Thanks for joining me here.
I'm Joanna,
A systemic therapist who spent almost 20 years exploring how our families quietly shape the way we love and argue and all the ways we show up in relationship.
In today's meditation,
I will guide you to gently explore your relationship blueprint so you can begin to respond from who you are now instead of what happened back then.
Let's begin by finding a position that feels supported and comfortable for you.
You might be sitting with your back resting against something solid or lying down,
Allowing your whole body to be held,
Gently closing your eyes,
Moving your attention inward.
Let your next breath be just a little slower than the one before,
Allowing your exhale to be a small signal to your body,
A signal that says you can rest now.
You do not need to hold it all together in this moment.
Notice that you're supported,
Feeling that support underneath you that can hold you while you listen.
If your mind is busy,
That's completely natural.
Each time you notice that you've drifted into thought,
Simply invite your attention back to your body,
Back to your breath,
Over and over if needed.
This is a practice for listening to yourself,
Tuning in and noticing what you really need in this moment,
Bringing your awareness gently to your heart space,
The center of your chest.
Perhaps you sense movement there,
Maybe emotions that have built up,
Maybe in this moment a sense of numbness.
Placing a hand over your heart,
If that feels comfortable,
And one over your belly,
As you feel the warmth and support of your own touch,
Feeling your breath move between your hands.
As you rest here,
Let's explore your relationship blueprint as the set of quiet instructions you absorbed about love long before you had words for any of it.
It lives in the way your body responds when someone pulls away,
In the way you react when voices get louder,
In what you expect partners to do or won't do,
In the places where you might not speak up because you don't want to rock the boat,
Or in the places where you feel like you have to fight to be heard.
Taking a breath as we explore a sense of understanding.
Gently bringing to mind a pattern in your current or recent relationship that has been difficult for you.
Maybe you feel like you give more than you receive,
Or you pull away and shut down when things get tense,
Or you go after your partner when they need space,
Or you stay silent when they really want to talk it out.
Maybe you have the habit of making up stories about the other when they disappear or can't seem to give you what you need.
There's no need to choose the biggest or most painful pattern.
Let's bring awareness to the one that softly floats to the surface.
There's no need to judge yourself.
We're only here to understand.
Notice how your body feels as you explore this pattern.
Is there a tightness in your chest?
Maybe a heaviness in your stomach?
A subtle pressure in your throat?
Where does your relationship blueprint live in your body right now?
Let your awareness rest here.
Breathe directly into that place.
On the inhale,
Imagine your breath creating a little bit more space inside.
And then on the exhale,
Imagine that you can soften around the feeling,
Even just a little bit,
Bringing your attention to the family you grew up in,
The home where you first learned what love looked like,
How people spoke to each other,
How they shared affection,
Or maybe didn't at all,
How they handled conflict or distance and repair.
You might not see any clear images.
You might simply sense an atmosphere,
A mood in the house,
Or a tone in the air.
Allow any memory or feeling to arise.
It might be a single moment at the dinner table,
Or maybe a slammed door,
A parent that looked away when you really needed the steady comfort of their gaze,
A conversation you overheard,
Or a silence that said everything.
Notice how this pattern you hold today might have made sense from the home you grew up in.
If you learned that speaking up led to conflict,
Maybe you've chosen to stay quiet,
Doing what you can to keep the peace.
If you received praise when you were generous,
Maybe that's the roots of where you learned to carry more than your share.
If you learned that love could leave suddenly,
Your body is aware of the smallest clues that keep you on high alert.
Just allowing yourself a moment to take a breath into any insights here,
To really acknowledge this is how my blueprint began.
You didn't choose any of these early instructions.
You adapted to them.
Now imagine that in front of you is a large sheet of paper or a glowing screen.
On it is the drawing of your relationship blueprint as you have lived it up until now.
You might see lines that show how close you let people come and where you tend to pull away.
You might see repeated loops that say this is where it always goes in circles.
This is where I can't count on them.
You don't have to study every detail.
Just know that this blueprint has been there for a long time.
It was there before you even had words for it.
Next,
Imagine that you have a pen or a paintbrush in your hand.
None of us can erase the past,
But we can add something new.
Even if these patterns were imprinted back then,
I'm free to respond from who I am now.
What is one way I would like this blueprint to shift from today forward?
Taking your time as you explore what is most true for you.
Just relax as you listen to see if you align with any of these.
I stay present when I feel like running away and I take at least one conscious breath before responding.
I soften my inner voice when I make a mistake and I speak to myself with kindness.
I notice when I start to collapse into old roles and gently choose a more authentic response.
I pause before I overgive and gently ask myself what I need.
I say no when something doesn't feel right,
Even if it disappoints someone I love.
I share my needs in simple,
Honest sentences instead of hinting and hoping the other will guess.
I let joy be safe in my body and I stop shrinking my happiness to make others more comfortable.
I notice when I start taking responsibility for everyone's emotions and gently hand that weight back.
Picture yourself adding any of these new insights to your blueprint.
A path that leads you towards a different choice,
A new response in the moment,
One that is outside of your patterned ways.
Even though I was imprinted with these patterns,
I can choose a new response now.
Remember that blueprints are not fixed forever.
They can be updated,
Usually not in one dramatic moment,
But through many small choices where you stay present and respond from today instead of somewhere long ago.
Taking three slow,
Nourishing breaths here.
The first breath invites in gentleness for yourself.
The second breath invites in clarity for your next choice in love,
How you might respond in a new way.
And when you're ready,
That third breath invites in courage to keep listening to your body and your heart as you update your relationship blueprint one awareness at a time.
Know that you can return to this practice whenever an old pattern appears.
Each time you pause,
Each time you breathe and remember where your blueprint began,
You can create a little more room for something new.
