The Impossible Task of Being Human

Tumultuous doesn’t even begin to describe it. Every time it feels like there’s just too much to take in, there’s something else to take in. Point in any direction in any given moment and there’s more than enough pain and sorrow for a lifetime.

Has it always been this way and I just haven’t been paying attention? Or are these times more difficult than other times? I suspect it’s the former.

How is it for you? And how can we engage, together, in this impossible task of being human, which means – to me, anyway – keeping our hearts open, no matter what?

Transcript

Hi everyone,

It's Judy Cohen and this is WakeUpCall414.

I'm thinking a lot these days about the impossible task of being human and that even though maybe it's always been like this,

This world still,

To be in the world and to care,

It's really hard work.

My heart is broken by the events of the last several days in Israel and Gaza and by how much I care and maybe yours is too because you do too.

You know,

So many lives lost already and many more to come,

Much worse to come,

So much suffering.

And,

You know,

This is just the most recent calamity in this turbulent and fragile world of ours.

And somehow we get through,

We go to work,

We go to market,

We cook food,

We lay down at night beside those we love.

If we can,

We tell the people and the other beings,

The precious beings in our lives that we love them one more time.

And we miss the people and the beings we can no longer tell,

You know.

So it's a fragile world and it's also this world that's filled with love,

Which paradoxically or not seems to make the world that much more frightening.

These days I'm interested in love and what it looks like in these turbulent times.

And I suppose the easy answer is love always looks the same.

Times don't change that.

Conditions change,

But love doesn't.

But I'm feeling like these times call for such fierce love,

A kind of love that goes through fire after fire and remains steady and strong.

And I'm sure there are as many approaches to this as people who've considered it.

And I want to share one approach,

Which is from Pema Chodron in her book,

The Places That Scare You,

Which doesn't sound like a book about love,

But it is.

Pema opens with advice that she says the Tibetan yogini,

Machik Labradoran,

Received from her teacher,

Confess your hidden faults.

Approach what you find repulsive.

Help those you think you cannot help.

Anything you are attached to,

Let it go.

Go to the places that scare you.

So again,

It might not sound like love,

But to my way of thinking,

What else can it be?

So here goes.

I'm going to run through that advice,

And then we can play with the book for a little while this fall.

Confess to my hidden faults.

Well,

It would definitely take more than one wake-up call or more than a lifetime of wake-up calls for me to confess to all of my hidden faults.

And those would just be the faults I know about and that I hide from the world.

So the faults that I hide from myself,

I can't even confess to those,

Of course,

Because I'm not even aware of them,

Although I'm sure my partner,

My kids,

Close friends,

They could confess to them for me.

But as far as something I can confess to,

Right now,

As a lawyer,

As a dedicated yogi,

Dedicated meditator,

Teacher,

I feel confused about love.

My training is to not differentiate among beings,

To love all beings without hesitation or judgment.

And with so many years of that practice kind of stuck to my ribs,

I can do that sometimes.

But does it mean I'm supposed to love Bibi Netanyahu and Hamas,

AOC and Donald Trump,

You know,

The LGBT community and whoever is leaving anti-LGBTQ messages online,

My Jewish community and all the people leaving anti-Semitic flyers under doorways here in Sonoma?

You know,

I want to know how to do that,

But here's my confession.

I don't love any of them right now.

Approach what you find repulsive.

I find repulsive people who can't love other beings.

Funny,

Right?

Since I'm confessing that that's me,

But it's true.

I'm judgmental,

And therefore I'm repulsed by humans who differentiate between those worthy of their love and those not.

I'm repulsed because of my own fault,

My own inability to love without discrimination.

One incoming MLTT 2024 student for next year,

After they were accepted into the program,

They asked me,

They wrote me,

They said,

I want to know if our class next year is going to be full of students who've already learned how to be calm and thoughtful and loving all the time,

Right?

Because maybe I don't belong.

And yeah,

What I said,

Great question.

Definitely not.

Not only will the students not be those people,

But the teachers won't be those people.

We'll all just be studying this being human,

You know,

Including what it's like to be preferential and biased and unable to love.

You know,

Hypocritical,

Like me.

Disappointed in others,

Like me.

Disappointed in ourselves,

Like me.

We'll be studying how to confess to those faults and approach the parts of ourselves that we find repulsive because what else can we do?

We'll be learning to teach what we ourselves need to learn.

Help those you think you cannot help.

That's the third instruction.

And this one seems less difficult at first take,

Since probably all of us are willing to help,

Even when we can see that our impact may be smaller,

There won't be much appreciation,

Or when giving our best will mean we're making sacrifices maybe we shouldn't make so many of,

Because we lawyers are like that.

We jump in,

We help,

We always.

Remind me of Marge Piercy's poem,

To Be of Use.

We harness ourselves,

An ox to a heavy cart,

Pull like water buffalo with massive patience,

Strain in the mud and the muck to move things forward.

We do what has to be done,

Again and again.

That's who we are.

But at second take,

Help those you think you cannot help as it relates to confess to my hidden faults and approach what I find repulsive.

That feels like it's about reaching out to humans I other,

People I see as fundamentally different from me,

People I don't know how to love,

Or I don't want to love,

People who I find repulsive.

Even though I know that they deserve my help,

Whatever help I can offer if I have help to offer,

Right?

People I know that I think I cannot help,

But I want to help them anyway.

So I don't know how to do that either yet.

Anything you are attached to,

Let go,

The instruction I offer all the time because my teachers offer it to me and because I try to practice it and the instruction that feels so big right now because I'm attached to peace and that's not what's happening and I'm attached to that the world should be safe for everyone and it's not and I'm attached to the earth,

That the earth and all beings are sacred and we're not treating them as sacred.

So of course the instruction isn't to let go of the aspiration for these things or to let go of working as hard as we can to achieve them,

But to let go of wanting things to be different,

Right?

That's the instruction and I confess to the fault of not being able to do that right now.

Okay,

Last one,

Go to the places that scare you.

Well,

In one way that's easy,

You know,

You just wake up in the morning and you're there,

But I don't think that that's what Machik Labdron's teacher meant.

I think her teacher meant go to the places inside,

Look at fear,

Look at anger,

Look at sadness and fear and hopelessness and look at privilege and power.

Go to the places inside that feel like when we go there we'll get stuck forever.

Go there and see that we won't.

You know,

Annie Lamott says,

My mind is a dangerous place,

I try not to go there alone and that's the beauty of our practice here together.

We don't have to go there alone.

We don't have to follow Machik Labdron's teacher's advice alone.

We can go together to the places in our minds and hearts that scare us.

The places that discriminate about who we will love,

Who we can love.

The places that repulse us.

The places where we simply cannot see how we can help.

The places where deep attachment lives.

And maybe someday we can love those places too.

Thank you for listening.

Let's sit.

Finding your posture.

For today's sit,

Finding your posture and just settling in with the body first.

Maybe today if it's supportive for you,

The body as anchor,

The body as refuge.

And just being here together and breathing and taking a moment to check in with your attitude of mind,

Your attitude of heart right now.

You know,

Without sugarcoating it and just seeing what's there.

Without sugarcoating it but also without judging it.

The truth of how things are for you right now.

Maybe as a kind of confession,

This is just how it is for me right now.

This is my confession to myself.

Things are like this right now.

And if there is anything that you notice that feels repulsive,

Just turning towards that.

Any part of yourself that right now,

Seeing it,

You can't love that part.

Turn towards it and let that be okay.

Or anyone out in the world you can't love right now,

Let that be okay.

Or just muddling through.

You know,

Let your practice be kind of muddling practice if that's what's helpful today.

Maybe consider one small thing you could do to help in some direction that's meaningful for you and would be meaningful for the person or people who received your help.

Something small.

Could be as small as a prayer.

I don't know if prayers are small but could be small.

And if during this practice together today there's something that you are attached to,

Some outcome that you are wanting to have happen,

See if you can let that go.

Just knowing that being together today is enough.

Thank you for your practice.

Thank you for being here with me.

Together with all together with all of us today.

Stay safe out there.

And be kind to yourself.

Love you all.

See you next week.