Bridge Into Recovery

This is a brief discussion of the experience of going from non-functionality to functionality –specifically the voices that get in the way of allowing ourselves to enjoy continous recovery as we embrace functionality.

Transcript

Hey everyone,

Welcome to another one of these discussion things about recovery and embracing recovery with your mind,

Body and spirit.

And I just have to tell on myself,

I almost wanted to wait until I stopped being out of breath from coming up the stairs,

Which is not a usual state for me,

But because of recovering from pneumonia,

It is a more usual state for me now.

And I almost wanted to wait until I was not out of breath,

But I decided it would be more honest to just record when I'm still trying to breathe,

Get enough oxygen in.

So having said that,

I am well on my way to recovery and it's delicious.

And I wanted to talk about what happens when you start to get more energy and you start to feel more recovered and more like whatever you went through is at least mostly behind you.

And it's an interesting state because it's this bridge between really being in touch with our human frailty and fragility and vulnerability and starting to feel like,

Oh,

I'm fine,

Perfectly functional,

I can do anything,

Which is how I used to feel all the time.

And wanting and realizing there's a loss there.

So the thing I wanted to talk about is this loss of the excuse that you have.

It's so weird to say,

But there's like a social excuse that you have when you're recovering from something to take it easy and take care of yourself.

And now that I'm coming sort of back into the world of functionality,

I feel my own self expectation of hardenedness of,

Well,

I could just do this,

I can push through,

Is coming back.

And that is what I was working on training myself to let go of and to replace with this new habit.

And so I realized I have more work to do because I am unwilling to go back into that push through it state.

I'm just unwilling to do it.

And I'm fighting in a way,

I guess now I have the strength to fight.

I'm fighting in a way to hold on to this new way of considering all parts of myself in my day.

And when I have a day,

Like yesterday,

I had a day where I was going through my list and at some point I would just got irritated with someone in a meeting.

And I realized I wasn't,

I was just going through the mind part of my list.

I was just ignoring the other parts and saying to there was a voice,

An old,

Old voice I recognized for most of my life that said,

You know what,

Right now you don't have time to do those things.

Like you got to get done all the stuff that you didn't do when you were sick.

And that voice just needed so much love.

You know,

That voice itself needed me to exhale and just love into it somehow.

And then when I did that,

I could see the other things on my list and I got up and I made myself go for a walk and pray out loud and brush my hair and rub my feet,

Which were things on my list that were not in the mind column.

They were in the spirit and in the body column.

And it felt so good to reclaim that.

So I feel like I'm on this tentative bridge area between,

Between being sick and being healthy.

And I feel like this really is the crux of recovery is bringing into wellness and functionality.

What I learned when I was recovering and actually bringing recovery in so that I never stop recovering because I am not interested in going back to that state of pushing through and ignoring what is the most helpful part of who I am.

So I just wanted to encourage anyone out there who's going through something similar,

Sending lots of love.

Reviews

Thank you! Recoverying from foot surgery. I walk 3-5 miles a day even when I had foot pain. I am learning to rest - still push myself but know this healing takes time.

I love that exhaling into the need to push through something!

Loved that recovering after surgery and sepsis so thank you . Sending healing right back

This was exactly the message I needed to hear as I start my own transition of recovery. Thank you!

Thank you and yes, very much agree.

Wauw a true message to come to me. I will save this because I am sure I need to be reminded of this message more.....

When I saw the title, I wasn’t sure what you would say. Boy, I’m glad I listened. It addresses exactly where I’m at-the bridge. This was validating. Thank you.

Thanks for supporting!

I am exactly at that point! Its taken way too long to recover and I have changed how I do things, I refuse to go back to the old way of thinking and being because I don’t want to get sick again!! I ignored my bodys pleas for help too many times. This time I had to listen.

Thank you for your honesty. I was at Earthrise at the beginning of February to do my advanced Veriditas labyrinth facilitator training. I am struggling with giving myself permission to slow down during Covid. Lucky so far I am physically healthy but as a person who struggles with anxiety this is a challenging time. I am also dealing with feelings of grief and isolation. Thank you for trying to make it a better world.

Thanks so much for this. These ideas resonate with me a lot ...for a long time I wasn’t sure how to deal with the incessant voice that was saying “get it right, get it better, keep going, power through” and I didn’t realise how destructive being a slave to it was and instead blamed myself for turning to things that (though unhealthy) were being used to slow me down and find relief from it. This is so important for recovery of any kind (whether that’s from addictions, sickness, loss, trauma.) We are the only creatures on earth who speed up instead of rest when we need to. I think it has something to do with not wanting to deal with pain but that’s another topic all together. 🥴🦋👍

Insightful. Thank you for sharing

I don't know when you did this talk… Or what you were recovering from… But I always wish you well… And I wanted to let you know you were absolutely one of my favorite teachers on Insight Timer… Thanks for everything you put in

Thank you. This was very helpful. On second listening - perfect! It always amazes me when I find just the right message to listen to. How does that happen? I wasn't consciously looking for it.
Last week I had my 70th birthday and felt as energetic and well as I had felt in my 40s - maybe better. The next day I had laparoscopic surgery to remove my gallbladder. It was not an emergency procedure and I had not anticipated the pain, the disability and feeling so low spirited. I was shocked and strangely disappointed with myself.
I'm on the "bridge" now but struggling with giving myself permission to go slowly, to accept help and ask for it, to feel weak and "lazy".
I am reminded of friends who live with chronic pain, and also of my mother who is 95 next week, and I feel more empathy for their loss.
I will heal and recover, but I don't want to return to my old habit of driving myself - my endless to-do lists!!

From intermittent circumstantial recovery to flowing mindful nurture. How interesting . Thank you 🙏🏻

Recovery from? It might not be my business but wonder if we are on similar pages

Bookmarked and downloaded. Period.

As a person with a genetic condition that has caused multiple chronic medical conditions, I am nearly always in a state of recovery from one thing or another, usually injuries. As I also am a chronic pain patient, I have developed a tendency to push through and do things sooner than I should (or perhaps shouldn't do at all) because I am aware that it'll be painful no matter when I do it, and as long as I am careful, I can generally succeed in accomplishing whatever I am trying to do, somehow.

About 5 months ago, I had a major abdominal surgery that had me in the Abdominal Transplant Unit of a major university hospital for six days. Not a transplant, but some serious re-working of various circulatory issues in there. Technically speaking, I am still on restriction to a degree.

I learned during that first few weeks home from the hospital just how much I push myself and how impatient I become. My husband had to go back to work and my mother had flown out to stay with us and help me out for a couple of weeks. I was told by both that I did well in respecting my limits the first few days, but after that, my mother started getting on my case for doing too much, too fast - or trying too. Even my kid texted me from college between classes to check and remind me to rest.

I found myself toting around a mental image of what my surgery actually did and what the potentially fatal results were if I acted the fool and did not follow orders on rest and recovery. I had to be brutal with myself and replay those consequences over and over. It eventually worked - I decided that bending over to load the dishwasher was not as important as my life. (Should have been a no-brainer, but the dishes on the counter were driving me nuts and I didn't feel right in asking my mom, a guest in my home, to do "my" household chores....sigh.)

I eventually figured out how to honor my body's needs and recover. It was too big an event to jeopardize through impatience. I did eventually start lifting things a bit heavier than strictly recommended and doing some twisting and turning, but I cleared it with my medical team and was ruthless with myself in sticking to those limits. As long as they were okay with it, I would move forward. A bonus was the rediscovery of old hobbies and interests I had set aside - I resumed my decades-old Tai chi practice, for example (no lifting over 10 lbs) and began distance walking again after a week or so, even if I insisted it would be at least a daily walk to the mailbox and back if nothing else. I had to walk to prevent blood clots in my legs anyway, and I had been doing virtual (and regular road) race walking for two years, so this was something I could do that made me start to feel like myself again.

I'd suffered through a round of salmonella almost exactly a year to the day before my surgery and the recovery from that was long and difficult too.

What I learned from these two most recent recoveries was pretty startling for me. A "no duh" moment but still a shock.

You can never "catch up" or recover time lost. If you try, you're simply squandering the gifts of new minutes and new days, focusing instead on a past that is done and over. The weather changed and my favorite walking times went past, me unable to walk....but the day I could walk again, I got up and moved forward without regret for having missed my favorite weather. Nope. I focused on the here and now, and the benefits to come from my choices moving forward (literally). The kicker was that if I tried too hard, too soon, I would find it took even longer to get to where I wanted to be. Two steps forward, one and a half steps back. If I listened to my body, my heart, my spirit, my mind - if I respected them and honored their needs, my progress would be much swifter. And so it has been.

I was able to safely (and with doctor's permission) return to work after two months rather than the projected three. I stopped and did internal self-checks (still do) before attempting something new during my recovery or lifting/moving a bit more than I previously had. I gave myself time to see the benefits of the surgery (and WOW, were there benefits!), and it gave me time to process some life experiences that I hadn't given myself permission to unpack before. I thought about my life direction. I made decisions and plans. And I found this enforced downtime was one of the biggest blessings I could never have anticipated. I surrendered to the experience of recovery in the here and now. I stopped trying to rush it along. What a gift to myself that was and continues to be!

I find myself this day feeling antsy about some things I want to do but am not yet comfortable enough in my recovery process to attempt just yet. I can plan for it though. Listening to this reminded me that recovery is a process, one to be respected. For me, it is also a reminder that at least for me, I get distracted often, so things I want to do often don't ever get done. Taking time to plan for them rather than rushing out to DO them and getting sidelines in the process triples the chances that I will actually achieve those things.

Recovering, each and every time I go through the process, reveals new aspects and new gifts. This time I have become more clear on my future goals and plans. More focused on the small steps to achieve them, and actually planned out a rough map of how to do it (with lots of wiggle room built in for the adventure we call "Life") so that I have felt less overwhelmed in general than ever before. What a blessing!

I needed to hear this brief talk of yours today. Fantastic reminder for myself as I am fighting that "DO SOMETHING" urge right now when my body is whispering for more rest. I am grateful you were authentic in recording it during your recovery, and that you did not jeopardize your health and continued recovery by doing so.

Thank you so much for sharing your insights here with us. This helped reinforce my willpower and firmly set my expectations for the day ahead. Thank you again. I see the light within you. 🤲🏻❤️🤲🏻

This was helpful for me this morning, reminding me not to be so hard on myself for deciding not to something that felt overwhelming. Now I can breathe.