So first of all,
I want to say congratulations,
You're here.
And as we know,
That is more than half of the battle.
So not feeling like you can meditate is a great key to unlock the door to meditating.
So if you can sit down,
Go ahead and sit down.
And if you don't want to sit,
That's fine.
You can stand,
Stand with both feet on the floor and perhaps holding on to something,
The back of a chair or countertop for balance.
And I just want to talk without any judgment about what it is that's stopping you from being able to meditate.
So just noticing,
Is it anger?
Rage,
Anxiety?
Is it the feeling that you have to do something about a situation?
Is it deep grief?
So whatever it is,
Say it out loud.
I'm feeling I'm feeling blank.
I can't meditate because I can't meditate because blank.
It's too hard to meditate when I feel blank.
It's too hard to meditate when I feel.
If you can notice the feelings that are arising as you talk,
Pay attention to the sensations in the stomach,
The chest,
The neck.
It might take a while to notice these,
And that's perfectly OK.
Keep naming your blocks of meditation until you've named them all.
So I'm going to guess that one of the most prominent feelings might be I don't want to and not wanting to is absolutely legitimate and important.
So what does it feel like to not want to meditate?
Where do you feel it in the body?
Does it have a texture,
A color,
A temperature?
Is there any resistance to feeling it?
What does that resistance feel like?
Allowing your circle of awareness to become wider and wider.
Noticing any feelings or thoughts of I don't want to do this.
I don't want to do this.
This isn't going to work.
I'm not supposed to feel this way.
So whatever those thoughts or feelings are,
See if you can experience what it might be like to breathe into these feelings.
What might it be like to simply allow yourself to not want to meditate without running away from the emotion,
The thought,
The feeling?
See if you can locate the resistance in your body.
Can you allow it even for a few moments to be where it is?
Can you notice what it feels like now?
Well done.
You've just meditated.
So really acknowledging that if we're learning to lift weights at the gym,
We start small and we build up.
And this is really the same with meditation.
This is a training,
Becoming more and more capable of being with our discomfort,
With our lack of solid ground to stand on.
When we face our blocks and stop resisting them.
This is training.
It doesn't happen overnight.
We're all working with a lifetime of training in the other direction to run,
To distract ourselves,
To react.
If you like,
You may choose to come back to this later in the day and notice that the emotions have shifted.
If there are any other blocks arising,
If there's more spaciousness,
Then be kind to yourself.
Remember that this takes time and kindness.
There's a reason it's called a practice.
That's what we're doing here.
Just practicing.
