Reflection And Meditation On Saying "No"

The word "No" is a protector of our boundaries. When we can get good at noticing and expressing our "No," we make more space for our internal "Yes": to the things we really want to do and the people we want to spend time with. This meditation explores the internal feelings that come with "Yes" and "No" and reflects on different ways to think about saying "No" that are kind, compassionate, and also protect and honor your boundaries. Expect some meditation with some discussion.

Transcript

Welcome to this guided meditation on celebrating and embracing the word,

No.

No is a protector of boundaries,

A protector of the self.

As it clears out what we do not want to do,

But does not serve us,

Or people who are not good for us in our lives,

The word No clears the path for self-love,

Self-care,

And space and time for questions like,

What do I want to say yes to?

Take a moment to find a comfortable position for your meditation.

Any position will work,

Including seated or laying down.

Take your time to fidget around,

To move,

To close your eyes,

If you like.

Try to find a yes in your body for your seat,

A moment when you feel comfortable,

When you feel right in your body.

Keep in mind that if your yes becomes a no,

You can absolutely change your position anytime you like.

Take a few deep breaths,

Perhaps in through your nose and out through your mouth.

Begin to turn your attention inward to your internal experience,

Your physical and emotional awareness inside of your body.

Notice how you feel.

Notice the earth beneath you,

Holding you in space,

Supporting your body,

Allowing you to breathe.

Having said yes to this meditation,

To this seat,

To this breath,

Notice what that yes feels like.

Perhaps it's a softening in the shoulders or a deepening of the breath.

Now perhaps we can think of something else that's a yes in our body.

What's something you love to do in your daily life?

Spending time with a pet,

Cooking,

Eating something delicious,

Going for a walk on a beautiful day and breathing in the fresh air,

Spending time with your favorite person.

Take a moment to think of something you purely enjoy.

In your imagination,

Go to that place of pleasure,

Contentment or enjoyment.

Imagine yourself in the moment of experiencing it with as much detail as you can.

Keep breathing,

Noticing what you can see,

Smell,

Hear and feel in this moment of yes.

What does this yes feel like in your body?

Where do you feel it specifically?

What has changed in your body since a moment ago when we began our meditation?

Explore how this yes moves in your body,

Including if it comes with some complicated sensations or emotions.

That's totally okay.

Just notice what's happening,

Breathe into it.

Welcome these sensations of yes.

And now let's explore a no.

Think of something that you do not want to do today or something that you know you dislike.

This could be something simple like cleaning the toilet or some other household chore you do not enjoy.

Perhaps there's a person in your life or at your work that you do not enjoy spending time with.

Maybe it's the taste of a food you dislike.

This doesn't have to be anything big and dramatic.

A small no is still a no and it can be very simple.

Take a moment to think about the thing you dislike.

Again,

Bring yourself into that moment of experiencing the disliked moment,

The sense of aversion,

Or maybe even disgust.

What does that feel like in your body?

For many of us,

It's a tightening of the shoulders,

The throat,

Or the stomach.

You might feel your face change,

Your eyes tightening,

Wanting to turn away from the thing you dislike.

An internal no can often show up in the form of disgust or anger and certainly sometimes fear.

Disgust,

Anger,

And fear are vital core emotions that help us to understand what is toxic or dangerous to our bodies or our lives and helps us to avoid or move away from these things.

Allow yourself a moment of getting to know the feeling of anger,

Aversion,

Fear,

Or disgust in your body.

These are important emotions,

Important feelings that help us to understand when our bodies need us to say no to something or someone.

Now take a deep breath.

You're doing great.

Let's move out of that uncomfortable no.

Come back here into your meditation with me.

You're in a comfortable position and it's perfectly welcome for you to adjust your body again.

Take a deep breath or a sigh and let go of those no feelings.

Come back to where there's a yes in your body,

Like sitting here with me in a comfortable meditative seat,

Simply exploring your internal experience.

Now of course there are times when we might want to work through these emotions and explore something that's an initial no.

But for the most part our bodies are quite good at guiding us toward what feels right and away from what feels wrong,

When we can take the time to genuinely tune in.

For example,

Sometimes we feel fear about trying something new,

But at the same time we feel an excitement or a curiosity.

So there is a no and also a yes.

Perhaps the yes is even a little bit stronger than the no.

Perhaps we dislike cleaning the toilet,

But the desire for a clean toilet is stronger than our aversion to the cleaning.

No to the cleaning,

Yes to the clean toilet.

That's all fine and there's plenty of time to explore and negotiate our internal yeses and nos.

For today our practice is to embrace the no,

To let it guide us,

To give ourselves permission to say no when we're faced with something that is toxic to us physically,

Emotionally,

Or in any other way.

In order to say no effectively,

We must first be able to feel in our bodies that that no wants to be expressed.

Let's take a moment to explore the concept of saying no.

First we must understand that no is a complete sentence.

You do not need to explain or excuse your no if you have one.

You do not need to tell anyone anything about why you don't want to do something or how it feels in your body.

When you feel anger,

Fear,

Or disgust rising in your body,

Your no is like an armor you can put on to protect you.

We can do this in a way that feels gentle,

Loving,

And compassionate.

Listen to the following phrases and notice how they feel for you.

Perhaps you'll find yourself using one or more at some point.

No thank you.

I don't have time for that right now but I wish you all the best.

I can't do that for you but I might know someone who can.

I have other plans.

I can no longer come to meet you,

I'm not feeling well.

I would love to but I don't have the bandwidth for that right now.

I appreciate the invitation but I'm not available.

Thank you for your interest but I can't do that for you.

Unfortunately I don't have the energy for that right now.

I'm not interested.

Goodbye.

No I cannot do that.

No,

I'm sorry.

Unfortunately no.

No.

No.

No.

Notice how it feels to listen to these different ways to say no with gentleness and kindness.

A no can be kind in and of itself.

It does not help anyone to give more than you have to give and it harms your body to push yourself through something that you know is not good for you.

You will have more to give,

More light,

More space,

More energy,

And more yes when you're able to embrace your no.

Now take a deep breath and place your hands over top of your heart.

If it feels right you may like to take a moment to simply say to yourself,

It is okay for me to say no sometimes.

Repeat that a few times if it feels good to say,

It is okay for me to say no sometimes.

It is okay for me to say no anytime.

When you're ready take another deep breath and release your hands.

I wish you a beautiful day of strong and supple boundaries and many opportunities to say no to others so that you can say yes to yourself.

Reviews

Thank you!

Now, I only need put this into practice. Thanks 🙏

Loved this

I am unlearning and this was so helpful. No is a full sentence.

Very healthy and helpful. Namaste Julie 🙏

Excellent! Thank you very much!

This was a powerful practice. Ty

An excellent, practical, useful, helpful meditation. Thank you for creating and posting this! 🙏
Wishing you love and light. 💖

Just what I needed today!

Thanks,

Romy (@self_care_hub_usa)

Beautiful. Thank you 💙 🙏💙