Hey everyone,
It's Judy Cohen and this is Wake Up Call 319 on September 30.
And sorry about using the old title from last week in today's reminder email.
That's not the title again.
The title of today's talk is One Patient Moment to Create Peace.
And I am beaming in from the home of the Lenape peoples who I learned really treasured this island in which they called Manhattan.
We've been looking at the Dhammapada and let's keep going.
And today let's move forward to chapter eight,
Which is called Thousands,
Which I thought was a really odd name,
But it's called Thousands as a reminder.
It looks like that there are just a few ways to wake up,
Something for everyone,
But still just a few basics and that a thousand additional things or a thousand opposite things won't be onward leading.
But one good deed,
One patient encounter,
One deeply connected moment.
Just the first three verses of the thousands say better than a thousand meaningless statements is one meaningful word,
Which having been heard brings peace.
Better than a thousand meaningful verses is one meaningful line of verse,
Which having been heard brings peace.
Better than reciting a hundred meaningless verses is one line of teaching,
Which having been heard brings peace.
One meaningful word verse line of teaching,
Having been heard brings peace.
So what does this mean?
I'm going to give it my best shot.
And I've been thinking about this in terms of wise communication.
When I thought about wise communication in the past,
I thought in terms of the tone more than brevity or poignancy,
I thought about the way we speak to each other more than what we say or how powerful and really how healing one well-placed word can be.
But I've come to the inquiry,
Especially in connection with these verses,
That I wonder if patience is the key to wise communication.
And patience is one of the parameters or perfections of the mind and heart,
Along with generosity,
Ethics,
Diligence,
Concentration and wisdom.
And these aren't actually qualities we perfect since nothing is perfect and we're not going to perfect them or I'm not going to perfect them in my life.
But they're qualities to work towards,
To work on,
To work towards,
And also that at least for me,
When I forget them,
I really feel like I'm stumbling in the dark.
What I know about patience is that patience connects me to other human beings.
So I like to think of patience as like being with my three year old granddaughter.
When she's visiting and she's chattering away,
I'm listening not just because she's so cute,
Which she is,
But also for understanding so that I can get her the drink or the towel or the cookie she's telling me she wants.
I'm kneeling down so I can hear her better.
There's no thought of hurry up or I get it already.
I don't need you to repeat yourself.
It's silly to even think that way.
Whatever she's about to tell me,
I'm primed for it to be adorable,
Delightful or also for her to be sad or lonely or fearful.
Also not a problem,
In which case I feel like I have all the time in the world to hear how it is for this little three year old being and then to care and to see if I can.
When I talk to grown ups,
Here's the slide.
This is me.
Not really,
But this is a caricature of especially lawyers when I was practicing and in the middle of a conflict.
Honestly,
I did not communicate the way that I just described.
Mostly I knew what the other person was going to say.
I thought I did.
Mostly I was interested in getting them to spit it out so I could do whatever was next.
I wasn't primed for delight.
I wasn't primed for amusement.
I wasn't listening to see how I could make things better for them.
So I'm curious about this phrase.
Better than a thousand meaningless statements is one meaningful word.
Better than a thousand meaningless verses is one line of verse.
Better than one hundred meaningless verses is one line of dharma,
All of which having been heard,
Brings peace,
Not all of which,
Each of which is what I would say,
Having been heard brings peace.
When my granddaughter finally triumphantly comes up with the right words or the one right word,
And everyone in the room understands there's a kind of a yay in the room.
When we all just get what she's saying,
It really does bring a kind of peace.
And it's especially peace if I think of peace as freedom from suffering.
There is a moment in listening carefully,
Really her words having been heard,
Listening mindfully,
And then finally understanding that brings this incredibly joyful peace from the concern that I'm missing something,
Peace from wanting to help and not knowing how,
Peace from caring and not seeing the way forward.
And so I want we struggle with our words and maybe you'll disagree because if you pick up that motion,
You just wrote and finished or that email that you already sent,
It's probably really well written.
But is it the first draft?
If it's mine,
It's it's more like the hundredth draft,
Which is a topic for another talk.
So in that hundredth draft,
In the actual filed motion,
Yeah,
There's very good persuasive language.
Then there might even be one or two meaningful words.
And when the reader gets them,
When those words have been heard,
Maybe they bring peace.
They may not bring peace in the sense that the person reading them gets what they want.
They may be about to see that they're going to exactly not get what they want.
They may bring peace in the sense that the reader,
Aka listener,
Fully gets what you're asking for.
There's a relief.
Ah,
I see what's being requested.
Or there's one line in the very long verse,
Quote unquote,
That's your emotion and it's clear,
Or you're in a courtroom or you're in a meeting and now you're reciting.
What you have to teach,
To share.
And of all the things you say,
One line is clear.
And sometimes I know for me,
I can feel it in my body.
And I have that sense of Diana.
That's enough.
And there is peace as in peace of mind,
Which in this case is saying clarity.
With language,
When we write in one clear line or verse or when there is one clear line.
Or when we recite one clear line and someone really hears it,
Then they can relax and the meaning is clear.
And there really can be a kind of peace.
Now begs the question of whether we remember to stop after that line has happened.
And I know for one,
I for one,
Am guilty of sometimes not noticing that and not stopping.
But beneath all of this,
At the heart of the matter,
It seems to me,
Resides this territory of patience.
And so the question that really comes up for me is,
Can I cultivate enough patience to say what I have to say in just a few words?
Can I speak without holding the floor with conjunctions that I hook onto the ends of my sentences to single the signal that I'm not done yet,
That I'm still reciting here or the way people do that,
I do that.
Can I be patient with my own process and also with the listener?
Can I speak right and listen for understanding?
Basically,
Can I slow down enough to make space for myself and my colleague to also slow down so that our communication is spacious and patient and by virtue of both of those,
Wiser because it is more full of peace?
So better than a thousand meaningless statements is one meaningful word or verse or teaching,
Which,
Having been heard,
Brings peace.
So let's say.
And just taking a breath.
Or two to settle in.
Letting your body settle into the chair or.
If you're standing.
Or sitting on a cushion wherever you are,
Just letting the body settle.
And at the same time,
Imagining that there's a tiny little string,
But strong enough and it's attached to the center of the top of your head and you're just suspended from there.
So you can let your spine just relax and straighten.
Maybe instead of the thousand instructions,
It could just be upright and relaxed.
It works and that's what I'm asking.
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