Cultivating optimism.
When facing setbacks,
We human beings tend to answer in two possible ways,
Which are really,
Really different.
Martin Seligman was writing about this extensively in his books,
And he described one of these ways as a pessimistic approach.
When a pessimist has a setback,
He always takes it personal.
I am a failure.
I am not good enough.
I have failed.
Pessimists see those things to be permanent in nature.
This will always happen to me.
There's nothing I can do about it.
It is what it is.
And the pervasiveness of the issue is huge.
It covers all areas of life.
I've not only failed the single mass test in class.
No,
I will also fail my English test.
I will fail physics and my driving license next week.
I will fail as well because I'm really terrible at all kinds of exams.
I'm a failure.
The pessimist is closing the door on being able to do anything about what is going on.
The pessimist believes it is what it is because of their being.
It is they are the problem.
The optimist on the other side is recognizing that he failed or she failed.
The optimist is not looking through a rosar glass and thinks everything is great.
But the optimist is looking at the failure as a single isolated event.
Something has happened where the conditions and the situation were not going in the right way.
There were things and obstacles in their way that prevented them from being successful.
But optimists know that those conditions can be influenced.
If you understand what those conditions are,
If you understand what has hold you back,
If you understand why you failed,
You can do something about it.
So the setback is always temporary.
It's always something you can overcome.
It is always something that you can leave behind and that you can learn from.
And of course it never touches all aspects of life.
It was this one math test where I haven't had enough time to get prepared.
It was this one exam where I may have learned the wrong things.
I might have misunderstood what the teacher told us.
But I can do something about it.
Next time I can be better prepared and next time my grades will be better.
So I learn from it.
Optimists see failure as a first attempt in learning.
And without attempting to learn you will never grow.
So failure is not an exception.
Failure is to be expected.
Failure happens when we are doing things we haven't been well prepared for.
And that is part of human life.
That is part of our nature.
This is part of the shared human experience.
Where we are as imperfect humans living our imperfect lives.
Thriving to become better day by day.
It is exactly what connects us.
It is nothing that divides us.
We are not alone in this.
We are all in this together.
So failure,
As harsh as it is,
As frustrating as it is,
As devastating it can be,
Should be seen as an opportunity for growth.
An opportunity to move on.
An opportunity to learn.
As a kind of micro practice you can teach yourself to see this thing from the positive side.
Approaching a challenge you can tell yourself I will do my best and breathing out I let go of the rest.
I will learn how to get this done.
