The Autistic Buddhist - Enlightenment Is The Problem

In seeking to increase my awareness and live a more authentic life, the word Enlightenment has become a problem. It’s problematic because of how it has become defined by many in Western Society. It has evolved into a marketable commodity, something to be sold with the promise of entering a mental state of eternal bliss. None of this has been of benefit to my growth and has only presented as a barrier towards self improvement.

Transcript

Slightly over 10 years ago,

There was a Western Buddhist teacher who was well recognized and well renowned.

He had a lot of students and he was quite popular.

He organized many well attended retreats and seminars.

He also made available to his students and anyone else for that matter,

A specific retreat which,

Studying with him alone over the course of 3 days and for the sum of $50,

000,

You would become enlightened.

And that symbolizes the problem with the word enlightenment in today's Buddhist circles as well as the New Age and spiritual community.

Enlightenment is something that has become a product.

It has become marketable to a specific audience.

It is presented as something that can be sold and it has a no satisfaction guarantee disclaimer.

Enlightenment is presented as a destination,

A specific location,

A spiritual place that once you get there,

You will become immune to all pain and suffering.

Of course,

This is a false promise and is the reason I don't like and I don't use the word enlightenment.

By the way,

And this is something for another session,

I do believe that the word mindfulness has taken the same path.

Enlightenment now has become counter productive.

It has become an obstacle to those who wish to seek self improvement and greater awareness.

At its roots,

Enlightenment was a process.

It wasn't a destination.

It wasn't something you could obtain.

It was something that you experienced over time.

And that process had several characteristics which would be able to guide you and inform you whether you were on the right path or not.

I'd like to tell you about that process because that process is still relevant today and it is still used by many meditation practitioners and Buddhists as a reference point to how their practice is contributing to their well-being.

The first part of the process is that it is a gradual process.

It requires constant practice over a prolonged period of time,

Which does not make it very appealing to the Western mind or Western culture.

Sadly,

Western culture is one in which speed of service is essential.

It is a culture where people are accustomed to getting what they want,

When they want it.

Western culture has developed fast food because taking time to enjoy your meal is too long a process and takes too much time.

It has also invented instant coffee and weight loss programs that tell its participants that in a very short period of time you can lose a certain amount of weight.

I am not saying that Western culture is bad,

But it does place us within a mindset where we expect immediate results.

But the path to awareness is a gradual path.

The other part of the process in your journey to awareness is that it's a fluid process.

It does not flow in a predictable manner.

It does not go 1,

2,

3,

4,

5.

It does not go A,

B,

C,

D,

E.

Rather,

It goes backwards,

Forwards,

Stalls,

Forwards,

Stalls,

Backwards,

And it is completely random in how it progresses,

Which makes it more authentic because when we start to learn something new or adopt a new behavior,

It's not as a smooth transition as we would like it to be.

There is movement forward,

Then there is doubt.

Am I doing the right thing?

And then there's regression.

I don't think this is working.

I'll just go back to what I was doing before.

And then suddenly there's progress again.

That fluid process is one of the characteristics of the journey towards awareness.

Another part of the process is what I refer to as the backward step.

The backward step is the process of unlearning,

And this may be somewhat difficult for some to comprehend.

In seeking awareness,

The process isn't one of acquiring or learning new skills that increases your awareness.

In actuality,

It's a process where you're going to be unlearning habits and traits that prevent awareness from arising.

That awareness is already there.

It is being hampered and held back by a series of traits,

Characteristics,

Behaviors,

And thoughts that are not allowing it to shine through.

I would sum it up by saying it's not what we add that causes increased awareness.

It's what we take away.

Not learning something new,

But unlearning something old.

Growth and acceptance is also part of this process.

Being fully aware doesn't make you immune from negative events.

Negative things are still going to happen,

Whether you're fully aware or not.

Being fully aware does not stop sickness or prevent you from having a bad day.

It doesn't stop accidents.

It doesn't stop all the negative consequences and events that are just a part of being alive and being human.

What it does do,

However,

Is that it places you in a position to have a more accurate perspective and a greatest understanding of what is actually going on.

And by doing that,

You will be able to reduce the impact of that event or situation upon your body and your mind.

Adopting acceptance as part of the path towards awareness,

You begin to feel more comfortable,

Less anxious,

Less stress when you're able to accept and not resist the negative aspects of daily living.

Increased acceptance reduces resistance and resistance only makes pain and suffering stronger.

As my discussion of the process continues,

Another aspect of this journey is that it is unconditional.

The process of awareness is unconditional and available to everyone.

When a person says,

I would be a lot happier if.

.

.

I ask,

Why can't you be happier now?

It moves the individual beyond the restrictions and the ego's interpretations of the current moment and allows a broader perspective to occur and therefore more information to be accurately received,

Making you less anxious.

There are no conditions on this path towards awareness.

You do not have to be educated to a certain degree or informed to a certain degree.

You do not have to be a Buddhist.

You do not have to have a spiritual life.

There are no conditions that prevent anyone from following this path and achieving the same awareness as someone who is more immersed in Buddhist meditative or spiritual culture.

During one of my meditation classes,

Before I started the session,

I noticed that some of the participants were having quite a passionate discussion about enlightenment and they were speaking about enlightenment in a very emotional and committed and dedicated manner.

Speaking of the end goal of enlightenment as the place where they all hope to be someday,

I asked if I could participate in this conversation.

I said,

I notice you talking about enlightenment and before we start,

Can I ask a question?

And one of the participants said,

Of course,

Joe,

What do you want to ask?

And I said,

After you become enlightened,

Then what do you do?

And there was this silence amongst the participants.

They saw enlightenment as a destination,

As I had spoken about earlier,

And they had no idea that after arriving in this destination,

What would come next?

It's a simple question.

What happens after enlightenment?

I would like to move now towards how one becomes more aware.

And I know that this sounds like a paradox and Zen Buddhism is full of paradoxes.

And the paradox in this situation is you were just speaking about unlearning and now you're going to teach or instruct on how to become more aware.

Isn't that learning?

Yes,

That is learning.

And yes,

You do have to unlearn certain traits and certain habits to move forward.

Both of those are true.

There is one practice and one text that has helped me get from a position of complete ignorance to more awareness.

I am not fully aware and using the term I don't like,

I am not enlightened.

I am,

Though,

Much more aware and much more perceptive,

Much more calm and less stressed and less anxious than I've ever been before in my life.

It's not full awareness,

But it is a more comfortable and a safer place to be,

Both psychologically,

Emotionally and spiritually.

I feel more in control now than I've ever felt before.

And I feel that even though things are going to happen,

Negative things,

I'll be able to handle it.

Maybe I won't be able to handle it well for a little bit of time,

But eventually I will be able to handle it.

And when joy comes,

I will appreciate joy because I will know that those moments are fleeting and they don't last forever.

The two elements of Zen Buddhism that has helped me reach that point,

And there's still much farther to go,

I can tell you that,

Is the meditation practice of Shikantasa and a Buddhist text known as the Genjokoan.

I'm going to do a session later on solely on Shikantasa,

Which is a very specific type of meditation.

But I would like to tell you about the Genjokoan.

Now,

The Genjokoan was written by a man named Dogen a very,

Very long time ago.

And when I read it,

I was completely confused because it made absolutely no sense to me at all.

It seemed like four sentences that did not relate to each other and told me virtually nothing.

So I disregarded it for a while.

And though others have told me it's an important piece of text to be aware of,

I did decide to go back to it through the course of my practice.

And I can tell you now that when I read it,

And I read it before this session,

It makes perfect sense.

It couldn't be a more accurate and better description of the process I have gone through and continue to go through in my journey towards awareness.

Now,

When I read it,

I say,

How could you not understand it?

It's so obvious.

But before,

It just was a mystery and a puzzle I could not solve or believed I ever would solve.

As I said earlier,

The Genjokoan was written by Dogen,

The founder of Soto Zen Buddhism in the 13th century,

And it has been used and referred to for over 700 years in Zen Buddhism.

It has four lines and it was written in the Shobo Genzo,

Which is a massive book written by the same person regarding the process and the journey and the characteristics and everything else you need to know about becoming more aware.

But it is not essential to becoming more aware.

I became more aware than I was previously without ever having read it.

And although I've read it a while ago,

It helped me somewhat.

One has to remember that the Shobo Genzo was written in the 13th century for a specific audience,

An audience that was uneducated and largely poor peasant farmers.

So therefore,

It doesn't seem relevant today.

And the examples that it uses and the symbols that it uses,

Which are very ordinary to Asian culture,

Are lost upon a Western audience.

It is a challenge to read the Shobo Genzo.

Is there things that are in it that are useful?

Yes.

Are there things in it that will cause you to experience a sensation of boredom?

Yes.

If you're that interested in reading it,

I would look for a summarized,

Accurately translated version of it that presents it in a modern way.

I do believe that one of my favorite authors,

Brad Warner,

Who is a Zen Buddhist priest,

Has written a book just like that,

Where he translates and explains the Shobo Genzo in a very current manner that makes it more sensible and more useful to a Western audience.

Now I would like to go through those four sentences.

I'm going to read them all at once as the Genzo koan is meant to be read as a full text.

So the Gojo koan says this.

Number one,

To study Buddhism is to study the self.

Number two,

To study the self is to forget the self.

Number three,

To forget the self is to be awakened by all things.

Number four,

And this awakening continues without end.

Let me go through those four parts for you and translate what they actually mean,

At least what they have meant to me and how I've understood them over time.

And you can read about the Genzo koan.

All you have to do is complete an Internet search on it and you'll get a lot of information and articles about it.

The first sentence to study Buddhism is to study the self.

What does that mean specifically?

Well,

It's a more radical notion than many people think,

Because in the past and in certain current Buddhist circles,

To study Buddhism means to study the doctrines,

The rituals,

The traditions,

The scriptures,

The chants and the forms of Buddhist practice.

Don't worry about the self.

Learn these things first.

But that first sentence of the Genzo koan says the opposite.

To study Buddhism is not to study all that narrative in history and practice and ritual.

You can get to that later.

To study Buddhism is to study who you are.

It is to become an expert in the person that you are so that you become more knowledgeable,

More aware,

More perceptive,

More able to see yourself accurately than anybody else.

The first sentence puts you in a position of asking,

Who am I?

I can ask you,

Who are you?

You may say,

Joe,

I'm Sam.

And I would reply to that by saying,

Sam,

I didn't ask you what your parents named you at birth.

I asked you who you are.

So the first sentence of the Genzo koan points all of Buddhist practice right back to you.

If you want to study Buddhism,

If you really think Buddhism will help,

Then you should start by figuring out who you are.

Sentence number two.

To study the self is to forget the self.

Here's one of those beautiful Buddhist paradoxes that I enjoy so much.

To learn who I am is to forget who I am?

That makes absolutely no sense.

How can you study the self and forget about the self at the same time?

Think about it this way.

To study math is to forget about math.

How do you do that?

But here's what it's really saying.

The more you learn about yourself,

You start to let go of the anxieties and worries,

Obsessions,

Labels and identities that you thought you were.

You no longer become dependent on those labels and identities.

When I began studying the self,

I learned that I identified myself as a social worker or children services worker.

That was my identity.

And when people asked me any question about myself,

That would come out first.

This is what I do for a living.

What I mean is this is who I am.

As I studied myself more,

As I became more aware of who I am,

As I began to know Jodha Roshya better and better,

I found out that that's not really who I am.

That identity of children services worker or social worker,

That's only a part of who I am.

And a small part of that.

The very identity I was using to define my existence turned out to be a very small part of what that existence actually is.

Some people will say,

I'm a swimmer,

I'm a reader,

I enjoy sports.

And that's all true.

But that's not who you are.

Those are things that you do.

So to study yourself is to forget the self,

Is to forget and let go of all those identities and thoughts that tell you that you are something which you are not fully or not at all.

Number three,

To forget the self is to be awakened by all things.

Hmm.

What does that mean?

So if I'm interested in Buddhism,

I have to study who I am.

OK.

And in studying who I am,

I'm going to learn things about myself that are no longer beneficial to me,

That actually cause me problems and challenges that I don't really need.

So I'm going to let those things go.

Now,

In forgetting those things,

I'm going to be awakened by all things.

What this means is that as you forget the self,

As you rid yourself or learn to let go of all the negative aspects of who you are and all those emotions and thoughts that absolutely give you no benefit,

You become more aware and more perceptive.

And as you become more aware of perceptive,

You begin to experience things,

Many things from all sorts of situations that you see in a brand new light.

And seeing those things in a brand new light,

Seeing those things more accurately and authentically causes you to become even more aware.

To forget the self is to become more aware of all things everywhere.

And when I encounter situations or events,

I now am more aware of these situations or events in a way that I can manage them much more successfully,

Much more calmly and with a lot less stress and anxiety.

As you become more understanding,

Accepting,

You start to see things as they really are.

You start to liberate yourself from those judgments and beliefs that have been getting in the way of you experiencing your life fully and being free.

The last sentence is,

And this awakening continues without end,

Which means that you never reach a point where you can stand up,

Put up your hand and say,

I'm fully aware now,

What should I do next?

Awareness continues forever.

It's not a destination,

But it grows and grows to the point where you will find it difficult to believe or accept the calmer,

Less stressful,

More beneficial content life you lead now is radically different than the life you led a year ago.

And you are a different person because you have let go of a lot of those traits,

Habits and thoughts that had created that person in the first place.

And this liberation from the self,

From illusion,

Happens over and over again without ending.

Therefore,

Moving forward,

Experiencing familiar events or new ones,

Being involved in scenarios or situations that you previously had disliked causes a different reaction in you.

I,

For example,

Don't like going to social events.

And as an autistic person,

Social events really cause me anxiety.

And they caused me anxiety in the past to the point where I would react very negatively to them.

And my negative behavior was very clear to see and caused a lot of people discomfort.

Now,

Social events still cause me anxiety.

But because I'm more aware,

Because I've dropped some of those habits,

Traits and characteristics that would reinforce my negative behavior and demand that I act in a certain way which would not benefit myself or others,

I now take a different approach.

When I'm aware that I'm feeling uncomfortable before I attend a social event,

I am aware that this will likely cause me anxiety.

And I make a decision.

Should I attend a social event?

It will create suffering.

But I'm aware of the suffering it's going to create.

If I do attend,

I'm aware that I'm not in a content,

Calm or safe place.

And I ask myself,

How anxious do you feel?

Do you feel anxious enough to leave?

And if you do,

Let people know that you are leaving and that you'll see them another time.

If I decide to stay,

Then I am aware that I'm making a decision that is going to cause me anxiety and stress.

I accept that anxiety and stress.

I don't resist it.

There's no point in it.

If I resist it,

I'm only going to become more anxious and more stressful.

So I allow it to exist within me,

Aware of it,

Being fully conscious that this is the process that I am going through.

And these are the thoughts that are coming forward telling me that this situation is not a beneficial situation.

So whether I stay or go,

I do so fully aware of what I'm deciding to do and what the consequences of my actions are.

I may say to myself,

Even though I'm anxious and stressed,

I do enjoy talking to this one person about this one topic.

So I'll stay so I can engage in a conversation with that one person about that one topic.

That will make me feel content because I'll be engaged in a conversation about something I'm very interested in.

If I do decide to leave,

I will tell my friend I need to go now and he'll understand and he'll be supportive of it.

This is a much more productive,

A much more effective way of handling my autism and my anxiety,

My stress regarding social events than I have ever done so before.

And it is because of practicing Shikantaza for a long time and studying the Genjokoan.

Now,

Obviously,

I've done other things than those two,

But those two were the most helpful in moving me forward to a more stress free place and to allowing me to see through the illusions which surrounded my life.

Thank you very much for the gift of your time.

I hope that you've learned something today that will help you and benefit you.

And please remember to be kind.

Reviews

Great explanation, i really enjoyed listening to this talk,

This was so useful! Still reeling slightly at the thought that people might believe they could find enlightenment by shelling out $50,000. We get so trapped by words and ideas, our own and other people’s. Having been entangled in many different traditions and got nowhere, this seems almost too simple to be true. I can’t pretend I understand everything I hear about the Soto Zen tradition, but what I do understand is making a lot of sense. Many thanks 🙏

The core of our attitude towards the actual practice in just 15 minutes! So grateful! 🙏🏻