"Antidote For Comparison - Metta For Comparing Mind"

Comparison is such a common mental activity that we oftentimes do it without even realizing. This is a 6-Minute Discussion on comparison, how it deludes and clouds our conception of others and reality. It is followed by a 10-minute guided meditation on Metta, or Lovingkindness specific to comparison. This is a practice to bridge the gap of perceived separateness and illusory thinking and to recognize the shared struggles that are indicative of every human journey.

Transcript

Thank you for joining me today.

For a few minutes I'll be discussing comparison and the idea of breaking down comparisons with the practice of metta or loving-kindness.

Immediately following,

I'll lead about a 10-minute meditation to explore our comparing mind and implement the practice of loving-kindness.

We all have them in our lives.

People who seem perfect from our vantage point.

That friend who's so attractive they seem to captivate every person in the room with their beauty.

The one with a ton of wealth but seemingly not a care in the world.

The person with the coolest job,

The nicest home,

The best style,

The most magnetic personality.

That person is so intelligent,

So creative,

So musically gifted or athletic.

That person in your life with a personality so charismatic,

Energetic,

And effervescent that it inspires nearly everyone around them.

I'm sure your mind lights up with examples of people in your life who represent all of these varying qualities.

At our best,

We might perceive these people through a lens of appreciation,

Inspiration,

And goodwill.

At our worst,

Our perception of them may be colored by jealousy,

Covetousness,

Or ill will.

On the other hand,

Most of us can easily recall a person in our life with whom we have difficulty or simply somebody with whom we don't see eye-to-eye.

Perhaps it's a classmate or a co-worker who seems a bit overly opinionated.

A sibling who is abrasive and obstinate.

Or maybe it's a boss who we perceive overlooks our effort in favor of a colleague we deem to produce inferior work.

The Buddha said if you believe you're better,

Worse,

Or the same as anyone else,

This is deluded thinking or wrong view.

When we compare ourselves in a way where we say I'm better,

They're better,

Or I'm as good as this other person,

It deceives us into thinking that we know more than we do.

Both about this other person's journey as well as our own.

There's a Ram Dass quote where he simply says don't compare your path with anyone else's.

Your path is unique to you.

Because of the stories we may tell ourselves about these other people,

These idyllic storylines we may hold subconsciously,

Of their perfection,

Life ease,

And unmatched qualities that we'll never measure up to,

We oftentimes forget that these people are just that.

People.

People who,

Just like us,

Will experience aging,

Decline,

Loss,

Confusion,

Disappointment,

Heartache,

Sickness,

And death.

The same goes for those folks who we have a difficult time to look at through accepting and compassionate eyes.

Teddy Roosevelt is attributed with a phrase I often use with my son who tends to measure his success against his peers in the classroom or on the sports field.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

Comparison is such a common activity each of us partakes in throughout our lives from the time we're children and into adulthood for most people.

Oftentimes we compare without any conscious thought.

These feelings elicited by comparison are exacerbated by the phenomenon of social media and the proclivity of people to highlight the best of their lives while conveniently hiding their trials,

Tribulations,

Fears,

And insecurities.

The deification of celebrities and their lavish lifestyles understandably leave many people with a feeling of lack in comparison.

As Ram Dass mentioned,

Until we're unencumbered by our ideas of how others view us,

We can never truly be free.

I think our path to freedom must go a step further than that,

And that is in the cessation of judging others as well.

Although it's easier said than done.

Anecdotes for comparison include presence,

Full-body awareness,

And the practice of metta,

Which in Pali translates to loving-kindness,

Universal goodwill,

Or loving-friendliness.

We can break down the scourge of comparison with metta.

We can destroy fear with metta.

We can bridge the gap of separateness with metta.

Each time we practice loving-friendliness,

We cleanse the window of the illusory thinking and begin to see the world and everyone we encounter just a little bit more clearly.

We begin to see people as they are.

Simply people.

People who want to be safe,

Happy,

Healthy,

And loved.

People who,

Just like us,

Will experience fear,

Separation,

Heartache,

Pain,

And loss.

When we touch this reality,

It's possible for us to soften our hearts,

Even to the most difficult people in our lives.

Join me in this practice of metta as we explore the comparisons that we make on a regular basis in our day-to-day lives,

As we do the work together to chip away at the facade of separateness.

Become aware of your body,

Whether seated or lying down.

I invite you to either lower your gaze and fix your eyesight on a close-by still object,

Or simply close your eyes.

And scan through your body from the top of your head to the bottom of your feet.

Notice any tension or tightness that you're aware of.

Just give yourself permission to relax.

Become aware of your breath.

As I breathe in,

I know I'm breathing in.

And as I breathe out,

I know I'm breathing out.

With each out breath,

Allow your entire body to soften just a bit more.

Let us begin the practice with one person each of us knows more than anyone else.

Ourselves.

In most cases,

This is the person in our life who is most difficult to offer love to,

Who's easiest to judge and to criticize.

We may do this with our thoughts,

With our words,

And with our deeds.

But this is the only person you have true autonomy over.

Every moment allows us the opportunity to practice true self-love,

Or something other than self-love.

Let's choose to make this practice one of unconditional love.

One way that resonates may be to think of an image of yourself as a child,

The first image that comes to mind.

That small,

Innocent,

Pure child who still craves and deserves safety,

Happiness,

Health,

And love.

This small child still resides in this grown-up you.

May I be safe.

May I be happy.

May I be healthy.

May I live with ease.

Just notice how your body feels and how you're receiving the mantra.

If it's natural,

If it's not,

Just recognize and accept.

May I be safe.

May I be happy.

May I be healthy.

May I live with ease.

Next,

Let's recall someone with whom you hold in high regard.

This could be someone you aspire to be like,

Someone you respect,

Could be a person you know personally,

Or someone you're simply familiar with from afar.

Despite this person's evident qualities,

They too experience feelings of sadness,

Insecurity,

And lack of ease.

This person still experiences bad days,

Pain,

And suffering.

May you be safe.

May you be happy.

May you be healthy.

May you live with ease.

And again,

Just notice how your body and your mind feels as you offer a mantra to this person.

May you be safe.

Happy.

Healthy.

May you live with ease.

Next,

I invite you to think of someone you deem to be an equal,

A peer.

As we offer metta to this person,

We keep in mind that no two people are the same,

And in spite of any similarities that you have,

This person has their own unique journey that will continue to contain both joys and sorrows,

Love and heartbreak,

Gain and loss.

May you be safe.

May you be happy.

May you be healthy.

May you live with ease.

May you be safe.

May you be happy.

May you be healthy.

May you live with ease.

Next,

Let's think of someone who you have struggles with in your mind,

In your heart,

Or in the world.

Someone whose words or actions lead you to believe that they see reality and the world differently than you do.

This person may even elicit feelings of dislike,

Distrust,

Or even hatred in the most extreme cases.

Recall some of the words or deeds that this person may have done,

That have led you to feel this certain way about this certain individual.

Now consider the abuse,

Pain,

And hardship this person must have endured to behave the way that they have.

Perhaps with an environment of forgiveness,

Love,

And friendliness,

This person may find the space to change their ways.

May you be safe.

May you be happy.

May you be healthy.

May you live with ease.

Be aware of your thoughts,

The state of your heart,

Any constriction in your body when you offer this person metta.

May you be safe,

Happy,

Healthy.

May you live with ease.

If you're receiving any visceral messages rejecting this offering to this person,

No need to judge yourself in any way.

Simply direct the mantra back to yourself,

Into your own heart.

May I be safe,

And happy,

And healthy.

May I live with ease.

And remember that this is a practice.

This practice is not always easy,

But with time the practice will soften your heart,

And it will become easier.

As we close this meditation,

Let us join once more in the spirit of unity with the knowledge each of us has that we're part of something much greater than ourselves.

Let us offer metta to all beings everywhere.

Envision the energy of unconditional love emanating from every part of your body,

From the top of your head,

From your heart,

From the palms of your hands,

And the soles of your feet.

In every direction,

Encompassing all beings.

May we be safe.

May we be happy.

May we be healthy.

May we live with ease.

May we be safe,

Happy,

Healthy.

And may all of us,

All beings everywhere,

Live with ease.

I thank you for practicing metta with me today.

I hope the energy of loving kindness is present in all of your interactions.

I hope it continues to reside in your mind,

In your heart.

Reviews

Very important. Excellent calming and strengthening practice, thank you 🙏🏼❤️
Cut off just a bit quickly at the end, fyi…

Thoughtful expression of compassionate understanding of all individuals, starting by loving and understanding ourselves.
Thank you so blessed!!