Talk: When We Lose Our Way

What do we do when we feel like we have lost our way with our practice?
In this talk, given at an open class, John discusses how as our practice of living in spacious awareness deepens, there can be times when we will feel like we've lost our sacred connection or purpose, what can we do then?

Transcript

I think my thought is something about losing it and coming back to it and trusting that that will happen.

Yeah.

And just that's,

This is feedback about my experience.

And not getting discouraged because sometimes it all goes to hell in one way.

Well usually I do sit and do something but what it feels like varies.

And just kind of keeping a big enough view that things meander and you kind of come back to something again and again and again.

If that makes any sense.

I have a history of getting very discouraged if things are not easy.

So it's something about.

.

.

There's so many ways to look at that.

Something I've been,

I don't know if I talked about this last week or not,

I say my memory is kind of quite bizarre in the last few months.

I kind of,

Yeah,

Things seem to arise.

I kind of,

Last week I was talking about downloads.

I get these kind of downloads happen.

And something that's kind of been there around this sort of thing.

This thing about losing sense of things.

Well there's the process of what actually happens.

That's kind of what's coming to me now.

And the thing is trying to explain it to the mind doesn't help us come back to truth.

But there is something to be said for at least seeing it in that way.

But basically what the mind's function is,

Or one of the mind's functions is.

Is to create what it likes to do when matched with ego and emotion.

Is to create mind objects.

Things that we believe in.

And it's very,

If you just observe other people it's really easy to see mind objects.

Kind of being created.

Belief happens in those things.

Forces marshal around that to kind of convince you to believe in their argument and stuff like that.

Think of any politician for example.

Every structure that we have,

Societally,

Is a mind object.

We just societally agree to believe in these things.

We believe in money for example.

And yet there is none.

There is none.

There's some electricity in a machine that says there's money.

And yet we conduct all this movement on the basis of belief in a global mind object.

People get killed for it.

Wars are fought for it.

I'm not saying it's anything as extreme as that,

But the mind can create such things.

Our identity is another mind object on a personal level.

The person that we think we are is a collection of mind objects and this thing that we might call feeling.

Through our conditionality and time we've come to believe in it.

And very often when people say I,

I am losing it or I have lost the feeling of it and things like that,

It's because our identity has shifted more to the identity,

The created identity,

Rather than the spacious identity.

And yet that's bound to happen and there's nothing to worry about.

Because if you have had even the smallest taste of what's true inside you,

Then you're never going to forget that on the most fundamental level.

And you will find a way,

Life will find a way.

Unfortunately,

The way that it usually finds is that it's not going to be the way it usually finds.

The way that it usually finds,

If we kind of go into more unconsciousness,

And by more unconsciousness I mean stronger identification with the mind object of our identity,

Then the way that life tries to knock on the door is through suffering.

And it does that until we actually learn that we don't need to suffer anymore.

And then we can kind of come out of that.

Because we don't have to actually.

It's like the difference between reacting and responding,

I suppose.

It's as subtle as that really.

Mind objects cause reaction and spaciousness allows for response.

And so the more we respond from our truest identity,

The more beautiful life is,

Really.

It's not that things get easy.

The body is going to age and die and people will leave through all sorts of things.

But we won't be victim to it.

We'll actually understand what's really there.

We'll see the space in things because we know the space in ourselves.

So I think taking a time-based approach,

Because our first meditation this evening was almost to try and,

Not try to,

But just kind of let go of the day.

When we've had a big day,

Whatever kind of day we've had,

Then there's thoughts of tomorrow and what the day's been like.

So we futureise or we're in the past or whatever.

And it's only in present and presence that we can have that spaciousness.

Which doesn't mean that we can't make simple plans.

Tomorrow I will turn up at work and these are the things I will do.

It doesn't mean we can't do those things.

But we do it presence,

Presence,

Presence,

Presence,

Presence,

Rather than being already there and worrying about it or whatever.

But what seems to happen,

Which is beautifully encouraging,

Is that the more we recognise that spaciousness in ourselves,

The more trust we begin to have in it.

And it's odd because it's always the wrong way around,

Isn't it?

The mind is not the thing that we need to get to trust.

It's just more recognition in a way.

But then when we feel the confidence and the beauty that comes from being in truth,

Then we perhaps let go of mind objects a bit more and we begin to actually see them for what they are.

I think that's more truthful,

Actually that's more pointing to something.

I don't know if that means anything sensible because everything is just trying to point at something.

But you begin to rest on the earth,

You begin to be in the moment more.

And then of course things will pull you out depending on your proclivities and the things that you strongly identified with in your life.

And so those will have a kind of a greater hold maybe for a longer time.

But if we just,

You know,

They say in Zen,

Just the act of sitting is enlightenment itself.

And I think it is just that,

It's just keep turning back up.

But what is lovely,

You know,

With what you're saying is that something in you knows just to keep doing that.

It's not about trying harder or sitting more or I'm really going to meditate this weekend.

You know,

It's not packing it in.

It's just simply turning up.

You know,

We're very lucky in that it's nothing to achieve,

There's nothing hard to achieve.

It seems like it when we're absolutely trapped in mind objectification perhaps or identity,

Identification with objects or emotional objects too.

But it's right here already.

So the sense of that,

You know,

The two or three methods that we use,

Which look like techniques but they're not really,

They're kind of either tuning into the silence behind the senses or one particular sense or it's really interesting,

I don't know if you had an experience in the first meditation of when you genuinely allow yourself to kind of be aware of the life in you,

You can actually sense that that arises from a kind of spacious place.

And just resting with that,

Which doesn't mean kind of you can't do anything.

It's just doing that or being that in all things will cause great changes.

Claire and I were just talking actually.

I actually did a bit of journaling for myself before you came in because I've not had a chance to sit with my journal for a few days.

So I've been making kind of these notes that I've been trying to get down.

I won't read what I've written,

But it's almost like in our kind of daily lives,

If we allow kind of,

The word I've written down is channel,

Which is quite a strange thing.

But if we kind of,

If we bring,

Like say our work,

If we bring presence to our work,

If we bring this sense of being in spaciousness to our work and notice everything in our work that kind of brings us out of our spaciousness,

Then rather than trying to change the job,

It's just noticing what has taken you out and brought you back to identification with kind of being a person or a particular kind of person or something.

And then just kind of attending to presence again,

Attending to the inner body or attending to the silence.

What seems to happen is that the kind of the channels that we live through become kind of irrigated by this,

I want to use the word God actually.

I haven't got another word,

But I know it has all sorts of connotations.

Irrigated by silence,

Irrigated by beauty,

By love,

By truth.

And things change,

Things get cleaned out and change.

You know,

There are all sorts of side effects to that.

You know,

You could use the word abundance in a way,

Kind of there seems to be an abundance of things.

Things start happening and changing.

And so at first it can seem very much like we're trying to just establish a practice or something to almost like get away from the stuff that's uncomfortable.

But then the stuff that's uncomfortable becomes the practice because we actually,

Oh,

Look,

Something that's really sticky and icky and it's pulling me out.

Fantastic.

How do I come back in this?

And of course you just come back.

There's no you to do anything.

There's that first truth of yourself.

But it does swing.

It does swing.

And it does for everybody.

There's a sense of I've got it,

I'm having a lovely life,

Things are fantastic.

And then,

Oh,

It's gone.

It's gone.

What am I going to do now?

And I'll just kind of,

I'll trudge along.

And that's only because we've actually identified very strongly with something that we think is the truth.

That feeling of not being in presence is what we're identifying with.

And of course you can't take the mind and make it undo.

But as soon as you notice it and you're honest with yourself,

Oh,

Look at that.

I've attached to a very painful mind object and now I'm suffering.

And I'm just feeling a kind of reduction of space and I feel very isolated by that.

The second you've named it,

You're no longer in it.

Rumpelstiltskin.

Always Rumpelstiltskin.

And then it's just,

OK,

Self-care,

Self-love.

Let's hit that cushion.

Let's call some friends up or something.

Maybe sit together or let's do a guided practice or do some yoga nidra or go for a run or a swim or a walk in the woods.

And it'll start coming back.

I wrote something down.

I know we should meditate in a second.

Just two words I wrote down today,

Which is just and this fits in actually with what we're talking about.

I think the sense of.

I was feeding somebody's cat the other day in their house because they were away.

And a book winked at me off their shelf.

My books tend to wink at me off people's shelves.

I was kind of looking through the books in somebody else's house.

It's better than the knicker draw anyway,

Isn't it?

There's a Raymond Carver story about somebody.

Anyway,

Never mind.

We call Neighbours.

It's wonderful.

I think it's in Cathedral.

Or what do we talk about when we talk about love?

Either one of those two collections.

Absolutely glorious story called Neighbours.

About these people who go away and the people that they've asked to look after their house.

Just beautiful thing it is.

Yeah,

I was just looking in this book and I just opened this page and these two words were staring at me just like that.

Basic goodness.

Basic goodness.

And I think maybe we worry too much about,

You know,

There's big words hanging over us if we're doing this stuff.

Meditating,

Spiritual path,

Whatever you want to call it.

There's terrible words like enlightenment and truth and things like that.

And actually,

Identification with objects,

Mind objects and things,

You know,

Largely takes us away from our basic goodness,

It seems,

Because we believe in something and then we have to convince others of it.

And coming back to spaciousness allows just the basic goodness of who we are to be.

And I think that would be enough,

Really.

And I think that's really what meditation is for.

And that's what we're doing.

So if you have a sense of that basic goodness,

That's not got any mind stuff going on in it,

Then that's really a good path.

A good thing to kind of go for.

Forget enlightenment.

What's the book?

It was called Yoga from the Inside.

It was about using yoga in a way to kind of de-ossify your life,

Basically.

And it said it much better than I'm saying it right now,

I think.

Yeah,

I can't remember who wrote it.

Yeah,

Yoga from the Inside.

But it was just about that,

About how as we attend to our practice,

Just turn up on the mat,

As they say in Zen,

Turn up on your cushion.

And slowly,

The basic goodness kind of just,

It's not that we have to create it,

It's just that it's already there.

Reviews

Fabulous

Good discussion. But that bell!!

Thank you. So beautifully said.

Great reminder to keep it simple. Thanks! For some reason the chimes were very loud and piercing on my phone though.

Beautiful simple yet powerful guidance 🙏🏻🦋❤️

Bless You John Siddique

Again, loving these insights! Am getting aha!-moments often when I listen to your recordings, no matter if its poetry, meditation or speech, there really is so much to one to really start think about and analyze if havent yet. And by analyze I mean just taking a new perspective on something, because that’s what’s you’ve given me; new perspectives. Even about things I already agree with you, and most of them I do, still! I really love your point of views.
Thank you for sharing, I keep on listening and coming back to these for sure. Namaste 🙏⭐️

Wonderful thank you

proclivities...deossify..your meditations wink at me - good stuff

Confused me at first but then gained remarkable clarity and meaning

Thank you! ♥️🙏🏻

Nice John...I appreciate your words. Christina Sells is the author, thanks for sharing👍💛☯

What awsome words to use for the question that was asked! NICE😇

Very helpful talk about the workings of the mind and what you can do to just go on... I loved the "basic goodness" part and also the relations of mind objects - reactions compared to spaciousness -response. Thank you!

It's nice to know you can always come back to your practice.

I like the reminder "to just turn up on your cushion", because there are times when I feel nothing is "happening" and I get into the "meditate harder" mode. This talk gave me very good insight. Thank you for sharing.