Ethics, Shame, Dread, And Forgiveness

Are there clients and projects that are so compelling that you’re willing to turn away from that quiet voice that says, “Maybe not? This might not be right.”

No judgment!

It's just good to explore. It's interesting to see what tempts us, not into the deep weeds but just ever so slightly astray. And then it's also good, once we've seen, to forgive ourselves, and turn back, onto the path.

Transcript

Hey everyone,

It's Judy Cohen and this is Wake Up Call 395.

Today let's talk about the the shame and dread component of choosing clients and choosing work or choosing to do too much work and not being aligned.

So shame which is heary in Pali,

It's how we feel when we realize we might be about to cause harm.

So it's that moment of,

Oh I'd feel terrible if I if I said or did that.

At its heart it's a moment of realizing our intentions might not be good and it happens before we say or do anything.

Dread which is otapah in the Pali,

Is how we feel when we realize what our potential impact might be,

How our words or actions might land,

Also right before we say or do anything.

So heary is the shame of how we'll feel and otapah is the dread of hurting someone else.

And they're both good news because when we're paying attention they stop us,

They point us back to an examination of our our moral compass,

Our commitment to do no harm.

And then depending on what we discover,

Heary and otapah either pivot us if we realize we are about to cause harm or they fade away if we realize we aren't.

And also they're not critical voices,

They're they're like our best friend hemming us you know in a nice way.

So we can listen or not it's our best friend but it's usually good if we do.

I mentioned last wake-up call that heary and otapah come into play in the middle part of the eightfold path.

This makes sense right,

Wise communication,

Wise effort,

Wise livelihood because these are the ethical elements of the path and this is really about ethics.

And so they provide that gentle reminder to check in and they're there to remind us also that we care about other people you know we know we're connected we know we're responsible for one another and we want to be our best.

So I thought it might be interesting to examine heary and otapah in the context of work and specifically choosing clients and projects or choosing how much work to do and even choosing the field of law we go into.

And of course starting with that some of us have much more choice than others.

So for example students some of my students with big loans they they don't feel like they have a choice other than to go for the highest possible salary or they might have families or extended families who are counting on them financially or they might have a drive to create wealth or they might come from a community that has very little intergenerational wealth and want to begin creating that.

And that's the same for those of us who are already working whether we're at the beginning or the middle or the end of our career we might not feel like we have a great deal of choice about our clients or the projects we work on or how much work we do and we too might have concerns about money,

Prestige,

Size of our book of business,

Things like that.

A kind of a sense that any rain is good rain which I keep telling myself as it seems like it's never going to stop raining here in California.

One of my classmates my law school classmates is on Donald Trump's criminal defense team in Georgia and I'm pretty sure at this point in his career he can have his choice of criminal defendants so yeah everybody has their reasons for the clients and the projects that they take on.

Shame and dread they operate whether we feel like we have that choice or we don't if we start paying attention to them right.

So I feel like they they are what can illuminate the suffering we feel when we're doing work we either don't believe in but feel we have no choice but to do or do believe in but feel like we have no choice but to run ourselves ragged doing more of you know because we feel that there will never be enough time or enough hands on deck to do everything that needs to be done.

So they illuminate the suffering if we pay attention to them and they're there right before anything happens.

Last week's wake-up call was about Hiri and Otepa in the context of wise communication so today inside this examination of choice let's look at them specifically in terms of wise action and wise livelihood.

Wise action three parts do no harm take nothing not freely offered don't misuse sexuality.

Wise livelihood also three parts don't deal in intoxicants don't deal in poisons do no harm.

So since do no harm is part of both there are five parts all together that we can apply in looking at this question this conundrum of you know taking work doing work do no harm take nothing not freely offered don't misuse sexuality don't deal in intoxicants don't deal in poisons and by the way these five parts these five elements they're fundamental to mindful living and they're fundamental to mindful lawyering but they're not commandments.

In other words they don't want strict interpretation.

Non-harming is an aspiration and relates to the world and the law and the law as we live in it today.

Not taking anything not freely offered is an aspiration and and we have to contextualize it so we're not taking it literally as it was originally intended in a monastic context of you know don't own anything eat nothing that isn't placed in your in your begging bowl and the same with the other three don't misuse sexuality don't deal in intoxicants don't deal in poisons they're aspirational and we need to contextualize.

So here it gives us a sense when we're paying attention that we might cause harm if we say yes to a client or project or to taking on one more case and the harm that we want to look at is harm to the client harm to ourselves harm to someone else harm to our community harm to the earth and then it's a really multifaceted perspective right it can take a bunch of forms it can be physical harm it can be emotional harm it can be spiritual harm right and it can manifest in different ways.

So it can manifest through a kind of hatred which is that big bucket that includes things like exasperation or disdain or impatience or disgust all of the aversive states.

It can manifest as bias any kind of bias identity-based bias but any kind of bias.

It can manifest as oppression and we may not even realize we're part of that.

Some of the real estate developers I represented early in my career you know they would explain a project and I'd have that sense right away that I would be ashamed to talk about it with my friends right.

Heery or I would dread seeing how the project might roll out and harm a neighborhood Otepah.

If I'd been awake to Heery and Otepah I mean I'm remembering this if I'd been awake to it at the time I'd have been able to see that accepting the work wasn't wise action it wasn't wise livelihood to do the work and I'd like to think I would have turned it down but I was young raising a family single mom can't say I don't know and I feel I feel some shame now remembering that and some remorse which raises the question you know what do we do when we've blown by Heery and Otepah and so more on that sometime soon.

Maybe you have your own examples of being aware of or not being aware of Heery and Otepah around non-harming things you did or didn't do or that you got a hit of I don't think so and then either did it or didn't go ahead anyway and if you went ahead anyway you know the investigation is was the harm to others to the community to yourself to the earth just to look at this just notice and be super kind to yourself you know this is the courage and grace element of of mindfulness paying attention with courage and grace and also knowing that in that moment and here's where the forgiveness part really has to come in you were always doing your best and I have to do that too is look back and know that I was doing my best using the tools and practices that were available to me then and you were using the tools and practices that were available to you then and if you didn't go ahead can you can you feel that bliss of blamelessness right that oh you know what I was aligned pretty much most of the time I was aligned or I am aligned now right and then also just everybody noticing of comparing mind is arising right now and this assumption that everybody else on the wake-up call or in the world is noticing and not going ahead and that you have you know which is definitely not going to be true.

So the other four elements of wise action and wise livelihood not taking anything not freely offered not misusing sexuality not dealing in intoxicants not dealing in poisons you know maybe explore this week how you know those gentle M's of Hiri and Otepa can work in connection with moments when the opportunity arises to misuse sexuality or to take something that isn't freely offered or to deal in intoxicants and there are many and we'll talk about that or to deal in poisons again plenty and then we'll unpack those we'll unpack those next time.

Okay so let's let's sit.

So finding a comfortable posture something that is supportive of your practice seated or standing or walking or lying down but awake alert attentive and relaxed sensing into the body connecting to the earth connecting to yourself connecting to one another bringing the attention to the breath breath as a an anchor as a home base as a refuge or if breath isn't your refuge then to sound the sound in your environment arising and passing away and maybe one thing you can explore right now if it's true for you is that there is no shame or dread right now you know having chose to take just a few moments here together in community to meditate pay attention that there is that that choice is blameless that choice is a good choice always a good choice sometimes these tools for for us as lawyers with our highly trained reactive minds we might be looking for what's wrong and maybe if you look now there isn't anything wrong with the choice to sit and if that's true for you and you're finding yourself in a blameless moment right now a blissfully blameless moment right now then maybe you know sensing into that joy and if the wandering mind has captivated you just letting go of any thoughts plans concerns and coming back to the breath for just the last minute of our sit together as i work with hiri and otta pamura i can sometimes even catch that moment when the mind in meditation decides to slide away and entertain itself as my dear friend and teacher robert chunder says and and i know that that's not i'm not meditating right and so there's that sense of nope and coming back thanks everyone for being on the wake-up call today it's really nice to see you take good care have a good thursday have a good weekend be safe see you next thursday