Christmas Dharma: Dharma From The Grinch

In this holiday themed Dharma talk, Dr. Cheryl Fraser uses the story of the Grinch who Stole Christmas to illustrate the nature of the three root poisons, their antidotes, and how our hearts can grow three sizes when we practice bodhicitta, the unfolding of heart mind.

Transcript

So,

I have a question for everybody.

You don't need to answer it out loud,

But by show of hands if your answer is yes,

Do you still believe in Santa Claus?

Not one,

Not one.

Well,

That's probably a rational response,

But I'm going to tell you a story about when I was a little kid,

Six,

Seven,

Eight years old,

Something like that.

And I grew up in Duncan,

Close by,

And I was very lucky in that both sets of my grandparents lived in the same town,

And all four of them were just really lovely people.

And my sister,

My brother,

And I were the only grandkids.

We were a reasonably small family.

So family celebrations,

Birthdays,

Easter,

Thanksgiving,

And particularly Christmas were really quite wonderful at our house.

I mean,

Granny and granddad each lived about 10 minutes away in different parts of town,

And we got a lot of stuff.

They were very kind,

And they adored us.

We were adorable.

So our Christmas mornings were really,

Really lovely,

And I hope that was the case for a lot of you.

In the traditional kind of way,

Mom and dad always did really nice stockings for us with fun stuff in them,

And our deal was I think we were allowed to wake them up after 5 a.

M.

,

Which is pretty nice,

Pretty early,

And we would grab our stockings,

And we'd go running into their bed,

And we'd jump on their bed,

And,

You know,

It's Christmas,

It's Christmas,

Wired,

Of course,

And we were allowed to open our stockings on their bed,

And dad would get out that,

The kind of camera where you had to wave the picture around and peel it.

What were those called again?

Those ones,

The Polaroids.

Thanks everybody.

And so we got these faded Polaroids of these,

You know,

Hyper kids,

And mom going,

I mean,

Maybe he's up until,

You know,

10 at night or whatever,

Putting batteries and things.

So it was really lovely.

And then my parents were crafty people,

Smart people,

And so dad would choose one gift from under the tree for each of us three kids that he knew would keep us busy until around 9,

10 a.

M.

When the grandparents arrived,

Something you had to put together or play with,

Keep you occupied.

And then granny and granddad one and granny and granddad two would arrive,

Like,

Staggering with boxes of wrapped awesomeness,

And pile up the tree.

It was quite ridiculous,

The amount of generosity.

And we'd have gifts all around,

And we'd have a beautiful Christmas lunch,

And it was really,

Really lovely.

And you probably,

Most all of you remember,

Some of you may have had very difficult childhoods where these sorts of things did not occur for you.

But for probably a lot of us,

There's some variation on some of those sorts of memories,

Good,

Bad,

Or in between.

But the point of this story is the next day,

Which as you know,

In Canada,

We call it Boxing Day.

And the day after,

We usually used to go to one of the grandparents' houses for another dinner.

But I vividly remember one Boxing Day in particular,

Five of us,

Mom,

Dad,

And us three kids were piled in the car and driving 10,

11 minutes to granny and granddad Frazer's house.

And I remember it was raining,

And it was drizzly,

And it was gray,

And it was miserable out.

And I remember looking in the daylight at the houses,

Which sort of had their pale,

Watery lights on because it was daylight,

Miserable,

And nothing looked sparkly anymore.

And nothing looked exciting anymore.

And nothing looked wonderful anymore.

And I really remember sitting in the back seat and looking out and the rain coming down the windowpane and feeling what we would call now very depressed.

This sort of bleakness of it's all over now.

And I mean,

You probably remember some variation of that.

You see it maybe in your own kids and grandkids or people around where there's so much buildup.

The Santa Claus and Christmas and the presents and the stuff.

Greedy monkey and the stuff.

It's not all bad.

It's beautiful to give anyone a gift that lights them up and brings them joy.

There's nothing wrong with giving gifts.

There's nothing wrong with receiving gifts with grace.

But I'm talking about a quality of clinging,

Of grasping,

Of attachment,

Of greed,

Of that first poisonous emotion we've been talking about where we mistakenly believe,

Which is the third poisonous emotion,

That's the diluted one,

That stuff will make us happy forever.

We don't literally believe that as adults,

Although we still act like it sometimes.

But as kids,

It's like we're so excited to get the thing we want.

And we get it.

And maybe it's great by the way.

I got one year,

I remember granddad carrying it in.

I was so excited.

It was a stuffed toy dog that was about this big and floppy ears.

It was pink and white,

Which is weird because I didn't like pink,

But I loved that giant stuffy dog.

I think one of my friends had one and I was desperate to have one.

And I remember granddad coming in with this giant pink stuffy dog,

But it didn't keep me happy forever.

It kept me happy for a little while,

Now and then it would bring me happiness.

And this is the four noble truths of Buddha Dharma,

Which we haven't covered overtly in this retreat,

But that we cling,

We want something,

We're in a state of wanting,

It could also be called the greed poison.

And then we get the thing,

If we're lucky,

Often we don't.

And then it's kind of good for a while,

A minute,

A day.

I don't know that anything lasts for a week.

And then there's a letdown.

Then we could get into the second poisonous emotion of irritation or anger or disappointment or ugliness.

So here I was kind of a picture perfect family Christmas,

But the next day I felt despair,

Literal despair.

I remember it viscerally,

This awareness that is that it?

It's over now.

It's 364 more days till the good thing happens again,

Till Santa comes again.

And feeling so,

So bleak.

I think that was the beginning of my Buddhist path.

I just didn't know it yet.

It's like,

Oh,

Stuff ain't it.

So when I asked you,

Tongue firmly in cheek,

Who here still believes in Santa Claus in the 25 or 30 of you,

No one said I do.

But I'm going to challenge you a little bit because every time you fall madly in love,

You believe in Santa Claus.

Every time you think you found the one,

The soulmate,

The one who's going to keep me what?

Say it together,

Happily ever after.

It's a variation on what I like to call the Santa Claus effect,

Which is that something outside of ourself,

In that case,

A lovely chubby guy in a red suit will bring us something that will keep us happy.

Again,

We don't literally believe that,

But it's surprising how often we act as though that's true.

If only I could get that job.

If only we can close the deal on our dream house.

We even call it our dream house.

And there's an implication and often an unexamined feeling that that'll do it.

Only love will do it.

Anybody here as madly in love in this moment as you were in the same way 10 years ago?

Sorry,

Babe,

But it's a big no.

Lots of love,

Lots of awesomeness,

But barn it.

The third,

The fourth,

The fifth soulmate.

Did you catch that?

Supposed to be one.

Didn't do the trick and that's okay because they're a beautiful,

Perfectly imperfect person.

But what I'm calling tonight the Santa Claus effect is waiting for something outside of ourself to bring us the happiness.

Moving from one present,

One gift,

One neat thing,

One object,

One shiny object to another.

When one gets worn out or broken,

Seeking another.

When that's worn out or broken,

Seeking another.

This is the root of all suffering in Buddha Dharma.

This is also that first root poison of greed or longing or wanting.

And again,

When we don't get what we want,

We have a tantrum.

And that's the second root poison of anger,

Aversion,

Or irritation.

And the third root poison,

Which is the real root of all of it,

Is a misunderstanding that nothing external can bring us lasting happiness,

Not even the most wonderful things like a beautiful human being to love and share our life with.

That's a wonderful thing,

But it doesn't keep us happily ever after.

The only source of true,

Continual,

Or reliable happiness is within,

Is training that mind and heart the way we've been doing,

Cultivating a peaceful heart that can deal with tough circumstances with more grace and equanimity,

Cultivating that wonderful heart.

And please,

Don't think I'm being negative at all about beautiful things,

Warm,

Wholesome homes,

And certainly loving relationships and friends,

Family,

Children.

Those are beautiful things.

Cultivate them,

Edify them.

Be a great friend,

A great parent,

A great partner,

A great child to your own parents.

Absolutely,

Absolutely enjoy and relish and cultivate beauty and connection and love and non-soulmates,

Regular imperfect people you could build an incredibly interesting life with.

But know that even if you're with someone extraordinary,

And I'm not trying to say anything bad here,

I'm just talking truth,

They could be killed by a bus tomorrow.

Anything outside of ourself is impermanent.

We're impermanent too,

But the one thing we have any agency over is training the mind and heart.

So I wanted to bring that to you first tonight,

The Santa Claus effect.

Stop believing in Santa Claus,

Because you all still do.

But it's,

If I have more money,

I'll be happy.

Or if my horrible neighbor who's cruel to me will move,

I'll be happy,

And so on.

And I hope if you have a horrible neighbor that they do move and they're nice wherever they move to.

I mean,

That would be great.

It's great when circumstances change in a way that's wholesome.

That's wonderful.

But when we count on that,

We're in trouble.

What if that neighbor not only doesn't move,

But moves their entire family of mean people in?

And it gets seven times worse.

We can't predict or have agency over the external.

We can only work with the internal.

So weird little kid me in the back of the car with my wonderful gifts and fun things at home to return to,

Super existential despair the day after with this visceral feeling of that's not what it's all about.

It's not bad.

It can be lovely,

But that moment of awareness of that stuff isn't what it's all about,

Which we've all had in our own ways,

In our own forms,

Probably multiple ways.

However you conceptualize it or experience it,

It's partly why each of us is here this weekend.

So that's the first part of the holiday-themed Dharma talk.

Now the second part,

At popular request of Kim F.

,

We're going to have a little talk about this guy.

If you don't know my green buddy,

This is the Grinch who stole Christmas.

Anybody not know the story?

Oh,

That's good.

I taught this once and a bunch of people didn't know the Grinch.

They clearly had a terrible childhood.

Best Dharma story ever.

You didn't know that,

Did you?

Well hang tight.

Alright,

As you,

Everybody in the room,

Acquaintanceship with,

And if not,

I've brought some remedial reading you can check out tomorrow.

Very important Dharma tome.

The Grinch who stole Christmas.

And here is the story in case anybody's watching now or later that's not entirely sure what the green dude with the evil grin is all about.

So this is a Christmas fable,

A Christmas fable that I believe the television version that a lot of us know,

I think that came out in 1964,

Which was my birth year,

Which is the only reason I remember.

The book was published around 57.

But many of us grew up watching the Grinch who stole Christmas on television,

Boris Karloff,

The narrator.

And in brief,

It's the story of a fellow who lives on a mountain.

Now in Buddha Dharma,

When you start a story with a person who lives on the mountain,

It's usually a really good story.

They're usually an enlightened yogi who lives on a mountain with tremendous compassion for all beings.

And we might do what?

We might go up the mountain to sit at the foot of that sage and say,

Oh,

Great one,

Please tell me the nature of reality.

And she tells us because all she wants to do in her bodhisattva way is relieve our suffering.

This is not that kind of yogi in the beginning of our story.

The Grinch is at the top of Mount Crumpit,

Lest you forget,

With his dog,

Max.

Max has it going on,

Stay tuned.

But the Grinch doesn't.

The Grinch is up there looking down on the town of Whoville.

Spoiler alert,

The Who's are enlightened beings.

Wait for it.

So the Grinch is up top,

The Who's are down below.

And he stands on Mount Crumpit hating the Who's.

There's that second poison.

He hates them.

He hates their joy.

He hates their sense of community.

He hates their kindness.

He hates their singing.

He hates the noise of Christmas and all the crash commercialism and the bamboozlers and wadoozles and all the things and the toys and the rapping and the bows.

He hates it.

He's bitter.

He hates them all.

Poor guy had a rough childhood.

When someone's that mean,

Your first question should always be,

What's the pain behind it?

But we don't go there right now.

It's just grumpy old Grinch up there in isolation with his dog,

Max.

Max thinks it's all super cool.

Max,

Wonderful actor,

Max.

You got to say there's a whole lot of subtext.

I think he studied with Stella Adler and the great acting teachers of all time,

Because Max can put across a whole lot of emotion with this gesture.

Blink,

Blink.

There's a lot in that gesture.

So there he is.

He loves the Grinch because he's a Bodhisattva dog.

He loves all beings.

He loves the who's.

He loves the Grinch.

He sees through the ugliness of the Grinch to the warm,

Tiny,

Shriveled,

Awful heart that is two sizes too small.

Max has empathy.

He has compassion for the Grinch.

So the Grinch,

As you know,

The story goes,

He's thinking,

I hate this.

I got to go through this again.

This is terrible.

Ends up on Mount Crumpit on Christmas Eve,

Hating the who's.

Meanwhile,

We go down there and they're all just filled with love and light,

Joy,

Community,

Complete sangha,

Just peace and love,

Happy hearts,

Peaceful minds,

Love for all beings.

And he decides there's something he could actually do.

The Grinch has an idea.

We know what kind,

Right?

The Grinch has a terrible,

Awful idea.

I can stop Christmas from coming.

But how?

And he decides,

The story goes on,

He makes a Santa Claus hat and a suit,

And he turns poor beleaguered Max into a reindeer by tying a big reindeer horn to his head with a piece of string.

In the cartoon,

We love it because then Max goes,

Eee,

And plunk,

Because the thing's too heavy,

And he saws it off.

So he's going to pretend to be Santa Claus,

But the evil Santa Claus.

You know the story.

Not everybody watching might.

So he piles up the sleigh with all sorts of empty sacks,

And he decides he's going to go down full on greed and hatred.

He's going to take all the stuff,

All the toys,

All the food,

All the trappings,

All the beautiful decorations,

A Christmas tree with a light at the top,

A symbol for this talk and perhaps all around the world of light,

Of awakening,

Of joy,

Of a fully awake mind,

The glowing light,

The glowing heart.

He's going to steal it.

He's going to take it.

He's going to take everything.

So he goes down,

Much mayhem ensues,

Completely unrealistic relationship to gravity ensues.

It's all good.

And the Grinch goes to each and every house,

And he takes everything.

You know this.

He takes everything they have.

He takes the cans of who hash,

Whole different thing.

Makes me wonder why those who's are so happy if they've all got who hash.

Let's assume it's an innocent ambrosia fluid that has nothing to do with the vernacular meaning in British Columbia of hash.

Okay.

Strike that from the record,

Internet people.

I'm going to get a lawsuit now from the Seuss estate,

I just realized.

Oh man,

Cut the feed,

Cut the feed.

And he steals the rare who roast beef,

And he leaves,

And he piles and piles and Pearl Max,

You know,

It's getting not squashed by all these things falling on him and all that happens and they pile and they pile and they pile.

And you remember what he leaves behind?

He leaves a crumb too small for a mouse.

That's all he leaves.

That's all he leaves.

And then he's got all this stuff,

And he's absolutely delighted.

He he,

The false Santa Claus cries.

And for the very last,

Last,

Last,

Last,

Taking the Christmas tree,

And he's going to stuff it up the chimney,

And one of the baubles rolls off,

And it rolls into a bedroom where there's a little,

Three little kids asleep with their little candy canes,

Remember that one?

Little Cindy Lou Who,

Who's what?

No more than two.

And she wakes up.

And the lines say,

This is the traditional lines of the original publication,

Almost every line in the cartoon is the exact lines of the book.

I did my research,

People.

I was slaving away all day.

He hears a small sound like the coo of a dove.

Ah,

Ah,

Ah,

Ah,

Ah,

Ah,

Ah.

Right?

Santa Claus,

Why?

Why are you taking our Christmas tree?

Why?

Now,

One of the things that has been pointed out about that story is why the coo of a dove?

Dove,

The bird of peace.

Dove,

The bird of love.

Cindy Lou Who,

Little icon of peace and love.

Does he drop kick her out of the room?

No,

Which is what you'd expect he would do,

Given who he is.

He's kind of doesn't want to hurt the sweet little kid,

So he gives her a cup of milk and says,

Oh,

Santa Claus is taking the tree back to the Norse pole to fix it,

And then I'll bring it back,

The old liar.

Sends her off to bed.

But think about that.

He hates everybody.

He doesn't scream at the kid,

Go to bed,

You little shit.

Oops.

He doesn't do that.

I wouldn't have made a good children's book.

He's kind,

Actually,

In his own way.

He tells a lie,

But he soothes her,

Gives her a cup of milk,

And sends her back to bed.

I would say that's where a little bit of doubt gets planted in the old Grinch's head.

But he ignores it,

Because he hates Who's nail suck.

So he goes back to the top of Mount Crumpet,

Where some crazy gravity-defying stuff happens with that sled,

And he's so excited,

He jumps up.

Now I'm going to hear the sound I want to hear,

Not the clanging and banging and singing and all that awful stuff.

He says,

Their mouths are going to fall open a moment or two,

And then the Whos down in Whoville will all cry,

Boo-hoo.

Think about it for a second.

Think about this literally for a second.

Imagine whether you are or aren't,

Or do or don't.

Imagine that this Christmas Eve in 10 days or so,

Two weeks or so,

Your house is decorated with love,

And the pantry and the fridge are filled with beautiful food you're going to share with your loved ones the next day,

And there's gifts for your loved ones,

And beautiful,

Thoughtful things that you've created that have been very bodhichitta,

Very compassionately,

And it feels lovely,

And you're very pleased,

And you're looking forward to welcoming beautiful people for a beautiful,

Heartfelt celebration.

And imagine you literally woke up,

And we'd all been robbed absolutely blind.

Everything's gone.

Only a crumb too small for a mouse.

How would you actually feel?

I'll leave that with you.

But you probably wouldn't do what the Who's do,

Which is why we know they're enlightened.

The Grinch is listening for the sounds of moaning,

Wailing,

Despair,

And he's just really going to be excited to hear pain,

Because he's filled with the three poisons,

Greed,

Hatred,

And delusion.

And instead,

As you know,

He puts his hand to his ear,

And he says,

This sound,

This sound doesn't sound sad.

This sound,

This sound,

It sounds glad.

And we hear this singing.

Nobody on the planet Earth knows the lyrics.

We all would sing it differently.

Babu bores,

Babu dores.

I know you probably got your own version.

But there's this beautiful song,

And they gather,

And they circle around the place where the Christmas tree used to be in the square.

They circle around in a mandala of light.

They hold hands as a community.

They've lost everything.

Like my friend I told you about the other night,

Whose home and all her possessions,

And my suitcase,

Burned to ash in those horrifying fires.

Can you circle around in the ashes of everything,

All your stuff,

All your belongings,

All your baubles,

And things you care about,

Not counting the humans and the pets,

They're all okay.

And can we still circle up and sing?

Yeah,

We can.

Because the true,

True heart is inside,

And whether all our beautiful things are there to share with people we love,

Or none of our things are there,

We can still share what matters with people we love,

And that's our hearts.

So these beautiful Hoos,

They don't do what probably other villages of little creatures with antenna would do,

Which is get out a lynching party and go the hell up Mount Crumpit.

Right?

I mean,

Seriously.

Own greed,

Hatred,

And delusion.

Someone harms us,

We're going to get them back.

Our own greed,

Hatred,

And delusion subsume us,

And we're not so nice Hoos anymore.

Us,

Who would judge Grinch for having greed,

Hatred,

And delusion?

Look in your mirror,

Look at your heart,

How would you respond?

Could you respond the way a Bodhisattva would,

With community and joy,

And ideally thinking,

The being who did this must be in a tremendous amount of suffering.

Can we help?

So in this story,

The Grinch hears the singing,

And it deeply confuses him,

Because he has no concept of that you could be happy without your stuff.

You could be happy without all these things that matter to you.

How could you possibly be happy?

And then I love the lines in the book,

Along the lines of,

He puzzled and puzzed till his puzzler was sore.

I've had that experience often in life,

Haven't you?

My head hurts when you say,

I can't figure this out.

And then he had this awakening,

This moment of clarity,

Where he says,

I'm doing all this for memory,

But I've watched that show a lot in my life.

I love the Grinch.

That's why I possess things like this,

Because people give them to me,

Because they know how much I love the Grinch.

But he says,

Maybe Christmas,

He says,

Doesn't come from a store.

Maybe Christmas,

He says,

Is a little bit more.

And it's a beautiful little moment of him awakening to the fact that it's not about stuff.

It's not about being mean.

It's not about winning.

It's about love.

It's about the light.

It's about the light of compassion,

The light of loving kindness.

It's about community.

It's about generosity.

It's about the antidote to the three poison.

So in that moment,

Something heroic happens.

The Grinch's small heart does what?

It grows three sizes that day.

That actually makes me want to cry,

Because that's what we've been practicing for the last two days.

How can we help our hearts grow three sizes?

How can we dissolve some of our own crunchy bits,

Our own judgments,

Our greed,

Our delusion,

Our hatred?

How can we love those we don't understand and we don't agree with?

How can we send compassion to persons who,

Due to their own greed,

Hatred,

And delusion,

Are so violently politically opposed to what we believe is just and right?

How can we hold some compassion in our heart for those people,

Even if working to change what they are doing,

If it is harmful?

How can our hearts grow three sizes today and tomorrow and the next day and the day after?

So the Grinch's small heart grows three sizes that day,

And he gets it.

We can call it,

For the purpose of this,

A moment of awakening.

And his greed turns into generosity,

The antidote.

His hatred turns into loving kindness.

And his ignorance,

His belief that he'll be happy if he's mean to everybody else,

It dissolves,

And he sees it for what it is,

It's nonsense.

And that the happiness is to have a large heart and a calm mind and to give where you can and be kind when you can.

I really love a simple quote from His Holiness the Dalai Lama,

Be kind whenever possible,

And it's always possible.

Isn't that beautiful?

Be kind whenever possible,

And it's always possible.

So then,

He comes zooming down in the pack sleigh with Max.

Max is super excited because he's like,

Finally,

Dude,

You got it.

I've been your little Bodhisattva all these years saying there's a good heart in there somewhere.

You love me.

If you love me,

You have capable of love.

And they go down,

And they go into the circle,

And the who's open the circle and invite him in.

No lynch mob.

Enlightened.

You decide.

And the Grinch comes in,

And he gives everything back.

He gives everything back,

And everybody celebrates.

And in my cockeyed interpretation,

The who's realize that they haven't paid attention to this poor,

Lonely,

Lovely being up on the mountain.

And maybe they should have tried harder to invite him into the fold.

And maybe they should have gone up on little day trips and said,

Hi,

Who are you?

We're the who's.

We'd love you to come down for dinner.

But they maybe learn a lesson,

Too.

And then the story ends with everybody at the feast,

And he,

He himself,

The Grinch,

Carves.

I'm going to editorialize here.

He,

He himself,

The Grinch,

Carves the vegetarian roast beast.

No critters will be harmed in tonight's story.

And he's part of the family.

He's accepted with love and grace into the community of warm-hearted beings.

And we don't quite know what happens next.

But it is my hope his heart stays three sizes bigger.

And when he gets frightened,

And when some selfishness beckons,

He feels it.

And his heart maybe goes down one size,

And he nurtures his good heart,

Comes to a meditation retreat,

Practices metta,

Creates a mandala with dark and light,

Does visualizations.

Does some yoga with Lura,

Because he's cold on that mountain,

And Grinchy,

You know,

Looks a little old.

And for 53 years,

I've been sick of this now.

He's 53.

It says so in the book.

By the way,

Dr.

Seuss was 53 when he wrote it.

He says it's about him.

He was sick of commercialism.

Oh,

The backstories.

Fascinating.

Why do 25,

30 adults from ages,

I'm going to say,

25 to 75 in this room,

Not have a grinch?

All of you knew the Grinch.

Why?

Of all the stories.

Why do some stories strike such a chord in our universal psyche?

Why do some stories become archetypal,

Whether it's Luke Skywalker,

You know,

Whether it's Cinderella?

That's a weird one.

But anyway,

Certain stories become archetypal.

And arguably,

According to Jungian psychotherapy and other forms,

It's because they strike a chord in our natural psyche.

So it's a delightful,

If you like it,

Silly little story about a green dude whose heart grows three sizes and gives everything back.

But we resonate with it because our elephants understand it.

And our monkeys go,

Oh,

Yeah,

I can be pretty grinchy sometimes.

Oh,

Yeah,

Sometimes I'm very jealous of people who have something I don't have.

Oh,

Yeah,

Sometimes I feel left out of the love and the circle,

And it can make me bitter.

So in an extraordinarily odd twist,

I believe the Grinch is a great Dharma story.

And I've given a similar talk to this some many years ago,

And I had requests to bring it back this year with pleasure.

So when you watch the Grinch with your family,

With your little boys,

You're teaching them Dharma.

You're teaching them that we can change our hearts.

They can grow three sizes,

And that when we're hurt and jealous and lost and lonely and angry,

It's just a state.

It's just a state.

It's clouds over the sun.

It's temporary.

It can be shifted.

Even after 53 years,

We can open our hearts.

Also adopt a dog.

They can try to keep you honest.

So we've been talking,

I've been introducing through this retreat these three poisonous emotions.

We all have them.

At times,

You beautiful,

Good citizens,

You may not act on it,

But you have ugly anger sometimes.

So do I.

Sometimes we have really selfish greed.

Sometimes we have really deluded ideas.

This is it.

I'll be happy forever now.

They love me.

I love love.

I celebrate love.

Love is so much better when you don't strangle hold it with it's gotta keep me happy forever.

That doesn't work very well.

When you can love with that open heart,

When you can love with that acceptance,

When you can love knowing it will end,

That one or the other of you is probably going to pre-decease the other one if you go to the end till death do us part,

Arguably you can love more fully.

It's hard because it's scary when we realize love equals loss.

Every time we love anything,

We're going to hurt.

We were talking in one of the interviews today about beloved pets dying and you know,

You know,

You know,

And blessings on anyone for whom this has been the case.

After a beloved pet dies,

I've had people,

Psychology patients in my office,

Not because of the death of the pet necessarily,

But it happening concurrently while they're working with me.

And I've had a few people over the years,

And you probably know friends and maybe you're one of them,

Who says I'm never getting another pet,

It's too painful at the end,

It's just too hard.

And depending where they're at,

I completely honor that and I hold that with them and speak to them about it,

But I'm a little bit tricky.

When they're maybe ready,

When I feel it's skillful and compassionate to say this,

At other times the right thing said at the wrong time is the wrong thing.

But there comes a point where if I have enough rapport with that friend or patient or person and they're maybe ready and they're like,

Yeah,

I just don't want to ever go through that pain again.

I say,

That makes a great deal of sense,

But you know,

And then I play a dirty card.

I'll play a dirty card if I think it'll help you.

And the dirty card is,

But somewhere at the pound.

I don't have to say anything else.

But if I need to,

I say,

There is a cat,

Dog,

Snake that is waiting to be loved.

And they're like,

Damn it,

Cheryl.

And we know we'll get our hearts broken again.

Because that's what is endemic in love.

That's endemic of caring is that everything's impermanent.

So our hearts,

Every time we open our heart,

It will get broken.

And that's okay.

It's the nature of things.

It's the nature of the ways it is.

So you can hide from reality.

That's the delusion poison.

And lock your heart up in a box and live on Mount Crumpet alone.

He had a dog,

So he wasn't alone,

But really alone.

And I guess you'll be safe,

Eh?

Now all the Americans know it's Canadian talk.

I just said,

Eh.

Sorry.

You'll be safe up there,

Right?

Well,

Arguably,

You'll be safe from some things.

You'll be safe from the pain of loving something that dies or leaves you.

Yay.

Do-do-do.

Right?

Less than half a life.

So well done,

Grinch.

Maybe he falls madly in love with a Who woman.

And they have biracial babies.

And everybody's like,

I love a green baby.

They're so much cuter than white babies.

Or whatever.

That wasn't meant to be disrespectful.

It may have sounded disrespectful.

I apologize if it did.

Maybe.

I hope so.

And I hope we all love bigly and hugely and bravely.

And we hold our hearts gently when they break.

And we hold those we love gently as they die.

And someone holds us gently when we die.

And I hope this talk has given all of us a fairly sweet and humorous way to look at how judgmental we can be about the Grinches in the world.

And how we sometimes forget we can be Grinchy too.

And that all of us have giant hearts.

And if our hearts aren't showing,

It's because of fear,

Great hatred and delusion.

And those are temporary states that can be melted like the snow with heat and light.

It can be melted with compassion and understanding and kindness.

And it can be melted by asking the lonely old Grinch on your block over for a cup of tea.

Won't always work.

It's okay.

But a lot of grumpy people on the block,

Maybe they'd like to come for a cup of tea.

And if not,

That's all right too.

Don't take it personally.

So the Grinch who stole Christmas.

The true meaning.

So we've got the Santa Claus effect of waiting for things to come our way and maybe being happy for a while.

And then it's stopping and then we feel sad and then we need something else.

We need a new object.

We need a new object.

We need a new object.

We've got these beautiful parables.

There's so many.

Scrooge,

It's a wonderful life.

So many of the popular and enjoyed Christmas and other time,

Of course,

We just happen to be close to the Christmas season.

Fables really have some interesting teachings in them.

And I want to bring us then to a couple of more things about this season and then I'll bring the talk to a close.

But soon it's the 21st of December,

As we know,

And being that we're in the Northern Hemisphere for us here,

That's the shortest day of the year,

The longest night of the year,

The least minutes of daylight that we experience because remember the sun's shining.

We just don't experience it in our hemisphere here in our latitude or longitude or whichever it is.

So on the 21st,

I think we get what,

Everybody?

Remember,

It's seven hours of daylight,

Something like that on our shortest day,

Six and a half.

You Google it,

But you're not allowed to use your phones.

But it's a short day.

Probably it's dawn around 8 a.

M.

That day and it goes dark around 3.

30 or 4.

And what happens on the 22nd?

We get two or three more minutes of light.

What happens on the 23rd?

Another two or three or four more minutes of light.

What happens after the darkness inevitably is a bit more light,

A bit more light.

So in various cultures and around the world,

Including here in some places,

Some folks,

You might celebrate the solstice with lights.

That's part of the history of stringing lights on the 21st to chase away the darkness,

To invite the light,

To invite the spring,

To brighten up,

To uncover the light under the darkness.

We might celebrate with food.

We might bring people over.

We might share or give gifts to celebrate the turning of the year.

I love the 21st of June and the 21st of December.

They just feel like benchmarks for the year.

So this 21st,

Which is what?

Where are we today?

The 10th?

11th?

10th?

So in 10 days from now,

Thank you.

I'm like,

I don't even know my name,

Much less what day it is right now.

I'm in mid-retreat.

Add some extra lights,

However that looks for you,

Whether you string lights or not.

But think of light,

Do a light meditation,

Sit down and do a meditation radiating light.

It's been one of the themes of this retreat.

It feels dark,

But the light's shining,

And it's always going to come back more and more and more.

Whatever you celebrate,

Secular,

Religious,

In between,

Whatever you do,

Whether the 25th is just another day,

Absolutely fine.

But as I've mentioned several times in this retreat,

There tends to be some statutory holidays here in Canada and elsewhere.

We generally have a little bit more time away from work.

Whether or not we fully celebrate Christmas ourself,

The season tends to lead to gatherings and food and friendship and light.

So enjoy that.

Enjoy the birth of the light in the darkness.

I am not an expert,

And I'm about to say something that is just from an opinion,

And it's a heartfelt positive opinion,

And I don't want to offend anybody.

I don't think it will,

But that's a disclaimer around,

Please take this in the spirit in which it's intended.

That's more for anybody watching who's not here,

Who maybe doesn't know me.

But from my limited understanding,

Jesus Christ was a fully awake Buddha,

Compassion,

Loving kindness,

Equanimity,

Empathetic joy,

Accepting of all,

Healing and touching and hugging lepers,

Accepting disenfranchised women who other people judged,

Love,

Non-judgment,

Bodhisattva,

Bodhicitta.

There's some wonderful books,

Ones by Thich Nhat Hanh,

Jesus and Buddha as brothers.

They're looking at the similarities of the simplicity of compassion,

Non-judgment,

Turn the other cheek,

Attempt to heal all beings,

Attempt to relieve suffering of all beings.

So what a beautiful time of year on the ostensible 25th where one celebrates the birth of this being,

This Buddha,

This enlightened being,

This Christ,

This son of God,

This whomever,

This simple carpenter who did great things,

However one relates to that.

Talk about a person who did good.

Compassion,

Wisdom,

Non-judgmental awareness,

The four Brahma Baharas.

So what a great time of year,

No matter what we identify or don't identify with,

To celebrate light and love,

To allow our hearts to grow,

And ideally to do that every other day of the year as well.

Just as a reminder,

This can be a reminder to love and to give,

To give of our time,

To give to organizations that need our help,

To be kinder,

More cheerful,

Kinder to a stranger on the street.

Happy holidays,

Thank you,

You too.

A little more kindness.

And let's keep it going day after day,

Day after day.

Reviews

What a wonderful talk! Made me smile numerous times. Thank you and happy new year.

Love these talks. Thank you for sharing here on insight timer