Hi my friend,
Big welcome.
I'd like to talk about what to do when family relationship really doesn't work.
We try and we try and we try,
But it doesn't work.
So as it says,
We didn't choose our family but we can choose our friends.
So,
This life is not so easy.
Sometimes it's easier,
Sometimes it's more difficult.
And we all need love and to feel supported.
And it's very natural that our family will be the first and the main source of support.
But obviously it's not always the case.
And sometimes it's maybe a source of anguish and great difficulties instead of being a source of support.
So obviously I believe that we should try our best to bridge and to come closer if we have any conflict.
But from working with many people I've seen that many times,
At least the people I worked with,
They tried and tried and tried their best,
But they hit rocks,
You know,
They hit resistance,
They hit somebody that is not interested to live in peace and to really enjoy a beautiful family connection.
Obviously my mind cannot grasp the idea that if we can live in peace on this planet,
Why we choose war?
So if you feel that you are a peaceful person or a person that holds for peace within yourself and you did all what you can to bridge any conflict with your family but it didn't work,
Then what we do?
Then what we can do?
The first thing is to acknowledge the pain because when you cannot be in good terms with your family it's very painful because it's most natural to be in good terms with our family.
So first of all is to know how to manage the pain and maybe even the trauma of separation.
Managing the pain is a constant work.
It's not that,
Oh I got over it and that's it.
Because the yearning to be part of the tribe,
To be part of the family,
Especially if we still have some connection and we know that maybe other parts of the family met together and we are excluded from that,
It's really hurting.
It's really painful.
So it's a constant management of pain.
How do we manage pain?
By acknowledging it,
First of all.
I feel sad now.
I feel that my heart aches.
But when we feel like this,
The most important is not to go back into the story.
Why didn't they invite me?
Why am I excluded?
Is something wrong with me?
All that is important but I guess you've been through that already many years.
So it's more managing the pain instead of trying to think of why you got into this situation because it doesn't help anymore.
It's like a form of death that we have to know how to manage so it will not make a lot of damage within us.
So acknowledging the pain,
Acknowledging the sadness and maybe anger and maybe fear.
Many,
Many emotions can come and we are acknowledging them.
That's first of all.
Give space.
Breathe into them and make them in a way maybe friends and not enemies.
Maybe a thought or an experience of sadness can remind you how important for you is to have a deep and close relationship and to be able to acknowledge that you are yearning for that.
This is healthy.
So the sadness just reminds you of your beautiful nature that part of you needs that and instead of now looking for it where you thought it's obvious and should be,
We look for it in different places with friends.
Maybe you have your own personal family.
Maybe the conflict was with your parents but you have your children.
You have your working mates maybe or people you play sports with or you share common hobbies with.
So we're focusing there and we're acknowledging that I can make good friends.
There's nothing wrong with me.
I have the ability to make friends.
I have the ability to love and if it didn't work in my family it doesn't mean that I'm lacking something.
And to acknowledge those qualities within you to know that actually you're perfectly okay.
You're really alright.
What you're yearning for needs to be acknowledged that you have it already.
You're yearning for love.
You have love.
First of all in your heart towards yourself.
Second to other people.
Maybe to animals.
You're yearning for security from your family.
You have security.
Just by the fact that you're listening to what I'm saying meaning that you could manage to have space in which you can listen to something to support you.
That's a form of security that life offers to you.
Maybe you're sitting in a comfortable place and you can listen.
That's a form of security.
Maybe you have a work or you have abilities to get a work.
It's a form of security.
You're breathing.
You're eating.
Your body functions.
It's a form of security.
So only to put all the need for security on the family it's not needed.
You can get it in other ways as well.
So we need warmth.
We need love.
We need security.
And for sure we do.
So part of your healing is to understand that your pain and suffering comes from a very natural place that you need as a human being to feel loved and to feel safe but you're creating it in other ways.
So again to summarize number one is to acknowledge the pain and be present with the pain but don't think why it is so much.
Just focus on managing the pain by breathing to it by being with it giving space but in the same time let it go.
Don't hold on to the thought that creates the pain.
Number two is to appreciate what you do have in your life and to actually see that from what you're yearning for from your family it actually shows that you're very healthy that you need love and you're yearning for love.
It means that you are aware of the needs of your body of your soul of your emotions and you just need to know how to recognize it and where to connect to it.
So transforming that heaviness of not having it from the family into recognizing that you have it within you and that actually you can have it also and maybe you do have it from other people and other parts of your life.
So I hope that helps in resolving those deep and painful conflicts.
You can always get in touch if you have any questions and have a blessed life and a beautiful day.
Bye bye.
