I lost a part of me today,
And right now nothing feels quite right.
Something or someone familiar,
Something or someone that has shaped me in some way is missing.
And while each and every loss is unique,
They are all big and small,
Life changing.
The loss of a loved one,
The end of a friendship or a romance,
A familiar way of life filled with the comfort of familiar surroundings,
Now lost to age or circumstance.
Financial security,
Once in our grasp,
Now uncertain.
A dream,
Long lived,
Now shattered.
My mind understands that these are universal,
That they are a part of the journey.
But nothing in my experience of this loss can really prepare my heart for the next.
Every loss is different,
Each unique in its depth,
Each profound in the way that it touches me.
I'm hurting,
But in this moment I'm choosing,
Reluctantly,
The difficult embrace,
The holding close of things hard to hold,
Where in that embrace I begin to understand the depth of my attachment to everything I have lost.
I'm angry,
I'm in pain,
I'm lost and I have questions with no easy answers.
Why has my life come to this?
Why has this happened?
What have I done?
How could I change it?
How could it have turned out differently?
But all I can know in this moment is the one thing that I didn't want to hear myself say.
What once was,
Is gone.
And somehow if I can reach that moment of acceptance,
I will find grace and begin to understand that time,
Time spent now in the present,
Is my only friend.
And that with each and every day that passes,
I'll begin to feel my way into better accepting that what I've lost,
Is lost.
That doesn't mean it's okay,
It will never be okay.
And while I may never be able to replace what I've lost,
There is wonder in this.
Because while endings bring an emptiness,
They also bring the potential,
Not the promise,
Of a new beginning.
A seed is planted from which something new,
Something even beautiful,
Just may grow if I let it.
And in knowing that,
I know now that there is something right about inviting spirit into the loss I grieve today.
Endlessly creative,
It will always help me find the best way to touch the center of my grief and inform me gently when I am ready to let it go.
And it will assure me that when I do,
I am doing so as one whose life has been lovingly crafted by something invisible,
Something ineffable,
By love itself.
And so,
Even as I have found myself lost in grief,
Even if I'm not done yet,
I know that at some point,
Perhaps only a short way farther down my path,
My life will continue.
That I am loved,
And that what will always continue to support me is love.
And in that realization can come great joy.
The Hopi Indians know of this joy in the midst of our greatest uncertainty.
They ask that we know that the river has its destination.
The elders say we must let go of the shore,
Push off into the middle of the river,
Keep our eyes open,
And our heads above water.
Even when you are there,
See who is there with you in that moment and celebrate.
Amen.
