When it comes to this relationship,
I'd like to get what I want.
I'm hoping to get what I want.
I'm fighting to get what I want.
And yes,
There's a part of me that knows what I'm doing and why I'm doing it,
And that part of me is not okay with this,
But it's not motivating me enough to do something different.
I realize I'm giving my power away because I'm hoping I'll get the love I want.
I think that doing what it takes to get a commitment will be worth it.
And yet,
It's a gamble.
With each day that goes by,
Why is there no commitment?
How long am I willing to wait?
What if this really is going nowhere?
And with each day that goes by,
I'm leaking self-respect.
I'm not gaining anyone else's respect.
And I keep thinking,
Maybe tomorrow,
But I keep digging at this dry well,
Hoping the next dig will spring water.
I'm gambling that there is water,
Because it would be so hard to swallow if there is no water.
It's my choice.
I can keep digging,
Or I can choose to step back,
Climb up,
And get out of this well.
I've made myself available so often,
So much,
And so easily.
Right now,
That has to stop.
I'm moving on.
In health,
In love,
And self-respect.
I'm taking my power back.
I'm taking my life back.
I'm taking my priorities back.
No more being someone else's option.
No more being grateful for any attention.
Self-respect means I am a priority.
Self-respect means I am worthy of commitment.
Self-respect means I am free to be free.
I am now choosing healthy people.
I am now choosing encouraging people.
I am now choosing respectful people.
I am choosing people capable and willing to experience love,
Connection,
Accountability,
And intimacy.
I let go of those who take advantage of me.
I let go of those who take and take and take and keep taking.
I let go of those who have no true intention of reciprocation.
I can start clean again.
I am powerful.
I can overcome my insecurities.
I am powerful.
I can break through my unmet longings.
I am powerful.
I can see a bigger and better picture than what I'm living right now.
I live with self-respect.
I live valuing my time,
My money,
My emotions.
I live believing there is more to life than this.
I respect the person I am inside.
My movements aren't controlled by anyone but me.
I define me.
And I'm done being someone that I'm not.
I'm done trying so hard to fill the hole inside me.
This isn't working.
And I accept this.
I accept the pain that goes along with this.
Because growing pains are part of moving out from where I'm at into where I want to be.
My future starts with today.
I can and will deal with loneliness.
I can and will deal with wondering if anyone will ever want me.
I can and will deal with what will life be like now.
Because self-respect will win the day.
Self-respect will win the moment.
Self-respect will win the battle.
I am me.
I am human.
And this is hard.
But living without self-respect is suffering.
And I'm no longer suffering.
I am making myself a priority.
And the truth is,
I am the longest commitment in my life.
And I'm making the choice to be the strongest commitment in my life.
I value myself more than ever before.
I prioritize myself.
More than ever before.
I respect myself more than I ever have in my life.
I'm not turning a blind eye to the ways I've been disrespected.
I respect myself.
I am now totally respecting myself.
And the future me thanks me and hugs me.
