The Thoughts That Bother Me

Sometimes my thoughts are clear and I’m firing on all cylinders, in the zone. And sometimes my thoughts are completely unuseful. I don’t really have to *think* about what to do about the clear, incisive moments. Those are terrific. They might even be doing some good in the world.

But the thoughts that are infused with frustration or criticism or despair? For the life of me, I can’t see what use they have even though they can be troublingly sticky.

So what to do? How to let go of those thoughts, or reorganize them, or set the mind on a different path? We can have that power, that skillset, through our mindfulness practice. It’s part of the secret sauce.

Transcript

Hey everyone,

It's Judy Cohen,

And this is Wake Up Calls 413.

I've been talking for a couple of weeks,

Kind of talking about fear,

How it comes up,

Its potential,

How to die to it.

And this is difficult practice for me.

And as much as I do it in relation to personal events,

Including really painful ones,

In recent years,

I've also noticed that I don't always practice like that in relation to external events.

You know,

Wisdom sometimes says,

Face what's here with as much compassion as possible,

And sometimes it says,

Turn off the news.

And I have the privilege to turn off the news,

As if the news isn't happening on my block or in my neighborhood or in my town yet.

And even if I lived somewhere less safe as an older woman who presents as white,

I would still have a very high level of safety in comparison to those who don't share my privileges.

And so because of this,

When I turn off the news,

I really can turn off the kind of external cacophony and kind of tune things out,

But I can't necessarily turn off my thoughts.

And my thoughts still run towards questions like what's happening in the world,

What's happening in this country,

What's going on in our profession?

And these questions feel useful to the extent that they're pointing me towards doing whatever I can to heal my community,

Our world,

And to keep myself and my family safe,

Although they're not useful to the extent that I do that at the expense of others.

And that's a really interesting dilemma.

But if my thoughts about climate emergency remind me to use less water because our aquifer here in Sonoma is drying up,

Then that's good.

If they remind me to contribute to the leaders in our country,

And there are many who are on the side of clean energy and racial justice and who support the LGBTQIA community and the welfare of people like my family who came here to escape persecution and make a life for themselves,

Then that's good.

Or if they remind me personally to stand up for and to stand beside those who aren't able to be seen or heard,

That's good.

But many of my thoughts are not useful,

And this is where mindfulness comes in.

So if I have the thought,

The world has gone crazy,

Or that person is a total jerk,

How does that help?

And I'm not saying I shouldn't have that thought or that no one should have that thought.

I mean,

How can we not have some version of that thought these days?

It just is going to overhise.

But how does it help?

Or maybe another way of framing that is what's the best way to relate to that thought?

And I think we can start by asking the question,

What is the thought?

There's a very wonderful old Dharma talk called What Mindfulness Is and Isn't.

And it's Joseph Goldstein,

And he's a founder,

One of the founders of Insight Meditation Society in Barre,

Massachusetts,

And he's also really one of the great Western meditation teachers of our times.

He's the teacher of my teacher.

And he's inviting us in the beginning of that talk to consider that question,

What is a thought?

What is a thought?

I've asked myself that question.

And I'm looking at my notes here.

I wrote,

I've come to the conclusion,

Which is really funny because,

I mean,

Of course,

There's no real conclusion,

But I've come to the thought,

Right,

That a thought is really nothing.

It's insubstantial.

And I know that because,

And maybe you've had this too,

There's a thought,

It arises and then the next moment,

You can't remember it.

So what is it?

It's just this ephemeral thing.

And of course,

As lawyers,

You know,

We're taught just the opposite,

That our thought process is all that matters,

Right?

But if we explore our mind in formal meditation practice,

We might come to a very different conclusion,

Which takes me back to the thoughts I have about the world and about other people.

To the extent that those thoughts point me towards useful speech and useful action,

Helping others,

Helping our profession,

Helping the planet,

Then they are useful.

But to the extent that they provide more fuel for the fire,

To use really like a terrible metaphor here,

It's the nomad,

But fuel for the fire of fear,

Of hatred,

Of greed,

Of delusion,

Then they don't feel useful.

Again,

Which doesn't mean they won't arise.

I know they will,

At least in this mind here,

Right?

And maybe you've seen them arise and you know that there's,

You know,

There's no real stopping a thought from arising,

But I know from years of watching them arise and pass away that they're impermanent and maybe you know that too.

And so it's really only when I forget to turn towards thoughts like those and ask,

Really,

Is that true?

Is that useful?

That they run away with me,

Or I can get run over by them,

Or they completely take me over,

Which also happens.

And so then what?

Then there's a practice,

Because mindfulness has all these amazing practices.

Just like there's a practice of RAIN for working with unwholesome emotions,

There's a practice for working with unuseful thoughts.

It's five steps.

And here's how it goes.

First thing,

Try to just wait for the thought to pass.

So again,

This is possible when in our formal practice,

We've seen that thoughts like everything else are impermanent.

And then once they pass,

We've carried on.

So we can do that.

We can wait for it to pass and then just carry on.

This is kind of the baseline.

This is the letting go instruction.

Eventually,

I'd love to be able to do this for all of my unuseful thoughts.

I can't always do that.

I need to go to step two or three or four or even five.

So step two,

If it doesn't work to just let the thought pass or let go of the thought,

Focus on another aspect of the situation.

When I think about what's happening in the House of Representatives right now,

The thought doesn't pass so easily.

Plus,

So many external sources bring it right back up,

Right at one glance at my phone.

But I can focus on another aspect of the political situation in the country,

That there are some very good people in the House who are as concerned as I am,

Or maybe even more concerned,

That our government not fail.

And maybe there are a lot of citizens out there who elected those good people,

Right?

And so not to lose,

Not to lose sight of that and to focus on that aspect of the political situation.

Just an example.

Step three,

If that doesn't work.

If letting go and focusing on another aspect,

Neither of those work,

Then if I,

For example,

If I just can't see the good in the House,

And sometimes I have the thought that that's not an unreasonable thought,

That maybe there isn't any good in the House,

Then I hope that's not true.

Then the next step is to incline the mind towards something positive.

It's outside the realm of the original,

Unuseful thought.

So I might turn my mind towards someone I care about and can help in some way,

Or I might turn my mind towards something as simple as,

As dinner.

What am I making for dinner?

So you see how it's really directing the mind.

Here we are.

We're in this very directional mode.

We're directing the mind.

And so we try and let go.

We try and think about another aspect of the situation.

We're directing the mind here.

The third direction is,

OK,

Think about something else that's positive or neutral.

And then if the unuseful thought still persists,

Like,

For example,

If someone has done something that has really hurt me,

Or it's even just bugging the heck out of me,

And I can't get it out of my mind,

Then the next step is in two parts.

First,

Consider the disadvantages of that thought.

So one obvious disadvantage for me is that often,

If I have that thought running,

I won't get a good night's sleep.

And another is that my irritation might get in the way of me getting what I need or what I want or what a client or a student means or wants,

Or taking care of somebody else than maybe my family or in one of the circles that I'm part of.

So consider the disadvantages of the thought is part one of this step four.

And then part two of the step four is consider the disadvantages of acting on the unuseful thought.

So if the thought is that person is a jerk,

Pretty much 100% of the time,

If I act on that thought,

Things don't end well.

I have to come up with some other more skillful thought to guide me in whatever I need to say or do.

So that's step four.

And then step five is an instruction,

Crush mind with mind.

And this is pretty strong medicine,

But I have to do it sometimes.

Sometimes I have this incredibly persistent thought and nothing is deterring it.

And it just keeps rambling around in my mind and there's nothing to do but turn towards it and say,

No,

You know,

And to tell you the truth,

This is,

This is not,

You know,

The instruction of putting out your hand and being loving to the favorite three-year-old and lovingly escorting them across the street.

This is the voice where they're dancing around on the curb and kind of look like they're about to step off the curb and there's traffic and the voice of like,

Do not move off that curb.

So it's that no.

And sometimes I really have to use that.

So I hope this process is useful for you and I hope the thinking behind it is useful for you.

Thank you for your kind attention.

Let's say finding a comfortable posture,

Whatever is supportive of your practice today,

Letting,

Letting the words go,

Locating the breath or sound,

Whichever will be your,

Your anchor,

Your home base,

Your refuge.

And it's perfect if what you want to do is simply follow the breath and settle for the next several minutes.

But there's also probably zero chance that you won't have an opportunity to notice thoughts arising and passing away.

Or I could say there will be zero chance I will have,

Not have the opportunity to practice.

And so when that happens,

If that happens,

When that happens,

Just noticing how thoughts arising and passing away.

And if one of them is not useful,

Then you can try that process of working with unuseful thoughts and be sure if you do that,

To do it with a sense of humor,

Right?

And if the mind gets lost in thought,

You can use the five steps or since this is formal practice,

If it's possible to just come back to the breath and just be on step one and let,

Let them go.

Always coming back to the breath or to sound or whatever your anchor,

Your refuge is.

Thanks everyone for being on the Wake Up Call today.

Great to see you.

Take good care.

Be safe out there.

Have a good weekend.

I'll see you next Thursday.