A life filled with longing and dreaming,
Wanting relief,
Wanting freedom,
Wanting more,
Wanting better,
Wanting less,
Being impatient and never feeling good enough.
I realised over time that these were perhaps all machinations and ailments of a busy mind.
Not just my busy mind,
But any busy mind.
A common and shared experience between all of us.
An inability to truly be present now,
Wherever we are.
Stuck in the hard-wired operating mode of the human brain.
Not so much a reluctance to be fully present,
More of an inability to be fully present.
Because we're never really taught how to do this in such a busy,
Chaotic and outcome-driven world.
The world order of the carefree child who understands mindfulness innately but who has to at some point hang up the Zen of childhood in order to take the reins of a busy,
Responsible adult with hopes and dreams that he or she has been sold along the way.
And of course then we grow our egos so big and almighty and strong that the slightest knock,
Tumble or falling off the rails hurts so hard.
So hard that we punish ourselves with a lifetime of worry,
Self-flagellation and doubt.
Perhaps we're conditioned so strongly as to believe that doing is living and stopping is giving up.
Perhaps we're afraid of what we might find if we simply stop for a moment.
Perhaps we're scared of feeling alone if we bring ourselves into the true presence of now.
Having to face all the traumas and pain and sadness of life.
Having to encounter difficult thoughts that we'd much rather bury.
Or having to encounter nothing.
That sense of emptiness.
Or everything being still and okay as it is.
Pausing in our daily lives exposes the ego and the ego doesn't like that.
It will hold on to our sense of having to carry on being busy.
It will cling on to our self-flagellation and worry.
It will hold on for dear life to our sense of not-enoughness.
Because the ego thrives on its own sense of self-importance.
The more we pause and observe it,
The more it becomes weaker.
The more we search for freedom,
The harder it becomes to obtain because that freedom is not a lifestyle or a way of thinking.
It's not an escape from any aspect of life we don't like.
Nor a surging towards any aspect of life we do like.
Quite the opposite.
Freedom becomes an acceptance,
An embracing of every aspect of life as it is.
Accepting all dualism as part of the human condition.
One example.
If we can accept illness and disease,
Then we would invite that pain into the fold of our total physical existence.
Just as if we accepted health and wellbeing as part of that existence too.
Knowing one inviting us to know the other.
Accepting one,
Meaning we give it permission to be and then to pass.
Another example.
If we can accept our not-good-enoughness as a thought process,
Then we would invite self-inquiry into the fold of our mental existence.
Accepting the thought as a way to invite in a gentle and curious observation of how it became a belief.
Accepting it and perhaps questioning it in order to allow another possibility to enter the fold.
Perhaps a possibility that maybe we are good enough.
Our senses are limited in what we can perceive in this 3D reality.
We live vastly in the mind and less so in the presence of our physical body.
We fail to realise that thought is simply one bodily function in amongst a myriad of other bodily functions serving to sustain life in this one particular form.
We overly identify with thoughts in a destructive way and thoughts can be powerful and energy consuming.
Meditation can teach us to relax a little.
To take a back seat and observe that process with an objectivity and curiosity.
I've come to realise how all we achieve and experience in this realm is a series of dualisms.
Our sensory capabilities give rise to all manner of possibilities but they're also tainted in their qualities because within their innate goodness there's also an innate badness.
Let me explain in reference to the basic human senses through which all life is experienced.
Touch is limiting.
Even though through touch we can comfort,
Bond,
Care for and befriend.
It can both maim and heal.
Seeing is limiting.
Even though through sight we can discover,
Explore,
Satisfy and learn.
It can both repulse and excite.
Taste is limiting.
Even though through taste we can devour,
Consume,
Enjoy and pleasure.
It can turn both sour and sweet.
Hearing is limiting.
Even though through hearing we can enjoy,
Be inspired,
Moved and propelled into response and action.
It can both scare and encourage.
Smell is limiting.
Even though through smell we can enjoy,
Excite,
Direct and evoke.
It can both repel and rouse.
And we can take this a step further.
Language is limiting.
Even though through language we learn,
Share,
Connect and express.
It can both separate and unite.
Thought is limiting.
Even though through thought we progress in the material world,
Discover,
Imagine and innovate.
It can cause both opposition and union.
Belief is limiting.
Even though through belief we identify,
Commune,
Celebrate and galvanise.
It can both divide and unify.
So if we can accept how limited we are in this physical realm,
I believe it's a very humbling reality.
The kind of reality which works in direct opposition to the ego.
If we can see that our thoughts are limiting,
Our beliefs are limiting and our language is limiting.
To the extent that we are all limited to what our senses perceive and how we choose to narrate.
I would suggest that we learn to cultivate the ability to be guided by our presence.
To lead with the acceptance that through presence all is possible.
I invite you to pierce the veil of this imagined existence.
And to pierce it not with force or effort,
But with your gentle presence,
Silence and awareness.
And as you sit in silence,
Watch the turmoil,
Hear the noise around you and within you.
And simply observe the happenings rather than bring thought or meaning to them.
And if you catch yourself trying to make sense of these thoughts,
That in itself is awareness.
If you're being observed,
Then who's the observer?
Could you entertain the possibility that the one being observed is your ego?
And the one observing is your higher self,
Your true self?
This over time weakens the ego and hence the identification with the thought.
So we can learn to observe thinking without getting too involved in it.
My message to you is that this is about the observation of life as it is,
Rather than a narrative of life according to your perception.
Freedom is not to break through any physical limitation,
Nor to walk away from any given situation,
Nor to amass wealth,
Nor to strive for enlightenment or spiritual superiority.
Because even within those dynamics,
There's a searching for more.
Whether it's a faster speed,
A walking towards something better,
A desire to yield more wealth,
A wanting for illuminating experiences,
The search continues.
That's not to say we shouldn't search or desire for more or better.
But so long as we imagine that freedom and happiness lies over there and not here within,
Then the search will always continue.
And as long as the search continues,
So does the disconnection from the present.
And when we disconnect from the present,
Then we inhibit our ability to pierce the veil and discover truth.
If the ego is the veil and the higher self is the truth,
Then by the very nature of things,
The one thing that will pierce the veil is your presence.
Freedom is to pierce through the film of that veil that surrounds us,
The veil that keeps us disconnected from the freedom within and has us searching over there,
Over the horizon,
Somewhere in the imagined future not yet arrived at.
The freedom we seek in a new house,
A new job,
A new relationship,
More money,
More time.
That veil that covers the truth of this very presence here and now.
The kindest thing you could possibly do for yourself is to give yourself the gift of presence because it's ready and waiting for you.
It's here.
So pierce the veil of your imagined existence with your silence and your awareness of now.
Awareness of everything as it is.
Pacing the veil until truth of your humanity is revealed.
You might say,
Ah,
There's the longing.
Here is thought.
This is excitement.
There is feeling.
Here is pain.
And it's all okay.
It's all the God self in motion.
It's the emptiness of your physical nature.
It's the fullness of your spiritual nature,
Your cosmic being.
It's the theatrical happening of all humanity.
If the ego is the veil and the higher self is truth,
Then by the very nature of things,
The one thing that will pierce the veil is your presence.
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