Hey everyone,
It's Judy Cohen and this is Wake Up Call for 29.
So chapter 12 of Pema Chodron's book,
The Places That Scare You,
Is about equanimity.
And if you're a human living in the 21st century,
In a wealthy nation like the U.
S.
,
I think if we all are,
Which we all are,
We can sort of be forgiven for thinking that
it's possible to arrive at equanimity when we finally get the goodies.
Because when I think about when I'm feeling the most equanimous,
It's when I get what
I want.
And it's not only when I get what I want,
But it's when I can feel into some sense of
stability and security around having what I want.
So I want my family to be well and happy.
I want my house to be safe.
I want to eat good food and have time to meditate and do yoga and exercise and be able to offer
the wake-up call and teach at our teacher training in Berkeley and do all the fun things.
When I get all of that,
It feels like my life is in balance,
Or I think it is.
So you can take a minute and think about what it is that you want and that when you have
it or when you finally get it,
It feels like you can finally relax.
It makes you feel like you're stable and content.
And yet,
That sense of stability and contentment.
So that's what I thought equanimity was,
Getting myself to that place and then staying there.
But you know where I'm going with this.
You're probably already shaking your head or smiling because,
You know,
That's not equanimity.
And it took me a long time to understand that.
And I still forget.
I forget to not try to gather everyone in my arms under this misapprehension that if
I can do that and no one moves and nothing changes,
I can keep everyone safe and I can
keep myself safe too.
I forget that wanting everyone to be safe and everything to be pleasant and not wanting
anything to go wrong is not equanimity at all.
And it's not even a recipe for happiness.
It's kind of a recipe for sorrow.
So chapter 12,
Pema calls chapter 12 thinking bigger.
And I think what she means is this gathering of things into our arms is actually a limited
way of thinking about life.
So here's what she articulates as a bigger way.
Equanimity,
She says,
Is bigger than our usual limited perspective.
That we hope to get what we want and fear losing what we have.
This describes our habitual predicament.
The teachings identify eight variations on this tendency to hope and fear.
Pleasure and pain,
Praise and blame,
Gain and loss,
Fame and disgrace.
And some of you might recognize those as something called the vicissitudes or the eight worldly
winds.
And then she continues,
As long as we're caught in one of these extremes,
The potential for
the other is always there.
They just chase each other around.
No lasting happiness comes from being caught in this cycle of attraction and aversion.
We can never get life to work out so that we eliminate everything we fear and end up
with all the goodies.
But if the idea is not to swing from one extreme to the other,
You know,
Longing for pleasure
and praise and gain and fame and swimming as hard as we can away from pain and blame
and loss and disgrace,
Then what are we supposed to do?
What does life look like day to day and moment to moment?
And what does a life in the law look like considering how heavily weighted it is in
favor of pleasure and praise and gain and fame?
And not that a life anywhere else is very different from that.
So Pema offers some useful instructions as always.
And she says,
You know,
Rather than getting swept away,
Notice or be mindful of that moment
when desire arises.
So it's like,
Oh,
I want that win.
I want that client.
I want that matter,
That case.
I want to work with that partner.
I want that judge,
This juror,
You know,
And it's not that we stop wanting things,
You
know,
It's we have to want the right things in order to do our jobs and we have to want
the right things for our families or we're not being good family members.
But when we notice how badly we want something or someone,
When we notice we have a sneaking
or sometimes for me,
It's like a loudly proclaiming feeling that if this thing happens,
Then all will be well.
Then,
If I'm taking Pema's meaning,
Then we stop and we pay attention and we remember
that since nothing is forever and,
You know,
To the contrary,
Impermanence is this immutable
characteristic of life,
Then even if we get what we want,
It won't provide lasting happiness
because the happiness we gain will only be fleeting or,
At best,
Short-lived.
So I know this from so many experiences,
You know,
From thinking I've been fit and then
bumping into the holidays and too many cookies and not enough exercise and then January and
my jeans are too tight.
I know it from wanting to be,
You know,
Top billing at a conference and then not doing
a great job in my presentation.
I know from having been non-suited after opening and,
You know,
Offering an opening statement
right in front of my client.
I know from 20 years ago,
Almost now,
Thinking my family was safe and it all fell apart.
So maybe you can relate to one of those or to some other moment,
Maybe just half an hour
ago or a day ago when you realized you were pinning your happiness on external conditions
and turning away from the possibility of pain.
And we've all been there and this is PEMA's first instruction.
Just remember that.
I'm not the only one who has just been disgraced.
Someone in the next room or the next county has also had that happen to them too.
You know,
We're all in this messy thing called law together and called life together.
And the only way to not get knocked down over and over by the eight worldly winds is to
face them,
To explore each moment of joy for what it is,
Joyful and fleeting,
And each
moment of pain for what it is,
Painful and not forever.
And that's where equanimity lies in the ability and willingness to be in that exploration
every moment of the day.
PEMA puts it this way,
Training in equanimity requires that we leave behind some baggage,
The comfort of rejecting whole parts of our experience and the security of welcoming only
what is pleasant.
So we have to leave behind the rejection of the unpleasant and we have to leave behind
security,
The false security,
I think is what she's saying,
Of welcoming only what's pleasant.
And Gil Fronsdale,
Who's another wonderful teacher,
He talks about this as standing in
the fire of things without getting burned.
So for me,
This is the task as a lawyer and as a human in the world right now,
As a parent,
As a grandparent,
As a friend,
To leave behind the baggage that has me rejecting the parts
of my experience and also the parts of my history that I just simply don't want to see
or remember and to leave behind welcoming only what's pleasant because it's too limiting.
It's really a recipe for imbalance,
Not balance,
For disequilibrium,
Not equanimity.
And really,
It's a recipe for unhappiness instead of happiness.
So better to welcome everything and stand in the fire of it all.
So let's sit.
So finding your posture for today,
Whatever is most supportive for you right now,
Starting maybe with the body in terms of equanimity,
What posture would most support you?
To sit still,
Stillly,
Still?
Stillly,
Quietly,
Without moving.
A lot of times,
I notice that the quieter my body,
The quieter my mind.
Not always.
And then just check in with the body.
Is there quiet?
Is there stillness?
You know,
There may be and there may not be,
And that's fine.
If there's stillness,
Enjoy that.
And if there's restlessness,
Take a look.
Turn towards it.
Oh,
Restlessness is here today.
That's interesting.
Welcome restlessness with loving awareness.
And then bringing the attention to the breath.
And just attending to each breath as it flows in and out of the body.
And maybe there's a quietness in the breath.
And maybe there's a restlessness in the breath.
And then letting go of the breath as a kind of resting place for the attention
and simply noticing what's arising and passing in the field.
So that might be a sensation that arises.
Or that might be a thought that arises.
Or an emotion.
Or a sound.
And as you notice phenomenon arising in this field of awareness,
This field of loving awareness,
That's it.
Can you turn towards each thing and just notice it with loving awareness?
And if there's a sense of,
I want this to be happening,
But I don't want that to be happening.
Why is my mind so busy?
Why is sadness here right now?
That's not useful.
Any of those kinds of moments,
Just turn towards them with loving awareness.
Whatever you notice arising in the field of awareness,
Turn your good heart towards it and welcome it.
Even the unwelcoming mind,
Even the mind that says,
Why is this still happening,
This aversion,
This turning away?
Even that,
Welcome that.
Nothing left out.
Even the wandering mind,
Turn towards that with loving awareness.
And then maybe for the last breath or two,
Coming back to the body as refuge,
The body as object of awareness,
And just taking a couple of breaths here.
And just one more thing about taking this practice out into the world
is that there are things out in the world that your wisdom may say not to welcome.
Don't welcome that.
And just what I try and do is turn towards that part of me
that is not welcoming and see if that's aversion,
In which case maybe I shift,
Or maybe it's wisdom,
In which case I don't turn towards them,
Right?
Okay,
Everybody.
Thank you so much for being here and lovely to see you.
I'll see you next Thursday.
Take care and have a nice Precedence Weekend.
