Difficult

There are many benefits to letting go of negative behaviours and thoughts. Changing the way we interact with the world and each other reduces our own harm and that of others around us. What is often not mentioned is the difficulty of the process itself. Letting Go, involves letting go of a part of ourselves, and though it is a negative part, it is still a transition and loss that we often do not pay too much attention to.

Transcript

Hello,

It's me,

Joe,

The Autistic Buddhist.

Let me start this session by telling you a story.

A senior monk and a junior monk were travelling together.

At one point they came to a river with a strong current.

As the monks were preparing to cross the river,

They saw a woman also attempting to cross.

The woman asked if they could help her cross to the other side.

Without a word,

The older monk picked up the woman,

Carried her across,

Placed her gently on the other side and continued on his journey.

The younger monk couldn't believe what had just happened.

After rejoining his companion,

He was speechless.

He finally said,

I can't believe it.

How disrespectful,

How ungrateful.

You carried that woman on your back across the river which was very difficult.

And when you put her down on the other side,

Not a word of thanks,

Not even a bow.

The older monk replied,

Brother,

I set her down on the other side of the river.

Why are you still carrying her?

And that is what I want to talk about today,

Letting go.

I don't want to talk about how to let go.

There are many teachers who can speak on that subject more eloquently than me.

I'm also not going to speak on the benefits of letting go of our negative thoughts and patterns of behavior.

Much has been written about this already.

What I would like to speak to is something that I have not often heard mentioned.

And that is how difficult it can be to let go.

If you are carrying a bag full of rocks and I approach you and say,

Your journey might be easier if you put down that bag of rocks.

When you do put down the bag of rocks,

You realize very quickly how much of a benefit it was to put down that weight.

The bag of rocks is something we carry externally,

Like a book or a cell phone.

At any time,

With ease,

You can set those items down.

But we carry our emotions and our thoughts internally and letting go of them is much harder.

Grief is a form of letting go and it takes a long time to resolve in your heart and mind the loss you have experienced.

Letting go of thoughts,

Emotions and negative patterns of behavior is also a loss.

You are losing a part of yourself.

Of course,

You are losing an unbeneficial or negative part of yourself,

But it is still a loss.

This is why when I talk to some people who are trying to let go of an emotion or behavior that harms them,

There is a sadness in the way they talk about the process.

I believe we are not fully aware of the grief,

Of the loss we experience while letting go.

Letting go of a physical habit like smoking,

I would imagine,

Is somewhat easier than letting go of a thought or a belief or an opinion.

Why?

Because we define ourselves by how and what we think,

What we believe,

What our perspectives are.

I used to have a belief about being safe and that was if I was always in control of a relationship or situation,

I would be safe.

I learned that this belief was hurting me and others as well.

I knew that I had to let go of that belief.

It took a while.

I experienced periods of despair in that transition.

If I am not that person and I don't want to be that person,

Then who am I?

I would like to emphasize how difficult it was to let go of that part of me that I had known for years and years.

It was hard and once again,

It took time.

When we decide to let go,

We should recognize that the journey is going to be difficult.

We should accept that we will struggle and we will cling.

We should be aware that the experience will include challenges.

And most importantly of all,

We need to be patient and kind to ourselves.

In the process,

There will be self-judgment and there will be doubt,

But there has to be compassion as well.

Compassion from you to you.

You are traveling and the road is difficult,

But you will get to your destination.

A destination where you are not letting go anymore because it's now gone.

So be kind and compassionate to yourself.

Be patient,

Be forgiving,

Be tender because you are on an important journey that will release you from harm.

A journey that must include patience and love.

Thank you very much for the gift of your time and I hope you found something in this session that was useful and beneficial to you.

Reviews

Thank you, Your talk was perfect. Simple, yet not but yes, beneficial for me.

Wonderfully clear and succinct. Joe makes the topic inviting to ponder, with hope for success.

I need to put down the bag of rocks...😇 Thank you for this story.

Thank you Joe, I've been listening to your talks the last few nights, and I've found them really eye opening. I'm also autistic and am currently going through a breakup, hearing you speak about your own experiences and difficulties has given me hope that there are better times ahead

Thank you, Joe. This track is inspiring to live light and let go what doesn't serve our soul. Lovely 💜 🙏

These talks really make my day better. You teach in such an accessible way. Thank you!

This is about the cost of practice isn’t it? Peeling away the shell we have built over the years to help us navigate this world. Not easy, but thank you 😊

Letting go is like a loss - very inspiring and helpful point of view. Thank you again, Joe

Thanks for talking about this essential aapect. It is about the meantime (in now) and not about before and after (indeed there’s lots of stuff about those). 🙏