Release Negatives: Stoic Attachment Guide

In this guided reflection, we look at the Stoic technique of "object deconstruction," which can help us to see our cravings and attachments in a more objective, rational way, and therefore reduce the delusory framing we put around them.

Transcript

The Stoics saw our attachment to possessions as following this simple logic.

If something makes us feel good or benefits us in some way,

We put that thing on a pedestal.

When we put things on pedestals,

It's quite natural to become attached.

And when we are attached,

Our emotional well-being becomes linked to something beyond ourselves.

As a result,

We suffer due to our fear of losing that thing or suffer from actually losing that thing.

We very often delude ourselves about the true value of things and thus waste time and energy on dead-end pursuits.

To free ourselves from this deluded attachment and ultimately suffering,

We can practice clear seeing of our attachments and our relationship to them.

This will break the spell and liberate us.

To practice,

We train the mind gradually.

We start with small things and we work our way up to the things we care most about in life.

The technique can be summarized as follows.

We break down the object of our attachment into simple elemental parts,

Free of pedestal and positive framing.

Let me give you some examples of this type of object deconstruction so you can better do it on your own attachments.

Coffee.

The attached mind might think something along the lines of flat whites are heavenly.

Expertly crafted,

Steamed milk poured over two shots of the finest beans and finished with delicate Rosetta art.

If a Stoic recognized this attachment in themselves,

They might break the object down and instead describe it as follows.

I am fond of a drink consisting of water,

Milk and caffeinated beans.

Sex.

An attached,

Lustful mind might say something like this person is divinity.

They are so beautiful and exquisite.

If I could just have them,

My life would be complete in every way.

A Stoic mind might recognize this attachment and say I am fond of fantasizing about rubbing my body against another person's body.

If someone is attached to their house,

They might think of it like I love my home.

The theme in each room is unique and the decoration is jaw dropping.

A Stoic might reframe this as I am fond of a concrete building filled with different materials but mostly consisting of empty space.

You can have a lot of fun and be as creative as you like when you do this kind of object deconstruction.

Let's take a moment now to practice and try to enjoy this process.

This is a really powerful technique but it doesn't need to be a chore.

You can enjoy it.

Bring to mind something for which you feel attached.

Attachments can come in many forms.

Habits,

People,

Items,

Ideas,

Experiences,

Possessions.

Anything that provides craving or desire.

Now ask yourself what would someone who is very attached to this describe it as?

Someone more attached than you.

What would they describe it as?

And now go the other way.

What is this thing made of?

What are the basic elements?

Describe it in plain language.

Deconstruct it all.

It doesn't matter if this sounds a bit silly or unusual.

When you think of it,

That's kind of the point.

We are trying to see this thing with a neutral mind without any of the positive framing we ordinarily put around it.

Now contemplate this.

Do you think there are people in this world who are alive right now who wouldn't be attached to this thing that you are attached to?

If so,

Try and get in their head.

Imagine what they are perceiving and experiencing when they are looking at this thing you are attached to.

What are they seeing that you aren't?

Now go a step further and imagine an alien scientist investigating this thing.

How would they write about it in their textbooks?

They are not even human.

These types of questions you can ask yourself whenever you feel attached or a sense of craving about something.

Or you can revisit this guided Stoic meditation.

Both are absolutely fine.

Remember that the point of this exercise is to see that our view of things,

Especially when we are attached,

Isn't completely objective and factual.

It's just to keep remembering that.

As a practicing Stoic,

It is okay to enjoy life to the fullest extent possible,

But the goal is to not get so swept away in our strong emotions and passions that we lose touch with reality.

When we watch a movie,

For example,

We can be both lost in the story,

Enjoying it fully,

But also able to realize in any given moment that it is fiction and that there is a limit to how much we should reasonably be swept up in it.

We might cry even at the end of the movie,

But we probably won't let the movie negatively impact our life for months afterward.

That would feel too extreme.

It doesn't make sense.

It's going too far.

Life has this similar kind of quality to it.

We are projecting onto life our own movie,

Our own storyline that isn't completely accurate.

It's okay to indulge in joy and luxury and the spectrum of emotions,

Providing we don't lose touch of the true nature of what is going on.

And how do we stay in touch with the true nature of what's going on?

We check in with ourselves with exercises like this,

With reason and rational thinking and tranquility and calmness.

Thank you for listening to the Stoic Handbook Meditations.

I'll see you in the next session.

Reviews

Actually really helpful. I just stumbled upon it today and it really helped a lot

A good meditation for keeping things in perspective

Thought provoking, ty ❤️

This exercise was so effective!! I appreciate your guidance & follow up questions, which were incredibly helpful for me. Thank you! 🙏🏻

This helps me. Thank you.

Nice simple practice for gaining useful perspective. I find stoic perspective talks& readings far more clear & to the point than many other philosophical readings that tend to be too cryptic and esoteric.

Thank you Jon for a very important lesson which we mortal souls need to listen, learn and act from the Stoic handbook notes. It is a very clever technique to employ to disengage from painful emotional experiences. Non-attachment living is vitally important to our souls so is being nonjudgmental🙏🏻🕊️💚🌻🌅

I was feeling withdrawals for a toxic ex and this really helped me reframe things so that the pathological longing didn’t have so much power anymore.

I love this no nonsense approach to releasing attachment

Súper helpful thanks

Nice to have some guidance for breaking attachments. Thank you!

Excellent practice - so helpful!

This was excellent! I really needed to hear this. Thank you so much.

Really good 👍

Interesting practice

Mind blowing and humbling to dissect my attachments so simply and honestly. Thank you!

❤️❤️

Good exercise. Especially the alien perspective - definitely something that needs practice. Thank you

Useful steps to stay in reality, not get caught up in stories. Thanks Jon Brooks.

Thank you for sharing 🙏