Unstick Your Life | Nervous System Regulation

In this active meditation and talk about getting unstuck, you will learn to understand the states of your nervous system and how to identify when you have entered a certain state. Neither good nor bad, just to be aware so that you can offer yourself the love and support to return to safety. This talk and short meditation are amazing for any area of your life you feel stuck. Blessing to you, Jamie
P.S. If you enjoy this meditation, I offer 4 courses here on the Insight Timer App that may serve you.

Transcript

We're all very different,

So I'm going to try to speak to three groups of us right now.

Our nervous system is our self-protective system.

Sometimes we feel like we can't move forward in our life in certain areas and we're like,

What the hell is wrong with me?

Why can't I?

And it's usually because this self-protective mechanism stuck at whatever age is online saying,

No,

No,

No,

That's not safe.

So I'm going to give you a way to move beyond this.

Okay.

A rule of thumb here.

And so you might want to jot this down or take a couple notes because when our nervous system is online,

Remember its job is to keep us safe.

So it's going to hide itself from us and it's going to appear as truth.

In a nutshell,

Three nervous system states,

We can go to the depressive end.

So that's called your dorsal state of your nervous system.

I'm going to just say sad.

That's what it feels like.

Feels like low energy,

Sad,

Disassociated,

Blah.

Okay.

So we'll call that the sad end of the nervous system.

All of these are innocent,

Beautiful,

Perfect.

We need this to keep us safe.

But it's most of the time a perceived threat based on what happened to us when we were little.

And then we have the anxious side of the nervous system,

Which is anger,

Rage,

Worry,

Fear,

Terror,

Racing thoughts,

Urgency,

Agitation,

Irritation,

Go,

Go,

Go,

Go,

Go,

Go,

Go.

Not enough time.

So I'll call that,

I'll call this one sad,

This one anxious.

Then we have frozen,

Which is a combination of the two,

Which feels like hell,

Which is like I have so much to do,

But I can't pull myself together to do any of it.

So my thoughts are racing and I am like in inaction.

So I'll call that frozen,

Which is a combination of the two.

We usually have our home away from home,

One that we go to more often,

But we go to different ones at different parts of the time.

I go to sad sometimes,

Mostly anxious.

My point is you're going to feel a variety of them.

Then there's also regulated state,

Which is peaceful,

Curious,

Open,

Able,

Capable.

I can handle this feeling,

Okay?

That's a regulated nervous system.

So what we're going to do in our life,

And so I invite you to try this this week.

Write this down and try this.

Have it in front of you,

Because remember,

This is going to grip your ass and you're going to be like,

Forget it,

Right?

You will forget it.

Where do I feel right now?

Sad category,

Anxious category,

Or frozen category,

Or okay category.

Okay category,

Keep doing what I'm doing,

I'm good.

Sad,

Anxious,

Frozen category.

Does this feeling,

This is huge guys,

This got me out of so much.

Does this match my circumstance?

That's how we can tell if it's a true feeling or a triggered nervous system state.

Hear this,

This is really important.

Sometimes both are happening,

Okay?

So it might not be so cut and dry,

But I was experiencing slight sadness this morning,

Like oh,

I'm never going to get this one thing that I want.

And I asked myself,

Does this match the circumstance?

And I'm like,

No,

Nothing ridiculously sad happened that could cause this.

Oh,

This is my dorsal,

This is my nervous system coming in to try to protect me from the pain it perceives if I were rejected if my business got bigger.

Happens that fast.

But we can see it by the feeling.

So where am I?

Sad,

Anxious,

Frozen.

So Matt,

I want you to start to see this right now.

Where are you?

We're going to do this in the meditation,

But where are you in that category,

In that spectrum?

And does this match the circumstance?

Your brain right off is going to say yes.

Here's a rule of thumb.

Put yourself in someone else's shoes,

Right?

Looking at your life or make yourself someone else.

Okay,

I'm going to be Debra for a second,

Right?

And if Debra was experiencing that sadness and said,

Oh,

This thing's not going to work out,

Would I say that matches her circumstances or might I say,

I get why maybe you're a little disheartened but maybe you just need to do a meditation and then regroup in your head about a new possibility.

So taking it outside of yourself and saying if this was happening as if this was happening to someone else,

Would their reaction match the circumstance if we can't see it on our own?

Okay?

Here's the next rule of thumb.

This is one of those like choose your own adventure.

Okay,

First we have this.

Does it match the circumstance?

No,

If it doesn't match the circumstance,

Then we do a regulating tool.

If it does match the circumstance,

This is a meditation for another day because of the amount of time that we have and we've done this a million times,

We allow ourselves to feel the feelings that are there that matches the circumstance.

Wow,

Somebody just said something really mean to me and I felt sad.

That matches the circumstance.

If that happened to my neighbor,

I'd say,

Yeah,

He would feel sad too.

Okay,

I breathe a little bit of that emotion 1% at a time and I let the sensations of it move through my body.

So if it matches the circumstance,

I welcome the emotion to move through my body.

That's natural,

Normal,

Human stuff.

If it doesn't match the circumstance,

Something is being triggered from 1983 and a self-protective part is online to try to prevent you from feeling the thing that you felt before.

We can let our body know that we're safe and it doesn't have to do that in its 2023 and then instead we can just welcome the feeling we need to welcome.

Okay?

So if it doesn't match the circumstance,

This sadness,

Anxious,

Or frozen,

We ask ourselves this question.

Here's the next thing.

What is it saying to me?

So if it's not matching the circumstance,

If I'd say,

Hey,

My neighbor,

That's an overreaction,

I think,

All with compassion and gentleness and love.

What is it saying to me?

What is this sadness saying to me?

What is this anxiousness saying to me?

What is this frozenness saying to me?

It has a phrase.

So I want you right now,

We're going to do this together.

Where am I?

Does it match the circumstance?

Write this down or think about it.

And if it doesn't match the circumstance,

What phrase is attached to this frozenness,

This sadness,

Or this anxiety?

And I want you to write that phrase down and I would love for you to share it with me if you want.

It usually sounds something like,

I'll never have what I want.

It's hopeless.

I'm all alone.

I can't do this.

If it's on the sad end,

If it's on the anxious end,

There's not enough time in the day.

Oh my God,

I have so much to do.

I can't handle it.

I'm going to die.

When does this end?

Self-criticism,

Self-judgment,

Any of that low,

Not enoughness towards us is dorsal,

Sad end.

It's not happening in reality.

If it's an overreaction,

It's our nervous system,

One of these three states trying to protect us that's feeling like this.

We put it outside of ourselves.

So I will hold my hand up sometimes as if it's outside of myself.

And we say it three times.

I'm noticing,

And we've called it sad,

Anxious,

And frozen.

So in my training,

We call it dorsal,

Sympathetic,

Or frozen.

But what we can do for this is saying,

I'm noticing my sad state of my nervous system is telling me I'm not enough.

Say it three times.

So I'm noticing that the anxious state of my nervous system is saying,

Is telling me I'm not enough.

So putting that,

I'm noticing this state of my nervous system is saying to me.

Okay,

Hopefully I gave you enough time to say it three times aloud.

Recap,

I feel sad,

Anxious,

Or frozen,

Or a variety of one of those.

It's like I see a Venn diagram.

In sad,

We've got hopeless,

Not enough,

Empty,

Low energy,

Blah,

Disassociated,

Whatever it is,

Right?

Where am I?

Does this match the circumstance?

How would someone else feel in my shoes?

If it does,

Let me go with my journal or my baseball bat and hit my pillow and feel the feelings,

Whatever I need to do.

If it doesn't,

What is this thing saying?

And can I give myself a little space from it?

We said it three times and made it outside of ourselves to give us some space from that thought,

Because otherwise it's in our head and it feels like us,

And we listen to it and we believe it and it takes us down.

That stops the spiral just enough to give us space to make our nervous system feel safe.

How do we do that?

Okay,

We'll just do one right now.

So you've pulled it outside of yourself a little bit.

We're going to cross our arms and we're going to tap our shoulders.

This is a regulating resource,

Body-based tools that send a signal of safety to the body.

So we're saying,

Okay,

I know you think that.

So it's almost like we're shelving it and we're kind of not fully trusting that thought just for a minute.

We're not trying to make it go away,

But we're going,

I'm going to put you over there and I'm going to come over here and do something soothing for myself for a minute.

Just notice how you feel.

I know when I put the thoughts outside of myself,

My body takes a deep breath.

Yeah,

This is super normal if you're about to start something new because those self-protective parts will come up.

And so any type of thought that doesn't match the circumstance,

We go through this series,

Series of,

If you're really stuck,

Go through this meditation.

Okay,

Now we're going to do one more.

This is called a ventral hug.

You're going to put one hand under your armpit.

Okay.

And then the other one on your shoulder.

We're just going to let our arms rest here.

This is what it feels like to hug yourself.

It sends the same signals to the brain as if you're getting a hug.

So we feel cared for and safe.

I'm just going to sit here for 30 seconds together.

Just notice what this does to your body.

In nervous system healing,

We just show our body it's okay,

It's safe.

And these are just,

This is the way home is awareness of the old pattern,

A little bit of suspicion of it,

Love of it going,

Okay,

I'm just going to come over here and do something else and create a new pattern.

My body just took a deep breath.

How are you reacting to this?

Lastly,

I really like this one.

We're going to cup one side of our face.

You don't have to keep your hand under your pit.

That just feels good to me.

Got our hand under our chin on our cheek.

This also sends good feeling signals of safety to the brain.

My body's taking deep breaths.

Okay.

So just let your hands come.

And I want you just to notice,

Where are you now?

So maybe it was a 10 for you of extreme and maybe it came down to a nine or an eight.

How sad I was feeling,

How anxious I was feeling,

How frozen I was feeling.

Maybe it's still there a little,

But did it kind of scoot a little less?

Right?

That's it.

Now,

Some people have extreme differences.

So much better.

Some people have subtle differences.

They're all beautiful.

A difference is a difference.

My teacher used to call it,

You're the active operator of your nervous system.

And we do this again and again and again.

This is what self-love looks like.

Gently,

Right?

That was little,

Like I took us through a whole thing,

But we can do this slowly and gently and we meet ourselves.

We're in that depth.

We're like,

Hold on a minute.

This real?

This not real?

Where do I go from here?

And then we pull ourselves out gently.

Right?

And then we do it again.

And I remember my teacher used to say,

Each time,

You just created safety for yourself.

So that got clocked into your brain.

The next time you have an experience and you're back in dysregulation in one of the three categories,

That didn't go away.

It's still there.

So over time,

They all add up incrementally on each other.

And then the scale tips in the direction of safety over time.

So it didn't go away when you experienced dysregulation again.

It's in that memory bank,

That thing that you,

That experience that you just created.

So let's close our eyes.

And we're going to really integrate this in the 10 minutes that we have together.

I'm so glad that this was beneficial for you.

And even if it's a little half a scale,

You're just like,

Oh,

Wow.

And usually we can tell sometimes,

Like if you're on the anxious side,

You'll notice interesting.

I still feel anxious,

But my thoughts aren't racing as much as they were.

So something did shift in that direction.

I'm not like,

My thoughts aren't going crazy.

Oh,

Wow.

That must mean my nervous system feels safer.

And I know for me,

This was revolutionary because I didn't know feeling not good enough had to do with my nervous system.

I thought that was just me and my truth.

I didn't realize that was like a protective part that came online that was like,

We refuse for her to ever get judged or rejected again.

So we're going to make her believe she's not enough.

So she doesn't go out in the world and people judge her.

Right.

And you pull yourself away a little bit from that.

You're just like,

Oh,

This is this soldier inside that's trying to protect me from my trauma.

Calm down,

Sweet one.

I'm an adult.

We can do this.

And we just take that slow walk back home.

So let's come right behind your eyes,

Closed eyes,

And your awareness just drops in right behind them as always.

To stay in our patterns,

Our mind will do everything they can.

Oh,

I am behind my eyes.

I am in my body.

And my body is connected to that space underneath of me.

Just breathing deeply in and out of the belly.

Another way we can regulate our nervous system is to breathe in and out through the nose if you have access to that.

And just let that belly expand like a balloon and contract like a balloon.

Just picture someone blowing up a balloon and then letting the air out.

And you're just breathing in and out of the nose.

There you go.

I'm right behind my eyes.

I'm in my body and I'm noticing that my body is connected under me.

And I'm just taking these beautiful,

Long,

Deep breaths and I'm letting myself sink into the surface underneath of me.

What if it's possible to just try and experiment for a week,

Once a day,

To take five minutes once a day to run through these steps?

I'm just noticing.

Am I regulated?

Meaning,

Am I,

We can do this right now.

I'm going to run you through the steps again.

This is all we have to do once a day.

Where am I?

Am I open,

Curious,

Able?

Even if there's challenges,

Life's still going to be life.

We're still going to feel all the feelings.

But within that,

Do I feel capable and peaceful and curious?

And if I do,

Then beautiful.

Let me bathe in that and breathe.

That is my natural state.

Or do I feel a little on the lower end?

Low energy?

Sad?

Not enough?

Bummed?

Empty?

Numb?

Do I feel on the higher end?

Sped up?

Racing?

Can't relax?

Agitated?

Irritated?

Afraid?

Terror?

Anger?

Not enough time?

Overwhelmed?

Or do I feel like I'm in a combination of both?

Where I feel low energy,

But there's a million things to do.

I have so much to do and I can't do any of it.

We notice from a place of compassion,

Where am I?

And does this match my current circumstance?

And if I'm having trouble seeing that,

If someone else were in my shoes,

Experiencing the same thing,

Does this match their circumstance?

Does their reaction match the circumstance?

And maybe it's on a scale and maybe their reaction's really extreme and you're like,

Well it'd still be a little frustrated,

So we can really see the truth that that is a valid reaction on a scale.

And if it does match the circumstance,

Can I give myself permission at some point today to close my eyes for 90 seconds and say,

I give myself permission to feel this anger,

Sadness,

Or happiness,

Or jealousy,

Whatever it might be,

And could I let the sensations of heat or whatever it may be move through my body,

As emotions and energy are meant to do?

And if this doesn't match my circumstances,

Can I notice the phrase that is connected to my nervous system state?

A sad phrase,

An anxious phrase,

Or a frozen phrase,

Or a variety of.

And as if this was a little alien being outside of myself,

With innocence,

This is all it's known to do,

To keep me safe from perceived threats,

Stuck in a moment in time telling me the same thing,

Not knowing I'm in a new moment.

What are you saying to me,

Little one,

We say,

And it tells you what it's saying to you.

And then in our mind,

We quietly place this outside of ourselves,

Repeating it three times.

I'm noticing my anxious nervous system state is saying,

I'll never get it all done.

And then we repeat the phrase three times.

And then we do something to make ourselves feel safe.

So we place that thought on a shelf,

Not needing to have tea with it for a moment,

But saying,

Thank you,

I'm going to put you over here,

Not to bury you,

But just to give myself some space to do something that will make me feel good and safe.

So we'll end with a four,

Seven,

Eight breath,

Where we breathe in four,

Hold for seven,

Exhale for eight,

One more breathe in for four,

Hold for seven,

Exhale for eight.

And then we just notice where we are.

That was a five minute practice to be able to be more of you,

To feel safe,

To feel peace,

To heal,

To come back home,

To live the life you came here to live.

So just allowing yourself to slowly come back,

Placing your awareness behind your eyes,

In your body,

On the surface,

In the breath,

Stretching,

Wiggling,

Swaying back to the afternoon,

Opening your eyes whenever you're ready.

Reviews

Wow. I look forward to using this beautiful and incredible tool!! Thank you so much for sharing such a gem that can be so helpful!! I’ll be sending this to many friends and doing this practice often!! 💚🌞🪷🌝💚

This was so incredibly helpful!! Thank you so much for sharing these valuable, rich tools!

A pause and examination that gives us a chance to filter the reality we want. 🙏

Awesomely insightful as only Jamie can do! Thank you!