think we are doing well or focusing well.
So,
It's a repetition of facing really thick obstacles that you feel really fleeting moments of some type of advancement,
Then facing obstacles again.
So,
It's not helpful to actually have an achievement mindset in which you have a certain metric that you want to meet.
This is a matter of just focusing and continuing,
All of a sudden you realize how far you've come.
So,
Just because you experience momentary peace doesn't mean you are doing quote unquote well as compared to when you are feeling and you are not focusing as well.
You are just continuing on this journey and it's bound to this difficulty,
Obstacles,
And momentary focus is bound to happen and cycle over and over again.
However,
If you become too attached and enjoy that momentary peace,
Then it actually turns itself into an obstacle to your advancement.
So,
If you become too attached to that sense of momentary peace and use that as a goal,
Then you have in effect created a straw man by which you'll be chasing forever and ever after going from different meditation discipline to another to another looking for the next teacher to another to another.
So,
In effect become a meditation addict looking for that momentary high.
Of course,
It is important to meet the right teacher.
But it is up to you to actually walk that path.
So,
Don't be so challenged by the resistance you may feel because these are the phenomena you'll face repeatedly as you go on your journey.
