Ethics In Uncommonly Difficult Times

Pretty difficult moment, and here we are on the 4th of July. How many more of these will we celebrate?

But that’s not so much my question. My question is more about how I can do my best to be kind and to provide whatever benefit I can in a divided world. And also about how I can bring kindness to myself when I fail.

Happy Independence Day tomorrow. See you on today’s Wake Up Call, and stay safe out there.

Transcript

Morning everyone.

Afternoon.

Evening.

So,

Hey everybody.

Good to see you.

It's Judy Cohen.

This is Wake Up Call 494.

And we've been happy almost fourth of July.

We've been looking at the three trainings of Dana,

Or generosity,

Sila,

Or ethics,

And Bhavana.

We haven't gotten there yet,

Or concentration.

And,

So,

Hold on,

I had to make myself a little note there.

So a little bit about Sila,

More about Sila today.

And then,

I'm out again for another few weeks,

So I'm headed out to the Metta retreat at Spirit Rock.

Maybe I'll see some of you there.

And then the Mindfulness and Law Society conference and retreat,

Which is July 22 through 24,

And the Thursday of that,

I'll be at,

We will all be at Spirit Rock.

And so I'll be giving a talk there,

So instead of the Wake Up Call,

Maybe you'll come,

And then we'll be together in person.

And I'll put the link to the conference in the chat,

In case you haven't had a chance to register yet.

Hope you all have a chance to do that.

Okay,

So last week I was talking about Sila in terms of the ways we communicate and the ways we take action with others or in relationship to others.

And how the invitation is to investigate whether we're being beneficial and kind and connected and truthful and not causing harm.

And how,

To me,

Anyway,

It feels really good to do that,

Right?

In the same way that being generous,

Or Dana,

The first of the three trainings feels good,

Just feels good to do it.

So that's Sila,

I mean,

We talked about a lot of things,

But in communication and in action.

But then there's also Sila in relationship to work.

And,

Of course,

They aren't separate,

Right?

Because when we're working,

In particular,

As lawyers or in the classroom,

Where we're often communicating,

We're often taking action.

So these three kinds of ethics are interconnected.

But with wise livelihood or wise work or mindful work,

There's also an invitation to investigate whether our work is itself in alignment with non-harming and offering benefit to the world or is in service of healing the world and caring for others.

And there are even some specific prohibitions like not dealing in intoxicants or poisons or weapons or humans.

And I guess I would say,

Like,

On a personal level,

I look at the work I did as a practicing lawyer,

And I would say it was neutral at best.

It was real estate,

And hopefully some of it was beneficial.

Some housing got built.

Quite a bit of wealth got built,

Which isn't prohibited by the teachings,

As long as those who have it keep to the path.

And I think even some goodwill was built.

And then I think,

Well,

There were no intoxicants involved.

But then I think about all those boozy closing dinners.

And then I think there were no poisons,

Per se.

And then I think about all the materials that went into the earth to build those buildings or all of those leases.

And now what are those tenants doing to the earth?

Or the humans who did all the work of building and manufacturing in the ways that they maybe were exploited.

So I can't really say that it was completely in alignment with mindful work.

And then,

You know,

There's the investigation into the work of the law and non-harming on a systemic level,

Right?

In my day,

In my field,

The sexism that was ubiquitous in my field.

And then the racism and the xenophobia and the ableism and the classism,

You know,

So much bias and prejudice and harm.

And a great deal of it was unconscious,

I'm sure.

And maybe I enabled some of it,

Probably participated in some of it.

I'd like to think I don't do that as much anymore.

But who knows,

You know,

Even working in the mindfulness in law world,

I slip up and make mistakes and cause harm.

And at the same time,

I know that there are plenty of you here on the call or listening or watching elsewhere some other time,

Whose work is truly aligned with healing the world,

Right?

Those of you who are working to keep people safe,

To untangle really difficult situations,

To take care of others,

To take care of the earth,

Right?

There are lots of paths that are what I guess I would say more purely wise,

Purely ethical in the law.

And I'm so grateful to all of you who are on those paths and are doing that work.

And I would also say that even those of us who are doing the most purely beneficial work on the wisest paths,

On the most ethical paths,

Still work in an adversary system and in a world that sometimes feels like one big adversary system.

So the systemic situation,

The world,

I think it makes it more difficult,

Right?

And sometimes it's almost like it's an uphill battle.

Because I'm not going to say it's a Sisyphean task,

But it feels uncommonly difficult right now,

Right?

Sometimes overwhelmingly difficult.

And at the same time,

There's this bigger picture,

Right?

There have been times in human history when things were much better,

Times in some of our own lives feels like,

Some times in my own life feels like.

But there have also been much,

Much worse times.

And anyway,

We are living in this time,

In this moment,

Right?

So there's no use lamenting the times that we live in.

And I really appreciated Norman Fisher at the last working group when he said,

Everything that's happening is happening and it's a wonderful time to be alive.

And I believe that he really believes that.

And that was helpful to me,

You know,

To borrow that wisdom.

Because look,

No matter how much magical thinking we put into it,

We're not going to change that we're living in this moment,

This uncommonly difficult moment.

And so why not be glad for being alive?

And so for me,

That always means in relationship to wise livelihood and the whole ethical path,

Balancing these two things.

And I'm balancing my desire to do my best.

And to be honest,

There's so much perfectionism built into this human system right here,

This human,

That I often find myself saying my best,

But meaning the best.

Right?

And I know that's not useful.

So I have to watch out for that perfectionism.

But even with that desire to do my best or the best,

I'm also I know I'm going to fail.

Because I'm just one human who's lived through going on 66 years of conditioning and bumping up against that conditioning and bumping up against everything that's happening in the moment,

Every moment,

Every day.

So for sure,

Sometimes I'm going to fail,

I'm going to say something unkind or do something unwise or cause harm.

And I'm not trying to do that.

And I know no one here is trying to do that.

And I might not even see it unless somebody points it out.

But I know it's going to happen.

Because no matter how great our aspiration is to follow or to adhere to really stick to the ethical path,

The path of non harming,

There are just so many ways that I can fail.

And maybe,

Maybe that's true for you too.

And if it is,

And if you also have some of that lawyerly perfectionism running,

Right?

Then I'd say SELA also invites us to be really self compassionate.

Right?

To see and not just pay lip service to,

But to really take in our bodies and our bones,

That we can only do our best full stop.

And that when we fail,

It's okay,

Because it has to be.

Because the alternatives are things like self judgment or disdain or even self hatred,

Which aren't real alternatives,

Right?

Because they themselves are not ethical.

Because they don't track the invitation to be beneficial and kind and connected and truthful and not cause harm to ourselves.

Right?

And so this is something I always need to remember.

And that maybe,

Maybe a lot of us need to remember that SELA isn't just about other people.

It's also about the way we speak to and act towards and think about ourselves.

So I'll stop my talk and start our meditation with a poem by Rupi Kaur.

Who's a young poet who I love.

If I am the longest relationship of my life.

If I am the longest relationship of my life.

Isn't it time to nurture intimacy and love with the person I lie in bed with each night?

Okay,

So let's sit.

This is a practice of stillness.

So the invitation is to come to stillness.

In whatever posture is available to you.

And stillness of the body.

Let the stillness of the body support the stillness in the mind.

Let the body stop moving.

Just for a few minutes.

And rest.

And let the mind do the same.

And when the mind wanders or worry arises or concern or anything at all,

Anything at all.

Just notice it,

Not a problem.

Not a problem.

Even taking a moment to remind yourself that it's not a problem.

And then let go.

Make it simple.

Just drop this little inquiry into your meditation.

What little dab or big dollop of compassion,

What flavor of compassion do you need right now?

Maybe to be right here in this moment or to walk forward into this Independence Day weekend.

Is it a little more kindness towards yourself?

A little more space for yourself?

Time in nature,

Time in community?

Could be anything.

What would most support you right now in this moment and just walking forward over the next few days?

Moving into the next few days,

You may not be walking.

And can you just promise to give yourself as much of that as you can?

If I am the longest relationship of my life,

Isn't it time to nurture intimacy and love with the person I lie in bed with each night?

Before I sign off,

Everybody,

I just want to let you know that I've gotten messages about one of our really great teachers,

Joanna Macy,

Who is in hospice care right now.

And Joanna has done so much for this community and for the world.

And so maybe you want to put her in your prayers.

Okay,

Everybody,

Love you all.

Be safe out there this weekend.

I won't see you next week.

See you in August,

At the beginning of August.

Or I'll see you at the Mindfulness in Law Society conference at Spirit Rack.