3. The Water From There

Jackie starts a 30-day course on Insight Timer. She will be learning how to heal with intuition and energy. A pain in her liver guides her toward deep revelations. She finally understands the source of this suffering. Her life mission is more precise and she takes action for the trees.

Trigger Warning: This practice may include references to death, dying, and the departed.

Music by Rahul Popawala, North Indian Alleys.

Transcript

Yoni,

My Sacred Space,

3rd episode.

Disclaimer.

This is a survivor's diary.

Her experience is unique and personal.

In sharing it,

She reveals the path she took to open up to life after a series of extraordinary hardships.

It's not the recipe to be applied,

But rather the chronicle of her gradual awakening.

Dear listeners,

The narrator's comments may affect sensitive people.

If you're experiencing difficult emotions,

Go to nature,

To a friend or a professional.

And I will be happy to hear from you.

Yannick Villeneuve,

Author and narrator.

June 9,

2021.

New moon,

Tomorrow.

I become the woman Uno,

Strong,

Intuitive and courageous.

I've taken death in my hands.

Maybe it's time for me to embrace life.

Here's an opportunity.

I'm finally seeing it.

Last Tuesday,

I felt my liver seize up,

A crisis worthy of those that marked my childhood.

After a sleepless night,

I put the amethyst prism on it.

I wanted to dissolve the rock that had crystallized on my blood filter,

Surely due to a major shock and an excess of grief.

My job is to excavate it,

To make the stone jump,

To pulverize it so it can take the current and come out of me.

Crystallized pain,

I blow you up.

I rested well and drank lots of water.

This crisis gave me time to explore the advantages offered by my paid subscription to Insight.

As I explored the courses,

I discovered a teacher who spoke to me.

Keri Sewell offers a 30-day course entitled Healing with Energy and Intuition.

It's quite a challenge,

A whole month of learning with my pains,

But I feel I have the strength to dive into my cave.

As I read her course presentation,

I found themes that I'm exploring in my manuscript.

She brings notions of shamanism and invites us to discover the powers of totem animals.

The aim is to help us activate our personal healing powers.

I saw myself as a teenager,

Secretly reading Claude Lévi-Strauss's La Pensée Sauvage.

I've always been drawn to initiatic journeys.

June 10th,

2021.

New moon and the end of a two-week period.

For a rare occasion,

I was able to pay close enough attention to feel the hormonal change taking place in my liver.

I felt a spasm and heard my internal plumbing sing the message that causes my cervix to close.

All that's left for me to do is to treat the itching caused by overexposure to the sun.

To do this,

I attach a crystal bracelet to myself to treat my ailments.

I fetch my equipment and pick three stones at random.

The first is labradorite.

It protects against harm caused by others,

Regulates hormonal disorders,

And helps reduce stress and anxiety.

According to ancient knowledge,

Labradorite contains the spirit of the ancients.

The second,

Amethyst.

It enhances intuition,

Calms the intellect,

Helps open mindness,

And protects against excess.

Finally,

Turquoise helps us express ourselves,

Absorbs bad energy,

And takes the nox for us.

It makes you positive and serene and favors friendship,

Social relations,

And creativity.

As I pass the beads over the wire,

I repeat to myself,

Like a mantra,

I choose the feminine,

I choose the feminine,

I choose the feminine.

I have to make room for the next cycle of my soul.

I'm so busy with my discoveries that I don't have time to play truck anymore.

I wonder where all this is going to take me.

The first cycle revealed the depth of my maternal and feminine wounds.

This one,

I believe,

Will help me clarify my life as a writer,

A gardener,

And a woman.

I need to acquire more knowledge to aspire to become a true woman.

Who knows?

June 15.

While meditating this morning,

I had an encounter with my energy body.

I definitely felt the intuition doll in full vibration in my back.

I saw a mother's eyes,

My own,

A tender gaze like the one I've been looking for so long.

I felt deer antlers grow on my head and my ears lengthen and take a pointed shape.

I saw the messenger in her yellow dress and bee hat.

I saw Phil,

My lover,

The water,

The mountains,

The fishing,

The gardens.

I walked through a field of giant yarrow.

I saw a flash of blight lightning.

I took Witty Child in my arms.

I saw purple and white.

I felt all my chakras vibrate in harmony and a nuclear turbine activate in my center.

June 16,

2021.

Planter's note for next spring.

Protect the shrubs over winter if you want berries the following summer.

I've just finished day six of the energy healing course.

I worked on opening the chakras in my hands.

I felt my aura and sent lightning bolts into the ground through the secret networks of mushrooms.

I visualized myself climbing into a big machine and shoveling rocks.

I broke the debris into tiny particles small enough to pass through my fluids.

I realized that the solvent ingredient of my pain was the water from the nearby spring and that it must be my only beverage.

By not adding any minerals and by drinking pure,

Neutral water,

My body will be able to get rid of the waste and gradually transport it to the outlet.

So from now on,

I'll drink the water from there.

I have to trust and let it do its work.

Only water can cleanse the negative emotions,

The dramatic memories,

And the stories of my ancestors hidden in every corner of my body.

I'm looking for a better flow in my essences to live less on a roller coaster.

I pull to lengthen the wave and modulate my frequency.

June 17th,

2021.

Infusing the future with love.

In my dreams,

I saw the writer in me doing stand-up comedy.

No,

I don't want to go there.

The other parts of me are trying to make room for her so she can live in the present,

Not in representations of my past.

Have hidden her inside me for so long,

Without even giving her the right to exist.

By writing daily,

I saw my future.

I forgive myself for the mistakes,

Judgments,

Criticisms,

And disagreements of the past.

I know now that it is the writer in me who holds all the other parts of my personality together.

The more I heal,

The more she will grow and take her rightful place.

I drew a parallel between the archetypes of the waitress and the gardener,

Other women in me who express themselves strongly.

Just as the former can't serve her customer a plate that doesn't contain all its elements,

So the later can't harvest a fruit before its time.

Learn not to force nature's rhythms,

It's the sheaf that rings the bell.

June 18th,

2021.

Revelations in workshop with my higher self.

Meet your own suffering.

I'm getting to know them.

I'm able to sit down with them.

I didn't cry today.

On the contrary,

I was serene and calm.

I could feel the energy flowing freely around me.

On my back,

My shoulder blades supported wings.

Purple and white light danced in a kaleidoscope.

With closed eyes,

I enjoyed the spectacle offered to my third eye.

I went to the door,

The one at the end of the tunnel.

I was afraid I wouldn't be able to get in.

But instead of running away,

I stayed on the threshold to see what would happen.

And it was my suffering that came out to join me.

Now that I know her face,

She scares me less.

At one point on my cushion,

I felt a brief pain in my liver,

Like a recognition of its nature.

Yes,

It's you.

I see you.

You are the heartbreak caused by my mother's premature and violent departure when I was 10.

I recognize you as mine.

You,

My suffering.

I've grown up,

And I'm now able to talk to you.

I understand the intensity of your darkness.

You are the black lightning.

But out of this hole must come the light,

And this light is me.

To create the world I want to live in,

I must,

Like a photographer,

Use a negative to draw a positive.

What was black must become white.

H2O.

Cure with water from there.

Now I only drink spring water.

It will help me flush out the sediment.

It emerges from a site at the start of the ascent of the first mountain on the forestry road leading from our street.

It's actually a giant filter made of gravel,

Sand,

And round rocks left there by the last ice age.

When the glacier retreated,

It left a succession of lakes with richly cultivated shores and rounded mountains encircling the expanse of water.

To the west,

A number of extinct volcanoes provide a semblance of terroir for the vineyards that link to them.

The water is crystal clear and transparent.

It shimmers when exposed to light.

Round in the mouth,

It could even be described as oily.

Its freshness is surprising,

Even when served at room temperature.

It is neutral and thirst-quenching.

In retro olfaction,

It leaves a velvety,

Refreshing sensation.

Since I've been drinking it,

My skin seems to be taking on its own characteristics.

It becomes soft and satiny.

I feel myself at the source,

Wishing my mind were as limpid as hers.

I want to swim upstream like a kokanee,

To lay my eggs and then die.

I want to bathe in the water of my birth,

The same water that has circulated on earth since the beginning of time.

Sometimes cloudy,

Sometimes misty,

It flows through all living things.

It flows down from the mountain to the river,

Through roots,

Leaves,

Flowers,

And an underground network.

June 20th,

2021.

This is the eleventh lesson out of thirty.

My upstream work is paying off,

As I feel totally at peace and in harmony with my environment.

I gave myself an energy massage,

Supported by my own energy or the opposite,

With my arms open in a cross,

For a long time,

Without any fatigue.

I crowned myself with a cosmic crown and pumped the earth's energy into my heart through my roots.

Then I went out to water our gardens.

We are already in a heat wave.

The weather forecast predicts thirty degrees and more for the next two weeks.

It's not even summer yet.

Phil and I were reading the neighborhood news on the tablet and saw that an organization in our area was looking for volunteers.

The loggers will be in our valley to cut down trees,

And the nature protection organization wants to inform residents about the upcoming cuts.

They'll be setting up an information booth and need people to hand out literature.

My root chakra has turned on its light,

It's time to take action.

Hose in one hand,

Phone in the other,

I sent a message to the organizer that I am available Saturday morning.

Giving time to the forest is the least I can do.

I turned my tears into action.

I feel ready to take my place with all my passion.

As in the drawing I did of myself before my mother left,

I become the girl standing on a stage holding a microphone.

June 24th,

2021.

I spoke with my aunt.

She's the last of my mother's sisters still alive.

Before I hung up,

She told me I was a rainbow.

I went into meditation.

I was able to turn on the white light above my head,

The one that contains all the others.

I opened the airlock and stored it inside me.

I am enjoying the results of my chakra work.

When I watered,

I made rainbows and I meditated on that too.

A bright full moon,

It's strange how I'd already felt it peek inside me.

I'm finishing my manuscript.

I feel like writing on paper instead of a keyboard.

I feel free.

What I really want deep inside me begins to take shape naturally like a growing plant.

I am becoming who I choose to be.

My mutation is complete.

Have become a butterfly.

June 26th,

2021.

Definitely a strawberry full moon to remember.

Lots of updating and healing.

I'm continuing to learn from Carrie.

Thanks to the virtual classroom,

I can ask her questions and give her my impressions.

She quickly sends me back a voice message and it's fascinating to feel her support flowing through the technology.

Today on my cushion,

I had to balance my yin and yang sides.

To do this,

I instinctively placed my hands on my aura and a point in my neck began to tickle.

It's where Willy puts his nose,

Near my carotid artery on the left,

Where it smells like mom.

Then I held in my arms the energetic child I had never allowed myself to have.

As I cradled him,

Tears began to flow,

But only from my left eye.

It was so intense that my body was shook with sobs.

As I cradled this child in tenderness,

My crying calmed down and my right eye was able to let its share of tears.

I let this child come to me,

Promising to sing him lullabies to allay his fears at night.

As the temperature outside is excessively hot,

Phil and I went down to the river for a swim.

While Phil tried to catch a few trout in the current,

I took a few steps away and immersed myself in the river.

Without thinking about it,

I did three sun salutations in the water,

Feeling like I was at my own baptism.

Once refreshed,

I got out of the creek to meditate in a secluded spot.

I sat in the lotus position on a huge rock.

Breathing very softly,

I heard a female voice say to me,

We share the same water.

I am your mother.

So it's the river that helps me complete my metamorphosis.

June 28,

2021.

They call it the heat dome.

We live a whole week above the 30 degrees.

At worst,

They are predicting 45 in the city.

Records are falling like flies.

We're praying for the forest not to ignite.

I'm on a mission to campaign for trees.

This is my first outing outside my family bubble and my first meeting with a stranger since the government declared us in pandemic.

I've left Willie on a leash in field scare for the two hours I will be gone.

Murphy obliged.

He lost him and searched for him all the time I was away,

Only to find him the moment I came home.

But nothing can erase the joy I am experiencing.

I did something and not even the momentary loss of Willie can overshadow that I campaigned sitting on the edge of the highway.