Turning The Destiny Of A Nation

Scary times, if you’re paying attention. Easy to give up on kindness, Easy to prefer a good show, a good beach, a nice rock to hide under.
Meanwhile we lawyers – we have a lot of power: The power to influence others, the power to create big shifts in society. And mindful lawyers, those of us practicing the cultivation of wisdom and compassion? We have even more influence when we connect with others with kindness.
Dogen said, “Kind speech has the power to turn the destiny of the nation.”

Transcript

Hi everyone,

It's Judy Cohen and this is Wake Up Call 367.

Pardon me,

I know I said last week we were moving on to the Parameza of Patience today,

But I was reading something about ethical conduct that I really liked and I wanted to take one more wake up call just to share it and see if it's useful.

Pardon me,

So one of the key precepts,

And we've talked about this,

The key precept maybe for lawyers is wise speech.

And wise speech is also a step on the eightfold path,

Which is the path to freedom and liberation and maybe the step that affects others the most directly.

And of course wise speech is one of the elements of sila parameza or ethical conduct and itself has a few elements.

Wise speech has a few elements.

It's true,

Which already is kind of a challenge for lawyers because how do you say what's true in a settlement negotiation?

Anyway,

So it's true,

It's helpful,

Pardon me,

Rather than being manipulative or mean or anything but helpful.

And there are so many examples in our profession of folks who say and do a lot of things that are unhelpful.

It's interconnected,

It acknowledges we're all in this together,

Which is something it's easy to forget when the adversary system points us in the exact opposite direction and it's necessary and I don't know about you but thinking about wise speech as only saying what's necessary for me and eliminates about half of what I say.

And then the last thing is it's kind.

And kindness,

It's interesting,

Kindness is where I get the most pushback from lawyers whenever I'm talking about this.

There's this big question that arises,

Can I be a passionate advocate and still speak kindly?

You know,

Won't I get run over by the proverbial maktak?

And it's a reasonable question and that's the reason I wanted to stay with Tila Parameeta or the Parameeta of Ethics for one more wake-up call.

So in one way,

I think it's a reasonable fear or not an unreasonable fear that if I use kind speech and here's the,

If you're on the screen you'll see this is a picture of,

Oops,

It went the other way,

Let's go back,

Oops,

It's not wanting to go back.

There we go.

This is a picture of Dogen who was the founder of Zen.

So in one way,

And we talked about him,

It's a reasonable fear or not an unreasonable fear,

That double negative that is so often part of the mindfulness texts that if I use kind speech,

Meaning I speak to everyone kindly,

Someone will take advantage of me.

And you know,

That somebody might be the other side,

But considering how cutthroat things can be in the law,

It can also be my associate,

My staff member,

My partner.

So I think clients worry a lot about this too.

They want an aggressive lawyer,

You know,

To them that often looks like someone who isn't particularly kind,

But rather uses a lot of ziggers and gotchas in a negotiation or even in the courtroom.

And then just to name my own experience as a woman,

There's a kind of double jeopardy.

So not only might all of those things be true,

But I might also be perceived as incapable because kindness looks or sounds too feminine to stand up to the big boys,

And I've got air quotes around that.

And if I'm queer or non-binary,

I'm guessing it's the same issue.

Other lawyers,

Judges might mistake kindness for weakness.

And on the other hand,

Which is the double jeopardy of it,

If I'm a woman at least,

And I'm tough,

Right,

There are all sorts of names I might be called,

All sorts of names I actually have been called,

That point to aggression as unappealing or even unacceptable in a woman,

And I don't know whether that's also true for folks in the queer community.

So the world is a complicated place.

And yet,

With the paramitas,

Remember,

We're talking about the bodhisattva ideal.

And this ideal is one of limitless boundless generosity,

Morality,

Patience,

Love,

And so forth in service of others.

It is an ideal.

Maybe none of us will ever live up to it.

I know I won't live up to limitless perfect qualities like that,

But it's still an ideal worth dedicating our lives to.

And in a way,

As lawyers,

We've already done that.

We've already dedicated ourselves to serving others.

We made that decision when we sent in our acceptance letter or took out our student loan or sat in all those classes or took the bar or whatever milestone most signified for each of us,

The taking on of the mantle of the law,

Got sworn in,

Whatever moment that was.

And we can't go back.

We can retire.

We can quit the practice.

But we're always what my other tribe,

The tribe of the Jews,

Calls MOTs.

We're members of the tribe,

The tribe of the law.

And as members of that tribe,

We are already bodhisattvas.

We are already dedicated to serving others.

The only real question,

I think,

Is what will that service look like?

Will it be offered with an open heart,

With love,

With selflessness,

With patience?

That's what's up next on the wake up call.

With compassion,

With kindness.

Or will it be offered in a kind of frenzy of breathlessness and overwhelm and anxiety and exhaustion and frustration and anger and all the things that I know I've seen in the law and I've acted in the law?

So the thing is,

If we choose the bodhisattva path or if the bodhisattva path has chosen us,

Then that service looks like love.

And our communication looks like kindness.

Not sometimes,

But always,

Every time,

Every word.

And don't get me wrong,

I'm not saying I know how to do this.

And that's what Norman is talking about in The World Could Be Otherwise when he says we have to imagine ourselves on the other shore.

Practicing the Paramita is about crossing over,

Crossing over to the other shore from the shore of greed,

Hatred,

Delusion,

Depression,

Overwhelm,

All of these things,

To compassion and love.

And Thich Nhat Hanh says,

We make that crossing with every breath.

This isn't some big project we undertake.

This is a big project we undertake to do it with every breath,

To make that crossing with every breath.

And Norman says that in order to make the crossing,

We have to be able to imagine ourselves on the other shore.

And part of that is speaking kindly to everyone.

And this is where I got so inspired that I wanted to stay with this for one more wake-up call.

In his book,

Norman quotes Dogen,

Who's the founder of the Sotazan tradition,

Where Norman is a priest,

Where many folks practice,

Millions of people practice in that tradition.

And here he is.

He was born in,

I think,

1200.

And then his teachings were lost for many centuries and then were rediscovered,

If you will,

In something like 1920.

And what he said is that kind speech is everything.

And he said,

You should speak to sentient beings as you would to a baby.

And he didn't mean,

You know,

In a condescending way.

He meant the way that you would speak to your very own baby on the day that they were born.

And he goes further.

He says,

And this is from Norman,

Offer kind speech,

Especially to those without virtue.

And he's got that in italic.

Offer kind speech,

Especially to those without virtue.

We think of people without virtue,

Don't we think that people without virtue don't deserve our kind words.

We should condemn or criticize them or at least relate to them neutrally.

Why speak kindly to a nasty and unappealing person?

Who does that?

But Dogen says the opposite.

If you offer kind speech to such a person,

You will be amazed at its power.

Virtue will grow where you thought there was none.

Do not ever give up on kind speech.

Trust it.

World after world,

Lifetime after lifetime.

Kind speech has the power to turn the destiny of a nation.

So I will leave you with that as the final,

Not final,

But punctuation mark in our exploration of the Paramita of ethics.

And let's sing.

Taking a moment to ground,

Grounding your presence,

Feel the sit bones in the chair or the seat on the floor or the body lying in the couch or the bed.

And beneath that,

The earth somewhere inches down,

Stories down,

Connect with the earth.

You're not cooking yourself.

Check in,

Tap in,

Put your hand on your heart.

How am I right now?

Speaking kindly to yourself right now.

Maybe as if you were a baby.

How are you my dear?

And connecting to everyone here.

Relaxing your physical environment.

The folks on your mind.

And doing that with kindness.

And then attending to the breath or to the sound in your environment,

Just as an anchor or refuge.

Inviting the attention to rest there.

It doesn't seem like you never had a need for rest right now.

And then it does that inevitable thing of wanderings when the mind wanders and you notice and you come back and that was kangaroos.

You you Dogan signs Do not ever give up on kindness trusted world after world likes time after lifetime Do not ever give up on kindness trusted world Thanks everyone for being at the wake-up call today.

Have a great rest of your Thursday.

It's still Thursday wherever you are.

And have a good weekend.

Be safe.

I'll see you next week.