Hey everybody,
It's Judy Cohen.
This is Wake Up Call 479 and I hope the sun isn't too distracting.
It's that time of year when it comes right in at my desk.
So I got interested in patience this week,
Kshanti in the Sanskrit,
Which is one of the perfections of mind.
And it was partly because my partner shared a piece he'd written about patience several years ago,
Which was really good.
And when I read it,
I started to wonder,
You know,
What does patience mean right now?
So there are different circumstances when I need patience.
One is with other people,
Right?
That friend who's late for dinner or the colleague who's not understanding what we're trying to do or the partner,
And I already know what they're going to say because they've said it before,
Maybe a few times,
Or the student who isn't doing the work.
And how to bear the experience of other people not being who I want them to be or not giving me what I want when I want it or not doing or saying what I think they should do,
Or at least what I think they should want to do.
Another circumstance where I need patience is with just the everyday annoyances of life,
Right?
The shoelace that breaks and we don't have a spare or the flat tire or the parking ticket or the traffic or the rain or the cold or the heat.
Or feeling tired when I have more to do or wanting more free time or more work and not having that yet,
Right?
All of the ways everyday life doesn't meet my expectations or satisfy my desire for things to be the way I want them to be,
Right?
And then the final circumstance that I think of when I think about patience,
Kshanti,
Tolerance is another word for it,
Is I need it with myself.
You know,
I'm not moving fast enough or slow enough or I'm not working efficiently enough or I'm not being kind enough or firm enough or whatever it is.
Those moments of self-judgment and they really speak to a lack of patience with this human being right here who's doing her best.
So patience in all of these circumstances,
For me,
It begins with being gentle with myself in those moments of imperfection.
You know,
I can notice that the body is tight and invite myself to relax.
I notice that the mind is edgy and sharp,
Not sharp in a good way.
And then I can remember I care about my friend or my colleague or my partner or my student and I care about myself and I don't want to live in a tight body with an edgy mind.
And also I don't have to do that,
Right?
That whatever is causing my impatience isn't really the problem because actually there isn't a problem.
I'm just activated and I can see that and see it without adding that second arrow of frustration on top.
And then it's possible to relax and to let go.
And then instead of impatience taking over,
I can remember to care.
So it's that shift instead of letting frustration or anger bulldoze the present moment.
And really what it is,
Is instead of objecting to the present moment,
I can just agree this is how it is right now.
My friend is late.
My partner is repeating themself.
My student isn't very committed or isn't very interested.
And it's cold outside.
You know,
I can just agree that these things are true and that in this moment that that simple act of agreeing to the truth of the present moment and then space opens up.
And in that space choice arises.
And I can ask myself that beautiful question Pema Chodron poses,
Am I going to practice peace or am I going to war?
And I remember this story I once heard.
I think it was a Zen.
It might've been a koan.
I don't know.
I cannot find it,
But it was a teacher being asked about a variety of different and contradictory statements and just saying over and over,
I agree.
I agree.
Right.
So the inquiry with with patience for me is,
Can I agree with this moment?
But then there's the larger moment and how to be patient with that.
So I open the paper and I feel destabilized.
I'm going to do that.
That's helpful.
I feel destabilized or I get into a political discussion with someone,
Whether their views are similar to mine or not,
And anxiety arises or fear arises or sorrow arises.
So first I would say patience with the larger moment feels like agreeing that the larger moment is what it is.
You know,
It feels like agreeing that feeling destabilized and anxious and afraid are true.
That the news is what it is and that when I hear it or read it,
I feel agitation and restlessness in the body and in the mind.
I have this wanting for things to be other than they are or for an escape.
You know,
Patience with all of that feels like being with all of that because it's true and not getting into an argument with what is.
Not telling myself it's fine because it's not.
So then there's this relaxing the body,
Relaxing the mind and just accepting the moment for what it is.
That's first.
But then there's what's next,
Right?
So I don't know if anybody saw David Remnick's interview with Anthony Romero,
Who's the executive director of the ACLU.
It was in The New Yorker on Sunday and you can listen to it as well.
It's audio as well.
And Romero talks about all the lawsuits the ACLU is filing and he's somewhat optimistic.
But then again,
The interview is titled and I'm sure,
You know,
David Remnick pulled this from the interview on purpose.
We might have to shut down the country.
It's what it's called.
And it's a quote.
Romero actually says that.
He basically says that if all else fails,
We may have to take it to the streets.
So the Dalai Lama kind of said that too.
In Ethics for a New Millennium,
His Holiness says patience and tolerance should not be confused with mere passivity.
On the contrary,
Adopting even vigorous countermeasures may be compatible with tolerance.
He uses the word tolerance rather than patience for Kshanti,
For this paramita.
There are times in everyone's life when harsh words or even physical intervention may be called for.
But since it safeguards our inner composure,
Patience,
Tolerance means we are in a stronger position to judge an appropriately nonviolent response than if we are overwhelmed by negative thoughts and emotions.
So what I hear in that instruction or teaching is that no matter what we may need to do,
Take it to the streets,
Shut down the country,
We also need to retain patience or tolerance.
And what it reminds me of too is it reminds me of Vedana,
The second foundation of mindfulness.
That sense we have that each moment is either pleasant or unpleasant or neither and how much that matters.
And how what matters,
What we can do with the understanding that each moment has this valence,
This Vedana,
Is to cultivate pleasant Vedana in the mind or heart or both,
Which is more or less about cultivating equanimity so that when we bump up against unpleasant moments,
We can meet them with compassion and wisdom.
And it feels to me like His Holiness might be saying something similar about patience or tolerance,
That we can cultivate a general sense of patience,
Tolerance,
Ease,
That we can agree that,
Yes,
This is how things are,
And that we can,
Maybe we should take that with us,
No matter what's called for,
No matter what action is called for.
So at the end of the interview,
Remnick more or less asks Anthony Romero about this.
He says,
Is it possible to pace yourself considering the ferocity and speed at which things are happening?
And Romero says,
You've got to retain bandwidth.
If we run the gauntlet and we file all the cases that we need to file right now,
And then don't have the ability to file them in two,
Three,
Or in years two,
Three,
Or four,
We'll do the country no good.
We have to play this game smartly,
And we are picking and choosing our battles.
So doesn't that sound like Kshanti?
I think so.
It sounds like patience and tolerance and compassion and wisdom,
All in one potentially very fiery strategy.
So I think it sounds worth considering.
All right,
Let's sit.
That was a lot of fiery words as well,
And it seems like the sun is being fiery right now too.
But closing the eyes and settling in,
And just take a moment to let the words fall away,
Let the concepts fall away,
And just settle into the body and see how is this body feeling right now.
Just noticing what's here.
Maybe there's ease,
And maybe there's not.
But without trying to change anything or wishing anything were different than it was,
Is it possible to just relax in this moment with whatever is happening in the body,
Whatever is happening in the mind?
Whether there's settledness or tightness,
Agitation,
Relaxation,
Whatever is present,
And we relax with whatever is here.
Relax with the focused mind,
Relax with the wandering mind,
Relax with the pain in the knee or the back that arises,
With the anxiety that arises.
As the poet Rumi says,
Welcome them all.
And we just give ourselves a few minutes this morning,
This afternoon,
This evening,
Wherever you are,
To just be with how things are.
And then just taking this practice with you,
Letting the ability to be with how things are in the moment,
In one breath,
In the body,
In the mind,
Letting that be a kind of refuge to return to whenever we need it.
Thanks,
Everyone,
For being here on the wake-up call.
I hope the sun wasn't too distracting.
I'll fix that for next time.
Not to worry.
Thanks,
Judy.
Thank you.
Take care.
Thanks so much,
Judy.
Thank you so much.
Thank you.
Thank you,
Everyone.
Thank you,
Everybody.
Thank you,
Judy.
Thanks for being here,
Sweetheart.
