Self Doubt & The Comparison Hangover

Comparison is the thief of joy. Self-doubt is a butt kicker. Nothing can derail us faster. And, in this day and age of Social Media, self doubt and comparanoia is at an all time high. We hop on Instagram and see someone’s perfect business; perfect body; perfect family; perfect life… Most of the time, these comparisons are comparing Apples and Oranges. We all have unique life situations. Let’s explore some ways to reframe these thoughts and feelings.

Transcript

Self-doubt and the comparison hangover.

Self-doubt is a butt kicker.

Nothing can derail us faster.

And in this day and age of social media,

Self-doubt is at an all-time high.

It's often brought on by comparison.

We hop on Facebook and we see someone's perfect business,

Perfect body,

Perfect family,

Perfect life.

We get on Instagram and we see amazing workouts and awesome recipes.

And we fall victim to the comparison hangover.

It comes in two forms.

Us comparing ourselves to our past self.

This is especially true for women.

Our weight,

Physical appearance,

New wrinkles.

It just goes on and on.

Wow,

When am I going to have those abs again?

Or the butt I had in my 20s?

The body before babies?

The skin I had before the effects of the sun set in?

And the aging process?

The second is the comparison we make of ourselves to others.

Again,

Our quick scroll on Instagram sheds light on all those areas where we feel we don't measure up.

We start doubting one thing and then another and then another.

We start buying into that lie that we've been telling ourselves for far too long.

That we don't measure up.

That we aren't good enough.

We aren't worthy.

Nobody wants to see or hear what we have to say.

We look at what other people are doing.

We look at their success.

We see them thriving in that business they launched.

Their perfect vacation.

The new house.

And we get so bogged down with the mindset pitfalls.

We simply must learn to get out of our own head because it's a scary place.

It's in our minds that we create our own stories about experiences and perceptions.

Our own and others.

I'm not as good as so and so.

I don't have what it takes.

I can't figure it out.

I'm stuck.

I should have never even started.

I'm a loser.

We create awful negative big stories in our head that crush our confidence,

Shatter our belief and bring us down.

And those dreaded mindset pitfalls,

They are deadly really.

And we all have them.

We've all been there with that small annoying voice that sometimes doesn't seem so small that whispers in our ear,

Who do you think you are?

You aren't good enough.

You should be further along by now.

How come you aren't at the top level of your company?

You don't have what it takes.

You should just stick to what you know,

Blah,

Blah,

Blah.

Somewhere along the way,

We have fallen into a trap of extreme scarcity in our thinking,

Even in our doing.

Everyone else seems to be having a better time of it than us.

They have more,

They do more.

So surely they are being more.

What you might want to do is spend some time where life really happens right here,

Right now,

Where reality hangs out.

What goes on in your mind is a dream,

A made up story,

A nightmare really,

And it can derail you.

Don't let your stories turn into realities.

Here's the interesting dynamic.

It's important that you surround yourself with people who are successful and in fact more successful than you.

And it's equally as important that you appreciate what you can learn from these people and how you can be inspired because competition is healthy.

But not to fall into comparing yourself because this is always a no win.

You will lose every time.

And most of the time,

These comparisons are comparing apples and oranges because we all have unique life situations.

Here's my story.

I started my own business over 25 years ago in the direct sales profession.

Every year,

I would go to my company convention,

Sit in the nosebleed seats and compare myself to everyone else.

I would watch people walk across stage collecting awards and big paychecks,

And I would wonder what they were doing that was so right.

And more specifically,

I would wonder what I was doing that was so wrong.

Finally,

When I took control of my mind and I did a personal inventory of my current life situation,

I could see the glaring differences.

I was a mom of a toddler and a baby.

I was a part time single mom because I was married to an airline pilot and he was off flying.

And I was lucky to get one phone call made a day.

I was spending an awful lot of time wallowing in self pity and suffering from the comparison hangover.

I didn't get to the top as quickly as others.

But I got there strictly by toughing it out,

Sticking with it and working on my mindset,

Working on staying in my own lane,

Doing the best that I could and controlling what I could control.

So what's your personal life situation inventory?

Where are you not giving yourself credit?

Not giving yourself grace?

Not acknowledging what it is you do and are capable of doing?

And who are you competing with?

I want you to really let that question settle in.

When you feel a fear of going on social media,

Who comes to mind for you?

Where you don't want them to see or judge what it is that you share?

And what is this doing to your self esteem?

Is their opinion really that important?

And why?

Spend some time on these journaling about them.

Now I mentioned competition.

Let competition fuel you.

It's good and it's powerful.

It's healthy peer pressure when it's done right.

Just don't go overboard with it.

Instead of feeling competitive,

Feel inspired.

Ask questions.

When someone else has what it is that you want,

Ask questions and be willing to humble yourself and learn from them.

A few years ago,

I started on a serious practice of yoga,

Three to five classes a week.

And yoga,

As you may know,

Is supposed to be a deeply personal experience.

It's not meant to be any kind of comparison or competition except to yourself,

What you've done and how you've improved.

But that didn't always stop me from taking my attention off myself,

Glancing at others on their mat and asking how come they can do the pretzel.

And when I do it,

I look like a praying mantis.

I've learned to let go of that.

Honestly,

Doing yoga in my home has helped because there's no glancing around.

There's only staying in my own lane and paying attention to myself and working every day and with every pose to improve myself.

And you can do the same in any aspect of your life or business.

Here are some things to do to use these times to your advantage.

Reframe the way you look at competition.

When you see someone and start to feel a little envious,

Give that person his or her story.

And then listen,

Truly listen and absorb what it is they tell you and begin to see them as they probably were when they were just getting started,

Probably much like you.

What are their strategies?

What do they do?

How can you model what they do and not who they are?

You want to stop looking at others and saying,

Why am I not there yet?

Today,

I pulled an affirmation card to start my day as part of my morning meditation practice.

And it said,

The main event isn't the destination.

It's my joyous journey.

And I had to stop and think,

Yes,

I love this crazy hot mess of a journey in life and business.

I am working on embracing every step,

Every minute,

Every wrong turn,

Every opportunity for growth and learning,

Along with every success.

You're here to experience life,

To experience people and situations and enjoy life.

Not to complete things and check them off the list as quickly as possible.

How are you doing with that?

How might you reframe the word competition and how you think and feel about it?

Being good enough,

Engaging in comparison.

A mantra I live by is,

We are all doing the best that we can with what we have to work with at this moment,

Including me.

Have a beautiful day and an awesome week.

Thank you for spending this time with me and reach out to connect if you feel like it.

May peace,

Joy,

And abundance find you today.

And may you also find peace,

Joy,

And abundance.

I'm Jackie Aumer.

You can find more of my work here on Insight Timer in my profile.

Thanks for listening.

Reviews

Thank you for this, I needed this this morning. This is something that comes up time again, each time I plateau with my aims I can't seem to push through. I'm left wondering how other can do it and I can't. What am I missing. And I'm definitely not a negative person.

🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

Thank you! Oh my gosh I needed this today! I swear you were speaking my thoughts. Appreciate you!

That was great info

This was exactly what I
Needed reminding of. Thank you

Reframe on comparisons, thank you, I often have self doubt after a party on the weekends! 💚🎉