Summer Engman: Taking The Leap

Summer is a filmmaker, coach, and writer, one of the top columnists on Elephant Journal. She's been traveling the world nonstop since 2015. She specializes in desire-based living, self-worth, intuition, purpose, sexuality, masculine/feminine dynamics, and victim consciousness.

Transcript

Today's guest is one of my favorite people in the whole world,

Summer Engman.

She used to be my business partner.

A couple of years ago,

We used to run an event in Brooklyn called Turn on Brooklyn,

Replay communication games and help people get intimate.

And we also hosted a radio show back in the day called the 60 Minute Orgasm.

It was on this hipster pirate radio station.

And it was a lot of fun.

It was actually,

It was great catching up with her because there's a little bit of a flashback to when we had our own radio show.

But a couple of years ago,

She left New York City to live on the road and she's been ever since and it was awesome to catch up with her and hear her talk about her leaving her last business adventure awake,

Her starting a film school.

And in addition to catching up with her,

We speak about taking the leap,

Which was really useful for me personally because I see myself and I talk about this in the show,

Kind of over committed to certain projects and it was actually personally useful to hear what she had going on.

I'd say this episode is super useful for anyone who is in the process of taking the leap or thinking about taking the leap in the name of their true desire,

Whether it's a career move or lifestyle change or relationship move.

Summer offers some really great mindsets for overcoming your internal resistance and doing the thing that you really want to do because that's what you should be doing,

All of us.

And now you're listening to Episode 017,

Summer Engleman,

Taking the Leap.

You're listening to the Ruwando Podcast,

Perpetual Orgasm,

Infinite Play.

Please subscribe on iTunes and enjoy the show.

Going live and we're live.

Hey,

Summer.

Hi,

Ruwan.

Good to see you.

Is that how we used to start the old show?

Probably.

I feel like it was something funny and awkward like that.

Oh,

Yeah.

If I was involved,

It was definitely awkward.

Yeah.

So actually I just realized now,

I mean,

I know we haven't caught up in a while,

But I actually haven't seen you in person in like three years.

Is that so?

Right?

Right?

Because last time I've seen you,

You probably were doing a radio show or something around that time period,

Right?

Oh my gosh.

Maybe.

Yeah.

We've talked on the internet,

But I have no idea what your lower body looks like these days.

It has its ups and downs.

So you've been traveling since we last hung out,

Since we were doing stuff.

I'm curious now because I know some things have changed for you recently.

What is your daily schedule like?

What are you doing?

What's going on?

I just got off of five weeks being in Italy surrounded by 80 other filmmakers.

Basically the way this thing went was we were staying in the gym or classrooms of schools that were out for summer on air mattresses in rooms of like everybody just piled on top of each other with like cook stoves in the hallway.

It was just,

It was craziness.

And every day we would wake up and we would work on our films and we would go out and we were collaborating.

It was total mayhem.

Like just,

I worked on so many different projects.

This is what I was doing.

So it's like a film school immersion?

It's like a traveling film campus thing.

Although I didn't find it to be super campus-y.

It was more just like a traveling film collaboration with 80 people.

And so my daily schedule then was that.

But depending on what we're doing that day,

And sometimes I had days off and sometimes I was coaching.

I would be outside the school,

Like on my phone talking to my ongoing clients.

I didn't take any new ones before starting that because I wanted to leave my schedule more open.

But yeah,

Now I'm in Prague.

I'm starting a new thing.

I don't know if I should talk about it yet with our starting it,

But maybe I should talk about it.

Yeah,

Yeah.

We're starting actually a film school,

A film school that goes that changes locations.

So we do,

We'll do three weeks in one location.

We'll take a little break.

We'll do three weeks in another location.

We're going to go to Cannes.

We're going to have some really,

Really good instructors come in and.

.

.

Who is we?

Is it you and like your co or classmates?

A friend of mine who's a filmmaker who lives in Prague and I are partnering up and we just rolled in a third guy who is from Accenture and he just left and he's been,

He was heading the editing team there and he is a center for check.

Accenture is a consultancy.

It's one of the largest companies in the world.

Anyway,

Yeah,

He,

So he's just joined us and he's a film guy,

But he's like really organized much more so than I am.

And yeah,

So that's we,

And that's really exciting because you know,

I just,

I just,

I left my last company Adventure Awake,

Which was a traveling,

Like personal growth retreats.

We went to Georgia,

We went to Jordan,

We went to Mongolia and I just left that.

And this is like the film version of that,

Which is really awesome.

Cool.

So what made you want to switch from that into this or switch out of that?

I guess they were separate decisions.

It sounds like.

No,

They were the,

They were.

.

.

I switched out of it.

Okay.

So I was,

This is a good thing to talk about.

Actually I was in,

I was,

I was traveling a couple.

So you know,

As you know,

I left New York in 2015 and I've been away from the U S ever since it's where I went back just recently just to check in with my,

My family.

And but anyway,

I was traveling and I,

You know,

I'm a coach and I was like,

I want to combine these things.

And so I met with,

I met with my old,

My former business partner Antisa and she had this great idea to start Adventure Awake,

Which was travel and coaching.

And it was like the perfect thing.

So we started it and I just happened to make the promotional video for our company.

And I was like,

I had spent like eight hours a day for a couple of days doing that video.

And I just like was hungry to do,

I was just,

I loved it so much.

And I was like,

Oh shit,

I love this.

And then it was like,

Okay,

The video is done.

Time to continue doing what you're doing.

And I was like,

Oh,

We got to make another video for,

You know,

Showing what we actually do out on,

Out in our trips.

So then Jordan,

Our second trip we did,

We made a video.

I put it all together and Oh,

It was so fun.

I was like,

It was better than the first one.

And it was just like,

Ah,

And,

And I was,

I was with Antisa when I was finishing it.

And she was watching me just sitting there just like,

And she like,

She was like,

Wow,

You seem to really like this stuff.

And I was,

You know,

And,

And meanwhile,

I was when we were in Jordan,

And I was,

I had my attention on filming.

And then I had my attention on our clients.

And I was like,

I can't,

Like,

There's definitely I definitely feel the tension there of me wanting to have wanting us wanting to create a space myself where I could actually just focus on filming with people who had signed up to be part of that with me.

Like the draw was so strong that that actually going on the next trip to Mongolia that we did,

I shut off filmmaking.

I was like,

I can't I'm not going to take any film.

Because it was hard,

It was hard not for me not to,

To not put my all my attention on it.

And so I just came to like a realization that wow,

I started this thing,

Which was the perfect thing.

Adventure awake.

And it helped me to realize this thing that has always been there.

This medium that combines culture,

Photography,

Travel,

People,

Music,

Timing,

All sorts of like cool stuff.

It's always been a thing that I felt compelled by and I'm looking like looking back when I was younger,

I I just looked at it as a thing I couldn't do,

Like a thing that I wasn't good enough at and other people would be better at it.

So I just didn't do it all my life.

And then I here I was and I was,

You know,

Like a coach.

And I was like,

What?

No,

That's old.

Like I can totally,

I could totally decide to do that.

And it just got to be like,

That's what I wanted to give it my all.

And so I left adventure awake to give it my all because I couldn't give adventure awake my all and give this my all.

I was I felt really torn by them.

That's so it was it was the that is why I left.

It was the perfect time and it was it like I got the exact thing I needed from that experience of adventure awake and he says super happy to take it over.

And so she's still doing it.

Yeah,

I know.

It's cool.

And actually,

It's it's probably doing better without me now because she because she has such a clear vision of what she wants her brand to be.

And like,

She and I are different people and like,

I have a totally different style than her.

And we don't have there's no more friction between like us about what directions to go in like,

Yeah.

I know,

Right.

It's easier to start I think you don't forget you can get over that at first like,

Oh,

I can't do this by myself.

And then they get hard as soon as it's like,

Totally.

Did we have my experience?

Um,

I don't know.

To be fair.

I don't know how much we built to fight.

I know.

Yeah.

I mean,

Brooklyn was pretty cool.

Yeah.

And the radio show was fun.

I do remember the last couple radio shows we did.

We did argue a little after.

Oh,

Yeah.

With our like seven viewers like it was very,

Who knows how many people listen to us?

That's a good time.

Yeah.

Anyway,

So what were you what was the initial question?

How did you switch?

I just want to say it looks like we have a couple of live viewers.

If you're listening live,

You can we can see your questions,

Chats in the sidebar.

So feel free to say hi,

Or ask a question or cut me off.

And I'll ask your question to someone or whatever.

So see,

I asked about Yeah,

Taking the leap or like,

How did you switch?

Oh,

Right.

Yeah,

No,

It was the it was sort of similar to how I took the leap into coaching to begin with was,

I realized I didn't have the energy and time to fully do this thing that I loved.

As long as I was totally invested in this other thing.

A lot of people do it differently.

A lot of people say,

I'm going to build this on the side while I you know,

Keep this other sure sort of sure thing that keeps me comfortable.

For me.

And I know I'm not the only one here.

It's easy for me to do.

Okay,

Like really easy for me to do good enough and okay.

And if I'm not,

If I am not,

In a way sort of like,

I don't have anything else like I'm,

I've got like,

I've got to,

I've got to hustle,

I've got to,

I've got to look at all opportunities.

Like,

If I if I am comfortable,

I'm lazy.

Um,

You know,

It's only when I get really,

I have there are two main I think components to me getting my ass in gear.

One is desire,

The desire has to be genuine.

It has to pull me it has to be that like,

I'm not doing it for money and I'm not doing it for accolades.

I'm not doing it because I said I would not like none of those reasons are sustainable energy sources for me to keep motivated and to keep hustling towards something.

So that's the one.

The other is I there has to be some degree of.

So that's desire.

And then you know,

I think we've talked about this many times desire.

You're moved by inspiration or desperation,

Right?

I need both.

I don't know about you,

But I need both.

I'm trying to work less from desperation,

Because I want to keep putting myself in spots.

I know.

But for me,

If I like,

And I totally agree with you.

And I think that that's,

I think that I think that a lot of people are on a channel of working straight from inspiration,

Where I'm at,

Because I have always been a person who kind of gets by no matter what,

Like,

I never.

I'm never super worried.

And I'm never like,

Stressed out.

Like,

I'm never really all that stress because I have a I have a worldview that that is like,

That that says,

All everything that I'm learning is valuable.

Everything that I'm that I'm every where I am right now is actually the perfect place for me to be or else,

Like,

There's something I need to learn in this situation or so I wouldn't be here so I'm going to look for what that is.

And because of that,

Like I never feel like everything's going wrong or anything like that.

So here was I just decided I'm gonna,

I'm gonna jump off and I'm gonna do I'm gonna jump into the world of film.

And I don't have a job in film.

So I I basically feel a huge desire for it like a huge poll.

I I'm watching short films all the time and I'm like,

Getting inspired and I'm talking to people and I have been working on things with people.

And I just feel like this gigantic desire to get better at this,

And to do it and to enjoy it and to like actually immerse myself in it.

And that's kind of that also provides me with a sense of desperation.

Like if I don't,

If I don't do it,

I know how I feel.

Like I know how it feels to scroll and scroll and scroll through Facebook instead.

And I feel at this point in my life,

Like,

Desperate to be creative,

Like desperate to be fully immersed in my creativity,

Which makes me feel this sense of I'm willing.

I'm willing to do things that I haven't been willing to do before.

And it's because like,

Okay,

So like,

Like,

Like,

Okay,

You know,

How I'm like,

You know,

Me,

I'm a little bit like,

I can be reserved and I can be like a little too cool for school.

I don't like to ask for help,

Da da da da da da.

I'm willing to ask for help.

I'm willing to tell people,

I really want to make a film about you,

You know,

Like things like I'm willing to be like,

I'm building a portfolio.

Like I'm a person who wants to just have it all figured out,

You know,

And like look really good already.

I'm willing to look like,

I don't know what I'm doing.

I went to this to this thing in Italy that I told you about earlier.

And like I directed,

I directed two films.

I've never directed a film with other people.

I've never used actors.

I've never I've never written a screenplay.

I've never been the director of photography.

I was a director of photography on somebody else's film.

Like,

Didn't know what I was doing at all.

I was willing to do that.

It was really embarrassing for me because I don't like looking like I don't know I'm doing but I don't I just don't know.

And so I was willing I'm like,

Willing to like,

Be the sidekick.

I'm willing to to say like,

I'm willing to ask for money to do these products to do to do somebody's headshots or something.

There's something in the desperation piece that I'm hearing if like,

Oh,

It's simplicity,

Because I'm like,

I feel a little FOMO for like the desperation you're talking about.

And I was like,

I just said I don't want to feel desperation.

It sounds so much simpler than like,

Right now I'm looking at my desk right now I have like seven different things I've been working on this morning.

And I feel so overwhelmed.

Like I was afraid to like start writing today because not because I don't want to write any one thing but because I have like seven different things that I'm all like are half done.

But like when you're desperate,

Like it's this is the thing.

And it feels like something's easier on your mind.

I know I just when I was before I and so I allowed myself to get just this is what I was afraid of.

I was afraid I was actually afraid of getting this desperate.

I was afraid of feeling this.

So I was basically like,

I don't really care about film for many years.

And I was you literally like if you asked me what's your passion?

I wouldn't have said this because I didn't know.

Like I like I didn't acknowledge it to myself.

It wasn't until I like accidentally started doing like I'm telling you,

Like,

Seven years ago,

I started making a short film.

And I made about 30 seconds of it.

And I was like,

Oh,

My,

I was like,

Basically what happened is,

Is it started,

It started,

It was really awesome.

And it was really fun,

Fun and easy to do for me.

And I was like,

Oh,

Shit.

And I just I didn't finish it.

And I made about 30 seconds.

I didn't.

I said,

I don't know what happened in my mind.

But I shut it,

I shut it down.

And I remember watching movies when I was a kid and being so moved by them.

And I'm,

I,

You know,

Social media,

Like video has become huge for social media,

You scroll through Facebook,

Instagram,

And you see these beautiful little shorts that inspire.

And I've long known that those are valuable.

And I've wanted to have someone make one about me.

I never like I never let myself consider that I wanted to do that until I did it.

And then I was like,

Oh,

Shit,

I can't.

It just haunted me.

I was afraid to acknowledge it.

I didn't want that desperation,

That feeling of I have to do this because I knew what I'd have to give up.

Or I thought I or I had I had beliefs and ideas about what I'd have to give up.

Yeah,

I don't know if those were true.

So what actually have you given up so far as in fart?

Okay,

That's the big.

Yeah,

That was the that's the big one.

I gave up my company.

And that's about it.

Oh,

All right.

Actually,

What I wanted to get my company anyway,

I just,

I couldn't convince myself to do it because it was,

It seemed ridiculous.

We just built it.

It's going really well.

You know,

It was exactly what I said I wanted to combine travel and coaching.

So yeah,

It,

That's the hard thing.

And you know,

Antisa was instrumental in this my business partner,

Antisa,

She were talking,

I was saying,

I want to go do this films,

I want to go to film school.

That's a whole other story how that happened.

I literally I'm,

I am staying with a friend in Prague,

A friend that I met in Georgia,

The country who's American,

Who the day after I told Antisa,

Okay,

I want to go to film school in Italy.

I'm admitting it.

I'm acknowledging I'm saying it out loud.

And it was so taboo for me to say it out loud,

Because I'm supposed to be totally invested in this whole other thing.

I said it out loud.

The next day,

I meet David.

He happens to be a filmmaker.

I said,

You know,

It's so weird.

Yesterday I was saying I want to go to film school in Italy.

And he goes,

I got to go to China,

Manawari.

And I was like,

What's that?

It's the thing I just went to for five weeks.

It happened the next day after I was like,

I allowed it to be.

And the next day,

It was already starting like the wheels started turning and the like it started to provide universal to provide.

Oh,

It's so crazy.

And I was just like,

Okay,

So this so this is obviously a thing that I have to allow.

I have to say yes to because I say yes,

Like the things will come.

It's been it's been really awesome.

Like I've keep having all these opportunities come up.

The timing keeps being right.

It's just really crazy how that happens.

But yeah,

I have the company.

I had wanted to it.

I had I had been feeling the,

You know,

The,

Like I said,

The tension between the two desires.

But yeah,

The thing that I was trying to say before I went on that tangent was that it was so inconvenient,

This desire,

It felt so inconvenient,

As they often do,

Right.

And the other ones felt so obvious.

And like,

I had all these things.

It was like,

Okay,

There was adventure wake.

It was like,

I was blogging.

And I was like,

Oh,

How like,

I'm doing the marketing and da da da da da and like trying to think.

And I had like,

Like you said,

Like,

I had 10 things on my desk,

And I was overwhelmed and,

And I couldn't find the motivation to do any of them.

Like,

They all felt flat in my soul.

I don't know how to like,

Yeah,

I'm actually kind of feeling I mean,

I just said like,

I just kind of went right now with all my little projects.

And,

And I was sitting with Antisa.

And she was like,

Can I just say a thing?

And I was like,

Sure.

And she was like,

I think you should really take a look at what,

What of all of these things that you want to do in your life that you're saying that you want to pursue which one of which of them are compensatory.

Their conflict.

For the listeners who don't know what that means.

It's like,

Which of those desires are you doing for a reason other than pure and utter desire,

But you're actually doing them for like the things I listed off money,

Because you think you're supposed to because you think it looks good.

Because you said you're going to like all like,

And there's many other reasons why people do things.

She's like,

Which ones of those and I was like,

I don't want to look at this.

And I,

But I,

But I did and I realized,

Wow,

Okay,

Yeah,

There's a lot of that going on.

This one,

The film one,

But it was specifically film.

It was created.

It was my,

It was visual arts creativity.

But films,

The most specific of them was film.

Yeah.

What are the elements of true desire for you?

I'm kind of asking for me,

Like,

Yeah,

Clear on myself,

But like,

Like,

What it was like the compensatory thing you have identified,

Like,

It's for things,

It's for something that's not genuine.

Like,

How do you how do you personally know when you have a true desire,

As opposed to like,

Oh,

That's another good idea?

Like,

Yeah,

We're sure you have 10 good ideas a day that are not necessarily true.

Yeah.

I mean,

I put them through the compensatory desire checklist.

Okay.

So this film school thing,

Right,

That we just are starting,

I had to think about it,

I was like,

Is this compensatory?

Is this because I think I can't do just,

You know,

Make movies,

You know?

Just do visual storytelling?

Is this because I think I can't do that?

And so I was like,

Okay,

So if it were,

If I were,

If it were compensatory,

What would I what would be the reasons why I was doing this?

What are what are some of the things that I think I'm going to get out of this?

What are the,

The,

You know,

In print in quotes,

Like,

What are the stories I'm telling myself about where this goes and why?

Yeah.

This reminds me of the thing with the watch this season.

I don't know.

Yeah,

But I don't know if you should say this on here because spoiler alert if you're not in the season,

You know,

Cover your mouth was making me think of like the Peter Bailish thing which he says the sound so like,

If your enemy's worst thing was true,

Could their behavior justify it?

So exactly.

Okay,

So if this were a compensatory desire,

What would be what would you be compensating for?

What Why would what would be your motive?

Your,

You know,

Your,

Your dark motivations for doing this,

Desperate or scared or scarce motivations or fearful motivations for choosing this?

And just get really honest with yourself.

You know,

Like,

Am I doing it for those reasons?

And if I am,

In any way?

Is it balanced enough?

Is it is it?

Is it actually more for desire than those other things?

It's,

It's okay,

And it's natural to have a little bit of those other things mixed in there.

You know,

Like,

I want to do this,

I want to do I want to do fun,

But I also would like to be successful at it and have be prestigious.

That's totally not why.

That's not the thing inside me that just like freaks out when I think about not doing it like the thing that just like,

Like feels like it's if I don't do it,

Like I'm a part of who I am just is just like not getting its nutrients like is going to be malnourished and and and hold on.

Okay,

Put this right here.

No cat here.

She's gonna hop all over the computer anyway.

So but right like I feel a sense of loss without it.

Like a real sense of something missing without it.

I think that's maybe another test.

How often do your true desires sometimes feel untrue?

Or like what I mean is like,

Example would be like I started this podcast again,

Because I realized like,

Oh,

I guess as long as I don't worry about like,

How is this benefiting my life for my career,

I guess the most fun thing for me to do.

But almost always not always,

But this morning,

Definitely,

Because I feel overwhelmed and resistant,

Like I just didn't want to show up.

Two minutes later,

It's like,

Oh,

This is a remembered I just like doing these conversations.

I've already gained a lot in like the last two minutes.

I know.

Like,

I mean,

If I didn't know you,

I this is a chance I would have flaked on you.

I've been like,

I got to reschedule something,

Something like I had that impulse at least because I just didn't want to do things.

And I often feel that way about things that I know I actually want.

Or maybe I maybe I don't have to look closer at that.

But like,

At some point,

I'm really excited.

And then at some point,

I feel pressure to do and I don't want to do it anymore.

Does that mean?

Yeah.

And like,

What do I do?

How do you prevent yourself from like being Oh,

It's a compensatory behavior?

Let me go on to the next thing.

Um,

That's a good question.

I'm thinking of an example of when I was at this,

This thing just recently with the with all the 80 filmmakers,

I was I was exhausted.

I wasn't getting a good sleep.

And it was,

There's people running around being crazy all the time.

So I was exhausted.

I just the week before made two films and acted in another one and did photo photography for a fourth one.

And I didn't want to make anything that week.

I just didn't I,

I didn't have the drive to do anything that week.

And I was like,

In a space in a mindspace of like,

No.

And I didn't I didn't make anything that week.

And then I because what I was like,

It's okay for me to rest at this week.

I don't feel inspired.

I can't think of anything.

I for me,

I felt I,

I'm not saying I,

I definitely know I still want to do film.

I just don't want to do it here.

Like,

This,

This environment,

Like I had all these thoughts of,

Okay,

Summer,

You got to be able to want it even even in any environment.

And I was like,

I know,

But I don't I don't right now.

Why don't I just give myself the space to feel to not you know,

To not push and then to feel the desire again,

Because like,

I needed I needed to re,

So I needed to reset like I needed to be able to,

To feel like I wanted to do something in order to come up with anything.

I mean,

It's creativity.

Like,

And so I just,

I just sat that one out.

And I,

I like decompressed a little bit.

And I got creative again.

I don't know,

I just let myself I let myself have it.

I in a way like I did.

I had my doubts.

Like I felt I went.

I think I had a couple days where I was like,

I should I shouldn't not want to do do anything this week.

Like,

I should want to like,

If I really like want this,

I should want to.

But I took the whole the whole situation into consideration.

I was like,

I'm not used to living this way.

It was too much.

Like I was in a particular state.

You know,

And I just kind of like I was not like all doomsday about it with myself.

I think I gave myself enough leeway to like,

What my little desires head pop it out again and be like,

Okay,

I'm ready.

Instead of instead of like,

Just like really being harsh with myself.

It's made me think of quit stuff.

Like the whole Yeah,

Just like,

Oh,

Yeah,

I think that's something I get challenged with because I like with writing just as an example,

Like,

I know I get a benefit out of writing every day or like doing something regularly,

Whether I feel like it or not.

But then I also get into a habit of forcing it sometimes and then I take a break and then sometimes I get in my head about taking a too long break.

Like I've taken months long break and I'm like,

I wasted three months and this is this is what my neurosis sounds like.

Or my Yeah,

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know,

I've been told before.

I don't know how true this is.

I didn't think it was true.

But I've been told before that I have a really good radar for being able to tell what it's when,

When it's time to sort of change the stroke,

As we say,

Like,

Where it's time to do something you've been you've had discipline,

You've gone,

And you keep there's a point sometimes where you keep pushing because,

You know,

For the sake of discipline,

When it's actually not the thing that's needed,

And I,

And I've been gentle enough sometimes with my system to say,

Look,

We had we had a good run with this thing,

And it's no longer the thing and or it's not even not necessarily no longer,

But for right now,

I can feel it's not the thing that's needed,

What's needed is something else.

And I'm totally willing to go back to this.

But what's needed is something else.

And I think that I personally balanced that with laziness,

Because sometimes I'm just lazy.

So it's a but I don't know,

I wrote a whole thing a couple months ago on laziness,

I don't even think laziness is not laziness,

Laziness is always something else.

Laziness is overwhelmed,

Or laziness is like we said,

You're,

You're going after the compensatory thing and you don't have the natural momentum pulling you.

And so you have to use like you're going upstream.

I don't think laziness is just a flaw in character.

Although I do think there's a thing called grit,

Which is a willingness to keep going through failures,

Through doing the next little thing when there's like 100 things.

Yeah,

I guess that's mastery,

Especially with the creative process,

Like what winning,

Knowing when you need to chill and when to grit it through.

I am curious about your creative process in general,

Like,

Do you have like things you're doing now or you've done that,

Like,

Because I know at one point,

You were writing like multiple articles a week,

Which I was like,

Whoa,

Like,

That's like the most words anyone's created that I know in like a week.

Yeah,

That was cool.

I was I was doing two,

Two articles a week,

I set that goal for myself.

And I actually think I only did it for two months.

Which maybe that's kind of a long time to do that.

Yeah.

I'll be honest with you,

My creative process suffers because in some regards,

Because I'm traveling all the time.

And like,

In terms of like having a routine,

I don't really have one.

And you know,

I think really,

No,

Not really,

I I've been weighing,

There's so much opportunity for me out in the world,

Going around and like,

Dropping into different people's lives and all that I can get from that.

But I really,

I really do crave the ability to build a routine.

Like,

It's optimization,

Being able to optimize my energy in my life.

And I don't have that right now.

But it's good.

I think it's a really good thing to be able to do.

When I'm optimized,

I,

You know,

Morning pages,

Right?

Like,

I get up and I do morning pages,

It's amazing.

It gets it for those of you don't know morning pages from the artists way.

And it's you write 750 words in the morning before you check your phone before you get out of bed,

You just start to write.

And you just like,

You just you don't know what's going to come out.

But you discover things,

You get things through move them through your system that you wouldn't all day otherwise,

If you didn't do that.

And I find that incredibly valuable for finding topics to write about.

So when I was doing that,

I was also doing more morning pages,

Because morning pages got me topics to write on.

And also,

I would just I would take stuff that I'd written in morning pages and drop it into my blogs and,

You know,

Fancy it up.

Because it was just,

Yeah,

So that that really works.

I think I think do we like setting aside time,

I mean,

Everybody will tell you this artists will tell you this setting aside time.

That is that you put towards your craft every day is it's just a generally a good practice.

I'm in the midst now I'm starting to build a new business.

And so I anticipate that I will be putting a lot of attention towards that.

And for but for me,

The difference is it's basically it's like adventure awake,

Except for I don't go on the trips and not film.

I actually go on the trips and it's all about film.

So yeah,

Yeah,

I mean,

That takes a lot that takes a lot of a lot of energy and attention as well to start,

You know,

Obviously just start to start a thing.

But when I office cat,

Sorry,

I'm getting distracted because this cat is trying to trying trying her best to sit on top of the keyboard.

Yeah,

Why do cats like that?

It's like a thing.

It's hot.

It's warm.

Yeah.

They like to they like anything they just sit and sleep in the sun and on keyboards.

Yeah,

My but honestly,

My creative process is really chaotic.

And I just kind of like I,

I try to collaborate.

I watch a lot of stuff.

Here's another thing I put myself not put myself,

I expose myself just to other people's art,

Like as much as I can try to I spend a couple hours a day watching short films,

Or watch Mr.

Robot.

No.

Oh,

If you heard of it,

It's a show on.

I have heard of it.

It's a good channel.

It's really good.

Reminds me of people we know.

But like what is really cool about that show from a filmmaking perspective is the cinematography of how they film dialogue.

I know you're like,

What are the few people who I think I can even tell this to like the way that they they put the head in the lower third of the frame,

And they put the other person outside of the screen.

So it makes it really like,

Cool to watch.

Anyway,

Yeah,

If you just watch a dialogue scene from that.

That sounds painful,

But I'm so interested now.

Yeah.

Yeah,

They have really interesting cinematography.

Yeah.

That's all you I made a movie.

So what?

Sorry,

I made a movie a few years ago.

Or no last year.

Yeah,

It was last year.

Oh,

Yeah.

Ruan,

I don't know why I wasn't like this wasn't on my mind,

But you make these awesome little films.

Yeah,

I haven't in a while.

But um,

Yeah,

Like,

I think it's just a year and a half ago.

It was end of 2015.

So yeah,

Two years ago.

Yeah,

I took like six months off of coaching and I worked on this film.

I wrote the screenplay,

And I was in it.

And it was directed by this guy.

I mean,

Ode Rashidi is actually like a award winning filmmaker.

And it was awesome.

I got back from it.

I was like,

I want to be a filmmaker.

And we started working on some scripts.

And I realized like how tough like that life is and just like,

I'm just gonna go back to coaching.

So I did,

But it was really awesome.

Yeah.

And it's funny,

Like this morning,

As I was procrastinating three different projects,

Like,

He's been asking me to write a short for him at some point.

And I was like,

I put it off.

And I just started writing it this morning as procrastination for what I said I was going to do.

So I don't know if I'll finish it.

But like,

It's a fun little thing.

Like thinking about.

Ah,

That's awesome.

We should collaborate.

I don't know if it's a true desire of yours.

But yeah,

I mean,

I love writing pages of scripts.

I don't like I haven't finished too many things.

But other than that one movie,

But I can't even imagine writing pages of scripts.

Like for me,

That's just like,

Not at all what I want to do.

That's my favorite thing.

Because like I did,

I had a few roles in this film,

Because it's a fairly low budget.

But I'm writing dialogues,

My favorite thing is constructing the story is definitely not like he did that as the director.

But like,

I just love I could like you give me a character.

And I'll like I'll just write their thoughts forever.

Wow,

I mean,

Wow,

That's it's so interesting to hear this from you.

Being somebody who that's like the probably the main area of filmmaking that I don't connect to at all.

It's so interesting to hear your sort of enjoyment and passion about it.

Like in my mind,

I'm just like,

Why would anybody want to do that?

Yeah,

I love it.

It's what I do in my head.

Like I just have these imaginary conversations.

So it's like I just pull a character out.

You know what,

I will finish it by the end of this year.

And I will send it to you.

I might finish it tomorrow.

It's only gonna be a few pages,

But I don't want to oversight over promise.

Maybe a student project or something.

Yeah,

Totally.

I would love to.

It's so interesting.

Oh,

Yeah.

So what's um,

What is the school exactly when to start?

Who's it for?

How does it work?

It's um,

So we what here's what we have plans.

You are you familiar with the red weapon camera?

No,

I don't have a red dragon.

Same company.

I see.

Okay.

It's the most that's yeah,

It's a it's like the most prestigious camera you can possibly shoot on.

My friend has one.

He works at Accenture saved up his money and bought a red dragon.

And I'm battling a cat on the side over here.

Okay.

And so I max quality camera.

Yes.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And he's got it.

And our basically our selling point is okay,

So you can shoot on the red.

We're going to submit your film to the to the short the short film corner it can and it they they accept and screen all the films that are not devoid of artistic value in any way or that are not plagiarized or using copyrighted material,

But they said so we're going to get everybody who comes to our school we're going to get all their films into can and basically we're starting in India,

Which is a weird place to start but we have a very good reason for that.

And like we're in Prague right now and the Prague film school is like every year more and more Indians come Indians do not they have film.

They have film education in India,

But I think a lot of them are really interested in like for it like foreign film education not not Indian teachers and we would love to tap in that market.

So we're going to India we're gonna cool we're gonna get a presence in India and that's starting in January.

We're gonna after that we're going to the country of Georgia because they also they have a lot of filmmakers there and they were shooting and you love it.

I do.

And it's not only it's not only me like we've got a lot of people there.

We know a lot of people we know a lot of filmmakers there.

And then we'll probably remember that we're going to do one in can that's all about networking and production like being producing getting your film out there and all that stuff and rubbing shoulders and all that.

We're gonna do one in Prague.

But anyway,

There's a I mean,

We're gonna we're gonna teach screenwriting cinematography directing and what's what I'm editing and we've got some really great teachers on board already who are leaders in the fields who are who have like who are either already teachers or just professionals who've been who've been working on feature films or whatever it might be.

So we've got a lot of good teachers and we're gonna Oh,

Here's the coolest thing about it.

I for I can't believe I didn't tell you this first.

The reason why I'm involved is that we're it's a mindfulness and filmmaking we're teaching.

I'm going to be leading like,

I don't know if it's workshops or if we're just basically going to be doing check ins and like,

I'm someone on one coaching with people but the places where people get stuck in their creative process and in their ability to collaborate with others and where their ego gets in the way and where their fear gets in the way and where their beliefs and their judgments get in the way of letting like all of what's in them out,

I'm going to work with them on that.

And that's really what I'm,

I've been really excited about that part of it,

Because it's not something that exists in any of the other film schools.

And so we've got a lot on our plate,

We've got travel,

We've got coaching,

And we've got,

You know,

Our film curriculum,

They're gonna,

They're gonna come,

They're gonna do a lot of lectures,

Then they're gonna do some,

They're gonna do workshop exercises,

They're gonna make,

You know,

Group exercises,

And they're actually gonna make a film that we're gonna that's like fit for screening,

Like,

Write,

Write it and produce it and direct it and film it and edit it and finish it.

So we Yeah,

For three weeks.

Cool.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I assume like,

Probably don't have a website up yet.

Right?

No,

No,

Not yet.

No.

All right.

Well,

We just began this week.

But that's,

That's our next step.

So yeah.

Yeah.

That's awesome.

Yeah.

Maybe I'll come.

I mean,

God,

It would be so awesome if you came.

Imagine that.

Yeah.

Oh,

My God.

I forgot about you and your whole little filmmaking thing.

You're awesome at it,

Too.

Yeah,

Thanks.

Yeah.

Camera,

Actually,

I,

One of the things I decided to stop spending time on was video editing,

Which I still like,

But I realized I didn't love it.

And it takes so much time.

So I think I'm hiring someone off the internet.

I think he lives in Georgia,

Actually.

It's some country around there.

I wonder if I know him.

Yeah,

Well,

You should hire me.

I love video editing.

Okay,

Cool.

But maybe you should hire this Georgia guy because he probably needs it.

Yeah,

He's,

He also works inexpensively.

Sweet.

So yeah,

I mean,

Last,

I guess more personal development questions,

But what do you want to say to people who are I'm sure there's a lot of people who will listen,

Who have that internal resistance about taking the lead?

I just talked,

I've maybe you saw I posted this thing on Facebook about it a couple days ago.

And I asked people to I said,

Like,

Let's talk about it.

I want to get more fluent in this conversation.

So I want to talk to people.

I talked to a woman for like,

Almost two.

We went a little long,

For almost two hours.

Because she had this.

She was like,

She was like you and I,

She had all these things on her desk of all these things she was trying to pursue,

That she felt like she,

She was disappointed in herself because she wasn't getting going with them.

And she,

She also had this huge,

Just this huge desire to do this,

This other thing.

And I don't want to out her but it's,

She's a dancer,

Okay.

And so she comes alive in that space when she's,

She doesn't particularly want to teach it.

She doesn't particularly want to,

Like,

Do dance theory,

She wants to dance.

And I was like,

Why?

So what do you tell yourself about why you can't,

Why you can't do that?

And just as I'm not good enough.

And this applies to every creative pursuit or even like,

I mean,

Not even just artistic pursuits,

But like every pursuit,

You're not good enough yet,

Because you don't have the practice and you're not as good as other as other people at it,

Because you haven't practiced as much as them.

And you have an idea of how good you want to be.

And you see other people doing it and you have,

You know,

You're able to,

To discern what good looks like.

And you're not there yet.

And it's very discouraging.

And all I'd say is that you have to do it,

You have to do it every day,

You have to do it every week,

You have to practice,

It's just getting a body of work out there.

Like,

It's just like putting yourself into it on a regular basis.

This is why I wrote for,

You know,

Two articles a week for for that long is because I was like,

I need to create a body of work because in doing so,

Well,

Not only do I have a body of work,

But I will learn I will get better,

I will perfect my craft,

I will like really hone in on what my voice is that that that that's,

That's the,

That's the only thing that will get you to where you want to go.

It's not even that you need to be particularly talented,

And it helps to be talented,

But that's not what gets people success in any field.

It's not just talent.

There's so many people with talent who don't have the grit to keep going and see it through.

And that grit is the primary thing that leads to success.

And to sit like if you ever tell yourself,

So I think the reason why a lot of people don't do it is I'm not good enough,

I think that's the reason most of us don't do the thing we really want to do,

Or did get discouraged by it is like,

I'm not good enough to make a living at that.

And so why should I really pursue it?

It's like,

Yeah,

You're not.

Maybe maybe you're not now maybe you are made,

You know,

That's even another assumption is that you're not good enough now to start charging for what you do,

But maybe you are.

But even if you're not,

You can get good.

It takes time and it takes a lot of practice.

Practice is the thing.

As like all things.

That's what I would say.

I would say just like,

Start doing it.

Do it,

Do it,

Do it.

Well,

Thanks,

Summer.

You're welcome.

Thank you.

I am going to think I took usually just take notes of questions I'm going to ask,

But I actually took a bunch of notes of things for me to think about,

About my busy desk.

So this is super awesome.

I'm glad I didn't get too resistant and showing up.

Ah,

Yay.

Thanks.

I'm glad it was helpful.

It's good for me too.

You asked me some things where I had to be like,

Hmm.

Is it really a true desire?

Yeah.

So people can find you at summeringmin.

Com?

As always,

Yes.

And shoot,

I will probably link to the film school from there in case anybody's looking for that.

We don't,

We don't have a name yet.

When you do,

When you have a website up in December or whatever,

We'll bring you back on and you can talk about it.

Perfect.

Yeah.

Sweet.

All right.

All right.

Ciao.

Bye.

Bye.

Thanks for listening.

Don't forget to subscribe on iTunes or Stitcher.

If you want to be a part of the virtual audience for future episodes,

Make sure to follow me at crowdcast.

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Bye.