I just wrote down self-care,
Like I want us to look at ways,
Like I give,
In order to give I must be full.
So what are some non-negotiables that we can like add in?
Or ways of being?
You know,
This has been my journey too,
Like my body worker can tell in my body when I'm in these patterns.
Yes.
That's amazing.
Of course it can,
By the way.
And she says always to me,
Which is a process,
Can you not give them so much tonight?
I was leading a retreat once and the chef who was incredible took us,
He was a shaman and he did this sweet grass clearing and took us to the river and we dunked in this vortex portal in the river in Ojai.
You'll come to a retreat there with me one day.
It's so magical.
I know.
I keep hearing.
It's so magical.
He said to me,
Because,
You know,
Holding spaces at retreats,
I'm sure you can even tell just going to retreats,
But holding a space at a retreat is intense for the leader.
And he said,
Let them hold you,
Jamie.
Let them hold you too.
Like you hold them and let the container hold you.
How do I let them hold me?
Oh,
I love it.
It makes perfect sense.
But yes.
And so that's the practice tonight.
And that's the conversation.
Like I,
I can't remember how long ago this was.
I'm bad with timeframes,
Maybe six or seven years ago.
I got this idea in my healing work to do this thing called the receiving project where for 30 days I did a post on Instagram.
I guided,
I had a whole Facebook group.
I had like family members from home.
It was,
It was like off the charts and I'm like,
Maybe I do this again.
It was crazy how many people joined.
And your whole thing was notice when you're trying to deflect anything,
A compliment,
Someone trying to buy you a coffee,
Anything,
Like let it in,
Let it in.
Welcome the discomfort,
Breathe through the discomfort,
Let it in.
Crazy.
And I had two bottles of champagne delivered to my door,
Like random,
Like expensive champagne because I'd opened up some portal that month.
Yeah.
Just so much had come to me.
I love this so much.
I know.
And you were my healer this week with the support and what I realized,
The support vow I had made.
And what I realized was because I had made that vow because I didn't get it from the external world,
From the masculine,
I hadn't been giving it to myself.
And I am here as the healer and teacher as well,
Because I'm living it myself.
I made the same boo-boo,
Nicole,
I am making some business changes.
So I brought in a little bit less the last couple of months than I normally do,
Um,
Consciously because I let go of some things I was teaching that weren't like totally nourishing my soul and was waiting for the things to align.
So I decided,
I was like,
You know what,
I don't need to get my facial this month or my nails done or my massage.
I'll just,
I'll,
I'll pause on that for a month.
And then guess who's back went out because all of a sudden all that good stuff was coming in.
The teachers wanted to team up with me to do this music thing,
All this stuff.
And then it's just like,
Well,
You're about to hold even more.
And you took yourself off the thing.
Of course your little kid isn't going to feel safe going forward.
So I'm sharing this to hope that,
And it's,
It's hard because I had the same thing where it was just like,
You know,
Prioritizing yourself,
Treating yourself.
I mean,
You know,
Maybe you have a word or a phrase for this,
But treating yourself that much of a queen or that much of a goddess feels different to your nervous system.
So what are you hearing in that?
And I'm just trying to bring us into an energetic together of this.
No,
It's helpful.
It's helpful.
And I think I did that a little bit today.
So the session was actually supposed to be me working on my classmate and she,
Yeah,
I adore her.
And so I just like sent this message,
I was like,
Look,
I just want you to be aware of the headspace that I'm in.
I was like,
I will still do this on you.
And I need you to like,
Just know like where I'm at right now.
And she immediately flipped it back around and was like,
Well,
I'm a little tired today,
But why don't we just do a session for you and then you can do mine on Friday.
And I immediately received it.
I was like,
Yes,
Please,
Which is huge compared to normal.
Yes.
Yeah.
So I feel like I have a little bit of practice in that just today.
But it's,
It's still something that,
You know,
There's like an edge around,
Right?
And it's like,
I feel like,
And I know you understand this,
Like I need to cocoon right now.
Like I really do.
And there are a few people that I do want to offer thanks to.
You are one of them.
Like I wanted to do that.
Like that was very life giving for me as well as it was for you.
Yeah.
And I'm leaving a job and moving into a new one.
So it's like realizing that I can take care of me right now and that it's all going to be okay.
And then I can focus on receiving for a bit.
Like,
Yeah,
That's new territory.
Yeah,
It is.
I'll tell you.
That's for my needs.
That's another part.
Say it again.
And ask for what I need.
Yeah.
Like,
I love you.
You know that I adore you.
And sending that message last night was hard.
Yeah.
Like it's hard to do that.
Like when you come from trauma,
Like it's hard to ask for what you need.
I know.
I know.
I know.
And then you find,
Because my teacher said the same thing to me for years,
People want to be there for you.
Most people want to be there for you that are just like,
Oh my God,
Like I'm here.
I love you,
You know.
And then I woke up to the message from your mom.
Like it's just all – it's like once you – to your point,
Once you open to receiving,
The universe just gives you more and more and more.
Yeah.
And it's like saying like,
Hey,
I'm really struggling to feel seen over the last few days.
Yeah.
Like it sucks in order to receive the – receiving.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You're retraining your nervous system.
Yeah.
And this is coming into like my teacher,
Dr.
Kim.
And again,
What did we talk about last night in Ido Morjani,
Self-love?
Was the energy field that called forth everything that she needed.
And we're so raised in the masculine where it's like – and I watch it everywhere and it drives me crazy because I want to say to everybody like,
Go in,
Go in,
I'm sure you see that too.
Yeah.
We don't have that habit.
What was I just going to say about the energy field?
Anita,
I don't know,
Came in and went out.
Masculine.
Yeah.
Oh,
Dr.
Kim.
Dr.
Kim.
Oh,
That when you give to yourself like self-contribution,
So receiving like what do I need right now?
What do I desire?
It literally is the energetic that attracts more abundance.
So we think I can't do that.
I'm not going to survive.
I'm not going to be okay because that's the old program.
Like last night,
Can we notice that pattern of,
Oh my God,
I'm not going to be okay when I give to myself and say that's not my truth.
I'm more than okay when I give to myself.
Because when it feels light and expansive,
There is – and this is what I've seen a thousand times over.
There are resources available for me in the quantum field to make it so.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And your needs and desires always feel light and expansive.
There might be the fear around it.
This is life-changing.
Like if you and I got on upstage or in a podcast interview with like just this to talk about it for the rest of our lives.
But it's profound because it's healing through the energetics and not necessarily the logical doingness of I need to do all of these things to be safe.
Well,
And I had your voice in my head today because like I jumped in my hammock and I just laid there like after therapy,
Which was a great session.
I really like her a lot.
But I like got in my hammock with a weighted blanket.
I just laid there for like probably two hours just being.
I was like,
It's okay to just need to be right now.
Yeah.
And it was helpful.
The reason that I was able to get there so quickly is because of your vulnerability last night.
Because of you sharing like,
Yeah,
Last week I didn't want to do anything like,
Yeah,
It was helpful.
I was a sack of potatoes.
Well,
But it's helpful to hear that though,
Right?
Because a lot of healers won't say that.
They want to admit that.
They won't be human.
And then everyone that's like working with them struggles to be human.
Yeah.
Yep.
We have to be both.
We have to be both.
